I head downstairs, taking a deep breath as I cling to the words Chat Noir told me. Anger is the easier emotion to feel, but that doesn't mean it's the better choice.
I have only an hour before I need to leave for school, so I have to fix everything fast. The idea of going to school when my best friend is angry at me makes my stomach churn.
I hadn't gone downstairs since Alya's phone call, not sure how to face my parents. When I approach them, my mom is busy wiping down the counters while my dad chugs back some coffee in his work attire. It's clear he needs to go back to the bakery, so I need to make this fast.
"Hi honey." My mom says, smiling over at me. I place my palms on the countertop, letting the cool surface keep me grounded.
"Mom, dad. I want to talk to you both." I say, looking at them carefully. Both of them steal quick glances at each other as they turn to give me their full undivided attention. I would laugh at their nervous faces if the situation wasn't so serious.
"Look. I love you both. And I understand you're concerned about me. But I don't like that you talked to my friend about that, and not me. It feels wrong to blast my personal stuff to someone, even if that someone is really close to me. If and when I'm ready to talk about the things that are bothering me, I'll come to you. And Alya. I'll tell you all when I'm ready too. Please understand I'm trying the best I can." I gulp, staring at my soft-faced parents with their gentle expression and loving eyes.
"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, I just wanted to know if it was something we were doing here at home that was upsetting you. I wanted to know if you act like this out with your friends too." My mom admits, clutching the cloth in her hand with white knuckles. My dad nods in agreement with my mom.
"I know, and I love you for caring and wanting to look out for me. It's nothing anyone has done, it's just me. I'm anxious all the time. I'm sorry for making you worry, but please just come talk to me next time."
"We will hon, please talk to us about whatever you want, whenever you want." My dad says, the weight lifting off my shoulders. "We love you." He adds, hand squeezing my mom's shoulder.
"Yes, we love you more that anything, Marinette." My mom pipes up, and I quickly walk around the counter to embrace them both.
"I love you both too." With that, I pull back and smile at them. "I need to go speak to Alya. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, of course. Just don't be late for school." My mom says, hand reaching out to smooth my hair. I sigh, smiling at them. I feel better after getting that off my chest.
Now time to go deal with my explosive best friend.
—————
I wait apprehensively at my best friend's door for her to come outside. When she slips out, she looks exhausted and grumpy.
Neither of us say anything for a moment, both just standing there awkwardly. This is new territory for us, we've never really fought before.
"I'm sorry." I finally say, not sure where to start. "I should have called you to tell you, but at the same time I'm allowed to keep things to myself. Being best friends doesn't mean we need to be completely candid about everything, right away, at all times. I was just processing stuff before I told you what happened."
"Best friends share secrets, Marinette." She retorts, crossing her arms.
"I know, and I'm so thankful you're my best friend. You always go above and beyond to help me. But I wasn't keeping this a secret. I just didn't know where to begin. How am I supposed to explain things to you when even I don't know how I feel?" I explain to my best friend, praying she understands I didn't do anything with malicious intent.
I take another deep breath before continuing. "Alya, I love you. But sometimes I'm allowed to keep things to myself, especially when I don't know what to say. I've told you my biggest secret that not anyone else knows, because I love and trust you. I need you to trust me too. I don't always have the right things to say." Alya's face softens, and she pulls me into a hug after a few long moments that feel like an eternity.
"I'm so sorry for being such a bi-"
"No, don't go there. You were concerned, and frustrated. Anger is the easier emotion to feel, I understand. We're not even adults yet, of course we're going to struggle to regulate our emotions sometimes. I just hope that next time we can just talk things out before we start yelling, okay?" I try to help ease her guilt. Alya pulls back, smiling at me. I poke her nose, making her giggle and swat my hand away.
"Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be so nosy anyways, your business is yours alone and I'm grateful for any details you decide to share with me. I promise to be more understanding and patient from now on." I feel the rest of the weight lift from my shoulders, the ability to breathe easily finally returning to me.
"You're my platonic soulmate, alright? Let's not fight like that ever again." She grins, holding her pinky finger out.
I grasp her finger with my own, smiling at our joint promise to try to be more chill from here on out, and handle conflict better than we did last night.
"Wanna walk to school together?" She asks, and I nod enthusiastically.
"Obviously." I giggle, and she darts back inside to grab her bag. Coming out, we link arms and walk to school, chatting about what exactly happened yesterday with Adrien.
It feels good that things have worked out. Even if just for now, I'm going to try my best to relish in these relaxing moments.
—————
The class breaks out into pairs to partner up on a biology worksheet. Alya slides right up next to Nino, clinging onto his arm with a look of love in her eyes. I search around, seeing Chloe pounce on Adrien.
To my surprise, Adrien kindly waves her off as he sits down beside me.
"Mind if I partner up with you?" He asks, Chloe letting out a disgruntled noise, glaring daggers at my face.
"Uh, yeah. I mean no, I don't mind. Like, yeah we can partner up." I stumble, looking back and forth between smiling Adrien and fuming Chloe.
"Seriously, Adrikins? You're going to partner up with her and not me?" She damn near stomps, a look of anger and betrayal on her face.
"You have Sabrina to partner up with, Chloe. I wanted to talk to Marinette anyways. I'm sorry, I'll be your partner next time, okay?" He does a brilliant job of calming her down, though the death glare directed at me never wavers.
"Fine, but I'm holding you to that. Don't break promises, Adrien." She says, her voice more serious than she ever uses with him. She gives him one last look up and down before turning on her heel and strutting away.
What a drama queen. However, I can't help myself from wondering if that comment about breaking promises runs any deeper.
Adrien looks back at me, his lips pressed in a thin line. He quickly morphs back into the guy with the kind smile that I've always been so fond of.
"Can I talk with you?" He asks as he jots down our names on the worksheet, glancing back up at me.
"Yeah, of course." I say, my heart hammering in my chest. I know I chose Chat Noir, but I can't help myself from swooning a little at Adrien.
"We're still good friends, right?" I almost laugh once he says this, quickly swallowing the giggle that arose as I nod my head.
"Of course we are, you're one of my closest friends." He smiles at that, taking a deep breath that almost sounds like a sigh.
"Good, then I want to ask you something. Is there any reason in particular you don't want to go out with me? I just want to know if there's something I can do better." I almost crack, wanting to envelop him in a hug and explain to him that he's absolutely perfect.
But that wouldn't be very "just-friends" of me.
"Adrien, you're amazing. Really, you always have been. And the date was perfect. I promise you it really wasn't you. It's just that I've met someone else that I think I click with more. And to no fault of your own, it's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes." I try to laugh but it just comes out super awkward.
"Would you ever give me a chance again? Like, say something happens in the future and it's just the two of us, would you go out with me?" He looks uneasy, eyes skittering between me and the worksheet we haven't even glanced at yet.
"What, you mean like if we're the last two people on Earth?" I joke, propping my chin up on my hand as I peer over at him. He lets out a strained chuckle, rolling his eyes.
"That's what it would take for you to date me? Being the last two people alive?" As he says that, I realize how my joke sounded. Implying everyone else would have to be dead before I settled for Adrien.
"N-no! That's not even close to what I meant, I'm just confused about where this is coming from. Adrien, I will always have feelings for you, but I want us to be friends more than anything else, okay? Can we please leave it at that? Because I don't know if I have the answers you're looking for." I reach out to pat his hand, offering whatever comfort and closure I can give him.
"Yeah, that's fair. I'm sorry for bothering you about it, it was just really on my mind and I wanted to know what I could have done differently." He shoves the worksheet a little closer to me, ushering at it with his chin. "Ready to get to work, partner?"
"Yessir!" I nod, and we get to work.
Thoughts of Chat Noir fill my mind as I try my best to focus on my school work with Adrien.
My day has been filled with a lot of difficult conversations that I didn't picture myself needing to have. But after having them, I can't lie I really do feel a tad bit better.
Sure, there's a lot I have to work on. There's still the stress of Hawkmoth, and the public turning against me. I still don't know what's going to happen after graduation or how to handle all the impending change.
But for once, I feel a little more capable of dealing with it all.
And the most tangible goal that I can start focusing all my time and energy into?
Ending Hawkmoth.