If I told you that I love you,
Would you stay?
Emma
Four Years Ago
I stared out of the car window in silence, as the world I knew became a small speck, a memory I added to many others. I was tired of moving. Tired of making new friends. Tired of making up excuses. Like always, my opinion didn't count.
"It's going to be great. There's a beach, and an amusement park," my mother said, gripping the steering wheel with one hand, while the other flicked a cigarette out of the car window, red nails sparkling in the sunlight. "And the world's best hot dogs."
"I can't wait," my sister said, pointing her turquoise polaroid camera toward us. Mom leaned over to get in the shot and gave a peace sign. The camera hissed. In an instant, a memory had been created.
Meet my sister, Elizabeth. The kiss-ass. My mother's favorite. At only sixteen years old, she's unaffectedly innocent, irresponsible, and never directly involved in an event yet suffering its consequences. Growing up, strangers assumed we were twins because 1. My mother liked dressing us in similar outfits during Christmas, Easter, and birthdays and 2. We were exactly nine months apart. However, nothing about us was remotely similar. While she had light brown hair, mine was jet black. She had big round eyes. Mine were small. And, while her body developed at the ripe age of eleven, I was seventeen and flat-chested. Okay, I wasn't totally flat chested. I was a B-cup. But, compared to my sister's D-cup, my breasts looked more like mosquito bites than actual breasts.
"It's going to be the best summer ever," Elizabeth beamed as she stashed the polaroid in the sun visor.
I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm and keep quiet. As if being a new kid wasn't hard enough, we had to do it twice in one year, in High School. Elizabeth didn't understand my complete absence of hope because she lived in a bubble. A world intensified by my mother's enabling.
Luckily, summer had just started. So, I didn't have to deal with school or making friends for another two months. I didn't care either way. I'd made a promise to myself the moment I hauled the first cardboard box into the car. I was going to ride out the rest of high school like a hermit, unseen, and unheard until graduation. Then, I was leaving. For good.
The thought of leaving my family wasn't a big deal. Not to me. It wasn't like I was sitting at home crying about it. I'd just never felt like I belonged. Not even in my own family. I knew I was different before I knew the meaning of the word. And, it was my being different that automatically turned me into the outcast. It was okay. I enjoyed being alone, with my thoughts, and my words. Words were all I had. Words were my salvation.
"Emma," my mother said. "You off in your dream world again?"
"No," I lied, closing my journal and stuffing it inside of my army green satchel.
"I told you, dreams never come true," she said. She was right. She had told me. A million times. But, she was telling me for her sake. Not for mine. See, mom had given up in her dreams long before Elizabeth and I came into this world. When she had met dad, a lot of things had been pushed aside, and the first were her own dreams.
I had always wondered how someone could do that. Put his or herself last. I could never become the passenger in the vehicle of my life. That's why I vowed to never fall in love.
Ever.
A few hours later, we arrive in Ash Falls. It's a perfect little picturesque town, with only one of everything; a post office, high school, diner, mall. I loathe it from the moment our beat up station wagon crosses into town. Not because I didn't like it, but because I did.
Instantly, my mind betrays me. I picture myself here, longterm. Long enough to make friends, maybe even long enough to learn to drive. I'd been seventeen for five months, and I hadn't even got behind the wheel of a car. Getting my driver's permit was supposed to be a teenagers right of passage. For me, it was another unattainable dream.
I ducked down in the back, hiding from a group of kids eyeing the car as it chugs down Mermaid Avenue, emitting a series of muffled explosive sounds. I was used to those looks, the ones that make me feel as if I'm dirty, unwanted.
When the car finally stopped, mom squealed, "There it is!"
I fought against the urge to open my eyes. I didn't want to get attached to this place. So, I reminded myself it was just temporary.
Elizabeth gasped with excitement. "Are you kidding?"
There was no point in delaying my future. I looked my future head on; the place where I'd spend the rest of my teen life, and I almost didn't believe what I'm seeing.
My mother has pulled up to a white clapboard house, with a huge porch and blue shutters. Tons of potted plants and flowers all over the front yard. It's bigger than any place we'd ever stayed. Immediately, I think we are lost.
"Are you sure this is the right address?" I said.
"Unless you have other sleeping arrangements," my mother said, annoyed at my doubting her. She parked the car and grabbed her purse. Then, she stepped out the car and pushed open the chipped blue fence.
"It's beautiful," Elizabeth said.
"It looks like it needs a lot of work," I said, glancing at the overgrown grass, and the uneven front steps. My mother's grandmother, whom I had never met, left my mother the house in her will. At first, my mother thought about selling it, and using the money to take a cruise, or open up a hair salon. But when daddy left, we had nowhere else to live. I really didn't care. As long as we had running water, and electricity, it'd better than a lot of places we had called home.
"Well, it's not like we have anything else to do this summer," my mother said, jiggling the house keys. "Plus, this house is our legacy."
"So, you mean, one day this house will be mine?" Elizabeth said.
"Ours," I wanted to say but kept quiet. I didn't want any part of this house or my family. For too long I've been made to feel like an outcast. There was no point in trying to hold on to something that was never truly mine.
"Yep," ma said, walking up the rough wooden stairs. Elizabeth squealed with excitement as she followed mom to the front door.
"Well, aren't you coming?" Mom said, looking at me.
"I'll grab our things," I said, opening the car door, and sluggishly walking toward the trunk. The overgrown grass tickled my calves. Mom and Elizabeth giggled from inside of the house. I reached inside the trunk, certain Elizabeth had already called dibs on the best room if one existed. I'd probably get the basement or the dog house.
I entered the house and quickly covered my mouth. Dust lay over every surface like dirty snow. Every movement I made caused a tornado of dust to swirl around me. Rays of light shone through one of the stained glass windows in the living room, catching on the particles suspended in the stagnant air. I sighed at the familiarity.
The stairs moaned as I dragged my suitcase behind me, each thump resembled the beating of my heart. The uncertainty of what was to come with moving here, and what it means, unnerved me to the very core.
Once I reached the second floor, I spotted Elizabeth wandering in and out of the rooms, mumbling something about light exposure. When she noticed me, she hissed, "There's so much bad lighting that I have no idea where to set up my easel." She looked down at my suitcase. "Where's mine?"
"Downstairs," I said.
"Geez, thanks for bringing it up for me."
"You're lucky I took it out of the damn trunk," I snapped back. My sister, the ungrateful brat.
Elizabeth huffed as she stormed down the stairs.
"Which room is mine?" I asked my mother, who was busy removing dusty white sheets off the bedroom furniture in the master bedroom.
Her eyes smiled at me. "Come with me."
She strode past me, pausing in front of a door directly in front of the stairs. I had assumed the door led to a closet. Instead, small, wooden steps great us when she opened the door.
"Where does it go?" I said.
"This used to be grams' favorite room," she said.
I follow up the narrow steps. "Wow," I said, dropping my suitcase when I reach the landing at the top. It wasn't what I'd expect of an attic. It wasn't dark, or musty, and I didn't get a creepy feeling of something or someone watching me. Instead, this space was inviting, with a Victorian era feel to it. There were two large windows at opposite sides of the room, and green and white chipped paint covered the walls. Low, angled beams lined two sides of the ceiling, and a steamer trunk with brass corners lay against some boxes. Across the room, an armoire stood silently over a faded oriental rug with gold trim. "I didn't notice an attic when we pulled up."
"That's because it's an addition. Sort-of," Ma said. She walked over to a triangle shaped window and looked out. "It used to be a storage area, but grams had it expanded. She used to sit up here to read, watch the stars." Mom's lips tightened. "She was a dreamer. Like you."
"It's perfect," I said, not bothered by the clutter of abandoned furnishings.
She moved slowly around the room, over to an old record player on top of a chipped white wooden table, and ran her fingers over the top. Then, she inspected her dust covered hand, and wiped it on her jeans. "I guess. If you like that sort of thing." She sighed heavily, walking out, and leaving me to wander in and out of the graveyard of old treasures.
I walked over to one of the windows and unlocked the hatch to let some fresh air in. A gust of wind blew inside, swirling a thick layer of dust in my face. I closed my eyes, the tingling in my nose, a prelude of a few loud sneezes. After a few minutes, I found myself lost in a box of old black and white photos of people in old time clothing, and fancy hats; of faces that blurred and faded like a distant memory; photos of people who'd gone forgotten.
I wondered if that's how I'd be remembered once I'd died, by a dusty old photo no one cared to display.

An hour later, mom passed out on her bed. A whiskey bottle lay empty on the floor, next to a pack of cigarettes. At least, this time, she didn't pass out with a lit cigarette in her mouth.
I placed a blanket over her, and then, Elizabeth and I finished unloading the car. It was still high tout when we finished, so we headed into town.
"Why are you always carrying that book around?" Elizabeth motioned to my satchel.
"Why do you always take pictures of everything?" I retort.
"For memories."
"Well, I like to write mine down."
Elizabeth shrugged. "Whatever," she said, snapping pictures of the trees, and houses we passed along the way.
There wasn't much to get excited over. Ash Falls was like any other place we'd lived. Except smaller. People smiled a lot, and actually said hello as you walked by, like in those black and white movies made a zillion years before computers and the internet. This was the type of place you couldn't get lost in, even if you tried. A place made for family dinners, and Sunday gospels. Everything my family wasn't.
"I feel like a fish in a fishbowl," Elizabeth said, pulling at her shirt.
"They're just being friendly," I said.
"Look," Elizabeth said, pointing to an ice cream shop window. "They're hiring a cashier."
"There's no way mom is going to let you get a job," I said.
"It's only for the weekends," she said, completely ignoring my warning.
I took a seat at a bench in front of the shop and watched as the lady behind the counter handed her an application. Elizabeth took a seat at one of the tables to fill it out. I didn't expect her to get the job because she had never worked a day in her life. But with Elizabeth, you just never knew. She was always so optimistic about things, always looking at the bright side. Nothing ever really got her down. I envied that about her. Her fearlessness could get her through anything.
While I waited, a cherry red convertible pulled up, with two teenage girls sporting the same hair style, and same oversized designer shades. I looked down at my worn Chuck Taylor's and cross my feet at the ankles, in an attempt to hide them. I bit my thumbnail nervously, occasionally glancing over to Elizabeth who was still inside the shop.
The passenger, the one with sun-kissed highlights and wedges, stepped out of the car, and stared at me. Her eyes scanned me. Up and down. Her stare panned over my unwashed, naturally black hair, past my gray skull t-shirt, and down to my green cuffed nylon pants. When she spotted my nose ring, she gasped just like my mother had when she had seen it.
"Ariel?" she said.
"What?" The driver, a mock twin of the first girl, but skinnier, and wearing five too many bangles, walked over to the first girl and stopped abruptly. "I thought the freak show wasn't until September?" she said, tipping her shades down the bridge of her nose and looking at me.
"I guess they're early," the first girl said, breaking into laughter.
I looked away and scanned the ice cream shop for my sister. Then, I think I saw a bright flash from the corner of my eyes, but when I looked back, both girls had walked away.
"I got the job!" Elizabeth shouted as she ran out of the shop.
"Of course you did," I said. "When do you start?"
"Next weekend."
"That's great." It wasn't. If mom lets her keep the job, it meant I'd have to do all of Elizabeth's chores on the days she was working. But, in hindsight, it also meant I'd have more alone time.
"I bet I can eat all the cookie dough ice cream I want."
"Wait until you get a boyfriend. Then, you're going to regret ever eating all that junk."
"Nah, my boyfriend's gonna like me just the way I am."
I couldn't help but shake my head at her naiveness. Then again, Elizabeth was given all of my mother's good looks, and none of her common sense. She'd have to rely completely on sheer good fortune to find a suitable husband one day.
"Well, I guess we should head back," I said.
"What for?"
"We still have a lot of unpacking to do," I reminded her. We walked to the end of the block, when all of a sudden, whaling screams and a roaring vibration filled the air. I pointed down the street, toward a tall steel tower. "Look."
"What is it?" Elizabeth said.
"I don't know."
"It looks like a flower."
A steel flower, I thought. With hundreds of metal sticks, stuck together, reaching up to the sky. I'd never seen anything like it. When we reached the boardwalk, I saw the Atlantic ocean stretching to the horizon like a dark blue blanket. Then, there were the crowds of people. Everywhere. Hundreds. Maybe even thousands of people. I'd never seen so many people in my life.
"Where'd they come from?" Elizabeth said.
"I don't know."
"I thought mom said this was a quiet, little town."
"She says a lot of things," I said softly.
There was a rowdy crowd outside of an open-front bar, with plastic white chairs, and a make-shift souvenir stand selling beach balls, plastic sand toys, and glow in the dark bangles and necklaces. Everyone was watching a muscular guy, with no shirt, holding a large snake around his neck. "Faw' dollars," snake guy said in a thick New York accent, as more people gathered.
"Four dollars? For a snake?" Elizabeth said.
"To take a picture with the snake," I said.
"Eww. Who'd want to take a picture with that?" Elizabeth said just as a man pushed through the crowd waving a five dollar bill. We laughed and continued on toward the entrance to an amusement park called DENO's, its entrance marked by a big sign featuring a smiling clown, and the words RIDES and GAMES. The collective buzzing sounds of families having fun, the popping of balloons, and hawkers calling out to people to play their games, surround us as we walk down a ramp, and into a tunnel.
In front of us, a big sign read WONDER WHEEL. Elizabeth grabbed my hand and pulled me toward it.
"Can we go?" she begged.
"Um," I looked up at a large metal wheel with individual cars suspended form the outer edges. Some cars were permanently attached to the outer frame of the wheels, but some, instead, slide on the tracks within the wheel's frame as the wheel rotated. My stomach flipped inside out. I'd rather taken a picture with the creepy, slimy snake.
"Come on," Elizabeth said, pulling me to the ticket counter.
I purchased two tickets, with no intention of actually going on the ride, and then, followed sluggishly behind Elizabeth. A wooden sign hung over us that read, "SWINGING." The clanking chains echoing above me did little to put me at ease. I bit my lip again. A sudden image of falling to my death made my stomach clench up in tight knots. And then, I saw him.
A boy.
Well, not really a boy. He looked a few years older than me. His hair, black as night. Eyes, the color of blue sea glass. I'm instantly floored by his presence.
"Ticket?" He extends a hand and stares at me.
The name tag on his shirt revealed his name. Cooper. I'd never heard that name before. I didn't realize I was staring at him until Elizabeth nudged me.
"Oh," I said and handed Cooper our tickets.
He smiled, pressed a large red button on the counter in front of him, and then, walked over to a cherry red passenger car. "Just the two of you?"
I nodded. Elizabeth skipped over to the car and hopped inside. I froze, and bit my lip, harder. Mom would kill me if I let Elizabeth go on the ride alone. Reluctantly, I step inside.
"It won't hurt," Cooper whispered to me as he closed the safety gate.
"That's what they all say," I told him. When the cable car swayed, I closed my eyes and prayed.
It wouldn't be the last prayer to cross my lips.
***
Cooper
Four Years Ago
It wasn't just another summer. It was my last summer in Ash Falls. I'd been suffocating in the presence of my parents and their plans for me. My father was so sure I'd take over the family business straight after graduation.
I detested the idea.
I didn't want anything to do with the hotel empire my father had built, Ash Falls, or the people who lived here. I was over the fake smiling faces, the money, and the piss attitudes that for so long had been part of my existence. I'd been raised to value the social pecking order, and the money that came with being a Chamberlin. But I can tell you, from personal experience, none of it was worth it.
Not for me.
I wanted to get the hell out of Ash Falls. I wanted to be where I wanted, when I wanted, without having my parents hovering over me.
It was time I found some space from the life I'd always known, and from Ariel, whose only ambition was to settle down and have kids right after high school. Her dreams were nowhere close to mine. Ariel and I couldn't be more different. She wanted to be with me forever, and the more time I spent with her, the more I realized being with her was the last thing I wanted.
And then, there was the added pressure of our parents, who had been best friends for over thirty years, and had planned our impending wedding since the womb. Don't get me wrong, I liked Ariel. She was a nice girl who did everything and anything to please me. On occasion, I'd taken advantage of her, pushed her boundaries, and the girl never protested. Her lack of a backbone was what I ended up loathing.
I wanted to be with a girl who had a mind of her own, an opinion. A girl who wasn't after what being with me would garner her: social status, money. A girl, who would say no to me every once in a while, and not try to be someone she thought I wanted her to be. But, I had no choice. I was stuck with Ariel. At least, until graduation.
I wasn't thinking marriage, not now, and especially not with Ariel. I'd broken up with her before, twice. But she, like our parents, thought I was just going through a phase. Something that would pass, eventually. Something no one cared to take seriously. My mother continued inviting her over for weekly family dinners, reminding me Ariel wasn't going anywhere.
"The Connelly's are our best friends. There's no one else out there good enough for you, us," my mother had told me.
I didn't want to hurt anyone, but since no one gave a shit about what I wanted, I didn't care anymore. That's why I took a summer job at the amusement park instead of the country club. I wanted to be close to the two things I loved, the beach and spending time away from the people that irked me.
"You going to the Leo's party?" asked my cousin Jesse, the only person who knew how much I wanted to get out of Ash Falls.
"Uh, who's going?" I said. I wasn't in the mood for a party, even if it was at my best friend Leo's house. His parties had become legendary over the years. And, there was a time when I'd jump at the invitation. But, what I really wanted to do was wait for the girl with the big brown eyes, find out her name. I glanced back at the Ferris wheel. I hadn't stopped thinking about her.
There was something about this girl that was unlike any other I'd ever met. There was a hunger, a thirst, for her, and every fiber of my being craved to find out why. What was so special about this one?
When I first laid eyes on her, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. And I'd seen a lot. But there was something about her that went beyond her good looks.
Most girls threw themselves at me, batted their eyes and pretended to be interested in what I had to say. Not her. She could barely even look at me. I wanted to think it was because she was scared of the Ferris wheel. I've seen that look before, plenty of times. You'd be surprised at how many people are afraid of heights.
But there was more behind the fear in her eyes. And, I needed to find out what it was.
"You mean, is Ariel going?" Jesse said.
"I'm not in the mood to deal with her tonight," I said.
"You going to break up with her again?" Jesse teased.
I laughed. "We never officially got back together the last two times I broke up with her."
"True," Jesse said, walking with me to the employee parking lot where my car was parked. "You know, girls act strangely when they like a guy. Ariel's a nice girl. And, you gotta admit, she's freaking hot."
"You like her so much, why don't you date her," I replied sarcastically. I didn't care if he and Ariel hooked up. Being with Ariel would be a step-up for Jesse. But, I couldn't picture Ariel going for someone like Jesse. Jesse was a bad looking guy. He just wasn't her type. He'd dated his fair share of attractive girls. But, he didn't have a huge inheritance coming his way like I did. Girls like Ariel, that's all they wanted. Financial security.
And, unlike me, he didn't want to leave Ash Falls. Jesse would probably take over his fathers' shooting range right after graduation. Just like everyone else I'd grown up with, he would live and die here, with no desire to seek more.
To me, staying in Ash Falls was like accepting death.
And, I wasn't ready to die.
"As soon as I see her, I'm out of there," I said, getting behind the wheel.
Jesse smirked. "Deal," he said.
The party was in full swing when we arrived, and I immediately scanned the place for Ariel so I could avoid her. I spotted her blond hair almost instantly. Luckily, she was chatting with her best friend, Chrissy; both girls breaking into laughter at something on Ariels' cell phone.
"You see Leo?" I asked Jesse, glancing around the crowded house.
"He's probably outside by the pool," Jesse said.
I headed into the crowd, hoping to get out of there before Ariel had a chance to spot me. No such luck. It was as if she had a tracking device on me or something. The second she saw me, she called out in her usual sweet tone, "Coop!" The sound of her voice irritated the shit out of me.
I kept walking, heading for the back door.
"Where are you going?" she called out again. I opened the door leading to the pool, vaguely hearing her shout, "Seriously? You're such an asshole!"
I didn't care. I'd been with her for too long, and once, I really thought she was it. But I could never say that I had ever been in love with her. I dreaded seeing her, and when I faced the facts, I was only with her because of my parents. But I was done with all of it. I wasn't going to continue to do stuff for everyone else's sake. It was time I did things for me.
"What's going on?" I asked Vincent, Leo's younger brother, as he hurried past me.
"Someone's threatening to jump off the pier," Vincent said, following the crowd to the pier.
I followed the crowd with Vincent, pushing my way through until I reached the pier. The crowd opened up. Leo's tall frame, sticking out like a sore thumb.
"Leave me alone!" A girl, standing on the edge shouts at Leo.
"What's going on?" I ask Leo.
"She's crazy," Leo said. "If she wants to jump, let her. One less stupid bitch." Leo strides back to his house. Most of the guests return with him to the party. Except for me.
The light from a nearby lamp post dances on the contours of the girls' face. She doesn't look at me. She just stared out toward the water.
"Why don't you come back on this side, where it's safe?" I said, leaning over the wooden railing and extending a hand.
"Leave me alone," she said with tear-filled eyes.
"Whatever it is, it's not worth it."
"Go away."
"Leo can be an asshole. I'm sure whatever he did or said to you, but it's not worth taking your life."
The girl laughed. "You think I'm trying to kill myself?"
"Why else are you hanging off the pier?" I stepped closer. I wanted to grab her and pull her back over to safety. But I've seen enough television shows to know that's not how you coerced a suicidal person off a ledge.
The girl finally looked up at me. It was then I recognized her. She was the girl from earlier, the girl from the Wonder Wheel.
"My stupid sister," she said, wiping her eyes.
"What?" My eyes scanned the surface of the deep, dark water. "She's in there?"
"No!" the girl said. "She threw my book over the pier, and I can't swim."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, it's just–I didn't expect that."
"Well, I didn't expect it either. I'm going to kill her!"
I could tell she was really upset, but I didn't get why she was hanging off the pier if she couldn't swim. "I'll buy you another book," I said, holding out a hand for her. When she looked up at me with her big brown eyes, I thought I'd fall into the ocean from pure disbelief. She was so damn beautiful.
"You can't. It's one of a kind," she said, her eyes drifting back to the blackness surrounding us. There was something in her voice that told me she'd never get off the ledge if she'd lost that book. So, I did what any logical person would do.
I took off my shoes, tucked my cell phone inside of one of them, and jumped into the deep, dark water.
***
Emma
Four Years Ago
I hadn't realized who the guy was until right before he jumped into the ocean. And then, the only thing that remained of his existence were the pair of sneakers he'd left behind. The water must have been over a hundred meters deep, or more. Yes. It had to be more. And, it was so dark. I don't know why he even jumped in. He wouldn't be able to see in that dark, murky water.
And, he did it without knowing who I was.
Or what I was about.
He was a beautiful stranger, who for no reason that I could think of, risked his life for my sake.
With my hand over my mouth, I held my breath, waiting for a sign he was okay. All those wasted opportunities where I could have learned how to swim, now just a regret. I couldn't save him even if I tried.
Seconds felt like hours, sinking my heart deeper into my chest. What if he'd drowned? I couldn't live with myself if that nice young man drowned because of me. Well, because of my stupid little brat of a sister. She was the one that got angry at me and threw my book in the water. Then, the she had the nerve to run back home, and leave me here, alone. Not that I minded being alone. That part was easy. What wasn't easy was standing there on the edge of the wooden pier for the last thirty minutes trying to convince myself to jump in.
That book was my life.
"Go it!" Cooper shouted once he'd broke the surface. I could believe it. There in his hand, was my life's treasure.
Once he began swimming to shore, I jumped back over the pier, grabbed his shoes, and ran toward him. When I reached him, he's grinning. He waved the book in the air triumphantly, while running the other hand through his wet hair. I don't know what came over me, but I dropped his shoes on the sand, ran toward him, and gave him a big hug.
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you," I said, and then, I realized the coldness from his soaked clothing against my breasts were making my nipples shrink and harden. I jumped back instantly. "Sorry."
"For what?"
"You didn't have to do that."
"It was the only way to get you back on safe ground," he said, handing me back my book.
"I'm sorry," I said, ashamed of myself for putting him in a situation where he'd gone and risked his life, for a stupid book. And on top of that, he was soaked. But technically, it had been my sisters' fault. After the Ferris wheel, I'd wanted to go straight home. Elizabeth didn't want to. Knowing I always carried that book around with me wherever I went, she grabbed my purse, and took my book out, taunting me as she held it over the pier. When I wouldn't budge on my decision to go home, she let it fall into the ocean.
"Stop apologizing." He shrugs off his good deed as if it were nothing serious. He didn't know that he'd been the first person in my life to do something for me without wanting something in return.
"I guess you can't go back to you party now."
"It's okay. I was on my way home anyway."
"Oh," I said, looking at the scattered people on the beach, staring at us. I never liked crowds, or people staring at me. It made me nervous. And, self-conscious.
"I'm Cooper." He extended a wet hand in my direction.
"Emma," I said, giving his hand a firm shake, the way my dad had taught me.
"So what's the book about?" Cooper said.
"Oh, it's nothing."
"Must be something if it meant so much to you that you almost killed yourself over it." A smirk appeared on his perfectly shaped lips, and my complete focus went to his mouth. I'd never kissed a boy before. I'd never even thought about kissing a boy before. Not until this very moment. After a few heartbeats, he said, "Well?"
I jerked my gaze up to meet his. He'd just caught me staring at his mouth, and looked amused.
"Hm?" I replied like an idiot.
"The book."
"Oh," I said, gripping the book in my hand. "It just means a lot to me."
"Okay," he said. And that was it. He didn't pressure me into telling him more, and he didn't keep asking questions. His calmness and lack of interest in the matter made me feel at ease. "Are you visiting Ash Falls for the Summer?"
"Um, I just moved here."
"Really? Where?"
"Over by Mermaid Avenue."
"The blue and white house?"
"How'd you know?"
"Because there are only three houses up that way. One is a bed and breakfast, and the other belongs to my cousin."
"Oh," I said, walking back toward the boardwalk.
He chuckled and then, stopped at a wooden bench to wipe the sand off his feet. A small flicker of hope ignites inside of me. The hope that somehow I'd see him again. And, then, I push that feeling deep down into the pit of reality.
"Well, thanks again for my book, I better get back home. I have to kill my sister," I said.
"Do you need a ride?" he said, smiling at me.
My heart skipped a beat, but I ignore it. "No. Thanks."
"Are you sure?" He put his sneakers back on and jogged toward me.
"Yeah," I said. "It's not that far."
"Um, okay," he said.
We walked in the same direction for a few seconds, in silence, again. But not once, did it feel awkward.
"You know, I really don't mind. Driving you home I mean," he said.
He's being friendly, and it's nice. But, I don't want to make friends. I had a plan, and it didn't include having to say goodbye to anyone.
I walked toward an exit ramp. "I'm okay," I said. "See you around." A few meters later, I glanced behind me, hoping to see Coopers' face one last time, but he'd already gone. By the time I reached the end of the block, it was raining. The voice inside of my head is relentless, reminding me of all the things that could have happened if I would have taken Cooper up on his offer, and all the things that didn't. I readied myself to cross the street when a car pulled up, blocking me. The passenger window rolled down.
A teasing grin was plastered across Cooper's face. "I bet you've changed your mind about that ride."
It was already late, and past my curfew. My mother was probably angry Elizabeth walked home alone, and I'd missed dinner. Seeing me pull up to the house with a strange boy would surely put my mother over the edge, but how could I say no to the guy who'd just saved my book.
Plus, it was only a car ride.
And, it was raining.
Little did I know, one car ride was going to change my life forever.