I sit on my bed in my shorts and baggy pink hoodie, wondering what time Chat Noir will show up. He messaged me about ten minutes ago saying he'll come by soon, and I've been a nervous wreck since.
I'm scared that now I've established feelings for him, that I'll mess everything up like I did around Adrien.
"Marinette, the best part about you and Chat Noir is how relaxed he makes you. Don't think so much about the change in your relationship, just go with the flow." Tikki's encouragement helps settle my racing pulse as I brush through my hair once again.
I hop off my bed, putting my brush on my desk and pacing around my room.
"He's not my boyfriend. In fact, I'm going to make sure to tell him he's not my boyfriend. Then I won't be so stressed out, right? We can set some rules. Boundaries or whatever, to help make sure we don't rush things." I narrate my thoughts out loud to Tikki as I anxiously rub my arms.
"Exactly, just take it slow. Everything will be fine, don't put so much added pressure onto yourself!" Tikki smiles and I jump as my phone buzzes. Whipping it out of my pocket, I see Alya calling.
"Hey, what's up?" I answer, checking the clock to see it turn 9:13pm. 12 minutes since Chat Noir messaged me.
"You tell me." Her voice is strained, annoyance radiating across the line clearly highlighting my best friend's anger. Directed straight at me.
"Whoa, what's wrong?" I choose my words carefully, glancing towards my balcony awaiting Chat Noir's arrival.
"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact my best friend doesn't tell me shit anymore." She emphasizes best friend, her words dripping with venom. I've never had Alya express such anger towards me before. I hesitate, not sure of what's going on here. Before I get a chance to speak, she lets out a long exasperated sigh.
"I'm frustrated, Marinette. I have to hear from Nino who heard from Adrien that you rejected him. After all these years he finally asks you out, and you reject him! What the hell happened to make you do something so-so... so freaking stupid!"
"I can't explain it, it just wasn't right. I love Adrien, I will always love Adrien but..." I trail off, nervous to tell her about Chat Noir.
She'll be livid if she finds out I kept this a secret. But she'll also think I've lost my mind for passing up Adrien for someone I've spent years rejecting as my superhero counterpart. She'll also argue that I'm choosing someone I don't even know. And I don't have it in me to argue that I do know Chat Noir, better than anyone else.
I can read him like an unlocked tempting diary, just sitting there beckoning me. Chat Noir and I... we work. Somehow, I don't really know when or why, but we work.
We click perfectly.
"But what? You just decided after one date that it's not going to work out? What's wrong with you lately? You've been acting so weird. Everyone's noticed it, you're hardly social anymore. You won't work on your designs, talk about your future or even eat for Christ's sake! You're making your parents and all your friends worry about you." My blood boils under my skin, anger starting to rise in my gut as I stare at myself in the mirror. If looks could kill, I'd have just stabbed two daggers in my own head.
"You have no right to talk to me like that, even if you are angry or concerned or whatever! If I had something I wanted to tell you then I would have told you." I shoot back, glaring at nothing in particular.
"So just the most monumental and momentous moment of your whole high school career so far isn't something you want to tell me about?" Clenching my fist, I feel my nails dig into my palm in a desperate attempt to pull me back down from my rising temper.
"There's more to me than my relationship with Adrien, as my friend I would expect you to know that. And secondly, I was going to tell you, I just needed to process it all. And most importantly, what the hell did you mean about my parents being worried?" I snap, my tone a lot more harsh than I meant to be. She sighs and I can picture her sitting there with a look that screams oh shit.
"They asked me why you've been acting so depressed lately. They just want to know if you're okay, they love you Marinette. You're lucky to have two parents who notice when you act off. You have parents that love and care about you, and yet you have the audacity to behave like this. You're shutting us all out, and I'm getting so annoyed about it!"
"You know what? Don't call me back." I snap, hanging up on her before she can get another word in. I'm just so damn angry that I could punch something or someone right now.
How could she talk to me like that? We've been best friends for years! Nearly inseparable since the moment we met, and she has the nerve to be such a... such a freaking asshole!
And my parents? Talking to her about me? Why not just talk to me!
Chat Noir drops into my room, his smile quickly disappearing.
"What the hell took you so long?" I snap, immediately regretting the words that leave my mouth. I wince, waiting for him to yell back at me, to tell me I'm being snarky for no reason.
"What happened?" He says softly, arms reaching out to rub the sides of my shoulders. To my surprise he just looks at me like I'm wounded and in need of help. Oddly enough, it makes me feel better.
My lip quivers and I bite the inside of my cheek, not wanting to cry again. I'm always crying in front of him.
"My best friend, Alya. She just called me and we had a fight. She... she makes a lot of valid points but instead of just speaking with her, I got angry and yelled back. I'm just so frustrated with her and my parents, even if I do know they mean well." I admit, leaning into Chat Noir as he wraps his arms around me, giving me one of his soul healing hugs.
"Anger is an easier emotion to feel, I understand that all too well. Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing in the moment, but getting angry isn't going to help you in the long run."
"Couldn't you just tell me I did the right thing anyways?" I try to joke, pulling back to wipe the betraying teardrops that trickle down my cheeks.
"Well, maybe give me some context. Anger isn't always a bad thing." He smiles gently, so I give him a play by play of my day so far. From my date with Adrien to Alya getting angry I didn't tell her everything right away. I even mention my behaviour lately and how my parents went behind my back to talk to Alya about me.
After a few silent moments, he nods his head.
"Well, I'm not the most perceptive person, but I think I can tell what happened here. Your parents are worried about you, but they don't know how to express that. Alya feels left out, and also concerned about you, but just like how you resorted to anger; so did she. She shouldn't have gotten so upset with you, especially since she really isn't entitled to every detail of your life. Even if you are best friends. But I can understand how she got so upset in the first place."
I sigh, plopping down on my desk chair.
"So what you're saying is I did the wrong thing?"
"I wouldn't be a good friend to you if I blindly took your side always. So yeah, I'd say you weren't in the right here, but that doesn't mean you're entirely at fault either. Alya started it. So it's more like you're both in the wrong." He kneels down, tilting my chin up to look at him better. "Everything is okay. You just need to talk to them. Both Alya and your parents. And try to remember that when you get angry, that's your body's way of naturally protecting itself. It's easier to get mad at the world than it is to feel deeper, more painful emotions."
I lean in, giving him a soft kiss. It's gentle and beautiful, sending shivers down my spine. When we pull back, his eyes are closed as I watch his chest slowly rise and fall.
"Thank you. How are you so wise sometimes?" I feel myself calming down by the minute, Chat Noir's presence enough to keep me from blowing up.
"Life experience. When I lost my mom, I mean like when she left me, I was angry at the world. She was my mom, she was there every day of my life and now suddenly she wasn't. That anger was easier to cling onto than the distraught that settled when I realized she was never coming home." His eyes don't quite meet mine, looking just passed me as though he's fearful of opening up so much.
"Her not being around anymore doesn't mean she loves you any less. I'm really sorry you've had to go through that at such a young age. She should have stayed."
"Yeah. Yeah, she should have." His voice is barely above a whisper, the sadness lacing each word breaks my heart.
"I'll never leave you." I say without thinking, making his eyes snap towards mine. His gaze is intense, searching my eyes for something. Maybe any kind of indication that I'm teasing him.
But I'm not. I have no plans on ever leaving his side. I'll be beside him for however long he wants me here.
"I lo-"
"No!" I quickly stop him, heart hammering in my chest. I can't let him say that, it's not the right time. It's too soon, I told Tikki I wasn't going to rush this and I meant it.
"No what?" He asks, his puzzled expression just too cute to ignore.
"No, don't say whatever you were about to say. I just want us to take things very slow. Set some ground rules, like terms and conditions of... of whatever this is." I gesture between the two of us, making him chuckle lightly.
"Okay, Princess. What's your terms of service?" He falls backwards, sitting against the floor and leaning back to gaze up at me. Heat floods my cheeks, making me feel more nervous than I meant to be when I set these boundaries.
"I don't want labels. Not yet, at least. For now, we're just Marinette and Chat Noir. I don't want any mentions of the L-word, or futures together, or anything like that. And most importantly, no revealing yourself to me. Not until Hawkmoth is out of the picture, and even then we need to discuss it before you just jumpscare me with your civilian self." Chat Noir bursts out with a laugh, his face clearly amused.
"Anything else you'd like to add?" He challenges, clearly feeling what I'm too shy to say.
"And no s-s... se-" I cut myself off, staring over at my bed as though I could burn it out of existence with my very own eyes. "Nothing more than kissing. That would require revealing your identity."
"Noted. Though I would like to point out that's the only reason you gave for why we shouldn't do anything more than kissing." He teases, the smirk on his face doing wonders to my heart.
"Whatever. You know what I mean." I stand up, walking away from him to busy myself with grabbing my laptop.
"Movie?" I ask, holding the laptop into the air.
"How about we go out? An impromptu date." He smiles, getting up off the floor. I laugh, shaking my head.
"I'll need more convincing before I go out with you again. Wouldn't look good if anyone saw you out with me when you're supposed to be dating Ladybug."
"Oh yeah, that." He rolls his eyes, pulling me against him for another kiss. His hands snake around my waist as I clutch my laptop against my chest between us. "If you see me kissing her, just know I'm picturing you."
"Noted." I grin against his lips, wanting so badly to tell him the truth but it's not a good idea for all the same reasons he can't reveal himself to me.
"Movie it is." He hoists me up, making me breakout into fits of laughter as he carries me over to my bed.
I'll deal with all my issues tomorrow. Tonight, I belong solely to Chat Noir.
And that's how I'd like it to stay.