[inspired by art on twitter by @/ammobang1, we love cole pain- i mean... all sunshine and rainbows, of course, what else would you expect from me?]
:
Everything was blurry, hazy. And bright. It was so bright. Too bright to keep his eyes open. He wanted to wait for his senses to settle back – that made sense, right? Maybe he hit his head or fell, maybe he was just waking up from a deep slumber. But as he waited and waited, nothing changed.
Was this normal?
A shadow loomed over him, blocking some of the bright, bright, light. Daring to look around again, Cole opened his eyes to find a pair of brown ones. So familiar. He could just as well be looking in a mirror; the bushy eyebrows...
"Oh, my sweet boy, it's so nice to see you again." Tears were in her eyes. Cole wanted to touch her, feel her but even as she took his raised hand and held it close to her face, he barely felt anything. It was as hazy as his vision. Why did his senses have to betray him at such a time of need?
She pulled him up to sit, kneeled beside him. His free hand brushed against the ground he was laying on. Looking down at it, he saw pink.
Blood?
"It's cherry blossom, dear." Her voice was so melodic. So nostalgic.
"W–What...?" It was so difficult to form words. To move his mouth. As if his entire body was against him. Why was this happening to him?
"You're stuck between worlds, Cole. Don't tire yourself out." She cupped his face, making him look at her.
"Mum?"
She was crying, brushing a thumb over his cheek. "I'm so, so proud of you." She was crying, holding him and his chest felt heavy. It felt so heavy. "You're so young."
"I miss you!" He held onto her, afraid she will leave.
"I miss you too, my honeybee. I will always miss you."
"I'm not going to leave you." He clutched onto her clothes. Desperate. Was he holding her? He could barely feel his body. His chest was heavy, his lips were tingling.
"Oh, but you are." He shook his head. He was not. He was not going to leave her now. "And that's good!" How could she smile through it all? He missed her smile. He missed her eyes, her hair, her gentle touches, her soft words. Maybe he was crying but it didn't matter, not in his mother's arms. "You're young, Cole. You're so young, there's a whole life waiting for you. A family."
"And you weren't?"
Her face dropped. "There are some things we don't have power over, Cole."
"I don't want to go."
"Come on, stay with me!"
"I want to stay with you."
"Maybe some other day."
He shook his head again. "No." Why was it so difficult to breathe? He closed his eyes to catch his breath. It was blurry again. Red. Brown. Yelling. "No, I don't want to go."
"You have to."
"No!"
"Cole." Opening his eyes, there was the sight of his childhood. She was so close yet so far. She was there and his chest was ready to tear open, explode. He felt like a child. Like the little boy he once was, hugging his mother close while he still could. And now he had the chance again and he could barely feel it. Everything was so unfair. He hated the world. "We'll see each other again. One day, I'll wait here for you. But it's not today."
"Why? Why can't I stay?"
"Don't die on me yet, Cole."
"There are people who won't let you go."
"Please. Please, I can't lose you. Not yet. Come on, breathe!"
Cole buried his head in her chest, listening to her heartbeat. So rhythmic, so calming. So... alive. "Can we stay like this for a while?" he whispered.
She caressed his hair, holding him close. "Of course."
There was yelling. Distorted words echoing all around but he could not understand a single one of them. All he could understand was that there was some urgency, desperation. It was all red. Everything was red. All around. His chest was feeling weird as if somebody was using it as a trampoline. Jumping... He felt so heavy but so light at the same time. And there were eyes, staring into his.
They were so familiar.
More words. Was he underwater? Something was sticking to his body. It was all so strange, he couldn't move but his body was moving.
That voice... He felt bad for the voice, he wanted to hug it, let it know that it's okay. It was fine, they were all fine.
It's okay, I'm here.
"You make me so proud, Cole," he heard his mother say. "You're growing into the man I always believed you'd once become. I'm so proud, ma baby. If only all of your lives could be a little easier. You're all so young." Her voice was so calming, Cole could easily fall asleep. Her hand rubbing his back, patting his hair. Her voice as soft as the ethereal breeze flying the petals all around the strange and bright place. It was so dark when he closed his eyes and he didn't want to close them but her words were lulling him to sleep in her arms.
"You're so strong."
"You're so strong."
"So brave... So loving. I am endlessly proud of you, my Son. I wish I had the time to tell you."
"I love you, Mum."
"I love you too." She pulled away, brushing some hair out of his face. The sight of her eyes was so calming. Like sitting on a beach and listening to the waves. Like watching the stars at night, caressed by the gentle wind. Caressed by his mother's hands. "Now, I need you to do something for me."
His eyes were closed again, back in the darkness. His forehead touching hers. Her hand on the back of his neck.
"Breathe, come on, breathe! Breathe, you– Please, I can't lose you."
"I'll wait for you here. But take your time, please."
It was so dark when he closed his eyes. And it was so dark when he opened them. Opened them to see a pair of amber eyes. It was nowhere near close like looking in the mirror. The sharp eyebrows... the scar. The tears that were so rarely seen there. Forbidden. So familiar but not familiar enough.
He actually felt hands cupping his face. He felt the forehead on his own. And his chest still felt heavy but it was probably due to his heart.
He lost her again. She was gone again. He let her go again and there was somebody else whispering to him with tears in their eyes.