“I wanted to become his exception, more important than all worldly desires and I didn’t understand how but I gained that position."
“
Are we seriously going to do that?” Ruben asked, scanning Sebastian from top to bottom who held a nonchalant expression on his face.
“Do you think I was joking around, mate?” Sebastian scoffed, arching a brow at him.
"Since when 'you' started redeeming, mate?" Ruben scoffed back, rolling his eyes off, frowning.
"Why wouldn’t I?" Sebastian asked sternly, not liking his statement.
"She is just a prey after all." And Ruben hit his sensitive spot, recalling how all this time I was nothing but a prey to him.
"Watch your words, Ruben. That's my wife you are talking about." Sebastian warned him, making my heart race to hear him calling me his wife, giving me an explicit felicity.
"Oh, wife? When did that miracle happen?" Ruben chuckled, mocking him but the fact I had reached the perception of a wife was enough to melt my heart.
"I-" He opened his mouth to retort but I pulled onto his shirt, gaining his attention.
"Sebastian…" I called him tentatively, barely holding my composure.
"What is it?" He asked softly.
“I am just not… sure…” I mumbled, noticing how my hands were trembling to think how I could raise my hands to hurt him.
“Let him redeem himself, he didn’t do it for anyone, consider yourself lucky.” Ruben chuckled dryly, looking at him for a second.
“Sebastian-” I called him desperately, taking a step closer but he put his hand in between, stopping me.
“Don’t. Please, don’t.” He breathed out, not allowing me to talk to him or find another way to solve things.
“Eileen, if I..” Sebastian began to say but paused, glancing at the two exasperating men who were listening carefully.
“I…” He tried to speak again but he couldn’t in their presence and stopped, sighing loudly, “Leave.” He ordered them.
“Ha, can’t spill two words before us.” Asad chuckled, tapping Ruben’s shoulder as me and Sebastian glared at him to stop.
“Our life is not public, we need privacy. Leave, you two.” Sebastian ordered, gesturing to them to leave and gladly they left, leaving us alone.
After they left, Sebastian took a deep breath and made me sit on the couch and bend on his knees before me, holding my both hands with a firm grip, staring intensely into my eyes.
My heartbeats were enhanced at the sincere link pricking my chest. His eyes were pleading silently but I couldn’t grasp what so I waited patiently for him to speak and after grasping his composure, his low, depressed tone came.
“Eileen, if I don't do it, I will be your culprit forever. I wouldn’t be able to look at my reflection. I won’t be able to change,"
He paused. A quiver released my lips, narrowing my eyes in pity. My mind didn’t fathom the depth of his deed would be constricting his capability to this extent.
"I won’t be able to start things, my faults would constantly remind me of my beastly nature, of my deepest desire.”
Swallowing hard, his orbs broke the connection shamefully, giving my hands a tight grip to display his hesitation of speaking words he never could.
“It will make me realize that I am not the perfect man for you and the fact I am not, would hurt me in a way I have never been hurt before.”
His resonance broke, shutting his eyes, lowering his head by the dismal stacking in his desert for a long time. His misery moist my eyes, I never thought I would be this important to someone.
“I am sorry that I am not the man of your dreams but please don’t be disappointed in me.” He whispered desperately.
We both knew he might not be the prince charming but the fact it would hurt him to this extent clasped my beats in his pain.
“When did it all start, Sebastian? When did I become this important? When I had done nothing for you then how come you latched your heart with mine?” I asked, cupping his cheeks, barely managing to maintain my sob at bay.
“You always were but I failed to realize it, you were always where no one was.” He whispered, hands over mine on his cheeks yet denying to greet my glance with his heartbroken ones.
“Sebastian, don’t look away from me… Please…” I whispered hopelessly, expectantly, caressing his tender skin lovingly but he had been carrying a weight inside him.
"Eileen…" Lowering his head, he rested his head over my laps, clinging onto me when one returns to their sanctuary after a painfully long journey.
“What is it, Sebastian…?” My murmur called him, welcoming him with all my heart which caused him to tighten his grip on my dress.
“I am sorry… I strayed.” Whispering breathlessly, he hid his face, holding my dress firmly.
And since I had never seen Sebastian in such a devastated state before, I was petrified. I was extremely worried about him. I was willing to do anything to provide him solace. Anything.
“Stray where?” I asked, biting my cheeks to not cry and unbalance his sorrow with mine.
“I don’t know but I strayed, I got lost, I didn’t know where I was walking, It was dark, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear, I felt so lost…” He began to tell me, trembling a little while sharing his experience.
Smiling sadly, I ran my fingers in his hair, noticing how his anguish was gaining lull when my fingers ran down his locks.
But, it was undeniably excruciating to witness his agony.
“That path made no sense, It was like an abyss and I kept walking and walking and walking but it didn’t stop." He took an abrupt gasp to mention the darkness which chained him.
"My feet were hurting, I wanted to stop but I couldn’t, life felt meaningless… I strayed on that dark path…” He continued, forcing the lump in his throat, opening his eyes brimming with tears slowly.
“Does that mean you’re still straying? Are you still walking on that path?” I asked softly, gently, detangling his hairs while leaning forward to get a proper glimpse of his razed face.
“No, I am not.” He shook his head, taking my one hand in his, intertwining our fingers, staring at our locked hand for a prolonged time in mesmerization before continuing.
“I didn’t know why I walked on it, I didn’t know why I chose that path, where it would lead me and by the time I realized- I was with you.”
At his chuckle, a shiver went down my spine, my sensations gained a thrill followed by a stagger.
"And life suddenly began to make sense."
My soul halted for a heartbeat when his affectionate words became my equanimity. Freezing me when I played such a substantial role in his liberation.
“Sebastian-”
My lips parted to tell him that but gripping my dress, he lifted his heavy gaze to collide with mine for a bare second.
"Everything was unknown, foreign to me but when I found you as the destination, that darkness became worthy." The power of his words left me speechless. His whispers totally intoxicated me.
Intensely, passionately, breathlessly. I forget the rest, I forget the world, I forget my own self; he existed and nothing else.
“I don’t remember the journey anymore, I remember the destination.”
He meant- he didn't know how it happen either but he couldn’t save himself from falling for me. He didn’t how, he only remembered that he fell.
A genuine smile appeared on my features when he kissed my hands before pulling away from me- though it was unfavorable on both our sides- but he moved back after his confession.
“Then say it, confess in all your senses that you love me. You are not denying. You accept that after all the denial you fell for me in the end… right?” I called him happily, holding his hand to grant me ecstasy.
Say one word- Yes.
“Ask me again another time.” But, with a husky chuckle, he pulled his hand away, pushing the hair beautifully kissing his forehead back.
“Why not now?” I frowned, dying to hear it loud and clearly from him but he refused but thankfully he didn’t deny.
“Because right now I cannot meet your eyes because of my deeds.” He sighed, turning his head away.
Trying to conceal his remorse but couldn’t but then I remembered, he didn’t look into my eyes when he confessed or cried either.
“Is that why you didn’t look into my eyes before too? Because you can’t?” I asked sadly, narrowing my eyes in compassion.
He couldn’t meet my gaze properly anymore… he was guilt-ridden.
“How can I love you when I am your culprit? How can I say ‘I love you’ when I cannot meet your eyes?” He snapped but it was directed to him, not me.
"Is that why you want me to scarred you this badly? For redemption?" I asked, mouth gaped in disbelief.
"Yes." He replied instantly, without thinking twice.
I thought it was only a punishment so he could bring us to an equal level and start over but it was all the weight he collected.
He wanted to release his pain.
That was when I realized he needed this punishment so badly. It was not only redeeming but ‘this’ was his solace.