au where no one knows who spider-man is and his homemade suit is not as awful as the canon one bc he's a genius intern at SI who managed to make his suit whilst he was there without anyone noticing
set during peter's senior year; obvi non-compliant to the mcu spider-man films, aou (bc i love jarvis) and civil war never happened and all is happy and well between the avengers, and bucky is here because i love bucky
tw: self-harm, mentions of sexual abuse (bc i need this to be whumpy)
~NO POV~
Peter was an idiot for thinking he could get away with interning where the Avengers lived, because those Avengers wanted to find out his alter-ego's identity. He was a genius in the sense that he made a suit in Stark Industries without being caught, but stupid because now people were chasing after him and he wasn't good at hiding.
Although, you could say he was good at hiding because he was bitten in sophomore year and now it was senior year, and no one had noticed. Ben, before he died, didn't, May still didn't know, and Tony Stark hadn't figured it out.
Which is ironic because Peter had become Tony's favourite (and personal) intern, meaning the two spent a lot of lab time together. Maybe it was because Tony never personally sought out Spider-Man, or because Spider-Man wasn't as famous in Queens as he was in Manhattan.
And he was good at hiding personal things, like his crippling mental-health, his grief, his PTSD from several different things such as watching his uncle die, getting assaulted at a young age, and his unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Physically hiding was different, since it was damn near impossible not be seen in a blue and red spandex suit. Maybe the reason why the Avengers found out he existed because he saved the building right next to Stark Tower and became popular in Manhattan. His secret wasn't worth losing a daycare full of bright little kids and puppies.
Peter loved puppies.
So, he was fucked. The Avengers were surely gonna catch him hiding right under their noses, right?
Wrong.
It had been three weeks since Tony told Peter that Nick Fury wanted to find Spider-Man since he was an enhanced human running around unsupervised, and that the Avengers were stuck with that job. And in those three weeks, no one noticed that Peter was who they were looking for.
"Peter, you're a teenager. Teenagers know all the social media hacks to finding someone. Help me find Spider-Man, please."
Peter was taken aback, and slightly amused at the irony. "Have the Avengers given up?"
"No." Tony said simply. "We're just... tired, and some fresh, young eyes could be useful. You reckon you could do some teenager shit and find out who he is?"
"I'm not sure. Can't JARVIS find him?"
Peter tried not to smile. JARVIS knew who Spider-Man was, but Peter was smart and begged the AI not to expose him, and with an audible but not visible smile, JARVIS agreed. In the time Peter had known Tony, JARVIS had also become quite fond of him.
Besides, JARVIS knew why Peter didn't want to be exposed and tied down by some super-pirate-spy. As much as he'd love to join the super secret boyband known as the Avengers, he didn't fancy being known. And people knowing only risked Aunt May, and since he let Uncle Ben die, he'd do anything to make sure he didn't do the same for May.
"JARVIS said he couldn't find him, which makes me really want to find Spider-Man, because if my Rather Very Intelligent System can't find him, he must be incredibly special."
"What would even happen if you found him?"
"Well, off to Pirate Spy he goes, and if he's good enough, he'll probably join the Avengers. If he's not worthy, or a villain, then the Avengers will probably have to take him down."
Peter bit his tongue. He didn't want to be taken down, but as much as he adored the Avengers, he didn't want to join them either. He was okay being a Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man. If he didn't look out for the little guy, who would? Police weren't always fast enough.
"What if he didn't want to join?"
"I didn't, but here I am. I was forced to and, don't tell anyone I said this, I'm actually glad I did. The Avengers are like my family. JARVIS you can't tell anyone that either."
Peter smiled in defeat. He was so screwed if he was caught.
"Hey Stark, I-" the Black Widow barged in. "Is this your intern?"
Oh shit I'm so screwed. She's going to figure out who I am- her entire career is based off being a manipulative, people-reading superspy.
"Yeah. Peter meet Tasha, don't call her- that she'll break your neck, Tasha meet Peter."
His mouth felt dry as he tried to reply. He held his hand out to shake hers instead, nodding like an idiot.
"He admires the Avengers, you included. Don't mind his sudden speechlessness."
Natasha smirked, walking over to the teenager to shake his hand. "Strong grip you got there, Peter."
Fuck fuck, double- fuck that, sextuple fuck.
"Thanks. Er, lots of lab work helps with that."
"He's not wrong." Tony laughed. "What do you need Tasha?"
"I told you not to call me that Antoshka." Natasha gave him a blank look. "I was just coming to see how the Widow's Bites were going."
"Oh Peter helped me fix those up for you, didn't you, kid?" Tony put his arm around Peter and ruffled his hair, causing the boy to flinch in shock.
Both adults noticed, but stayed quiet about it.
"Yeah, they're just, er, over- I'll get them for you."
Once Peter had scurried away, Natasha spoke up. "He sure is jumpy."
"He's lost a lot. It makes sense that he's a bit jumpy." Tony explained vaguely, not wanting to expose Peter's loss of a set and a half of parents.
"Sure nothing else's up with him?"
Tony shrugged, smiling when Peter returned with the improved Widow's Bites. Natasha nodded as a thank you before leaving with the thought of Tony's jumpy intern on her mind.
Once Natasha met Peter, it seemed that all of the Avengers had to. Peter was getting a snack for break, since both him and Tony seemed to be incapable of taking care of themselves properly when they got in the zone.
Unfortunately, he went to the team kitchen when the whole team was sitting and eating dinner. Peter was, at first, surprised that it was dinner already, and disappointed that he'd have to go home soon, and also regretting everything because a group of dysfunctional but dangerously smart superheroes were there.
"Peter." Natasha nodded at him.
He nodded back respectfully, trying to quickly reach the cupboard for some snacks before anyone else could say anything to him. But we can't always have what we want, so he was stopped by Thor.
"You're Tonyson."
Peter shook his head whilst trying to figure out how to talk. "No- I, erm, I'm his intern."
"So his son?"
"Leave the poor thing alone, Thor." Steve called out. "Sorry about that. It's a running joke between us all, since Tony treats you like his kid."
Confused, Peter shook his head again. "What? No he doesn't?"
Bruce laughed, and Peter smiled, because he was a massive fan of Bruce Banner. He admired the man's work greatly. And the Hulk saved Iron Man once, which made Peter confirm that the Hulk was a good person too, behind all the giant green rage.
"He does. I've seen you guys work in the lab sometimes. He's so father-like around you, it's amusing. Never seen him so happy to talk science around someone. Even happier than with me somehow."
Peter felt his face heat up in embarrassment. He didn't know how to respond to this. Shouldn't the Avengers be more wary of some random kid?
"Boo."
Peter's heart almost leapt out of his chest when Hawkeye appeared behind him, the vent above him open. Tony talked about his weird vent-crawling hobby often, and despite that, he was still surprised.
"Leave the kid alone, Clint." Natasha warned.
Peter just met Hawkeye, Thor, Bruce Banner and Captain America, only a week after meeting Black Widow, and the Winter Soldier was staring at him with a distrustful curiosity, and it was only slightly overwhelming.
"What is it you require, Son of Tony?" Thor asked.
"Just came to get snacks for me and Mr Stark." Peter said quietly. "I'll er, just-"
"No, come sit. We'll get JARVIS to call Tony down and we can all eat like a family." Clint smiled. "Idiot works himself to the ground and forgets to eat with us."
Peter laughed sheepishly, knowing he did the same as Tony almost always. But he didn't want to sit with the Avengers and let his guard down. What if they knew who he was and this was a ploy to drug his food and ship him off to SHIELD for testing and god knows what else?
"JARVIS, call Tony down. If he doesn't come down I'm getting Thor to take his child to Asgard." Clint called out.
"Sir will be coming down in a minute."
"Thanks JARVIS."
Peter unwillingly sat down next to Thor, because Thor seemed the friendliest and least like to scare the shit out of him. He waited for Tony to come down before he ate from the plate Steve handed to him.
He took the time to analyse the Avengers, and found that Clint was the most extroverted and prided himself on being the entertainment in the room. Natasha was quiet but not because she was shy. She reacted only when she deemed necessary.
Barnes was quiet, not shy either, but mistrusting and only liked being next to Steve, who acted like the dad of the Avengers. He made sure everyone ate and took care of themselves, usually scolding Clint for knocking something over.
Bruce was quiet, definitely introverted, and had quiet discussions with Tony about science projects and experiments. Tony, as always, was loud and got on well with Clint. They both spoke the language of sarcasm and prided themselves on being the extroverts of the group.
Peter felt misplaced. Like he shouldn't be there. He kept himself quiet during the dinner, listening to Tony and Clint playfully argue, listening to Steve and Bucky talking about the forties in a hushed tone, and Thor telling stories of Asgard.
Natasha analysed Peter, who noticed, thanks to his Peter Tingle, and chose to ignore it. There was nothing about his secret identity she could get from him if he sat still and looked pretty.
He had tuned them out momentarily before he heard Spider-Man being brought up.
"Do you reckon we should listen to him? I mean, Spider-Man seems to be on the young side." Tony stated.
Listen to him? Fury?
About what?
"If we need to get him, we will do what he have to. Spider-Man is an enhanced individual who could damn well turn into a villain if he wanted to. We can't risk it." Steve decided in his Captain voice.
"But fighting him seems a bit far-"
"Fury gave us a job. We listen and do as requested." Natasha said, tone uncaring.
"What about the red in your ledger? Are you trying to wipe it out or gain more?"
Natasha stayed quiet, dangerously quiet, like someone had said something wrong. Peter didn't know what was happening, but he didn't want to fight the Avengers.
"I think Spider-Man's cool." Clint mentioned. "He saves cats from trees and gets rid of muggers. Seems pretty innocent to me. I doubt he'll become a supervillain. Fighting him seems extra."
"The Hulk doesn't think he's a threat." Bruce piped in.
"I agree with the Man of Green. He seems like a pointless target."
Peter didn't know whether to be offended or grateful.
"Enough." Steve commanded. "We'll actively search for him. If we talk and he doesn't comply with our reasoning, then we fight. Is that a good enough compromise for you, Stark?"
"Good enough." Tony decided.
Peter wished he fought harder.
Spider-Man hadn't been seen as much as usual after the dinner in the Tower. Peter didn't want to be actively sought out; that just seemed like havoc waiting to happen, and he didn't fancy that very much.
But he was bored of being home with May on the night shift; it seemed like the perfect opportunity to go out. Besides, he'd checked the crime statistics lately and it had gone up after Spider-Man's lack of help.
So he went out, and forgot all his troubles as he swung through Queens. Saving people made him feel good, as always. He stopped three muggings and helped a lost kid get home. And then he stopped someone from being assaulted, which only brought up bad memories.
Which led to him sitting on a rooftop, staring at his mask and trying to steady his breathing, figuring the only way to get through his pain was to just let the memories resurface, making it easier to push them back down.
And then the fucking Avengers showed up.
He noticed, thanks to his Spider-Sense, and managed to put his mask back on quickly, jumping up off of the ledge and swinging to a different one.
Where Iron Man found him.
"C'mon man, couldn't you guys have come at a different time?" Spider-Man joked, but his voice wavered and his eyes were blurred slightly with tears.
"I just wanna talk, Spiderling. Crime-fighting Spider? Spider-Boy?"
"It's Spider-Man." He corrected, changing his voice to sound deeper, and changing his accent to one from a different part of New York.
ive scoured the internet to try and find what accent he used in homecoming when he saved everyone in the lift in dc but i cant find out
im english if u couldnt tell which yk is why idk what accent it was
"Whatever. I want to talk. Put your webs away and I'll put the suit away."
"I can't just put the webs away-"
Tony had already stepped out of the suit. "Listen, Crime-fighting Arachnid, we need to find out who you are under the mask and what your intentions are so you can be classified as a good guy, not a threat."
"But I don't want you to know who I am. I have a mask for a reason."
"Tough luck, Spiderling. You might look like the good guy, but you could turn easily. We don't want to risk that."
"And I don't wanna risk people I care about being hurt because people know who I am. You should know; your house got bombed because people know you're Iron Man."
Tony laughed. "No that was because I was stupid, arrogant and prideful and thought giving out my address to terrorists was a good idea."
"Still. You got hurt. I don't want that to happen to me."
"Look, Spiderthing, you're not going to get hurt. We just need to make sure you won't hurt anyone, and record your abilities. Nothing will go wrong if you just oblige."
Spider-Man pretended to think it over, with his decision already in his mind, and then caught the billionaire off-guard by jumping off the roof and swinging away.
Only to get smacked in the chest by a vibranium shield, which, by the way, hurt like fucking hell, and definitely broke a few ribs. The web he was swinging on then got cut off and he plummeted at least two hundred feet down. He just barely caught himself, scraping his leg on the building he caught onto.
"Unmask yourself, Spider-Man."
Captain America was in front of him when he got stable on the ground, with the Winter Soldier beside him. He knew there was an arrow with his name on it from one of the rooftops surrounding him, and the thrusters behind him told him that Iron Man had come back.
But where was the Hulk and Black Widow?
He figured the Hulk probably stayed behind, opting to not wreck a good few buildings looking for someone the other five could handle.
Oh.
Well he found Black Widow, he thought, when he felt a surge of electricity go through his suit. He thanked the spider that bit him for his healing capabilities, because elbowed her and quickly shot up to a nearby roof to compose himself before preparing to run again.
He cursed his Parker Luck, because he happened to find the roof with Hawkeye on it. He was immediately shot in the leg with a regular arrow, and just narrowly missed a tranquiliser.
"C'mon man, can you just let me hide?" He pleaded, before ripping the arrow out and webbing over the wound, ready to dodge another arrow.
"Can't. A job's a job."
He threw the arrow back at Hawkeye, and it missed barely, cutting the man's arm as it did. The element of shock gave Spider-Man enough time to swing away before being caught by Iron Man.
"You have to let me go, please." He begged, forgetting to change his voice.
"Jesus, what are you a kid?" Iron Man asked. "You sound awfully familiar."
"Everyone in Queens does." He made his voice slightly deeper.
"Now I can't figure out what accent is real." He stated. "JARVIS-"
FUCK.
He shot a web at the thrusters, making Iron Man wobble a bit, and it gave him the chance to jump out and swing away as fast as he could. An arrow shot at him and the shield hit him again, but he got away. He stopped in a random bar, running into the toilets and returning as Peter Parker, sneaking out of the women's instead of the men's, and walked at a fast pace to god knows where.
He could hear the Avengers nearby, thanks to his enhanced hearing, but was lucky. He knew they were checking the bar and went into a coffee shop and sat down, ordering a coffee.
His ribs hurt like hell, his arm was bruised from the shield hitting him for a second time, and his leg was bleeding and would need medical attention soon. His body still felt like electricity was surging through it, but he got away.
Thank fuck.
idk how to write fight scenes
Peter skipped lab-day the next morning, needing time to let his body heal. Besides, he wasn't really looking forward to seeing the Avengers or Tony after what happened the night before.
He had a burn on his back, a bruise on his arm, wrapped-up ribs and stitches on his leg and god he was hurting, more so mentally.
He was hurting because he stopped someone from getting assaulted and then got attacked by heroes. Did that make him a villain, because the Avengers were the good ones in this scenario? They were trying to protect the city from a threat, and he was the threat. That made him the bad guy, didn't it?
And he hurt Hawkeye and Black Widow.
He was definitely the bad guy.
God, he felt like shit. He couldn't stop himself from getting out a blade, one he'd long forgotten in his time as Tony's intern. He only got it out again after the Avengers started hunting him, and he lost his freedom to save people and feel the relief of flying through Queens.
He took off his web-shooters, adding to the pretty, red lines he made and wrapped them up before putting the web-shooters back on. He was pretty proud of the spot he'd chosen, because he thought he'd rather have his identity revealed than have people find out he was hurting himself.
Things changed now. He'd rather die than lose his superhero freedom. So why not do it somewhere else?
He pulled his joggers down and stared at the self-stitched wound on his right thigh. It was healing rapidly, but there was still a dull pain there. He decided to make lines on his left thigh, to balance out the pain.
And it felt better.
And knowing May was going to be working all day, and it was a weekend, he did it over and over and over until he blacked out, counting on his enhanced healing to save him in time before May came home.
And it did.
Because Mr Stark was calling.
"Hey kid, you didn't come in today. You alright?"
"Violently ill, Mr Stark."
He had his just-woke-up-I'm-too-tired-to-function-properly voice and it helped his case. Tony sighed over the phone and asked JARVIS to do something, but Peter was too groggy to pay attention.
Instead, he cleaned his leg of all the dried blood and thanked his usually-awful Parker Luck that he decided to put on black sheets the other day. He pulled up his also-black joggers and checked the time.
"Kid? You still there?"
"What? Sorry, 'm just tired s'all."
A knock on the door woke him up and he picked up his phone, wondering who it was. May wouldn't knock. And it was only seven, and she should've been back around midnight. Maybe earlier.
He opened the door tentatively and was both scared and surprised.
"Mr Stark? What are you doing here?"
"Figured I'd check on you, bring you some soup, watch some TV with my kid."
You and your super secret boyband tried to kill your 'kid' last night, Mr Stark.
"I'm alright. You don't have to stay." Please don't tell me you know I'm Spider-Man, drug my food and sell me to a pirate.
"Of course I do. Now move." He barged past Peter and made himself at home, making Peter wonder if he'd been here before. He locked the door behind him and went over to the kitchen where the billionaire had gotten out Chinese, not soup.
"Lovely homemade soup, Mr Stark."
"Only the best for you, kid." He joked, handing Peter his usual. Peter smiled, even if it was JARVIS who might've ordered his usual. At least Tony Stark's AI knew his usual.
The two sat on the couch, and Peter winced slightly. Broken ribs took a normal person six weeks or more to heal, so he'd heal in a week, more or less. He'd be able to breathe normally in a few days. The Widow's Bite burn would probably scar but the pain was basically gone. Stitches took about two to four weeks for a normal person to heal, so Peter would be okay in a few days. The scar would fade in a few months. The bruise on his arm would be gone in a few days too.
So basically, he was fine. He was in pain, but he was fine. The pain in his wrists and thigh was all he could think about, so it was drowning out the rest of the pain.
"You okay?" Tony asked, nudging his shoulder. The contact from Tony's arm to Peter's made him wince, but he shrugged it off.
"Peachy." Peter replied, eating his takeout and playing cartoons. Tony was just as childish as him, and enjoyed cartoons.
"You still watch Phineas and Ferb?"
"Absolutely."
"You're definitely my kid."
And Peter smiled, forgetting all his troubles for a while.
May came home a few hours later to see Tony and Peter snuggled up on the couch, both asleep and drowning in blankets, and if she took a few photos and sent them to Tony, Peter never knew.
"We're no closer to finding Spider-Man. I think we have to put a bounty over his head or something, because Fury is on my ass and I'm fed up of it."
"Language."
"Tony I will literally sew your mouth shut."
"My bad Capsicle."
"Peter."
Natasha came up to Peter in the middle of his lab session was gone. He tensed up at her voice but didn't turn around, pretending he didn't hear.
"Pyotr."
"Hi Miss Natasha Romanoff ma'am." He turned and gave her an innocent smile.
"You have a secret. I cannot figure it out."
He fiddled his fingers nervously. "Just childhood stuff probably."
"What is that childhood stuff?"
Would this throw her off? Would she leave me alone if I told her?
"Both of my parents are dead and my uncle died in front of me. It was my fault." He blurted out. This wasn't what Natasha wanted to hear, but it threw her off enough that he blank expression changed to one of sympathy.
"It wasn't."
"I didn't tell you how he died."
"It still wasn't your fault." Natasha said in a tone that made Peter aware that he shouldn't argue. "I'll look out for you Pyotr."
"Why do you call me that?"
"It's the Russian version of your name. You are mine to protect. I look out for those I care for."
He smiled, and wished he didn't have to hide his secret identity. He didn't want to hide it from any of the Avengers, who, in the time that he'd healed, he bonded with. If only Fury wasn't on his case.
"I'll look out for you too."
Natasha raised a brow at that but didn't push, and that was enough for Peter, who thought that she knew and suddenly didn't care. He had Black Widow to look out for him. That was enough.
"I'm done searching for Spider-Man. It's been weeks since we fought him. I think enough is enough and Fury needs to find him himself." Natasha said at dinner.
Peter smiled to himself. If she knew, she didn't care.
And he didn't either.
Peter was less careful around Tony. If Natasha knew, why couldn't Tony? He trusted the man, and when they fought, he didn't harm the teenager once. He was careful, and he had stated that he didn't want to fight Spider-Man. He liked that.
So when Peter slipped up, his sleeves rolling slightly to reveal his web-shooters just slightly, he didn't care that Tony saw.
"What's that?"
Peter shrugged, and Tony had this look of confusion and understanding, and like Natasha, he stayed silent. If Tony had made new web-shooters for Peter and left them lying around the workshop, Peter didn't say anything, and neither did Tony.
"I agree with Natasha. It's pointless."
"Fury's.. well, furious. We have to find him. He's been practically underground since we last saw him. People are getting hurt more."
"See? Our actions had bad repercussions. I was never really in to begin with, but I'm out. I don't want to hurt someone with nothing but good intentions."
"He's dangerous."
"He's only dangerous when he stops helping people. If you need me, I'll be in the workshop."
Having Natasha and Tony knowing, vaguely, was enough for Peter. He didn't care anymore, and went back to helping people again. And if he missed it, he didn't anymore. He took care of so many people that night, and felt his mood get so much better that the cuts turned into scars and stayed that way.
And he was ambushed again on his way home, by Thor, Captain America and the Winter Soldier, but not Hawkeye. He figured Clint backed off with Natasha, because the two trusted each other and if one made a decision reasonable enough, the other followed without question.
"You guys here to hurt me again? I'm in a really good mood, so I'd prefer if you didn't ruin that for me." Peter said in his regular voice, unashamed of his identity.
The people he cared for couldn't possibly get hurt, not with Natasha and Tony protecting him. Tony would always protect him, regardless of him being Spider-Man. And that was enough.
"Unmask yourself, Spider-Man."
"I'm okay, Capsicle."
That was what made the three of them figure it out, and he swung away, preparing himself for the next morning, where he'd have an intervention of some sort, or maybe get shipped off to some facility where he'd get probed like some machine to figure out.
He had hope that he'd be okay. That was enough.
The team dinner was silent, words bubbled in everyone's throats but not coming out. He was ready for the talk, but no one was talking. So if they all wanted to be silent, he'd be silent too.
"Bruce, did you find the permanent solution to a Widow's Bite scar, and any possible undetected side-effects?" Natasha asked.
"I did. It'll take a bit of time but it can be done." Bruce smiled. "What is it for, may I ask?"
Right. Bruce was the only one who didn't hunt him, who also didn't know who Spider-Man was. He deserved to know.
"Pyotr."
"What?" Bruce's eyes turned green. "Why the hell- how is he- what?"
"Calm down, and tell the Hulk to relax. Pyotr's okay, aren't you?"
Peter nodded.
"It was a couple weeks ago, wasn't it?" Bucky asked. He didn't need to ask, because everyone knew the answer.
Peter shrugged. He wasn't going to confirm it until someone asked explicitly. Knowing the curiosity and harmless interrogation waiting, he knew someone would.
"You are the Man of Spiders, aren't you?" Thor asked, voice loud as always.
Since Peter was sitting right next to him, with his enhanced hearing, he heard it far louder and winced. And everyone noticed, but this time it wasn't ignored.
"Do you have enhanced abilities, like senses? Can you see better? Is that why you don't have glasses anymore, like in that really old photo I found of you?" Clint asked.
Peter nodded.
"Oh come on, be verbal. I have so many questions."
"You shot me in the leg with an arrow." Peter glared at him. He was still slightly mad at the fact that they attacked him.
Realisation dawned on everyone that Peter was still a child, and they hurt a child. Tony's kid, who they'd all bonded with and practically adopted into their Superfamily. What family hurts each other?
Steve realised he'd thrown his shield at the kid twice and almost killed him by cutting off his webs. How could he do that to a child? After all he stood for, that went completely against it.
"Don't feel bad. You had a job."
"Job's over. I'm not handing you over to Fury so he can control you. You're my kid, and I'll decide whether or not someone can poke and prod at you and figure out what you can do, or throw you into a battlefield and make you do missions that aren't your responsibility." Tony decided, throwing his napkin down at his plate to exaggerate his point.
"My kid too. Pyotr isn't going anywhere near SHIELD as far as I'm concerned." Natasha decided as well, placing her napkin down too. "I told him I'd protect him, and I will. He's my крошечный паук, and I look out for my own."
tiny spider
"If Tasha's looking out for him, so am I." Clint chucked his napkin down.
"I like Tonyson, so if he is the Man of Spiders, I do not care for it. I look out for him too. He is worthy of Mjolnir." Thor decided, chucking his napkin down as well.
"He's good in the lab, Hulk likes him and so I do. I trust the rage monster." Bruce put his napkin down neatly.
"He's not afraid of me. I trust him." Bucky said simply, picking up his untouched napkin just to throw it down as well.
"I hurt him. For that I'm eternally in debt to him. I'll look out for him too." Steve put his napkin down.
"And I'll look out for you all too. I appreciate it guys." Peter smiled, putting his napkin down even if he had no reason to. "So about that Widow's Bite thing, because that scars honestly awful and I hate it."
Natasha almost-frowned in guilt and regret, but she was aware that Peter didn't blame her for it or have any bad blood over it, so she refused to pity herself.
of course we have to address the self harm
"Can I see your original web shooters? I'm really curious about it." Tony asked one night at dinner, a few weeks after they'd all addressed his superhero persona.
Peter, an idiot despite being a genius, took his old web shooters (he alternated between his old ones and the ones Tony made for him) off carelessly and passed them over to Tony. Thor, someone who spoke without thinking beforehand, who also didn't understand a lot of 'Midgard' things despite living there for years, noticed the scars. "What are these?"
All of his scars were once deep wounds, meaning the scars would take months to fade. A regular person would need years, or would maybe never see the scars fade.
Thor took Peter's hand and looked closer at the scars and the realisation dawned on him, almost. "What battle have you faced to get scars on your wrists? Is this from being the Man of Spiders?"
The rest of them, from Earth, understood and almost instantly got up.
"Peter?" Tony walked up to him. "Did you do these yourself?"
Peter shrugged. Everyone finding out didn't feel as bad as he'd thought, because of course he thought about it. He thought about everyone finding out, and wondered if they'd react nicely or awfully.
This wasn't awful.
"They're all really old. They go away quicker than they should."
"Then these must've been really deep." Bruce said, analysing them from behind Peter.
"Pyotr, why'd you do that to yourself?"
"Pain dulls out other pain." He said vaguely. "Mental pain, physical pain, doesn't matter. Dulls it out."
"Was the physical pain.. us?" Steve asked hesitantly.
"Partly. But you can't blame yourself for that. I could've just unmasked myself, like you asked. But there's more to it, so you can't blame yourself. You just can't, alright?" Peter didn't know how to explain it, but other people feeling guilty for it would just make him want to relapse.
"Alright." Steve said, knowing he'd blame himself regardless. Peter didn't have to know.
"What pain did you have to dull out?"
"Grief. People."
"Did someone hurt you, Pyotr?" Natasha asked. She'd thought something was up the moment she saw how jumpy he was, but when she found out it was because he was Spider-Man, she stopped thinking about it so much.
"When I was little. I'm over it now, mostly."
Why does this feel so easy to say? I should find it so much harder.
But Peter never had the chance to talk about it, so it rolled off his tongue like water. This felt easy, simple, comforting. Having a Superfamily looking out for you and caring for you almost dulled out the pain of losing almost two families.
"Who hurt you? How? Names?" Tony asked simply. He was going to beat the shit out of whoever hurt his kid.
"This guy who used to babysit me. Made me touch him, he touched me. Showed me weird shit. I'm okay now, though. Haven't seen him in years."
Natasha, surprisingly, was the first person to hug him. And it felt beautiful. Before he knew it, he was picked up and the rest of them were hugging him. They were all delicate with their touch, not wanting to trigger something, but it wasn't possible. They couldn't trigger him because he knew he was safe with them.
safe is with me
"I love you guys." Peter whispered.
"We love you too, Pyotr."
"Damn straight we do. I'll put an arrow through that guy."
"I'll fry him with my repulsors."
"I'll hit him with Mjolnir over the head."
"I'll cut his neck clean off with my shield."
"I'll snap his limbs in half over and over with my metal arm."
"The Hulk can deal with him."
"Widow's Bite can bite his ass."
"You don't have to. Skip doesn't bother me anymore." Peter smiled. He didn't think it was necessary to mention that he was crying about it the night they attacked him. No need to make them feel guiltier.
"Skip who?"
"Steven 'Skip' Westcott."
"You know we're going to torture the shit out of him, right?" Natasha asked.
"I know."
Peter didn't care.
This was home.
golly gosh ao3 has gotten me used to long chapters.
ive never ever written anything so long
like my dick
this was a bit here and there and everywhere sorry u lots x
words: 5828
cinnamon <3