It was late when people returned to Grimmauld Place after the Gala Dinner and we all migrated into the kitchen. Hermione, Minerva, and Dromeda excused themselves from any more revelries and retired to their bedrooms and I put up a series of Muffliatos around their rooms to avoid the noise disturbing them or Teddy and Fleur, who were happily oblivious to the party happening four floors below them.
It was, with a certain amount of nerves, that I caught eyes with Lucius. However, as he made to stand, Narcissa laid a hand on his arm and leant close to say something quietly to him. He sat back in his chair with a slight huff and it was Narcissa who rose to meet me and we headed away from the party and up to the Study. I didn't fail to notice that Draco was watching us leave with an immense amount of suspicion combined with concern written on his face.
The Portraits watched us pass but no one said anything. Iola retreated into the corner of the Study and began to play with the globe as she watched Narcissa warily.
'Severus, would you mind leaving us?' Narcissa said to the professor who had been dozing in his chair but became immediately alert when we entered the room.
Severus raised an eyebrow, watching me sit at my desk and Willow, who had followed me up, scramble up into my lap. I petted her as she settled. Narcissa took a chair opposite me, smoothing her forest-green ballgown as she sat. Still, Severus didn't move from his portrait.
'It's okay, Severus,' I said. 'Narcissa wants a private word. It's fine.'
'I'd prefer to stay,' Severus said calmly.
'As you wish,' she said. 'But this conversation remains private, between myself and Harry, it's not gossip for amongst bored portraits. That goes for you too, Iola...' she said to the ghost.
Iola bared her teeth in response.
'Would you like a drink, Narcissa?' I offered.
'Please.'
'Firewhisky?' I asked on a whim. Narcissa clearly wasn't messing and I had a feeling this 'talk' called for the strong stuff.
She didn't even bat an eyelid. 'Thank you. That would be appreciated.'
As we waited for Nettie to return with two glasses and the bottle, I noticed, compared to her husband earlier, how composed Narcissa looked, though she occasionally glanced at Severus who was watching her closely. Her face gave nothing away.
Once Nettie had left us and I'd poured us two snifters over ice from the unlabelled bottle, I waited for Narcissa to talk as she studied the contents of her glass momentarily. She swirled the amber liquid and ice cubes gently, took a sip and looked at me. I wondered if I saw sadness in her grey eyes.
'I'm given to understand that my son is gay,' she said quietly.
I hoped I managed to cover my surprise. 'I think, really, this is a conversation you should be having with Draco, not me.'
'Yes,' she said, 'I will. But I wanted to understand your situation, given that you have just publicly announced your own... you called it "Queerness"...'
'A generic term. But yes, I'm gay, Narcissa, and I don't wish to hide who I am and if I'm going to face more prejudice in this world I shall fight it with equal fervour.'
'How noble,' she muttered.
'Are you homophobic?' I asked bluntly.
She looked at me for a while and then said, 'I love my son. I want what's best for him—'
'A so-called normative Pureblood life? Arranged heterosexual marriages, children, what have you...' I stated carefully, not allowing my temper to rise because I wasn't sure where Narcissa was taking this conversation.
'I understand that would cause my son a lot of distress... is causing my son a lot of distress...'
I glanced at Severus who was sitting back in his chair, his fingers steepled in front of his stoic face. He quirked a questioning eyebrow at me briefly, suggesting he didn't know where this conversation was going either. We both returned to patiently watching Narcissa who was swirling her drink once more. Even Iola had stopped spinning her globe to listen.
'...I don't want to cause Draco anymore distress than he's gone through already. Perhaps it is a mother's pejorative. He is, after all, the most important person in my life, next to my husband. Yes, this is a conversation I need to have with him. And to answer your question, no, I'm not homophobic. It's not really something that I've encountered before, even though I knew of Sirius's and Remus Lupin's affair. A different generation, you see, people kept such things behind closed doors. Fear of persecution, as you succinctly talked about earlier... Your speech was very interesting on the matter, not just the narrow-minded views of the old Pureblood families, but about the philosophy of life in a wider sense. It's easy, isn't it, to focus on differences, make something of it, demean someone for that difference rather than look beyond it and see the person, see the individual, see the important things. It's incredibly egocentric if one thinks about it. I know I have been guilty of that in the past, I barely need to bring up our meeting in Madame Malkins some years ago when I was so rude to Ms Granger. Quite embarrassing behaviour on my part... I wonder if you have given far more tonight than you realise. I hope so, if people listen and try to understand, your words could have a far-reaching effect. They have with me for although I had already turned away from those thoughts when I saw the brutal reality... your words have fastened the acknowledgement that more change is still necessary.'
I smiled, 'if I've reached one person, then I've achieved something.'
'Perhaps you should be a politician?'
'Fuck no!' I exclaimed, followed quickly by, 'excuse my language.'
She smiled and said, 'you're very unconventional, Harry.'
'I try my best.'
She smiled. 'It's rather refreshing.'
There was another long pause as she studied her glass. I assumed she was trying to find her way into a rather uncomfortable conversation.
'Do you love Draco?' she said suddenly, looking at me seriously.
I returned her gaze, wondering if it was fair to be having this conversation without Draco despite what I'd declared to him about an allegiance before we left for the Gala Dinner.
'Yes,' I said, because there was no other answer to that question. I knew that feeling had crept up on me over the past few months but I also knew it to be true. Like Draco, I had fallen in love despite not intending to, especially not with Draco. What's more, I knew I loved Draco with every fibre of my body.
'And there isn't to be a formal union between the House of Potter and the Weasleys?'
I tried not to wrinkle my nose and I saw Severus sneer.
'No,' I said. 'They are my adoptive family, no more. I won't be marrying Gin, as many have assumed... or any of their brothers, for that matter.'
'Do you understand why the Old Families make our marriage alignments?'
'Financial strength and political unions. Oligarchy.'
'Yes and no. A true allegiance is not about money. It's never about money and not necessarily about controlling our society. It is about projections of the future. How will the family name be furthered? What fortune, as in success, will it bring? Even a change in fortune. Certain alignments can change the whole course of a name. There will be many people approaching you, going forward, do you realise that? Those who want to show their allegiance to the side of light.'
'Are you getting in there first?' I smiled.
She looked at me sharply. 'Perhaps I am.'
'Perhaps you should be talking to Draco about this, rather than me. What with it being his life that I assume you're trying to organise,' I said with a wry eyebrow-raise.
'But you're open to the discussions too.'
'I didn't say that. I said you ought to talk to your son first, to understand what he wants.'
'I will. But as I said, I want to understand your situation first.'
'And what of the Greengrasses? I know there's an agreement.'
She dismissed the concern with a silent huff of derision. 'Their position is precarious. The proposed engagement is more advantageous to them than it is to Draco. Negotiations started at a time when the Malfoys' future was considerably different and the Greengrasses have some associations that I know aren't fitting for the turnaround in the Malfoy name. Marcus Greengrass knows Lucius merely needs to find out about one slip-up on his part, one error of judgement, one wrong alliance, and the whole thing pisses away through his fingers.' She smirked slyly. 'Believe me, I have several that I could name without trying. And that's before I even get to Astoria. She is becoming more and more unappealing as the days go by, though she could grow out of this current phase; she's still young. Believe me when I say none of the Malfoys hold any loyalty towards the Greengrasses and that is key, for without loyalty, there cannot be love.' She paused pointedly.
I waited.
'Clearly, my husband's slate is not clean but our standing is stronger, it always has been. The Malfoy name and the name of Black still holds a certain amount of power, particularly now you are, officially, part of the Ancient and Noble House of Black. The work that Draco is doing increases in that aspect daily. His business association with you, more so, even though it is unofficial—was unofficial until tonight. If this Home Nations Championship succeeds, the family name is reborn into something far greater than Tom Riddle could ever have promised us. The Championship will not only be something that the public can get behind and enjoy, but it is altruistic. It is not about seeking fame or power, but that secondary greatness can certainly be seen as a reward for such hard work.'
'It will succeed,' I said.
'I believe you and Lucius are going to ensure that in whatever way you can from the background. And I will ensure that this remains Draco's business, Lucius can advise if needed but that is all... I understand you have talked Robert Ogden Jr into sponsorship.'
'Yes.'
'An old and reputable name. You realise that Ogdens have never put their name to anything, despite being approached many times over many years.'
'Yes.'
Narcissa continued to swirl the amber liquid around her glass, the ice clinking softly. 'It's a very pleasant blend.'
'It's not a blend, it's a single malt, aged in an old port cask. Twenty-one years. It's remarkable to think it's the same age as me,' I said, also swirling the whisky in my glass too and holding it up to the light to watch how the alcohol stuck to the side of glass. 'The cask gives it those subtle notes of nutmeg and red fruits and sweetens the burn.'
Narcissa raised an eyebrow.
'It was a gift from Mr Ogden, not on the market.'
She looked very impressed. 'You would make a better son-in-law than Astoria would make a daughter-in-law, just from your taste in Firewhisky. I happen to like Firewhisky.'
I shook my head in amusement. 'I heard. You are making a lot of assumptions on behalf of both of myself and Draco—'
'You said you love him—'
'I was bloody-well speaking for myself, not Draco. I won't assume my feelings are reciprocated unless he tells me himself—'
'But they clearly are—'
'He's told you that?'
'No.'
'So, according to whom?' I couldn't help glaring at Severus who was trying to look innocent.
I noticed that Iola had virtually merged into the bookshelves and was nearly invisible but she hadn't quite disappeared. Too captured by the conversation, I presumed. I stroked Willow in my lap who was blissfully unaware of any tension in the air and had rolled over for a tummy rub. It was surprisingly calming.
Narcissa snorted derisively again. 'I should think all 500 people at the Gala Dinner know after watching you both dance together—'
'That was a fault with my lack of experience in formal dancing—'
'That was entirely my son's expert manipulation of his dance partner so he ended up facing you during each alternating phase.'
I schooled my face to show no emotions but muttered, 'bloody Slytherins.' I looked at her and said, 'you do realise, Narcissa, that I won't agree to anything without Draco's involvement on the matter. Plus, there's the small matter that we're both only twenty-one—'
'These arrangements are often set up earlier. I was sixteen—'
'That's far too young and too early to be making formal commitments.'
'But you tentatively agree to an allegiance.'
'That's not what I said, don't try and twist the situation, Narcissa. Draco and I aren't even... an item—'
'Not officially.'
I looked at her suspiciously.
'I lived with the Dark Lord under my roof for two years, with his presence in our lives for longer. I learnt very quickly to read people, from my husband, to Riddle, to his various disgusting guests that he brought under my roof. I had to know how to respond at any given moment, normally to diffuse some very volatile situations. I know how to observe and read people, Harry, and that includes my own son. Especially my own son. I know when he is obsessed about certain things... or people... I know when he is or isn't wholly convinced by the course of life he's on... I know when he is desperately unhappy. I know when he lies even when he doesn't understand his own motives himself. I know his loyalties. And I know when you are at the centre of all of that. I have seen his very real happiness these past few months. I have also seen his frustration and his upset. And I also know that when you stand too close to him and he looks at you in a certain way before you drag him out of a room, despite it being filled with guests about to toast your birthday, that something is afoot. I'm not stupid, Harry... especially as, when you both returned, Draco was looking somewhat happier than he had since Dublin...'
I ignored the little smile Severus was failing to hide behind his steepled fingers.
Iola had reappeared and was listening avidly.
'You knew he lied at the Manor?' I said.
'Of course.'
'Have you discussed any of this with Lucius?'
'We have had a number of discussions about this since that point, more so recently, since you returned and he visited Grimmauld Place that first time.'
'And that's why you made the effort to come and get involved in the day here?'
'In part. I won't lie. I know the future is brighter if we Malfoys ingratiate ourselves with you.'
'That makes you very difficult to trust because I sense you're using me for my name. What stops you fucking off if someone comes along who you consider to be a better offer?'
'Do you really think there will be a better option than you?'
'Did you ever think the same thing about Tom Riddle?'
She didn't even pause, 'no. Riddle was never the best option; he was simply an option at the time. So, no.'
'No?'
'Never. Riddle promised my husband an awful lot. He promised Lucius the world... but, deep down, I doubted it. I understood they were always empty promises. Lucius did too, at heart. You know Lucius didn't go looking for him between the wars.'
'I remember Voldemort having a right old go at Lucius about it in the graveyard. Proper bloody shaming...'
'Yes. He was good at that. Considered Lucius spineless. He was wrong. But that was because he didn't understand people and that individual's motivations didn't always align with his. He used draconian power and fear to gain fidelity from his followers. Never a successful strategy: callous and sadistic regimes are often toppled by resistance from within as much as by rebellion by the oppressed. So, despite Lucius being one of his inner circle; even his right-hand man for a while, before he was usurped...' she glanced at Severus and gave him a knowing smile. '...Lucius was never completely loyal to the man. Only those who were truly loyal searched for him. They're the ones who willingly died for him, who would have bent over and let him fuck them, if that's what he wanted,' she sneered in disgust. 'I know some of his followers did exactly that, I hardly need to mention my sister's name in that quarter. Or her sadistic husband, for that matter.'
She briefly touched the arm of the chair, rubbing the material absentmindedly as if it offered her some comfort, and I waited for her to continue.
'Neither Lucius or I were prepared to die for his cause but we had allowed ourselves to follow empty lies until it was too late to extract ourselves. Perhaps that's why Riddle stripped Lucius of his power in the end. He must have seen that Lucius wasn't completely loyal... Harry, I understand your mistrust. We deserve that, without question. I would be inclined to argue that if we truly believed in his cause, I would not have helped you and we, as a family, would not be pursuing a different trajectory in life now, though I can see some might see that as us trying to save our own skins.'
'You know I don't see you or Draco in that light. You know what I've told the Wizengamot and the Press,' I said.
She paused and took a drink, slowly savouring the taste before continuing. 'Yes. And I thank you for it.'
'So,' I said carefully. 'You are after an allegiance between the Potter, Black, and Malfoy names?'
'Clearly,' she smiled winningly.
'And I'm a better prospect for Draco than Astoria Greengrass? Even though I'm a man?'
'Clearly,' she repeated.
'What's in it for me?' I teased. I leant back in my arm chair and waited.
She raised a disapproving eyebrow. 'My son...'
'Obviously,' I said slowly and caught Severus smirking.
'Love...' she said with her sense of surety. 'You've just announced to the world that's the one thing you value in life—'
'The love needs to be two ways...' I said with a raised eyebrow.
'There's something you should know that may perhaps help you understand my desire for a permanent allegiance with you. The subject of loyalty is very relevant. There is a Black family motto, did Sirius ever share it with you?'
'Not beyond the Toujours Pur crap,' I said.
'Not that one,' she sneered. 'The other one?'
I shook my head.
'Of course, we Blacks don't share it outside those in the family, though I thought he might initiate you into the family with it. I made a choice to instil it into Draco from an early age... though perhaps it is only recently that he has come to understand it's true meaning. It is a motto that's bred into us from birth behind closed doors: Nemo Black Fidem Emere Potest. Translation: no one can buy Black loyalty. No one. Buying loyalty doesn't work anymore than threatening it out of people, that was Lucius's mistake with the Goyles and Crabbes, even the Dark Lord himself. Hence, there is a second part of the motto: Ut Meruit. It must be earned. And once earnt, Harry, it is near-impossible to break.'
I waited for the big reveal, Narcissa had that sense of drama about her as she sat in front of me in her theatrical ballgown and with her Firewhisky.
'Harry, foremost, my husband and son come above all else. They have my loyalty. And with that comes my love. For what can one be without the other? I would willingly have killed Tom Riddle for what he put Draco through. Riddle never saw that, otherwise he would have questioned my decree in the Forbidden Forest that night. I'd had two years in Malfoy Manor, watching, waiting... simmering... To Mark my son in Lucius's absence was unforgiveable. To give him those tasks: worse. Riddle humiliated my family in our own home to intimidate and control us; he never understood that simmering revenge is a dangerous weapon, did he, Severus?'
Severus harrumphed from his portrait. But, of course, Narcissa wasn't privy to our private conversation and my views on such matters.
I took a sip from my glass. She was captivating. She was also rather scary and I wanted to know where all this was leading. I stroked Willow again, feeling restless. What I wanted, more than anything, was to go and find Draco.
'Riddle didn't care to think about such things; he was too caught up in his own narcissism to worry about whether those closest to him were truly loyal. He just wanted our money and our home; he didn't care for our loyalty or respect. The point is,' she said looking at me seriously, 'he underestimated the importance of loyalty. You, clearly, have earnt my son's loyalty. You did so a long time ago. Do you understand what that means? Do you understand that he has made a commitment to stand by your side, no matter what...? No matter the danger he puts himself in, even if it means standing up to his father and lying about your identity or standing by your side during an apparently losing battle against a Dark Lord and his army of a thousand Death-Eaters, including his own parents. Or giving you his wand in the middle of a blood bath and leaving himself defenceless. Do you understand what that means for him?' She paused and looked at me before declaring calmly, 'and, three years ago, I followed my son's lead. Just as Sirius did. Just as Andromeda has. Just as your portraits have... The Blacks have put their loyalty in Harry Potter.'
I wanted to laugh. Perhaps it was the drink making me feel bold. 'Am I supposed to feel indebted or something...?'
She looked a little put out.
'You old families have glorious egos, Narcissa. I like you, I really do. Especially after everything you've been through. You're a remarkable woman... But, if it came to making an allegiance with the Malfoy name, this isn't about you and your loyalty, or even trusting you. I respect the help you've given me and I want us to be friends going forward. Life is better that way. But I won't promise you anything. And I won't enter into negotiations with you about my future. That isn't personal, it won't happen with anyone. It's non-negotiable. My path with whoever it may be will take a natural course and I will marry for love, nothing less and nothing more. And, if Draco were free to choose for himself, and if anything happens between me and Draco; those sorts of decisions about allegiances are between him and me. No one else. Based on a mutual commitment. I will not have my future mapped out on an arrangement just for the sake of creating a powerful union between Ancient Houses for the benefit of anyone else other than me and Draco—'
'And your offspring?'
I raised an eyebrow and ignored the comment. 'I certainly don't want pledges of allegiance or loyalty, or people throwing themselves on their knees before me. I don't want the world, and I won't promise it to anyone else either.'
'I believe you,' she said quietly, studying her glass again. 'Perhaps that is why I'm so willing to align with you. It's your integrity, Harry. I'm sure Severus would agree when I say I don't think anyone can turn away from that once they've seen it as the only way forward.'
She looked to him but Severus remained stoically still, his fingers still steepled in front of his face. Possibly because of our previous conversation. I watched Narcissa visibly slump. Not much, but just enough for me to notice. I wondered if this was how Marcus Greengrass felt, being at the poor end of a negotiation. If I married, it would not be because Narcissa Malfoy or Walburga Black wanted a union between names. That would be a secondary benefit.
She sighed. 'But you do love him? You've said as much.'
'Yes. But I've also told you there's nothing official between us and it's too early to be making declarations like that to each other, let alone publicly.'
She nodded slowly. 'I understand your point about marrying for love. Though, in the right match, love grows if nurtured correctly. However, I fully accept it when you say this is between you and Draco alone. I won't try and turn you away from that course or push you into marriage if it's not what either of you want. Though please don't forget what I've said about Draco's loyalty; that is one of the best foundations for you both. I won't interfere beyond clearing the way for you. It is easily done. Astoria has already been warned regarding bandying my husband's name about to gain certain favours in life. Naivety on her part but she is turning into one of those entitled people who think they can flash their name, make empty promises relating to fickle popularity, and equate that to getting a free lunch in return. The latest was at one of my favourite restaurants last weekend.'
I raised an eyebrow. 'As much as he's always been proud of his name, I can't imagine that going down well with Draco either,' I muttered.
'No. She made an absolute embarrassment of herself, and by extension, my family.'
Severus was sneering from his portrait. 'I warned Lucius that she was an unsuitable match.'
'Lucius isn't always very good at listening, but I'm educating him. I warned him not to get mixed up with Riddle. I also told him Draco could do better than Astoria Greengrass.'
'You haven't actually said what Lucius thinks in all this.'
'He thinks he should listen to our son.'
'Or have you have told him that's what he needs to do?' I questioned with a small smile.
'Now you understand people,' she said with a returned smile.
It was then that there was a knock on my Study door.
***