CHAPTER FOURTEEN
"YOU GUESS!? YOU FUCKING GUESS!?"
NOAH STARED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE, her mind blank. She had begun to do it a lot, she would just lose sight of what she was supposed to be doing, static filling her ears. She had stopped sleeping, she barely ate unless Joel got her to. They had slept over in a service station on the side of the highway the other night, and Noah didn't know how long she had spent in the bathroom. She only meant to wash her face, but she caught herself in the mirror.
Her black eye was only just fading, and the bruises and grazes along her stomach and knees were still dark, but they didn't hurt as much. Some injuries had scarred, a couple cuts on her elbows and her legs, leaving her with a constant reminder of what had happened just a couple weeks ago. Her mind wouldn't let it go, her own screams mixing with Ellie's every time she closed her eyes. It felt safer staying awake and drifting off.
She was happy when winter subsided, the weather getting warmer. She didn't want to wear that coat anymore, or that sweater, or those jeans, or those boots. Everything was ruined. Joel had managed to get her and Ellie some new clothes from an abandoned retail store a couple days ago, and Noah had wrapped herself in her brother's jacket again. It didn't smell like home anymore, she had been out of the QZ for too long. Now it just smelt like her backpack, a reminder that she was still searching for him. Her brother.
The wind rushed into her ears, goosebumps erupting on her skin, but she didn't want to put that coat on again. Instead, she crossed her arms across her chest, pulling her jacket closer around her body. She was leaned up against an abandoned car on the highway, breathing deeply, her eyes sitting on the back of Ellie's head. The other girl had been understandably, but unusually quiet since what had happened. She kept to herself, came in and out of the world depending on what was happening, usually sat further away whenever they were searching or she wasn't necessarily needed for something.
"Hey! Girls!" Joel called gently, but it sounded like he had been trying to get their attention for a while. Noah turned her head away from Ellie as Ellie lifted her own head up, both staring at the man with confusion. "D'ya hear me?"
"No. What?" Ellie asked mildly.
The man looked between them with concern, but lifted up a can to show them. "Well, I found this in there. Beefaroni. Chef Boyardee."
"Oh, cool," Ellie replied after briefly glancing at Noah, noticing how she had zoned back out.
"And... And have either of you ever played this?" Joel questioned, pulling out a box from under his arm, walking over and tapping Noah on the shoulder. She lifted her head up from her boots, blinking at the man, her heart having raced at the sudden touch. She calmed down when she saw it was just Joel. He carefully moved her around to the back of the truck Ellie was sitting on, showing them both the box. "Boggle? It's a word game."
"No," Noah said, shaking her head.
Joel pursed his lips, seeing the girl looking around her, seeming as if she was going to zone out again in a few seconds. "Well, if you wanna beat me at somethin', it would be this." Ellie nodded, and Noah went back to staring at her boots. "Well, alright then. We're gettin' close. Saw a sign for a hospital. Could be the one we're lookin' for."
Noah zoned back in, hearing the hospital was close by. "Let's go then."
Joel nodded, wandering further away, packing away the stuff he'd found. Ellie took her time sliding off the back of the truck, grabbing her backpack, and Noah watched her for a minute.
"You okay?" Ellie asked, checking up on her as she stood upright again, fiddling with the straps on her backpack as she looked up at her.
"Yeah, I'm, uh... I'm good," Noah lied through her teeth. "You?"
"Peachy," Ellie breathed out.
Both of them knew they were lying, but they didn't want to push each other. Noah knew it wasn't the biggest issue at hand, but sometimes her mind wandered to what had happened before Ellie ran out to distract David's men. She wondered if Ellie had done that just to shut her up, or because she actually felt the same. But then again, neither were going to bring it up, too scared to see how the other truly felt. It seemed miniscule compared to everything else that happened the same day, yet both of them found themselves coming back to it every now and then.
The two of them wandered over to Joel, the man glancing up at them. He stood up, slipping the rifle off his shoulder. "Take this for me?"
Noah swallowed for a moment, before nodding, pushing past the tight feeling in her chest.
Joel put his backpack on properly before holding out his hand again. Noah shoved it back over to him, letting out a breath once it was out of her hands. "Thanks."
The three of them started to walk down the abandoned highway, cars covered in plants and vegetation. It was even worse than the highways in Boston, it seemed the plants had grown more over the past couple months, even with the cruel winter.
"They had a guitar in that RV," Joel said out of the blue, breaking Noah out of her thoughts. "It was all smashed up but got me thinkin' maybe I should find one. I haven't played in forever. And, you know, Tommy used to play the drums. In fact, I was thinkin' maybe we could teach you both. I'm thinkin' Ellie would be on guitar and Noah on drums." Noah chuckled a little at the idea, Ellie joining in weakly. "Do you two wanna learn?" When neither of them answered, he looked behind him, seeing how they still lagged behind. "Girls?"
"Hm?" the two girls hummed, Noah lifting her head up from the potholes in the road while Ellie tore her eyes away from the red-head.
"Oh, yeah," Ellie nodded quickly, recovering for the two of them.
Noah stuffed her hands in her pockets. "Sounds cool."
Joel's eyes stayed on the both of them as they went silent again, seeming like he wanted to say something, maybe just comment on their behavior. But he wasn't sure if he should, he didn't want to force them. He still didn't know what happened back in Colorado. He didn't know if he wanted to know. He just knew that it had ripped something from the both of them.
The three of them wandered through a back alley, finding themselves deep into the city of Salt Lake City. Graffiti littered the garage doors, all of them managing to shimmy around the side of an abandoned lorry that was covered in dust, moss and grease. Noah looked around her, feeling more invested in the world than she had been in the last couple weeks, mostly because she didn't trust how tight and compact the trail had become. Anything could appear in front of them. It had happened before.
"Okay, so this is what I'm thinking-" Joel began, looking at how the path was blocked by fallen debris, causing them to have to make a diversion.
"Cut through that building to get around that stuff," Ellie interjected.
"Find a skyscraper, go up and take a look around," Noah finished for her.
They both knew this routine off by heart by now.
"Uh..." Joel thought for a moment, slightly off-balance by how easily they spoke exactly what was in his mind. "Actually, this time I was thinkin' we blast our way through that rubble. I found some dynamite in that RV back there."
"You're not serious?" Noah lifted her head back with an excited expression.
Joel hesitated before saying, "No, so we're gonna cut through that building, find a skyscraper, go up and take a look around. But I had you both goin', didn't I?"
Noah sighed, nodding at the man with exasperation.
They slowly made their way up through the opposite building, finding orange tarps pinned up on the concrete, looking as if it was still in the middle of construction or it was used as a kind of base. There was no sign of anybody up there, but Noah still kept her pistol at her side, sticking behind Joel as he wandered forward with his rifle.
"Look at this place," Joel breathed out, looking around at the bigger piles of rubble amongst the building, dust still spinning in the air. "Talk about bad luck. Military drops bombs, not one of them hits the building you're trying to demolish." They found an elevator shaft, Joel ducking his head up to the sunlight falling in from above, but he frowned. "No way up."
Joel walked back a few steps, pulling back a gate that fenced off the middle area of the floor, construction tools and scaffolding inside. Noah and Ellie followed in behind him, Ellie stopping right by the gate, looking down at some blueprints that were still left untouched, unrolled on a table. Noah gazed at her for a second before looking down at a tool box at the foot of some metal piping, seeing most of the actual tools were gone, but a nail gun was left.
"Ellie, if I get you up there, you can drop that ladder down, maybe we go through that way," Joel said as he raised his chin to stare at the top of a piece of scaffolding. "Come on. I'll give you a boost."
There was some silence and Noah furrowed her eyebrows, looking away from the tool box, seeing Ellie stuck in her own world by the blueprints. She was flipping them over absent-mindely, Joel now looking over at her as well.
"Ellie," Noah called gently, walking over to her. This time she didn't turn around, staring into her eyes with a deep breath.
"You okay?" Joel questioned, but he looked between both the girls, speaking to both of them at that point. He ignored his thoughts from earlier, deciding to show his concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Ellie assured him, but still looking at Noah.
"It's just the two of you kinda seem extra quiet today, so," Joel trailed off. He hadn't gotten any better at this than Kansas City.
"I, uh, guess I hadn't realized," Noah shrugged, once again lying. She was doing it a lot lately. "Sorry."
"No, it's fine," Joel replied quickly, sighing at how he had sounded before. "Did you hear what I-"
"Yeah, boost," Ellie finished for him, hurrying up to the palettes underneath the scaffolding.
Noah held back, watching as Joel helped Ellie up onto the palettes, bending down to push her up by the foot. "One, two, up." Ellie grabbed a hold of the metal piping with a grunt, climbing up onto Joel's shoulder so she could pull herself up onto the next floor. It took her a few minutes, but she managed to stand upright above them, grabbing the ladder and passing it down to where Joel was waiting.
"Okay, Noah, you first," Joel said, taking her hand to help her up onto the palette. Noah climbed up each of the rungs of the metal ladder quickly, feeling cold under her touch. As she reached the top, Ellie held out her hand, and Noah took it happily. The brunette pulled her up beside her, leaving the red-head to hold the ladder so Joel could climb up, Ellie standing up behind her.
Joel went to climb up onto the first rung, but Ellie gasped from behind Noah. She tensed at the sudden sound, turning around to see Ellie looking at something in the distance, her face brightening in enchantment. Suddenly, she was off and running.
"Noah, come on!" Ellie shouted behind her, not stopping to wait.
"Ellie, shit-!" Noah stammered, pausing for a moment before completely letting go of the ladder, it clattering down to the floor beside Joel. "Sorry, Joel!"
She heard the man shouting behind her, but she was hurrying to catch up with Ellie, seeing the back of her shirt disappearing up some stairs. She sighed heavily, taking the steps two at a time, coming out into another room. However, this one's wall had been completely knocked down, the city opening out in front of them, branches spewing out around the make-shift window. But there, just in front of Ellie, was a giraffe.
Its head peered in through the wall, chewing at the leaves, completely unbothered by the two girls' presence. Noah's jaw went slack, and Ellie turned back to look at her, giving her an excited smile. Noah could barely hold back returning it, taking a few slow steps to stand next to her. Despite the hollow pit that remained in her chest, she could feel her heartbeat a little faster, Ellie's hand tangling in her jacket sleeve. She could feel those gentle tugs that she had gotten so used to, the small giggles that Ellie did to herself.
"It's so cool," Ellie whispered softly, staring at the creature in awe. But Noah was looking at her. The world, which had been so black and white before, filled in with color. Ellie's smile grew, and so did Noah's. At that moment, she knew.
There was a fumbling of footsteps behind them, but neither tore their eyes away from what they were watching, stuck in a world together this time. Joel pulled the rifle from off his shoulder, placing it down onto the ground, making sure he didn't make any sudden moves.
"Don't scare it," Ellie warned, looking over at Joel, and Noah just managed to avert her eyes so Ellie didn't know she had been looking. But Ellie knew, she just didn't want to ruin the moment.
"I won't," Joel assured her, stepping up to where the branches reached into the room. He grabbed a large bunch of leaves, tugging it from their stems.
"What are you doing?" Noah hissed, eyeing the giraffe worriedly, but it still didn't seem fazed.
"It's all right," Joel told her, and he held out both his hands, two bushels of leaves in his palms. "Come here, hurry up. Come on."
Noah and Ellie each took some leaves from him, the giraffe following the vegetation. Ellie was first, holding out her palm and the giraffe ate quickly, but carefully. It let out noises that Noah didn't even realize giraffes made, its tongue rolling out, longer than you could imagine.
"Hey, there," Ellie laughed, feeding it some more. Her smile grew brighter, wider than it had been in months. Noah watched her in wonder, confused how anyone like Ellie could still exist in a world like this. A world so full of darkness. "Noah, have a go."
Noah jolted suddenly out of her gaze, nodding and holding out her palm of leaves. The giraffe turned to her immediately, its tongue feeling rough on her skin as it ate the plant. She couldn't help but smile, even the tiniest bit. That hollow pit filling just for a second, the world tilting back to how it should be. But it couldn't always last.
Once the leaves ran out, the giraffe wandered away from the room, disappearing down the side of the building. Noah wiped her hand down on her jacket, watching the giraffe's tail vanish from sight.
"Aw, where's she going?" Ellie complained, her hand grabbing at Noah's sleeve again, tugging her along behind her. "Come on, come on, come on, come on!"
Joel hesitated behind the two girls for a second, taking a deep breath before grabbing his stuff.
Ellie dragged Noah up another staircase, winding around until they reached a turquoise, metal door. They pushed their way through it, finding themselves out in the sunshine, the wind brushing their hair away from their faces. Ellie took the lead, wandering down the steps onto the roof, leaning up against the wall. Noah looked over the city, seeing the vast buildings rising up in the distance, the hills rolling behind them. And there, on the playing field below them was a family of giraffes, milling amongst the grass.
"Do you think they always stick together?" Ellie asked out of the blue, looking out as giraffes looked after their young, some drinking from puddles of water, others just lounging in the sun. "Like, they're just family now. Because they've been together since the start."
"They're herd animals," Noah shrugged, Elllie gave her a confused glance. "I read it in a book somewhere. They'd rather be together than alone. Like... humans. We need others to survive, we all rely on one another. We are built to care about others."
"Huh, yeah," Ellie hummed, looking at the other girl as she leant against the wall. Noah's heart skipped a beat for a second, opening her mouth to impulsively say something, but Joel turned up beside the two of them, leaning himself against the wall as well.
"So... is it everything you hoped for?" Joel asked, and Noah frowned, not knowing if she'd have another chance to ask what she was going to ask.
"It's got its ups and downs, but you can't deny that view," Ellie replied, chuckling slightly.
Joel glanced at the brunette before checking on Noah, noticing how she had gone quiet when he had arrived. He hesitated in the wind for a moment, looking distant as he pondered on something he had been thinking about for a while.
"Look, I don't know exactly where this hospital is-" Joel began.
"We'll find it," Noah interrupted. She had been too much to just give up now.
"Sure. It's just-" Joel paused, swallowing thickly. "Maybe there's nothin' bad out there, but so far there's always been somethin' bad out there."
"We're still here, though," Ellie countered. Just barely.
"I know," Joel nodded solemnly. "I'm only saying there's risk." He leant back from the wall, taking a step back to look at both of the girls at the same time. "We don't have to do this. I want you both to know that."
"I don't understand," Noah furrowed her eyebrows, looking up at the man. "What would be the point of all this then? If we just left now, what would we do?"
"Nothin'. We just go back to Tommy's," Joel assured her. "You're there for Delilah and the baby. We forget about the whole damn thing. We let it settle."
Ellie's frown deepened. "After all we've been through, everything Noah and I've done... it can't be for nothing." Joel looked almost disappointed at her answer and Noah dug her toe into the cracks of the stone at her feet. "We know you mean well. We know you wanna protect us. You have. And when we're done, we'll go wherever you want. Tommy's, sheep ranch, hunting, the moon."
Joel let out a small chuckle, and Noah lifted her head.
"We'll follow you anywhere you go," Noah promised him with a small smile, but it dropped as soon as she remembered what was ahead. "But we can't just stop now. We're going to save the world. Ellie is going to save the world. And I'm gonna beat the shit out of my brother. We're gonna finish exactly what we started."
And with a shared nod between the three of them, they were back to walking. Getting closer and closer to finally ending everything they had begun.
Their footsteps echoed around the tunnel as they emerged out into the sun again, finding themselves coming across some kind of camp. Tents stood up on metal poles, looking as if they were supposed to be temporary, but had been standing for years. The cloth was in tatters, ripped open to let the weather rain down on it, dead leaves scattered over rows and rows of gurneys and nursing beds. Metal tables sat beside them, filled with medical supplies, or at least what was left of it.
Large military trucks were swamped among the camp, branches twisting into their wheels, keeping them stuck in place. The entire open space had been overtaken by nature, destroyed by something other than cordyceps for once. It was now at the mercy of the wild, a place where people were once healed, taken into destruction. Eh, or something like that.
"Was this a FEDRA thing?" Ellie asked, glancing at the military vehicles as they passed.
"No," Joel replied, he was clutching at the strap of his rifle like a lifeline. "Army."
"Red cross?" Noah wondered aloud, seeing their symbol above one of the tattered tents, and Joel gave her a questioning look. "I read a lot of medical books, they were always somehow mentioned in there somewhere. I guess they were pretty famous."
"Yeah, well, they called in as soon as the Outbreak started," Joel explained, the three of them wandering through the ruins. "They put these places up all around, but they only lasted a couple days. Emergency medical camps. They had me in one just like this."
"With Sarah?" Ellie asked, and Noah pursed her lips, knowing where that conversation went the last time they tried.
Joel shook his head, and Noah let herself breath again. "No, she was gone already."
"Oh," Ellie mumbled.
"So, why were you there?" Noah asked, pushing the conversation along after a slightly awkward silence.
"It was for this," Joel said, pointing up at the scar on the right side of his head.
"The guy who shot and missed," Ellie remembered, and Noah was brought back to that stupidly hot walk to Bill and Frank's. "I figured that would've happened later."
"No," Joel pursed his lips, stopping in his tracks. "Second day."
"Well, I've gotta hand it to the Army people," Ellie said, Noah and her continuing to walk ahead into the camp. "They were way better at stitchin' you up than Noah was."
"Hey, I worked hard on that," Noah retorted, nudging her in the side. Ellie nudged her back with a smirk. "Seriously. I practically passed out for that fucking thing-"
"It was me," Joel suddenly spoke up, making the two girls turn back to look at him, only just realizing he wasn't beside them. He looked at them with a fearful expression, Noah staring at him with concern. "I was the guy who shot and missed."
It took Noah a minute. But then she realized. Her concern grew deeper, swallowing thickly as Joel took off his rifle from his back, taking a deep breath before taking a seat on a concrete road block beside him. Noah and Ellie slowly walked back over, sitting down either side of him, watching as he looked at his boots.
"There's no story," Joel said as he felt the girls' eyes stuck on his face. "Sarah died, and I couldn't see the point anymore. Simple as that." He took a moment, the difficulty of putting his thoughts into words. "And I wasn't scared either. I was ready... I couldn't have been more ready... When I- When I..." He gestured up to his scar, biting the inside of his cheek. "Went to pull the trigger, I flinched. Still don't know why." He cleared his throat nervously, looking at both their eyes one at a time. "Anyway, the reason I'm telling you both all this-"
"We know why you're tellin' us all this," Ellie interjected, making Noah nod along with her.
Joel looked between them, his shoulders slumping. "Yeah, I reckon you do."
"Well, I guess... In a way..." Noah stumbled across the words, digging her hands in her pockets. "Time heals all wounds. Or something like that."
"It wasn't time that did it," Joel told her, his gaze settling on both of them. Noah felt her throat go dry and there was her heart beating in her chest again. Those bursts of color filled the world, that hollow pit in her chest filling itself slowly.
She had been wrong to suggest that this journey they had gone on together was pointless if it didn't end with them finding her brother and saving the world. She had been utterly wrong. The shit she had had to deal with in the last couple months, maybe it had been worth something. Worth more than just punching her brother. More than just proving herself. Maybe it had been to actually find something... special. Something like giraffes had.
"Well, we're glad that... that didn't work out," Ellie said.
"Me too," Joel nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, wiping away at something Noah guessed was a tear. The silence engulfed them as they sat there for a second, not one of them having enough social skills to actually weave through this conversation without making it even more awkward.
"So... I think we should start walking again," Noah announced, patting her legs and standing back up again.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Ellie quickly said after joining her.
Noah looked back over at Joel, noticing how he was still sitting. "Come on, old man." She held out a hand with a teasing smile.
Joel looked up at her, giving her a glare before taking her hand, chuckling.
"You know what I'm in the mood for?" Joel asked, the three of them back on the move, the tension seeping back in a comfortable tone.
"No, what are you doing?" Noah said, having an idea at what he was hinting at.
"What?" Ellie questioned, looking between the two of them.
"Shitty puns," Joel declared, Noah groaning into her hands.
Ellie let out a happy laugh, pulling her backpack round and reaching inside to grab Will Livingston's pun book, opening it up on a random page. "People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow." Noah's eyes widened in surprise, sucking in her lips as they all exchanged looks. "Too soon?"
"No, it's topical," Joel assured her.
Ellie smirked, going back to the page. "Oh, I love this one. Moon rocks taste better than Earth rocks. Why?" Joel and Noah shrugged at her. "'Cause they're meteor!"
"That's terrible," Joel shook his head with a grimace.
"I actually... thought that one was good," Noah admitted, rather embarrassed.
"See? You know it's good when Noah'll tolerate it," Ellie defended.
"Or you both just have terrible taste," Joel argued, tilting his head.
"I have great taste," Noah laughed. "It was at least better than the diarrhea one."
"Fuck you. You both laughed at that one," Ellie nudged the girl in the side. Noah put her hands up in surrender, but was still disagreeing. "All right, all right. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot."
"That's a three out of ten," Joel decided.
Noah shook her head. "Definitely not. I feel like it at least deserves a five."
"Hey, all right, seven, minimum," Ellie corrected them both.
"I'll go with the five," Joel agreed with Noah.
"See? I'm just correct."
"A five is not correct."
All of a sudden, there was a clatter at their heels. All their heads turned around at the same time, a metal tube spinning on the sidewalk below them. Joel's face fell along with his heart, and he quickly grabbed Ellie and Noah's shoulders, shielding them as they leaped to the ground. There was an explosion from behind them and Noah groaned as her chin hit the stone, a ringing in her ears as she looked through the haze of white smoke now clouding her vision.
A shadow loomed over her and her breath got caught in her throat, memories hitting her like a truck as she struggled to stand up. She couldn't see their faces, but she could see the heavy body armor they were wearing, boots stomping along the ground. Her knees buckled as she tried to stand up again, but her arm was grabbed by the stranger, trying to pick her up.
"Get off me!" Noah screamed, tears pricking her eyes as she tried to loosen their grip, their hands jabbing into a bruise. The steam burned her eyes, her tears getting thicker and streaming faster, and she still tried to run. "Get the fuck off! Ellie! Joel!"
She could hear a voice shouting to her through the ringing, but she could focus on it, the stranger picking her up around the waist and throwing her over their back. She tried punching into their armor, but it was like hitting a thick pillow, it wasn't doing a single thing. She hated the feeling of their touch, the feeling of being trapped again. She thrashed, and she kicked, and still nothing happened.
"I said get off me!" Noah sobbed, everything becoming overwhelming. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, it pulsating with the ringing. Her brain rattled in her skull, the smoke turning darker and darker, fading in and out. "I said... get off... get..." Her eyes shut and she went limp in the strangers arms.
Noah's mind was hazy as her eyes fluttered open to a peeling yellow wall, confusion filling her whole body, along with an aching in her bones. She could feel dry tears on her face, a stinging coming from her chin, a heaviness in her muscles. She could feel a mattress underneath her, a pillow keeping up her head, a comfort she hadn't had since Wyoming. But she couldn't relax, she could feel eyes on her from the other side of the room, someone watching her.
For a moment, she kept herself completely still, like she used to do with the monster she thought was under her bed. If she moved, it would know she was awake, and it would devour her. If she moved now, the person watching her would know she was awake, and she would be stuck in a whole new problem. But she needed to move at some point, she needed to know where she was and where Ellie and Joel were. Her arm was also falling asleep underneath her.
In a quick movement, Noah flipped herself round, sitting upright and cowering back against the wall, feeling the cool wallpaper against her head. All fear suddenly went out of the window as she saw who was leaning on the wall opposite her, his smile broad on his pale face.
"Welcome ba-" Aidan tried to greet, but Noah sprinted at him, pulling him into a tight hug. He let out a groan on impact, feeling all breath in his lungs get blown out through his mouth. "Oh, shit. Okay. Hi. That hurts."
Noah hugged him even tighter, resting her forehead on his chest. Everything about him reminded her of what she had had before, her family, her best friend, a possibility of a small, but secure future. This had been everything she had been waiting for, everything she had risked her life for, so why wasn't that hollow pit in her chest gone? Why did she still feel it? Why did it seem like it was getting deeper, darker?
But she knew. It was quite an easy solution when she really thought about it. For the last couple months she had had expectations of what seeing him again would be like. They would hug, it would almost be like nothing had even happened, they would be like they were before January 16th. Like a real brother and sister. That was what she had expected. But it wasn't how the reality was. She didn't feel anything change. It hadn't made her world right again. Everything that had happened had still happened, she was still not okay. She was still tired.
Her grip loosened on Aidan, the hug feeling suddenly very uncomfortable, having his hands on her shoulders, it was wrong. She slowly leaned back, stepping a foot away from him, seeing how he smiled so broadly at her. And it made her blood boil.
So she punched him round the jaw.
"Ugh!" Aidan groaned in pain, staggering backwards, nearly falling over his feet. He massaged his jaw with one hand while his other kept him upright, balancing on the wall. "Jesus... Yeah, I- I, uh, guess I deserve that."
"You guess? You fucking guess!?" Noah demanded, that hollow pit definitely filling now, but it was only with a fury she had never felt. It buzzed along her skin, twitching her fingers to curl into fists at her side, overriding the pain she should be feeling from her right hand right now. "You're such a dick! You have no idea what the hell I've been through!"
"You're right, you're right. I don't-" Aidan tried to say, standing back upright with a sigh.
"I have been through hell and back to find you!" Noah yelled, not caring how hoarse this made her throat. She needed to get it out. The shit he had put her through for the past five years, and he's finally gonna fucking learn. "You left with no fucking explanation! No fucking instructions! No fucking food! And you didn't give a shit either, obviously, because you didn't come back!"
Aidan stared at his sister, his eyebrows furrowing in irritation. This wasn't his expectation of seeing her again, either. He thought she was going to listen to what he'd actually been doing, why he had been gone and never came back.
"I didn't ask for you to come after me!" Aidan retorted, his hands on his hips. Noah glared over at him, appalled at his audacity to even try and argue back. Her eyes lingered down at his waist, seeing the pistol in a holster, a knife on his other side. "I was trying to keep you safe! I was trying to save the fucking world!"
"Okay, that's bullshit!" Noah let out with a humorless chuckle, rolling her head back. "You have never tried to keep me safe! You threw a fucking molotov in front of my face and blew up a car right in front of me! You killed my best friend! You got angry when I saved you from our Infected parents! You are so fucking up your own ass, you don't even see how I'm struggling as well!"
"What fucking struggle?" Aidan retorted. He was angry too now, things weren't going his way. "You have had it easy since you were born! For my whole life, I have spent every day trying to prove myself worthy of our parents attention! Prove that I am more than just some boy. That I can make a change, that I will make one."
"Oh, no, no! This is not about you!" Noah cut across him, utterly furious as she shoved him backwards. Once again, he was staggering back into the wall. "You will have no idea what it's like to fail, will you!? To see our parents' faces when they're disappointed in you!? That's all I saw! Everyday. They were disappointed in who I had become. That I was getting a future that wasn't what they had wanted for me. So don't come crying to me that our parents didn't care about you, because that would be a fucking lie!"
She took a deep breath, feeling a headache coming on as she fell back to sitting on the side of the mattress. Aidan watched her from afar, keeping his distance for a moment - scared he would get thrown completely off balance this time - before wandering over, taking a seat next to her, letting a meter stay between them.
The anger that had once engulfed the room settled, Aidan pursing his lips before raising his head. "I get what you're saying... I really do. I was a shit brother. And the two of us... we had different things going on, different perspectives of what the world was. I guess I saw the QZ as a prison, and you saw it as a possibility of being happy. I just could never see your side of it. I couldn't see myself having a happy life there. Not after our parents... you know. I just had to get out and I incidentally fell upon the perfect reason why."
"But you think you can have a happy life here?" Noah questioned, scowling around at the hospital room, only just making out a firefly symbol graffitied on the wall just outside the door.
"Yeah, I really think I do," Aidan smiled, chuckling briefly. Noah looked at him, how he said it so carefree, so unaware of how she was feeling. He had basically just admitted abandoning her was the best thing he had ever done. "I've got a home here. A real one. We have beds, jobs, and food. I have friends, good ones. And I... Well..." He scratched the back of his neck, turning red and Noah grew worried. "I have a girlfriend, Tiger. Her name's A-"
Now Noah really knew she had every right to be angry. "You're fucking kidding, right?" Noah snapped, standing back up again, having a height advantage over her brother as he still sat on the mattress. The red in his cheeks faded, his face turning even paler than before. "You asshole. Seriously, you're such a fucking dick. Jesus!"
"What- What did I-?" Aidan asked, stumbling over his words. He didn't think there was a chance she knew everything he had done on the way here, everybody he had met.
"I've been to Jackson, Aidan," Noah told him. She stared at him now and all she saw was a stranger who looked like someone she was once loved. Someone who was once her brother. But this wasn't him anymore. He hadn't been him for a long time. "I've met Delilah. I know who you were to her. Who you were to her dad. You gave those people love and care and abandoned them the first fucking chance you got! You've really got a pattern for these things, huh!?"
Aidan opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say, closing it again. He had lost all sense of words, trying to figure out how to start. But Noah stared down at him with a glare, her lip curling in disdain. And then she remembered.
"You don't know..." she said aloud, causing Aidan's head to snap up to look at her again.
"What- What don't I know?" Aidan questioned, standing up with concern. "What happened to her? Is she okay?"
"Oh, you can fuck off with your concern," Noah rolled her eyes, walking away from him and further across the room. "She's having your kid. She's fucking pregnant, Aidan. And I found out right as I was about to give up on you, so, honestly, this whole trip has mostly been to get you to come back and be with your new family... But, no." She took a step towards him as her brother continued to look horrified at what he had just heard. "That kid doesn't deserve a father like you. No one deserves a father like you."
"I didn't... She didn't tell me!" Aidan breathed out, his jaw clenching dangerously along with his fists. He pulled a hand down his face, trying to calm himself down. "Why didn't she tell me? I would have... I would have..."
"You would have left," Noah finished for him with a sneer. "Don't you see that? That's all you do. You leave when things get hard. You leave when things are right for you. You leave even when people need you to stay. So that kid... they are so much better off without you."
"Don't say that!" Aidan shouted, and Noah flinched back slightly. She hated how she reacted, the way it reminded her of before. The sudden sound made her lose all sense of confidence, but it also left her with a clear view of who Aidan was now. His chest heaving, his teeth bared. He was a monster, a shell of a person, a stranger to her. "Don't... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I-"
He tried to reach out a hand to her, but Noah moved away from him, backing herself into the wall. She didn't want him touching her. She didn't want him anywhere near her. To think she had risked her life for this... person in front of her... She was almost disappointed in herself.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Tiger, please," Aidan pleaded with her, almost at tears as he watched his little sister afraid. Of him? She couldn't be. He tried to reach out to her again, this time, going to touch her shoulder.
"Don't fucking touch me!" Noah screamed, shoving him backwards. He fell into the mattress, keeping himself up by clutching onto the handrails. He looked up at her, and he too saw a stranger. A girl he didn't recognize. The girl he knew, the girl he named Tiger, would never push him away like that. Would never have done anything like this.
Scaring both of them, the door of the hospital room burst open, and Noah's heart slowed down in relief at Joel's face. His concern was vivid, and his eyes immediately found Noah, his own relief flooding onto his face.
"I heard yelling, I-" Joel spoke quickly, looking as if he was out of breath. There was a harsh bruise on the side of his head, but other than that, he looked unharmed. He took a step towards Noah, holding out a hand for her to take, but a pistol cocked.
The room went dead silent, Noah's blood running cold as she saw her brother standing up right, his hands clenching his gun, pointing it at Joel's head. Joel stopped immediately, going rigid, holding one hand up, his other holding a rifle.
"Back up, asshole!" Aidan ordered, spit flying from his lips. Noah watched him warily, seeing how his finger itched to pull the trigger.
Joel's eyes flickered from the boy to Noah, something connecting. He knew who he was now, and he began to do as he was told, stepping back a few paces.
"Aidan, please, I know him!" Noah pleaded, taking a slow step towards the boy. She held out a hand, aiming to take the gun from his hands. "Please, he's my-!"
"I don't give a shit what he is," Aidan spat, not taking his eyes away from the man. "He's not taking you with him. I've made my deal with Marlene. You're staying here with us. He's leaving. And the procedure is going ahead."
"What- What procedure?" Noah questioned. She switched to look at Joel, and the man swallowed nervously, realizing she didn't know yet. "What's happening? Where's Ellie?"
"Ellie is currently saving the world," Aidan tilted his head, something dangerously manic floating in his eyes. He licked his lips, still trying to contain himself not to shoot the man in front of him just yet. "She's having a procedure done."
"What kind of procedure?" Noah demanded.
Joel's look said it all. The mix of anger and sadness resting in the creases of his face. Noah's heart dropped further than ever before, her head snapping right back to Aidan.
"You've got to stop it! You've got to stop it, now!" Noah shouted, tears pricking at her eyes just by the mere idea that Ellie could die a minute. And her brother had known.
"You know I can't do that, Noah," Aidan sighed, finally turning his head to meet her eyes, a stranger looking at a stranger. "This is what I've been working towards. And, finally, we can see it through. All it takes is one little girl."
"You can't!" Noah yelled, and she didn't hold back this time. She lunged at her brother, shoving him right into the wall, his hands loosening from around the gun. It dropped to the floor, skidding underneath the hospital bed.
Aidan looked up at her for a split second, looking as if he could kill her. Joel ignored the boy, reaching over to Noah, placing a hand on her shoulder. He looked at her, silently asking her if she was okay, and she nodded with a quivering lip. She saw how the world was brighter when she looked at Joel than it was with her own brother, how she felt calmer around this man she had met a couple months ago rather than with someone she had known her whole life.
Suddenly that comfort was ripped away again, Aidan pulling Joel away from her. He threw the man down onto the ground, his rifle falling out of his hands. Joel scrambled to pick it back up as Aidan punched him in the jaw, a crunch being heard around the room. Noah's eyes widened in disbelief, seeing Joel struggling to fight Aidan off. Then Aidan was pulling out a knife, the blade glinting in the dim lamp above them, and he was lowering it towards Joel's chest.
It went past in pictures. Joel straining to push the knife away from his heart, and Aidan forcing it down harder. Neither were giving up, and Noah's brain had to move quickly. She felt the tears starting to pour down her face as she leaned under the bed, taking the pistol in her hands. She felt her heart race as she aimed it between the two men fighting. She felt her palm grow sweaty as she tried to decide.
Something hit her as everything slowed in front of her eyes. She remembered what Joel had said in the emergency medical camp before they had been taken. How time hadn't healed his wounds. And Noah knew that time definitely hadn't healed her wounds. The real reason why she was okay now was right in front of her, the reason why she wasn't tired anymore.
And she pulled the trigger without another moment of thought.
A/n
So how are we doin'? :)