"I think I might know my feelings better than you do."
--☆--☆--☆--
Staring at the ceiling has become Cassie's new favorite way to pass time. For the last two days she has spent hours looking at her ceiling. She has become familiar with every paint stroke and genuinely considered putting some sticky stars just to be more entertained.
Cassie doesn't know why she's so stuck on this. So she thought about Josh when she kissed another guy, it doesn't mean anything, right? Ethan's the first guy she kissed post Josh, and she had been kissing Josh for almost a year. It's totally natural that he was the first person she thought about. Right?
"Damn it," Cassie sat up, shaking her head. "Stop thinking about him," she told herself, this time she actually got out of her bed. Her ceiling wasn't solving any of her problems today.
Cassie walked into the kitchen, wanting to grab a before bed snack. Just as she opened the freezer the phone began to ring. Cassie turned her head as she grabbed a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream from the freezer. She closed the freezer and grabbed a spoon, slowly heading in the direction of the phone. Before she could even leave the kitchen Lorelai came flying down the stairs ready to answer it.
However before either one of them could answer the phone the machine picked it up. The two Gilmore looked at each other as they listened to Lorelai's voice over the answering machine.
"Hey, we're not in, so- Ah! Bashed my thumb! Leave a message," Lorelai said and they both laughed at the message.
Then they heard Emily's voice, both of them suddenly glad they hadn't picked up the phone. "I am so tired of this ridiculous machine. I get it every time I call..."
"Oo, that was close," Lorelai said looked over at her daughter who was putting a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.
"Too close," Cassie nodded in agreement.
"You and the girls are always out. What is it that you do? Is your house that awful that you can't be in it?" Emily said, not realizing that there were two people listening in on her rambling. "It's too much excitement, if you ask me..."
"Well, what isn't in Emily's rules of conduct," Lorelai shook her head.
"I don't want to talk to a machine, I'll just call you later," Emily said before hanging up the phone.
"If you had your way, Mother, you'd lock us up like veal," Lorelai said.
"Veal?" Cassie questioned as she walked over to the bottom of the stairs.
"That's what she wants, veal children," Lorelai informed her when the phone began ringing again. Both Cassie and Lorelai turned towards the phone, confused expressions on their face as they listened to Lorelai's voice say, "Hey, we're not in, so ah- Bashed my thumb! Leave a message."
"It's me again," Emily said.
"She's speaking to the machine again," Cassie's eyes widened.
"Don't forget that my DAR meeting is on Tuesday, Please..."
"It's burned into my brain. It's there forever," Lorelai replied even though she hadn't actually picked up the phone.
"...it's at three o'clock and all the women are all extremely punctual," Emily continued.
"When I'm senile and ga-ga and drooling into a cup, and I can't remember my name, I'll still remember that your DAR meeting is that Tuesday."
"This Tuesday. I'll talk to you about some other things later," Emily said before hanging up for a second time
"We're gonna have to have you be de-programmed by cult deprogrammers," Cassie laughed.
"Exactly," Lorelai nodded and just as she and Cassie were about to go upstairs the phone rang again. "Hey, we're not in, so- Ah. Bashed my thumb! Leave a message,"
"Your phone message is annoying..." Emily told her and Cassie began laughing uncontrollably.
"Unbelievable," Lorelai shook her head.
"Do you know how annoying it is?" Emily asked.
"I think I have a standard against which to measure it," Lorelai said, putting her hands on either side of her hips.
"Have you heard it lately?"
"I can't because I'm amputating my ears," Lorelai put her hands over her ears. She and Cassie began backing up, actually heading towards the stairs while Emily continued talking to the machine. "Ah, an earless world, what a dream!"
--☆--☆--☆--☆--☆--
All Cassie felt was stressed. About school, friends, boys, everything. Nothing seems to be simple right now.
She was currently walking down the hallways of Chilton with a large binder in her arms. Her eyes continued to flicker across the page as she prayed that she'd somehow be able to remember all the equations she had taken notes on. None of the words or numbers made sense to her, it was like trying to learn a new language.
Cassie was walking to the cafeteria, her stomach had been growling for the last ten minutes of class and she was desperate to eat something. But of course she also had to remember math and eat at the same time.
"Hey," Sophie smiled as she appeared at Cassie's side, "Ew, geometry."
"Not all of us can be math geniuses like you," Cassie told her, not looking up from the binder.
"Very true," Sophie nodded as they headed towards the cafeteria line.
"God, I'm so hungry," Cassie looked ahead where the food was, wishing she wasn't at the back of the cafeteria line.
Sophie looked at her best friend, wanting to have the conversation that they never finished on Friday night. Cassie was still staring at the food so Sophie knew she'd have to be the one to remind Cassie. "So... you wanna talk about it?"
"Nope," Cassie answered almost immediately.
"You told me that you'd think about it then we'd discuss on Monday. It's Monday," Sophie reminded her.
"I'm aware."
"Cass," Sophie let out a groan of annoyance as she and Cassie picked up their trays. "Just answer this, are you gonna talk to him?"
Without a second thought Cassie shook her head. "What would I say exactly? Hey Josh, long time no see. By the way, when I kissed a guy on Friday, I thought of you. Weird, huh?" Cassie asked as they got out of the line and sat down at their normal table.
"Okay, well do you don't have to say that," Sophie shook her head.
"I think this is a forget and move on situation," Cassie informed her as she picked up her sandwich.
Sophie continued shaking her head at Cassie. "No, no it's not. Cass, I think this means something. You aren't supposed to be thinking about your ex when you kiss a new guy."
"Rory thought about Dean when Tristan kissed her," Cassie reminded her and even just the thought of Rory kissing Tristan made Sophie cringe.
"Yeah then she got back together with Dean," Sophie replied.
A confused look appeared on Cassie's face as she slowly remembered that Sophie was right. Rory and Dean were back together and they seemed fine minus a few run ins with Jess. "Okay, bad example."
"No, perfect example," Sophie objected, "Just talk to him, Cass. There's no harm in it. He still loves you. I know he does."
"I don't want to know that," Cassie told her. "It would be so much easier if we both just moved on. Found new people, all that post breakup shit."
"I don't think you mean that," Sophie spoke honestly.
Cassie shrugged her shoulders, "I think I might know my feelings better than you do." Cassie looked down, realizing how harsh her words were. "Sorry, I'm sorry."
"I know," Sophie replied.
"Oh my god!" Louise and Madeline ran towards their table immediately taking a seat. "Did you guys see?"
"See what?" Cassie asked them.
"You won't like it," Louise told her.
"Oh..." Sophie looked up, clearly seeing what Louise and Madeline were talking about.
"Oh what?" Cassie turned around wanting to see what was causing such a commotion. She looked around the cafeteria for a few seconds before she saw it. "Oh..."
Cassie didn't know why but the sight made her heart drop into her stomach. All she could think was how ironic this was.
They were walking into the cafeteria together, hand in hand. Stella Hayes was smiling up at him, laughing at whatever it was Josh had just said. It wasn't that Cassie didn't want him to be happy, she really did. It's just seeing them, watching him smile, that smile she had fallen in love with. It was weird thinking that someone else would fall in love with that same smile.
She thought she could handle it, hell she thought this is what she wanted. Two seconds ago she wanted them both to move on, all the post breakup shit. Two seconds ago she was completely over him.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked her, giving her a worried look.
Cassie looked away from Stella and Josh, nodding her head. "Mhm," she replied.
"Of course she isn't okay, Josh is with Stella Hayes," Louise spoke up.
"Shut up," Sophie said sternly. "Cassie?"
She couldn't help but look over at them again. He was giving Stella the same look he used to give her. The one that made her feel so safe. Cassie could feel her breath get stuck in her throat, and all she could think was that she should be the one in his arms.
But she broke up with him. She ruined it. Now he was with her, and they looked... great together. Cassie realized this was probably the world's way of telling her this was all for the best. She took this as her sign that she and Josh aren't meant to be anymore. Maybe they were at one time, but not right now. Of course, that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
"I swear I didn't know," Sophie told her. "I wouldn't have encouraged you to talk to him if I knew."
Cassie laughed, "Yeah. No reason to talk to him now, huh?" Cassie let out a long breath, trying her best not to look too upset.
"Talk to him about what?" Madeline asked, since neither she or Louise knew what happened on Friday.
"Nothing," Cassie smiled at her. "Absolutely nothing."
Sophie let out a disappointed sigh, "Cass..."
"Sophie, I'm fine," Cassie assured her. "He's happy and that's great. And I have uh, a lot of homework to do," Cassie nodded her head again. "I should go do that."
"You haven't eaten yet," Sophie reminded her, looking at the plate of food Cassie never got the chance to eat.
"I'm not very hungry," Cassie stood up from their table, picking up her binder as she did. "I'll see ya," she said to Sophie then very quickly left the cafeteria.
"Yeah, she isn't okay with this," Louise sighed.
--☆--☆--☆--☆--☆--
Cassie had a free period at the end of the day, so instead of waiting for Rory like she usually did Cassie caught the first bus home. She couldn't hang around Chilton, not today. All she wanted to do was go home, except today home wasn't her actual house, today her home was the diner.
When Cassie walked into the diner it was pure chaos. Luke was on the phone and everyone was yelling, trying to get his attention. Cassie around at the full tables, realizing there was nowhere to sit. Instead of going home, Cassie walked up the stairs to Luke's apartment and knocked on the door. She only waited a few seconds before the door opened, Jess standing on the other side.
Jess recognized the sad look on her face rather quickly. Despite having only known Cassie for a short amount of time he could easily read through the halfhearted smile she was giving him.
"Can I come in?" She asked him.
Jess nodded and moved to the side, letting her into the apartment. He debated asking her what was wrong, knowing that something probably was. However the look on her face told Jess that she didn't want to talk about it.
"Woah," She gasped looking at the large hole in the wall. She walked towards it looking around at the other apartment that now connected with Luke's. "That's homey."
"Every home needs a large hole in the wall," Jess nodded, looking a little nervous.
Cassie turned around, looking at him since he was still standing by the open door. "I'm not interrupting something right?"
"What?"
"Like there isn't someone hidden in the closet or bathroom?" Cassie asked him. Jess immediately shook his head but that only made Cassie more suspicious. "You sure about that?"
"I'm sure. Wanna watch something?" He asked her as he closed the door.
"You don't have to entertain me," Cassie told him. "I can go if you're busy."
"I'm not busy," Jess assured her as he walked towards the couch. "Shouldn't you be at school?" He asked, gesturing to the blue uniform she was wearing.
"Free period," She responded, dropping her backpack on the ground. She looked up at Jess giving him a questioning look. "Shouldn't you be at school?" She asked him.
"No."
"Mr. Too cool for school?" She laughed.
Jess shook his head, "Not too cool."
"Too smart then?"
He shook his head again, "Not too smart."
Cassie scoffed at that, knowing he was wrong. "That's a lie and you know it. You're smarter than all of them."
"So are you," He reminded her, "That's why you don't go school there."
"I'm not smart. I'm probably the dumbest person I know," She admitted and suddenly Jess looked confused. They were now tiptoeing into the reason Cassie showed up in the first place.
"You aren't dumb," Jess told her but Cassie already looked like she was about to break.
"I don't even have the right to be upset," She told him, and even though Jess didn't exactly know what she was talking about he listened. "I broke up with him. I left him. He's allowed to be with Stella Hayes because I broke up with him. I did that. Stella didn't break up with him, I did."
"Ah," Jess nodded, the pieces now coming together.
"It was me who ended it, so I don't have the right to be upset when he dates someone else, right?" She asked but before Jess could say anything else she continued. "Right. I mean did it shock me? Yes. But am I upset? Of course not. Am I feeling jealous? No way. Sure she has perfect hair and perfect body and perfect teeth, but I'm not jealous. Not even a little bit."
"Sure?"
"You know this is great actually," Cassie continued talking. "I mean two seconds before they walked in I said that I wanted both of us to move on. And he did. So that's great. I'm so happy for him, actually. I couldn't be happier about this. He's moving on, he's with Stella Hayes. That's what I wanted, I mean I freaking said it right before he walked in. So I'm happy. I am, truly."
"Shouldn't you be talking to Sophie about this?" Jess asked, wondering why he was getting all the ex-boyfriend talk when there were plenty of people who would be much more interested.
"Sorry, you don't want to hear about this," Cassie realized when she saw the bored look on Jess' face. "Sorry. Let's watch something," She said, moving onto the couch. She picked up the remote and handed it to Jess.
He looked down at it then over at Cassie. "He'll never be able to replace you," he told her, trying to say something comforting. A smile formed on her face then Jess turned the tv on.
a/n: guys I finally didn't take two years to post a chapter! I know this isn't exactly what you guys were hoping for in the Cassie & Josh love story but I promise it does get better. Josh isn't leaving our story yet. Anyways I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you in the next chapter.
[unedited]