Memory No. 2
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I didn't want to open the letter, if I'm being completely honest.
It's been a couple of weeks since my fifth year at Hogwarts ended, and I believe it was my most eventful year by far. Which was saying a lot, mind you. I've gotten into quite a lot of trouble on my own.
However, what made last year different was a new face that had entered my life – a girl. A girl who possessed an extremely rare ability to see traces of and wield ancient magic. A girl who selflessly helped me find a cure for Anne, even though I led her down a path I deeply regret. A girl who was there for me when I had no one.
That girl sent me a letter just a couple of days ago, and I have yet to open it. I haven't even touched it since I placed it on my desk.
When her owl first dropped the letter off to me, I was excited. No one, not even Ominis had sent me an owl until then; however, the more I stared at the envelope, the more guilty I felt.
This past year, I have done awful things, I'm bright enough to realize that. In search of a cure for my sister, I turned to the Dark Arts, even while every single person I knew was against it. Even Anne.
In the moment, I believed every move I made was the right one. I no longer cared what others thought or about the morals of my actions, as long as it brought Anne back. I would have died for a cure.
And yet, in the end, I realized what I truly sought was not a cure, but power. I was unfathomably selfish, and all I wish for anymore is that I realized it sooner.
I especially wish I didn't drag the new fifth year into my mess. She was a brilliant, kind, and an unbelievably selfless girl who was willing to venture with me even at the most ridiculous hours. She was willing to help Ominis overcome his fears and doubts, even if it was not for the best. Above all else, she was willing to save Hogwarts. I'm sure since the last time we spoke, she hasn't changed.
Ah, just thinking about her washed away all the sorrowful feelings I had this morning. I realized as I was sitting on my bed, staring at a page in a book I haven't turned the page of in minutes, that a smile came upon my face. I do miss those simpler times.
I tilted my head up toward the ceiling, staring at the surface above. I'm scared of getting close to her again, that's why I have yet to open the letter. I miss the fun we had amongst the chaos, especially when Ominis would occasionally tag along. Yet, I hurt her. Deeply. I don't think I'm ever going to forgive myself for what I put her, and everyone in my life through for my own selfish goals. For now, I firmly believe she should spend some time away from me. Some more time.
Knock, knock, knock.
My entire body flinched at the sudden knocking. I felt my heart drop into my stomach – ever since what I did to my Uncle Solomon, I've been terrified of someone tracing it back to me. I'm lucky enough not to have been reported to the Ministry by anyone involved, even if I deserved it. But I've had an inkling of a feeling that somehow someone would tie it all together. Back to me.
However, the knocks were quiet, and weak. I don't believe someone from the Ministry would be so gentle. Whoever was behind the door, I was far too curious to leave them be. I rarely got visitors anymore, not even from the other residents in Feldcroft.
I stood from my bed, placing the book flat against my sheets before slowly approaching the wooden door. I firmly placed my hand on the doorknob before slowly turning it open...
I was met with a girl. A young girl, and though she looked young she looked exhausted. Her face was pale as a ghost, and her hazel eyes seemed nearly void of any soul. Her ashy brown hair was tied into a loose updo, with her bangs so overgrown they began to brush against her eyelashes.
"...Anne?"
I felt a wave of emotions crash over me – happiness, confusion, grief, fear – I could barely contain myself as I stared at the girl before me. My sister, my twin, someone I had thought I lost forever was standing at my, our doorstep. This feels like a dream...
"Sebastian." Her voice was raspy and quiet, but her familiar smile still showed through. She opened her arms ever so slightly, which I gladly took as an invitation to finally hug her familiar frame. It was comfortable and familiar; however, I couldn't help but notice how much thinner she felt.
"What are you doing here? Oh, Anne, I thought I would never see you again!" I gasped, pulling back as I met her gentle gaze once again, "I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am. How guilty I've felt these past few weeks, how much I wished I could do it all over again-"
"Sebastian, please." One of her pale hands held onto my shoulder, "I forgive you. I forgive you for all of it."
I felt the smile on my face widen at her words. This truly felt like a dream - by now, I had accepted that Anne would never forgive me and that the bond we had as siblings had completely diminished. And yet, here she was, finally giving me some peace of mind. Even though I know I don't deserve it.
Though I was ecstatic to see her, Anne didn't look well. She began coughing slightly after she spoke, her hand removing itself from my shoulder and instead clutching her chest. I held her steady by her shoulders, my smile immediately replaced with a look of concern.
"Anne... You haven't gotten any better?" I frowned.
"No, and..." She coughed into her handkerchief, "That's why I have come to see you."
I gave my sister a puzzled look, "I don't understand."
She gazed at me with sorrow, such a look of sadness that I already began to dread her sentence before she even said it.
"I don't have much time, Sebastian, and I did not want to spend my last waking days with us apart, so–"
"No, don't say that!" I exclaimed, my grip slightly tightening on Anne's shoulders.
"Please, listen–" She winced, "I don't want you to go through any trouble for me, not again. I just want us to be together, no matter how long. I need you to accept that."
I felt a lump form in my throat at her words. I always knew this curse could lead to Anne's death, even if I did not think of it directly. That's why I was so desperate for a cure, after all – but hearing her say it? My sister, the person I have gone through thick and thin with since birth. The person I pranked Miss Scribner with during first year. The person I constantly lost in Gobstoppers to. That person was practically telling me to prepare for her death.
I looked down at the dirt below us, trying desperately to will the forming tears away. I felt Anne slowly take my hands in hers. She was cold.
"I want you to come with me. I've settled in a small hamlet just a train ride away. The residents have helped greatly, I'm sure they will love you." She chuckled, but I didn't look up.
She let out a soft sigh, "Please, Sebastian. Although I wish we could change it all now, we can't. I've realized that, and I'm sure you have as well – but what we can do is make better decisions moving forward. And I have decided that I don't want us to be estranged like this anymore."
My eyes burned as I blinked, a single teardrop escaping my eyes as it cascaded down my cheek. I wasn't hesitant because I didn't want to go with her – I was fully ready to leave Feldcroft if it meant I got Anne back.
It was the fact that she may never return here that frightened me.
I looked up.
"Alright. I shall go with you."
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It has been about a month since I moved to this small hamlet with Anne. Nightingale is its name, and dare I say I've grown quite accustomed to it. I see why Anne was so drawn to the place; the homes are sparse among the plains, yet still felt united, and in the center of them all was a dark lake. She says it reminds her of the Black Lake, back at Hogwarts.
Not only is the valley we're in undeniably beautiful, but the residents are just as kind as Anne described them. Each and every one of them was as invested in Anne's health as I, and it's still reassuring to hear. After listening to everyone tell me there was no hope for Anne for months, it was refreshing that others finally cared.
I dropped a couple of Galleons into the shopkeeper's hand as he handed me a small bag of mallowsweet leaves.
"There ya go! And Sebastian, do tell your sister I said hello!" The man grinned through his bushy brown beard.
"I will, Mr. Longwood, don't worry!" I smiled right back before turning and walking back to Anne and I's home.
It was a bit toward the edge of the village, a decently sized hut surrounded by various flowers and plants that a couple of housewives planted just for Anne. They looked beautiful today, practically glowing in the sunlight as the wind blew gently past their leaves.
I knocked lightly as I approached the door before slowly pushing it open.
"Anne, I've got the leaves for your tea! Mr. Longswood used to charge me much more for them – I believe I've finally charmed him enough for–"
My eyes landed on the chair Anne was usually sitting in. Her book lay flat against the table, but she wasn't sitting there and reading it like she was before I left. No, she was instead lying on the ground, distant yet sharp breaths breaking the air.
I felt my heart sink as I dropped the small bag in my hands, rushing forward and dropping to my sister's side.
"Anne, Anne! No, no no no– Anne!"
She coughed between breaths, her hand clutching her chest as I moved her to lay on her back.
"Sebastian–" She gasped. Her face was glistening with sweat, all color void from her features.
"Anne, please, stay with me!" I glanced behind me, glimpsing at the barely open door, "Help! Somebody, please!"
My eyes shot back to my sister as I felt her cold hands touch mine, grabbing a weak hold of them before placing them on her chest. I felt her heartbeat slow with every passing moment. She couldn't... Not like this...
"I love you, okay..?" Her voice could barely muster a whisper as her half-lidded eyes stared up at me. "It is okay to cry, Sebastian. You're strong, you can–"
"I'm not losing you, not again." I freed one of my hands from her grasp to pull back some sweaty strands of hair from her face, "Save your energy, help is coming–"
"..You never lost me.."
It's as if time stopped.
I watched her hazel eyes fall behind her lids.
I watched her last breath escape her lips.
I watched her smile tug at her features.
I couldn't hear myself scream in grief.
I couldn't feel my body being pulled away from my sister's side.
I couldn't feel the way my tears soaked the palms of my hands.
...She was gone.
And I couldn't stop it.
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It's been a month since Anne's passing.
I have returned to Feldcroft, but only due to the new school year starting in a few days. The residents of Nightingale insisted I went back sooner, but I couldn't bear coming back to the place I have made so many memories with her. Now, the small hut we resided in was only a place for grief. Next summer, I shall move permanently to Nightingale. I shall be sure to bring Anne's things, as well. She would hate to see her potion set get dusty.
What also made it so difficult to return to Feldcroft was leaving Anne's body in Nightingale. She was buried in the garden, which some may find morbid, but she did adore those flowers. It made her feel closer to me, as well. In some mad way.
I stood from my bedside. I simply can't spend another moment in here, not with all the lingering memories that were coming back to me. It's not that I wanted to forget her, I would never forget my sister – I just had to escape this grief I was feeling.
As I approached the door, I caught a glimpse of white on the nearby desk. An unopened letter lay on the blue wood, and even from the door, I could see the layer of dust that gathered over the paper.
Sofiya's letter.
I left it there... For all of summer.
I immediately rushed and grabbed onto the envelope, as if reading it now would make up for the weeks that passed without my response. I tore it open, trying desperately not to damage the letter inside. Once I had a firm grasp of it in my hands, I began to read.
Dear Sebastian,
It's been quite a while, hasn't it? I've been meaning to write to you for a couple of weeks now, really ever since term ended. I suppose part of me was hoping for you to write to me first, but I'm well aware you still must have been reeling from the events in the catacomb. Once again, I'm sorry about your uncle, and about Anne. I do hope you might have been able to reunite with her these past weeks.
How has the summer been treating you? If you ended up returning to Feldcroft, is Ominis there with you? I recall one of you mentioning that he often stayed with your family for events and holidays. If you two do happen to be together, I hope you're having a good time! And do say hello to him for me.
As for myself, returning to London has been a bore. I do love the city, and I did miss my home and my room. But it's very lonely here, compared to Hogwarts. My parents tend to spend most of the day working or sleeping, which leaves me completely alone. I know it sounds saddening, but I do not say this to ask for pity. I enjoy being alone... Yet I enjoyed my friend's company more.
I'm sorry for not reaching out to you sooner, but simply because I took too long doesn't mean I want you to keep me waiting! I'll be anxiously waiting for your reply, Sebastian. I do miss speaking with you, for I have yet to forget all the ventures we went on last year. Stay safe.
Your friend,
Sofiya Laurier
A pit of dread formed so strongly in my stomach I felt as if I was going to vomit at any given moment.
I had been so occupied spending every waking moment with Anne, I didn't even spend a single moment reaching out to anyone else. Not Ominis, not Sofiya – although I did inform Ominis before the summer I would seek out Anne over break, I never thought we would go without contact for this long.
I didn't regret spending my summer with Anne, and I never will. I would do it all again a thousand times if it meant I could spend even more time with her, yet I had still forgotten about my friends. Ominis, who has been my best friend since first year, and Sofiya, who had taken unbelievable risks last year just to remain by my side.
And I left them in the dark.
I placed the letter back on the wooden surface, staring blankly at my hands.
Surely... They will understand.
Of course – if I explain myself, I'm sure they will forgive me.
Not that it's something either of them can hate me for, right?
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almost 600 reads ??? i don't know how so many people have read this but thank you all so so much :,) u have no idea how much that means to me <3 this chapter was a hard one to write, both because i need to study Sebastian's dialogue more and because i made myself !! really sad !!!! but i hope you all enjoyed it, i can't wait to continue this story together c: -jj <3