It had been a full week since Presa had left us, and no Investors had visited since.
I hated to admit it, but we were losing hope that more would come back. Those five coins in the money box had grown, but each day a few girls would go to the market, and pick up small items at a time, the money carefully rationed out for each day.
Though I had seen many of the freighters from that night while in the market, they didnt acknowledge my presence, caught up only in the attention of the local daughters and women, and I couldn't blame them. These were girls who learned to be strong through life, we were only trained to be beautiful and useful in terms of motherhood. While that may work for rich men in the central systems, who wanted nothing more than a decoration of a wife, these men who worked hard needed hard workers.
I knew I didn't fulfill that role, not in the way they needed. I couldn't even be the full reality of a mother either, not with the way I felt presently. But I could help my home now, my sisters, and take care of us in the few ways I knew how.
While the others had been busy teaching th youngers, or preparing meals out of the dwindling ration packs in the kitchen, I had dressed in my practical, loose pants once more and and stole out of the house, the thick soles of my boots picking up mud along their edges as I tried to navigate the still-wet streets.
With no sun or heat to dry up the sudden rainstorm, the oversaturated ground was marred with puddles and standing water, the edges if it freezing as the cold night went on and on. I wrapped the edges of my shawl tighter around me as I ducked through the shadows, regretting my choice not to bring a candle or lantern with me. But someone would be suspicious if one of those went missing. My absence could simply be explained by having fallen asleep in some cranny within the house.
I slipped through an alleyway and stopped to soak in the scene. The dock market sprawled out before me, lit with lanterns and small glowing bulbs of electricity. The shine of light stretched up into the sky, matched by the stars still yawning out forever above us. Voices drifted out into the space between the market the edge of the city where I was standing, waiting, the chatter of shoppers and sellers and workers.
A smile lifted the corners of my lips, and my feet kicked into action, drawing me towards the market, with its bustle of people and stalls, lights and wares and the cluttered sounds wrapping around me. If I could just get through it, I could find my way to the freighter still docked in at the port.
A group had gathered with various musical instruments, the twang of strings following me as I followed the chaotic dance of ebb and flow, weaving through the dizzying rows and the gathered throng. The music faded behind me, and I burst through to the other side, leaving the noise and lights behind me as I pressed on towards the freighter, only known by the outline of blinking red lights that set it apart from the sky.
Taking a deep breath, I approached the open dock of it, where a small fire could be seen casting warm yellow light on shapes gathered round it. They noticed me quickly, and one mane stood up, drawing the rest's attention towards me as well.
I froze, the weight of their stares crushing against my lungs. "H-hello." I gave a tiny, fluttery wave. "Could I speak with you gentlemen?"
One of the men laughed, leaning back in his chair. "Two in one night! I'm thinking Phipps may have been right about these gals."
My face crumpled into confusion. "What?"
These were some of the same men from that night a week ago, but this feeling was not the same. These men were scraping their gazes over me, their eyes hungry. This was not the mood of joviality or light from that night. This was something of desperation, of desire.
I took a step back. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, gentlemen, but I am just jere to have a discussion."
One of them smirked at me. "Oh sure
We can go and have a "discussion" in my quarters. I'm sure that's what Erkson and that other gal are getting up to right now."
I swallowed hard. "What… what other girl? Who are you talking about?"
He stood, stepping away from the circle and fire towards me. I took a step back. "You know, that girl from your house. She's cute too, all those freckles and red hair. Looks like a little fox."
One of the others guffawed. "Sure acted foxy."
The man took another step closer. "What say ya, cutie? Wanna go have a discussion?"
My hand slipped to the knife inside my pocket, fingers trembling as they wrapped round the form of it. The look in his eyes scared me, the way that smile sat on his lips, and for a moment, he was not some crass freighter, but the smiling man, a knife in his hands.
A scream leapt up my throat, and I turned away, falling to my knees, the irrational feeling of fear scraping through my insides, hollowing me out as I struggled to keep control over myself.
"Bennet! What did you do to that gal?"
"Nothin!" The man snapped back. "She just flipped her lid and screamed." A hand on my shoulder, and I yelped, drawing closer into myself.
The man cursed, grabbing me by the shoulders and drawing me up to my feet. "Shut it, lass. You wanna get me in trouble?" His eyes were wild, darting to the ship, and I trembled in his hold. The other men were speaking now, rising from their places around the fire.
"What's in the boiling ice is going on here?" A sharp voice cut through it all, and the talk stopped, the only noises left that of the fire popping and cracking.
The man turned, swinging me around with him. "Aw, c'mon Dawson, go easy on me. The chick started screamin so I tried to get her to be quite. I didnt do nothin to her."
Dawson. Dawson. I knew that name! He was the man who had helped me before, who had saved me from the smiling man. He was th one I had come here to find.
I squirmed in this man's hold—Bennet—and he grunted, dropped me to the ground, my legs barely able to catch myself in time, but the ground was slick and a boots slid on the mud, and I dropped to my hands and knees.
"Get in the ship. Get in there now." There was a clomping of boots, before the brush of a hand on my skin. I swallowed back a scream, but a low whimper still escaped me.
"Enori?"
I looked up. It was Dawson, his face creased in concern as he helped me to my feet. "Are you ok, miss? Did he hurt you?"
I shook my head, trying to get the words unstuck from my mouth, trying to tidy my thoughts into a straight line so that I might speak to him. "I'm fine," I said slowly, so as not to trip on the words. "I'll be ok."
He still held onto my hand, though I was standing securely at this point, his own hand rough and warm. "What were you doing out this late at night, Miss Enori? Shouldn't you be tucked in a home by now?"
I thought of the others at home, and what they might be doing at this point. "Night is subjective in the dark season," I started, not knowing how to explain this to one who would not be accustomed to this life. "When the long night begins, time between what would be day and night and all in-between ceases to exist. The clocks keep ticking, but people tend to ignore them now. The city never sleeps now, at least not fully, so there is no matter regarding lateness of night."
"It doesn't change the hour it is now, Miss."
I shifted my weight. "And what hour is that?" I hadn't bothered to check before leaving the Hents House, all I cared was that the others were too caught up in their own tasks to care about my absence. But if Melle was here too… had I been too busy thinking about coming here to even notice her departure as well?
"Nigh about midnight, ma'am. Which means these port rats should be headed to their bunks." He raised his voice on the last part, and this sent the groaning freighters to pack up their chairs and shuffle away from the fire.
"Midnight is early yet. Might as well be noon, for all of the others still awake." I swept one hand out, gesturing towards the bustling market.
He nodded, though from the crease in his eyebrows it didn't seem as if he fully understood, but he did not push the matter a moment more. "I see. Then, what is a young lady like you doing out this far from the city? Do you have such an explainable answer for this too?"
"Why of course." I stood to the fullest of my hight and looked him in the eye. "I'm here to look for a job. I thought you gentlemen might like a cook, or maybe even a cleaner while you are docked here in North Port. Anything, really."
He wrapped his other hand around mine, encapsulating it in the heat of his own. "Miss Enori, that is a generous offer, but I am not sure I could leave you to be with these men with any peace of mind. As you can see, we can get a bit… rowdy. It comes from being away from home."
"I see."
No, no no! This wasn't how this conversation was supposed to go. He was supposed to agree with me, he would offer me a job and I would work, and trying and convince the other freighter men why they should go to the Hents House, why they needed us. I could talk up the other girls, and earn a wage, however low, to keep the house running. He wasn't supposed to say no.
"And I can't change your mind?"
Dawson shook his head, and the light of the fire caught the soft flecks of brown in his green eyes. "No ma'am. But I would be willing to walk you home. It's the only proper thing to do with all of this darkness about."
I stared at my feet as he left to go collect a lantern, eyes singing as I blinked away hot tears. This wasn't going the way I needed it to, and it made me feel in the most terrible, helpless way.
He returned, and I slipped a quick smile on my face. "All set then?"
"Of course." He paused, looking down at me. "Are you sure you're ok?"
I took the bent elbow he offered me. "Just fine, sir. No need to worry about me. Not at all."
I would have to be fine. And I would have to come up with some other plan, sme other way to support the Hents house.
The streets were glowing with dim lamplight as Dawson walked me through them. He didn't speak for a long while, and my mind was too busy whirling with other plans or ideas to even start a conversation with him. There was only the sound of our footsteps on the wet streets, with the slight muffled voices of others within their homes.
"How did you all fare during the rain?"
I looked up, slightly startled at the sound of his voice. "Oh, we… well, let's just say it got wet there for a while. Pestas is a dry moon so our house wasn't really prepared to deal with rain suddenly pouring from the sky."
"I see." His attention started flitting to the alleyways around us as we continued down down main street. "And this…dark season? How does this work? I've heard of week-long ones happening on other, smaller moons out there, but from what I've gathered this one can last a while."
"Of course." I adjusted the shawl around my shoulders, having to walk a bit faster to match Dawson's pace, which had begun to edge faster. "The season comes around every twenty-two months or so, though the actual timing and length of it changes every revolution around the planet."
His arm shifted to the small of my back, as if ushering me forward. "You said revolution? Not year?"
I gave him a quizzical look. "Of course. You should know this too, from being on that freighter all the time. Because every moon and planet has differing revolution lengths, we keep the old system from Earth, and use all the same measurements to keep everything fluid between the colonies. Why are you asking me questions you already know the answer too?"
"Maybe I just like the sound of your voice?" His words were light and teasing, but the look on his face didn't match. I stopped dead in my tracks.
"What aren't you telling me?" I put my hands on my hips, glaring at Dawson. "Something has you worked up, and if it involves me, I need to know."
He laughed, and the sound was so abrupt, so startling that I took a step back, inhaling sharply. He reached out and put his arm around my shoulder, his head dipping low. "Play along," he muttered. "And keep walking."
Heart in my throat, I followed his lead, our steps moving quickly down the street.
"There's a man who has been following us. He's kept pace even when we sped up, but he disappeared when we stopped. I'm worried he found a way to get ahead of us somehow."
"What?" My voice shook, my feet faltering for a moment. "Is he… that man?"
"Could be. Don't worry though, I'll keep you safe."
"I'll be ok," I murmured, one hand slipping into my pocket. "I've been carrying a knife since then. I'm not going to let anyone catch me like that again."
Dawson glanced at me, as if surprised, but kept walking. "Good. Everyone should have some way of defending themselves."
His left arm seemed to twitch, and my eyes followed the movement. "Like a gun? I thought those weren't allowed here on Pestas?"
He grimaced. "I know. That's why mine is tucked inside my bunk instead of here with me. I wish I could have it on me right now."
I tilted my head. "Turn right here. Then a left, and we'll be at the house."
We kept walking, and this time I could hear it, the shuffle of footsteps that didn't match either of our strides. I looked at Dawson, and his eyes were set. "I know. Keep walking."
Here, now, it truly did feel like the dead of night, with no voices drifting on the breeze, or candles lighting up windows. Just cold, empty streets, and sullen, crouching houses.
A right. A left. And there, the house, with only a single candle left in the window. Perhaps a younger, camped out in the living room with a book. Or, in the worst case, it was Mam Dorce, waiting for us.
Dawson notice she shiver that traveld through me. "You alright?"
"I will be."
We stopped just outside the house, and I slid my fingertips along the window pane, before rapping on it twice.
A head popped up, and it was one of the littles. A quick glance past her revealed more of the girls tucked up in various seats in the living room.
I gave her a small wave, and she disappeared, the door opening a moment later.
Kidget stood in the doorframe, staring me down. She was dressed only in a sleeping robe, and upon seeing Dawson she tucked it tighter about herself. "Enori," she said, her voice terse. "You're out late. Care to explain yourself?"
I opened my mouth, then glanced to Dawson, hesitating.
He took his arm away from where it had been wrapped around my shoulder, giving a slight bow. "Miss Kidget, lovely to see you again. I bumped into Miss Enori in the market and decided to walk her home. I've not been here long, but I've observed the streets are not completely safe here."
Kidget pressed her lips together, bowing her head. "Thank you, Sir, for your kindness. I'm sorry if she was a bother to you." Her hand snaked out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards the door.
"Of course not." Dawson's gaze shifted from her, to me. "I take her company as a gift." He stepped back from the house. "Well, I will be taking my leave now. Good night, ladies."
"Good night," Kidget and I echoed back. He turned away, and Kidget turned the steel in her eyes on me.
"Do you know how stupid that was?" She hissed, yanking me inside. "Going out there alone? We never go out alone, Enori. Especially not in the dark season." She closed the door behind us, careful to keep it quiet. "Now go get out of those pants. You know how particular Mam Dorce is."
I ducked my head, the sting of her words flushing my cheeks red. "Yes Kidget."
"And Enori?" Her words gave me pause, and I looked back up. Her gaze had softened, and she jad a slight smile, though it felt almost sad. "You made a good choice in that one. Make sure he chooses you back."
I blinked at her, face fully pink now, and turned to run up the stairs.
What did she mean by a "good choice?"
And why did she look so sad?
I shoved the questions aside as I rushed into the bedroom, lungs heaving as I tried to stifle the sound of my breathing. There was a small, sleepy moan, and I plastered myself against the door, my eyes adjusting to the darkness in here. Most of the beds were occupied at this point, and the time Dawson had said before drifted back into my mind. It must have been well past midnight at this point, and it was no wonder some of the girls would have sought sleep at this time.
Arms outstretched, I felt about the room until I found my own bed, and reached underneath for a long skirt to pull on in exchange for my slacks. Kidget was right. Mam Dorce would have words to say if she saw me parading around in pants, especially now that I was of age. Only the younger ones got freedom from skirts, but now I was expected to be on display.
My boots made scuffing noises on the wooden floors, and I paused to pry them off my feet, setting them beside my bed with soft thumps. Then it was back down the stairs for me.
If those men at the freighter were describing who I thought, Melle would be returning home at some point, and if she was caught by Kidget, or even Mam Dorce, she would be in deep trouble.
There was a small clock perched on the wall of the kitchen downstairs, where I had settled myself with a small pile of sewing to be done. I watched silently the hands ticking by as the girls in the living room left, one by one, sometimes with an older girl carrying a sleeping younger back up the stairs. Finally, kidget came through the doorway, carrying the candle in her jand.
"Turning in?" She paused to look at me, the candle raised. "It's getting late, Enori."
I shook my head. "No thanks. I've got tasks to catch up on." It was more or less a half truth. I did have to finish up this sewing, but I had no intentions of doing so this night. I was waiting, a silent, shadowed trap by the back door.
Kidget deemed my response acceptable and left for the bedrooms. I let out a slight sigh of relief, my body sagging against the chair.
I blew out the candle near me soon after, not wanted to waste such precious light. The dark air was cold on what few patches of skin remained bare, and I regretted not snagging a blanket before settling into my position.
The back door rattled, and there was an impatient twitch to my lips before I got up and opened it wide, revealing Melle before me. Her hair was completely mussed, a swathe of red lipstick now smudged, and the few buttons to the front of of dress hastily done and uneven. About her arms was draped a man's uniform jacket. I could hear him now, his bootsteps in the night.
She looked startled to see me, then schooled her face into an expression of cool annoyance. "What are you doing up awake?"
My stomach dropped. The freighter men hadn't been lying, she had been there tonight. "Melle, you didn't."
She sneered at me, folding her arms. "So what if I did? What are you going to do, Enori? Tell on me?" She stepped up and pushed me put of the doorway, forcing her way into the house. "Besides, I heard some other girl had wandered over tonight. Long black hair and a white shawl." She paused. "Sound like anyone we know?"
I stood wordless as Melle pulled something out of the jacket and tossed it on the table, it landing with a clink. "You handle Mam Dorce's money, right? Count it. You know we need it."
I silently latched up the door before padding over to the table, my eyes still caught on Melle, who sighed as she dropping into one of the kitchen chairs. "Why?" The word sounded more like a croak, my voice suddenly rough in my throat. "Why would you sell yourself like that?"
She scoffed, the sound shifting into a dry chuckle. "We're all preparing to sell ourselves out, Enori. What do you think this place is?" She pulled the shoes off her feet, dropping them noisily to the floor. "I made more money tonight than than we've had in months. Just don't tell Mam Dorce about me, and I won't tell about you, and everything will be fine."
I put my hands on my hips. "But we were doing better. Presa got to go home with a husband, and we can afford the market again. If one more investor comes around, we'll be set for the next purchase of rations."
Melle splayed her arms out wide. "Look around us, Enori," she hissed. "Who's coming for us here? You may not know this, since you're young, but let me spell this out for you. These men don't want wives, they're just lonely. And I can capitalize off of that."
I sat down beside her and took her hand. "Melle... we aren't supposed giving ourselves out flippantly. We are here to be true, to make commitments. If we... if we qll acted like you did tonight, we would be no better than what that boy Phipp called us. We are meant to be true to our husbands."
Melle ran a hand through her hair. "True? Do you expect our husbands to be true? There may not have been rings when they walked in, but I've seen the marks on their hands. What's to stop these traveling men from purchasing us to have us tucked away on the outer planets for a spot of fun, all the while having their true family live in luxury in the central systems?" She shook her head. "They won't be true to us, Enori. I can promise you that."
I sighed, squeezing her hand. "Melle..." I didn't know what else to say. What could be said in this moment, when she looked so tired, so defeated. "Please promise you won't do it again."
Melle was silent a moment, running her free fingers through the edges of her hair, tugging at a small knot she found. "I can't promise that," she said finally. An inward curling of the shoulders. "He said he'll be docked here for another month more, and he'd like me to visit once a week. He'll keep paying me, too."
My eyes flitted to the sack of coins, then back to Melle. "And besides, he said he'll come and buy me for real when it's time for him to go. Said he'll find a way to get my on the ship with him. Shouldn't be a problem, anyways. And I'll get to be with Presa again."
My heart ached looking at her, and I searched for the words to say. "And you think you'll be happy?"
Melle squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaking down to frame her cheeks. "No," she whispered, voice wavering. "But I'll be free of this place. And isn't that what we've always wanted?"
She got up from the table, skirt swishing around her legs as she walked up the stairs, and standing there in the dark, wrapped up in her thoughts of the future, Melle looked anything but free.
The coins shone in the lamplight shining through the window as I spilled them out on the table, the sound of them clattering against each other sending shivers down my spine. My eyes leaped over them, counting, recounting, a tension in my chest easing itself. Fourty-five coins, more than half the amount Mam Dorce would get when an Investor left with one of us as his bride. This could feed us for weeks, maybe even a few months if we were frugal enough, even if it couldn't buy the nutrient-rich SC-IT rations.
For a moment, I could understand Melle's choice. If that was all it took, a single night of compromise to trade for two months worth of food... it almost felt tempting. But the thought of doing it myself made me feel sick, so I pushed away the coins and wrapped my arms about myself, as if the pressure could squeeze away all the emotions swirling inside me.
None of the other freighters had been back since Presa, with the exception of Dawson walking me here. Was Melle right? Was that all they wanted or expected from us? A little bit of fun, before moving on with their lives?
I scooped the coins back into the little purse and shoved it in my pocket, hands trembling as I went up the stairs. I would sneak them into the box, slowly. Or add them a few at a time when I went shopping, and tell Mam Dorce that I got deals in the market. The lies, though yet unspoken, felt bitter on my tongue. But it had to be done.
Melle was already tucked into her own bed when I came in, as if she had never been missing at all. I wondered where she had hidden the jacket, and if she ever planned on returning it back to the man.
I shoved the coins into the slats underneath my shared bed with Leanor and crawled across the covers to lay beside her, not bothering to change into my sleeping clothes. My head was swirling from all of the events of these past few hours, and I lay there, blankly staring at the puddle of lamp light coming in from the window.
I hoped Dawson had made it back safely, especially if that was the Smiling Man who had been lurking about as Dawson walked me home. The cut on my cheek seemed to sting just from the thought of it, and I reached up to press my hand against it, the cool touch of my skin cooling the sensation.
I hadn't seen anything of him in the week that had passed, but that awareness he could could anywhere, watching me, following me, stayed forever present in the back of my mind.
But not here. He was not in this moment, disrupting the safety of this room. The only way he could hurt me at this point was of my own fears of him.
And I never wanted to be helpless because of my fear again.
~
Word Count: 4739
Note: this chapter has not been edited yet. This is also the last linear chapter. After this, the chapters will be released in small groups or "arcs".
Question: are you enjoying the story so far? Is it moving too quickly, or not fast enough? Please share your thoughts!