A.N: Hey guys, for those of you who read my pretty much daily updates and don't binge read at the end of the week, I'm not sure those updates will be daily anymore. My job at a sleep away camp doesn't offer much free time to write or internet access. So, I will do my best, but I can't promise anything more than a few updates a week. I still love you all and thank you for reading however it is that you read. You guys are the best. ( ˘ ³˘)❤ (＾▽＾)
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That night, when Kate and Rick got home, their excitement finally had to boil down as they realized that they had no idea what they were supposed to tell Alexis. Even when Meredith walked out of the restaurant as per Rick's suggestion, she still seemed pretty ticked off. Despite his words, Rick had a feeling that wasn't the end of this battle, and that feeling was only stronger in Kate's mind. Still, they knew one thing for sure: Alexis would definitely always be able to call Kate her mom, and for now, that was really all that mattered to the little girl.
When they told Alexis, she seemed happy, although she didn't totally understand. Martha, on the other hand, seemed... strange. She was happy for her son and she was very open about congratulating the two of them, but something seemed to be holding her back from exploding in joy. Rick had no idea what it was, and neither did Kate, but given the fact that his mother rarely had problems a three year-old could understand, he didn't say anything to her while they were in the apartment. Just before they left, Rick told his mother he would be by the next day to talk. She told him she didn't need it and that everything was fine just before she rushed to shove him out the door.
Before they got half way home, Alexis passed out in the backseat. Walking the mall all day with Meredith had worn her out, and she wasn't about to let uneven roads interrupt her coma-like sleep. Kate looked back at the little girl whose seat was directly behind hers, imagining for a moment that there was an infant-sized car seat beside her. She had to smile. It was everything she had only ever thought she would have in her dreams. "This is so... perfect, Rick."
"I know," he smiled, looking at her for only a moment before refocusing on the road.
She then looked up at him, still in a partial haze, wrapped up in the moment as she told him, "I love you."
"I love you too," he answered, taking her hand with his. He was unable to wipe the serene look away from his lips, just as she was unable to as well.
When they got to the loft, Rick took Alexis upstairs and Kate picked up the book Alexis had wanted her to read that morning. She then joined her writer in the room upstairs which was lit pink by a dim nightlight. It only took a moment for Kate to see how absolutely out of it Alexis was and to realize that tonight there was no story time. The two then kissed the child's forehead one by one, told her they loved her, and started out of the room. Kate was stopped in the doorway, however, by the simple glance of the young girl's cherubic looks. She was absolutely astonishing in every way, that little girl who had stole Kate's heart long before her father managed to do so. One more glimpse at her for a minute that didn't seem long enough, then she was out the door with her writer, and down the stairs, headed toward their bed.
Before she could get to his room, she had to pass the bookcase. This too stopped her in her tracks, but for a different reason. Sitting on that bookshelf was that very first story she had ever read of his. It was the same book she had stashed away in the bottom of her pants drawer in the bedroom. She looked at the book, and instantly, one thought came to the forefront of her mind that she had been pushing away since the moment Rick proposed. It was the same thought she had when she first saw the baby on the ultrasound and perked up at the sight of him. It was a hallowing thought she couldn't fight back once it came to her. All she could think was, "Mom will never be here to see this."
This thought haunted her as she laid in bed, Rick cuddling her close while she just slightly wanted to escape. She couldn't rid herself of that thought, no matter how hard she tried. Once she was asleep, that thought only grew exponentially, warping into something far more vile. As she writhed, her mind brought to life her worst fears.
"What are you doing, Katie," a familiar voice asked in a haze.
She could do nothing more than question, "Mom?"
"What are you doing? You had your whole life ahead of you."
"Mom, where are you?"
"You had your whole life for this, and you couldn't even give me a year before you forgot me, before you disappointed me."
"Mom, please."
"No, Katie. You are a disgrace. You should be ashamed of how quickly you've abandoned me. You were supposed to find out who did this, but you've only disappointed me."
"Mom, please, let me explain!" The voice didn't answer. "Mom, please, where are you?! Mom!" Still no answer. Kate was alone. Absolutely alone.
"No, please," Kate mumbled in her sleep.
After receiving an unexpected jab to the ribcage, Rick woke to her in a heated mess. He called to her, "Kate, wake up. Come on, wake up. Kate." It took a short while, but eventually she came to. For a blasting moment, with a desperate breath, she woke up, rolling over onto her back as much as she could with the writer hovering over her. "It's alright, Kate. I'm right here. It's alright."
"What? What happened?"
"My guess is that you were having a nightmare."
She squinted her eyes and then looked at the clock. It was later than when she usually woke up from these, and generally it wasn't Rick who was waking her up, rather it typically happened the other way around. "I thought those were done with," she told him honestly.
He replied, "I guess they still had a few more kicks to get in."
"Yeah, I guess so," Kate half laughed. She couldn't remember what it was that she had dreamt about, but she knew it wasn't the typical nightmare that haunted her. This was different. Despite not remembering the dream, she did retain its message, and suddenly she found herself second guessing the marriage.
Then, she looked at the pictures on the nightstand behind Rick. Beside the photo of Alexis, Rick, and Kate at the zoo taken a few weeks back was the photo she'd thought was destroyed when she first moved into the loft after her father hit rock bottom. In it, she saw her mother watching her with great pride in her eyes as she held up her acceptance letter into Stanford's early acceptance program. Even as heart-broken as Kate now knew she had been that day, she was proud of her daughter for doing what was best for her and what made her happy. She had always supported her every decision, and her mother never once seemed disappointed in her so long as she was doing what felt right and what kept her on a straight path. She never would have ever been disappointed that she was moving forward. She would have been happy for her because it meant she was following her heart. That was all that mattered to her mother. She just wanted Kate to follow her heart, which told her this place with this man and his daughter was home. And given the fact that she was now engaged to him, she was glad that her mother had caught a glimpse of who he was because it made her feel like her mother had somehow played a role in giving her this life. There was no need to feel guilty. This was exactly what her mom would have wanted, and that meant more to Kate than anything. That was how she knew that this life with this man was one hundred percent perfect.