I race deeper and deeper into the maze of the Lab, not stopping, even when my breathing grows ragged. No matter how hard I push, the images won't stop flashing behind my eyes.
Nic, hanging from the Space Needle.
The red stain on the pavement after I killed Officer Boer.
Elizabeth and Sacajawea bodies falling into puddles of their own blood.
The lawn in front of the Capitol Building, covered in still bodies.
I'm forced to stop running when I retch, either from the exercise, the memories, or both. I've spent weeks trying to shove these ugly feelings down deep inside of me, distracting myself with work until I collapse with exhaustion. Some part of me knows it's a losing battle, but I can't face all that guilt and pain today.
I do one of the only things that can stop my racing thoughts. I rub the back of my skull as hard as I can, right over the spot where Strand's chip is embedded. The numbing gel wears off, and the pain that follows is welcome.
Justus would kill me if he knew I was exposing myself to the risk of Strand sending more than just a headache right now, but there is something pure in the intense headache that knifes through me. Physical pain is simple, both a distraction from what I'm feeling and a punishment for what I've done, all at once.
My eyes water, and my thoughts go fuzzy around the edges, distancing me even further from the memories that had been torturing me. Is this the kind of relief Nic was looking for every time he took a hit of Amp?
My muddled thoughts are interrupted by my phone pinging in my pocket. I pull it out and see a message from Harriet.
Where the hell are you? Something's come up and we need to talk.
I'm somewhere in this maze of tunnels. Not sure where.
Send me a picture. I'm coming for you.
I glance around the non-descript part of the Lab where I've found myself, sure that nothing here will give Harriet any clues as to where I am. But I obediently send her a couple of images.
Her reply is immediate. Got it. I'll be there in 20 minutes.
I reach in my left pocket and pull out the clear concoction Marie made to block Strand's signals to our chips. The minute the gel touches the skin covering the chip, my headache winks out of existence. But the aftermath of the pain leaves behind a welcome numbness and an un-Joanlike lack of curiosity over why Harriet needs to talk to me so urgently.
I'm almost dozing when Harriet reaches me. Without a word, she sits next to me and pulls my head so it rests on her shoulder.
"I get where Sun's coming from about this reality vid idea, but I can't be anyone's hero, Harriet. It's too big of a lie."
Harriet sighs, long and low. "That's how we all feel."
That jerks my sluggish mind awake. "That's ridiculous. The rest of you actually are heroes. I'm the one who keeps fucking up."
"You're making the best decisions you can with the information you have at the time. We all are. But you don't have to be a part of this reality vid idea of Sun's if you don't want to. God knows there's enough work to do around the city and in the clinic."
"Thanks. Ask me to do anything else—any other risk. I'll do it."
"No doubt about that. The deadlier the task, the better, I bet," Harriet says, rubbing at her temples like she's fighting a headache of her own. "But that's not the reason I came to find you. We got a message after you left."
A familiar prickle of fear makes me tense, as if I already know what's coming. "From who?"
"Lexi wants—demands—a face-to-face meeting."
"Which she knows I'd never agree to."
"She included a picture of Addie's front door."
My heart drums faster, and I immediately jump up. "Which way back? We have to get her somewhere safe right now!"
"Justus called Addie as soon as we got the message. She was out shopping, and Justus went to find her and escort her down to the Bunker. Your parents, too."
"She'll just find someone else! My old school friends or my parents' coworkers. She won't stop until I do what she wants. She never will."
Harriet's voice is calm when she replies. "That's why we are going to use some leverage of our own. Now pull it together and let's make a plan."
~ ~ ~
Addie and my parents are both waiting when Harriet and I return to the Bunker. Instead of looking terrified, they are all smiles, talking animatedly with Marie, Sun, Justus and Kat.
Mom's in the middle of explaining something about the court case to legalize the Annex, and she sounds more excited than I've seen her in months. "Judge Bader ruled that all our evidence is admissible, which will go a long way toward proving the necessity of making the Annex technology publicly available for all Genetic Replicants."
"We actually might win this case," Marie says with wonder. "Imagine having our clinic out in the open, maybe even being able to apply for public funding."
"We haven't won yet," Dad cautions. "But there is certainly reason for optimism."
"Sounds like Aft's case is going well," I say, giving my parents and Addie hugs.
Mom's eyes are shining as she holds onto my shoulders. "It is, Joan! We're going to change the world."
"I just hope Strand lets us live long enough to see it."
I immediately regret my words, because they wipe the joy off my parents' faces.
"There is a time for caution, and a time for hope," Addie says gently. "Let's enjoy our hope today, while we can."
I nod and force a smile. "You guys must be starving. I'll warm up some dinner for you."
"With Strand watching Addie, you three should stay here for a few days. In the meantime, my dad can find you a safehouse off of Strand's grid so you aren't crammed in down here for long," Justus says, his voice reassuring.
"I'll send someone over to your house to get some of your things," Kat offers. She's been acting as the head of our small security team, since her Evolved status offers her a little more protection than the rest of us.
While my parents and Addie settle into the Bunker's rhythms, I pull Justus, Sun, Harriet and Marie aside.
"Any ideas about how to handle Lexi's demand to meet?" I ask them, keeping my voice low so my parents and the other Throwbacks trickling into the Bunker for dinner don't overhear us.
"She won't agree to do it by vid," Harriet says. "Apparently she doesn't trust us not to use it as an opportunity to hack into their system through the connection."
"Is that even possible?" I ask.
Marie shrugs. "I've never done it, but it might be."
Justus bites his thumbnail, something that he only does when he's deeply worried. "She's not going to back down. But we can't send you in there, either. This could be a chance to make you disappear. She's probably furious about the viral vid of Day Zero."
"She won't hurt Joan," Marie said, her voice quiet but confident. "Not when she finds out that we have proof that she's a Throwback herself. We can put a failsafe in place so that even if she kills every last one of us, the information will go public."
"This meeting also gives us the chance to get footage of her for our reality vid series," Sun adds, as if the series is already a done deal. He holds up his hand to stop me from interrupting. "You don't want to be in the vid, I get it. But this will be from the cameras in your contact lenses. We can edit your voice out if we have to. But we need hard proof of what she says when she thinks no one can hear her."
I nod, unable to disagree with his logic.
"Knowledge of Lexi's Status isn't enough," Harriet says. "For all we know, there's a good reason why she's a Genetic Replicant, and the threat won't shake her up as much as we're counting on."
"She's a classic narcissist. She won't want her Status to be public knowledge. Even if Strand lets her live, she won't have the power that comes with her position," I disagree.
"Joan's right—she is a narcissist. Which is another reason why this will work," Marie says with a little, knowing smile. "Because she's not some exciting, rare Throwback clone type that she could use to her advantage. She's a Marilyn."
I'm shaking my head before my brain fully processes Marie's words. "No way! I've known several Marilyns and she looks nothing like them."
Sun looks at me with a certain disappointment. "It's times like these when you show your Evolved roots. Throwbacks can alter their appearance if they obtain a special license. It's not easy to get, but in her role it might be possible. She can modify her coloring and bone structure, just like the Evolved do every day for vanity reasons."
"And that doesn't even take into account that she works at the leading biological sciences company in the world," Marie adds.
My cheeks grow hot, but I remind myself to breathe. These are my friends, after all, and have seen me make far bigger mistakes.
"All that said," Harriet interjects, drawing everyone's eyes away from me. "We're pinning all our hopes on Lexi's vanity. We need a backup plan."
"I might have a thought about that," Justus says, and then launches into his idea.
Three hours later, we all feel confident enough to send Lexi a message with a date, time, and place to meet. Two days from now, I will have the privilege of coming face-to-face with the architect of the biggest mass-murder that the world has ever known.
Lucky me.