Maddison's POV:
There was a lot on my mind recently with taking care of my mother's medication, sleep schedule, and attending to her bedside needs. So when Hayden was pulling me out of the house to go grocery shopping, I was sort of caught off guard. I had still been pushing him away, numerous times this month, after I found out about my mother's illness.
And even though we shared a moment on the couch a few nights ago, that didn't really mean all was well in the world.
We head to the grocery store in silence, as I'm looking out the window and Hayden is staring at the road. It's time like these where I wonder what's going on in that man's mind. And I wondered if he did the same for me. I looked over at him, ready to ask him why I'm being pulled away from my mother for no reason. He could have gotten groceries by himself, why did he need me to go with him?
"Don't look at me like that" Hayden said, as my eyes narrowed and lingered on his face.
The olive tone in his skin, the chestnut brown waves in his hair, the crystal blue specks in his eyes of ocean blue. His muscular arms holding the steering wheel, as he turns the car into the grocery parking lot.
"I just want to know, why you're dragging me out of the house" I said, folding my arms and eyeing the windshield.
"Maddie, when was the last time you even left the house to do something for you. Besides pick up your mother's medication and head to doctor's appointments for the baby?" he asked, as I went to open my mouth, thinking of a sarcastic remark to throw at him.
But nothing came to mind.
Sure, he was right, I was getting a little bit obsessive over my mother's medication and the baby's health. But I was tense these days, and I could feel it in my body. I sighed, rubbing my shoulder, as he parked the car.
"Just come grocery shopping with me and at least pretend you are having a good time" he said, making me laugh.
He grinned, as I rolled my eyes and unbuckled my seat belt. Hayden then jumped out, running to the other side of the car to help me out safely.
"I can do it Hayden" I said,
"just take my hand Maddie" he said, as I do so, and he pulls me to my feet on the concrete.
We walk inside the grocery store, as I wait for him to find a cart. My mother usually made a list for me to follow, but I came here so unexpectedly, I don't even know what we're getting.
"Don't worry, I got us covered" Hayden said, taking out his phone, as I watched him open his notes app.
"Okay first things first, milk" he said, as he pushes the cart towards the dairy section and I follow.
When we fill up the cart with a few more items on his list, we're walking past the baby food aisle.
"Wait" I said, as Hayden stops pushing the cart and looks towards me.
"See something you like?" he asked, as he turned the cart around.
"I just wanna walk down this aisle first, I'll catch up with you" I said, as he looks down the baby aisle and smiles.
"Okay, I'll be in the meat section" he said, as I nod.
When he pushes the cart past me, I head down the aisle. Gazing at the baby food, bibs, toys, and pacifier's. My hand finds my stomach, as I smile at all the baby items in front of me.
Fear washed over me, cause now my mother wasn't going to be here anymore to help me on the journey of parenthood. And I was still trying to come to terms with how I felt about Hayden being in our daughter's life, as well as my life. I don't know where he fits yet. And I also didn't know if I saw a future with him yet. It wasn't like it was difficult though, to picture him as a father with our daughter.
Cause now he's more like a friend in my eyes, but I was nervous for what was to come. All I knew was that I needed my daughter to have everything. Anything less than that would never be enough.
I turned a little to abruptly, causing me to almost run into another women, looking down the same aisle as me.
"Oh my gosh! I am so-" I started, before locking eyes with the girl in front of me and feeling the wind get knocked out of me.
"Kristen? Kristen Keller?" I asked, seeing her brunette straight hair resting on her shoulders and growing past her breasts, a black blouse covering her torso, but her bulging baby bump was bigger than mine, and pointing towards me. Her hair was side parted, with bangs covering her left eye, as she jerked her head, causing her bangs to bounce backwards out of her face. And dark wash denim jeans hugging her hips, as they clung to her legs.
She still looked as beautiful as I remember, but now even more stunning. Aging like fine wine even with a baby growing inside of her. I could feel my insecurities screaming at me, as I looked at her face and her body. And within seconds jealousy was creeping into my thoughts.
"Wait a minute.. Manson? wow.. is that you?" she asked, holding a few cans of baby food in her hands. As I nodded slowly, looking into her green eyes. Her fair skin tone complimenting her pink cherry balm lips.
"Small town huh?" she asked, putting the baby food down in a small cart she was holding, and pulling me in for a hug.
"I can't believe you're here, and you're pregnant!" she says, pulling away from me after our quick awkward embrace.
"Uh yeah.. I can't believe you are too!" I said, as she forced a smile at me.
"How far along are you?" she asked, rubbing her stomach.
"Six months" I said, as she grinned.
"Wow I'm eight months! yeah, this kicker is coming out real soon" she said, looking down at her stomach with a warm smile.
"Babe! there you are!" a man's voice says behind her, as she turns to face him.
A short black haired with brown eyes man, heads down this aisle and to our direction. As I am assuming this is her husband.
"Oh! sorry honey, I told you I was grabbing the baby food for Jessica." she said, as he stands next to her.
"Baby, you can't be carrying so much, you're almost due! remember what the doctor said!?" this man says, as he takes the cart from her and puts it on his arm.
"Babe I'm fine! don't worry about me!" she says, eyeing him flirtatiously, as he rolls his eyes playfully.
"That's all I do" he says, as they kiss. Making me feel uncomfortable.
I think they forgot I was standing here. I clear my throat to remind them, causing Kristen to pull away from his kiss.
"Oh wow, how rude of me.. sorry Manson, this is my husband Dalton." she said, as he sticks his hand out for me to shake.
"It's nice to meet you.. Manson?" he asked, as I laughed.
"Maddison, but my friend's call me Maddie" I said, as he nods with a smile.
Her husband was handsome, with his endearing brown eyes and charismatic smile.
I was happy for her.
"So who are you here with?" Kristen asked, as Dalton puts an arm around her waist.
"I- um.." I start, before seeing Kristen look behind me and I watch as her eyes widen.
I turn to follow her gaze, watching as Hayden pushes a grocery cart down this aisle, right towards us.
"Kristen?" he asked, as her mouth is slightly agape.
"Hayden?" she asked, as Dalton looks at his wife with a confused look. I'm guessing she never told him about Hayden. Interesting.
Hayden stops the cart near me and pulls Kristen into a hug, as she hugs him back with just as much eagerness.
"I can't believe this!" Hayden says, pulling away from her and looking at her up and down.
"I'm Hayden, nice to meet you" he says too Dalton, as he shakes his hand slowly.
"I'm Kristen's husband, Dalton" he says sternly, and I can tell he feels threatened by him. Which makes me chuckle.
"Wow for how long?" Hayden asked, standing next to me.
"Three years now" Kristen said, as I can see Hayden's face redden.
"Wow" Hayden says, with an exasperated laugh.
He's hurt.. I can tell. And I don't know why, but that slightly hurts me.
"I'm really happy for you Kristen. This is what you've always wanted. A family" Hayden says, as she smiles.
"Well actually I wanted a commitment, but that's what comes along with a family. Am I right?" she asked, as I forced a laugh and Dalton was silent.
Hayden was silent too but he forced a smile, before it vanished quickly.
"Wait.. who are you?" Dalton asked Hayden, as Kristen laughs.
"Aw honey, I'm sorry, this is my ex high school / college boyfriend Hayden Hiddleton" Kristen said, as Dalton nods.
"Oh" he says, as Hayden nods.
"And I'm Kristen's-" I start, before she cuts me off.
"friend from high school too" she says, as I'm stunned she just interrupted me.
Then there's an awkward silence.
"Are you two here together?" Dalton asked, as Hayden and I shared a glance.
"She's carrying my child, but we're not in a relationship" Hayden said, very suddenly.
"Oh wow.. you and Manson? what happened? did you two break up?" Kristen asked, and I didn't feel comfortable telling her. We aren't actually friends.
"It's a long story" Hayden said, as Kristen nods.
"Well, we should get going.. it was nice meeting you two" Dalton said, pulling his wife out of the aisle.
"It was nice meeting you too, great seeing you Kristen! take care!" Hayden shouts, as she waves.
When they leave the aisle, Hayden turns and pushes the cart down the other end of the aisle. And I scurry to him. Trying to catch up.
"Well that was awkward" I said, but he remained quiet.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked, as he sighs.
"I'm fine" he says, while we walk past the fruits.
Once we head through check out and bring the bags of groceries to the car, Hayden doesn't say a word. Before he closes the trunk and helps me into my passenger seat. After he closes my door, he sits in his seat with a sigh.
"Are you sure you're okay? cause you haven't said a word since we spoke to Kristen and Dalton" I said, as I twiddle my thumbs.
"I'm happy for them, I am Maddie. She found a commitment with someone else, and got the life she wanted. I guess I'm just hoping someday I can do the same thing." he said, as he starts up the car and pulls out of the grocery store parking lot.
I grab his hand and entwine my fingers with his, "you will find it" I said, as he looks at our hands and then over at me with a smile. I reciprocate that smile, before peering out the window.
"Seeing Kristen married to someone else, literally a year after we broke up. And now she has this whole family. I don't know, it just made me realize all of things I don't have. And now I feel like maybe I'm missing out" he said, and I understood all of this. Cause I felt it too when I saw her.
Was he starting to open up to me?
"I like when you're honest with me about how you feel. It makes me feel closer to you." I said, as he looks at me with such an intense look, it makes my heart swell.
"Well, I like when you listen to how I feel. And when you ask me if I'm okay, it makes me feel like you genuinely care about me. I don't get that from anyone else." he says, as he kisses the back of my hand and it makes my stomach flutter.
"We should compliment each other more often" I said with a smile, as he nods.
"I'd like that" he says, eyeing the road with a smirk on his face.
When we make it back the house, I start to grab a few of the grocery bags before he stops me.
"What are you-" I start, as he takes the bags out of my hands.
"I'll get the bags, you go inside and check on your mother" he says, as I sigh with a smile.
"Hayden, it's fine.. I'm not gonna tumble over if I carry one or two bags" I said, as he shakes his head.
"I'm not taking any chances" he says, as I fold my arms at him.
"We're not arguing about this" he says, as I roll my eyes and head towards the front door.
The place is so dark, even though it's only mid afternoon and there's plenty of sun outside.
"Hello?" I ask, trying to find a light switch.
And when I do, I am caught off guard by my friends and my mother screaming, "SURPRISE!".
I scream in fear, making them giggle, as I look around to see pink balloons and cake with blue and yellow ribbons on it reading: it's a girl!. Another giant banner with: "it's a girl!" on it. And plenty of gift bags and goodie bags laid out on the counter tops and coffee table.
"Aw.. you guys! you shouldn't have!" I said, feeling my eyes well up with tears, as I see my friends wearing matching shirts that were pink and white baby tees reading: "it's a girl, let's celebrate!" on them.
"Happy baby shower day" Laurie yelled, as they blew kazoos towards me, making me laugh and beam with joy.
Hayden comes through the door behind with bags, as I turn towards him.
"Did you know about this?" I asked, as he smiled and nodded.
"Wait.. this is why you dragged me to the grocery store?" I asked, as he continues to nod.
"We needed you to leave for a bit, so we could set this all up!" Melody said, as she checks something on her list and then walks over to group hug me with the rest of my friends.
"Come in! let's celebrate!" Loren says, as Hayden carries in the rest of the groceries.
Moments later, I'm wearing a crown that reads: "it's a girl!" on it as I'm opening gifts.
"Laurie helped me pick it out" Loren said, as I pulled out a pink and white onesie for my daughter. Making me tear up with joy, as I hug her.
"Thank you, I know she'll love it" I said, as Loren nodded into my shoulder.
"Open mine!" Sam says, as she hands me a box to open.
"Don't shake it!" everyone says, once I was about to do so. I then open it, to see a small glass tea set.
"I always wanted a glass tea set when I was younger. And now I want my goddaughter to have one too" Sam said, as I pouted.
"You guys I am too emotional for this" I said, making them laugh.
As I hugged Sam. "Thank you, she'll love it" I said, holding her.
Moments later, we're playing baby games, practicing how to change diapers, feeding baby alive dolls, and swaddling babies in blankets. I'm laughing and enjoying myself like no other with my best friends, before I catch Hayden and my mother talking about something serious in the kitchen.
"So you called your dad to tell him about your mother's cancer, and he didn't even bother to pick up his own phone?" Sam asked, as she was feeding a doll.
"Well, she said she heard a shower running in the back, so he was probably busy" Melody said, as I swaddled a baby doll.
"Um, I am sorry, but if my daughter calls me for the first time in I don't know how many years. I am leaping out of that shower and answering my phone" Sam said, as I smiled at her.
"Anyways, forget your father. How is your mother doing?" Loren asked, as I sighed.
Looking back over at her, as she takes her pills, her hair had been falling out recently, so she was wearing a bandanna on her head.
"She's strong, she's hanging on for as long as she can. I'm hoping she makes it to the birth of her granddaughter. But I feel like that might be pushing things." I said, as Laurie put her hand on my shoulder.
"That's not pushing things, don't be afraid to hope for it Maddie. Like you said, she's strong. She can beat this." Laurie said, as I nodded,
"So.. how are you and Hayden?" Melody asked, wiggling her eyebrows, as everyone giggled.
I threw a blanket at her, as she catches it before it hits her face.
"We're good. He's starting to talk to me more about how he feels. We ran into Kristen today at the store-" I start, as they gasp.
"You did what?!?" Laure yells, as they shush her, cause the outburst caused Hayden and my mother to look in our direction.
I tell them all about running into Kristen again, and she still looks absolutely drop dead gorgeous. I mentioned how Hayden and I met Dalton and how we found out she was pregnant with her second child. They literally couldn't stop gasping. Which made me laugh.
"HAYDEN SAID WHAT?" Sam whisper yelled, as I told them about me and Hayden's conversation in the kitchen last week.
I laughed turning red, as Sam was covering her mouth, looking over at Hayden.
"Girl, how did you not jump his bones on that counter top, right then and there?!" Loren asked, as I laughed even harder.
"My mother walked in! what was I suppose to do? pretend she wasn't there?!" I asked, as Melody and Laurie laughed hysterically.
"I like Hayden, but only as a friend. But that's it.. we're just really good friends now." I said, as Sam rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, friends who wanna sleep together" she says, making the girls laugh as my eyes widened at her.
"Maybe.." I said, causing me to chime in on their laughter.
"But really, it feels good to be in a place where I feel comfortable enough to call him that. He's someone I can rely on. And that's good for the baby." I said, as they agree with me.
"This is so disgusting" Sam says, as she opens her baby alive's diaper to see the food she was feeding her inside, as we laugh.
While the shower was dying down, and everyone was eating Hayden's taco casserole. Some of us ate a slice of cake, as I saw my mother sitting on the porch, staring at the sunset. I opened the sliding door, joining her outside.
"Why are you out here all alone?" I asked, as I closed the sliding door behind me.
"I like the quietness of the waves.. it's peaceful" she says softly, as I sit next to her on the swinging chair, as she cradles me.
"I left the house in your name Maddison, I want you to raise your family here. And if you care about Hayden in the way I think you care about Hayden, you need to tell him that." she says, as I look up at her, as I lay on her chest.
"I'm not entirely sure how badly he wants our daughter or me for that matter. Sure, he thinks I'm beautiful and throws compliments my way all the time. But I know I deserve to be with a guy who thinks I am so much more. And I'm not so sure if that guy is Hayden." I said, laying down and looking at the waves.
"Maddie, don't force it" she said, but then I'm thinking about her.
"I just still don't understand why you never dated anyone. After dad left." I said, as she sighs.
"Maddie, I didn't want your childhood to be a never ending line of boyfriends. And then to have you questioning which one was going to be your father next?. That never sat right with me. You are my one true love Maddison, so I never needed to go looking for it. It's be here all along." she says, as tears spill out of my eyes and I'm holding her dearly in my arms.
"I can see that you are falling for Hayden, but it scares you. So you are constantly denying your feelings and denying him. You need to stop this Maddie. Your child needs her father in her life. Don't deny her of that." she says, as I nod.
She then sits up, grabbing a bag for me, and placing it in my grasp. I open it to see a knitted blanket inside, as I pull it out and hold it to my chest.
"She'll sleep with it every night" I said, as my mother kissed my forehead, as we watched the sunset together.
The funeral for my mother was a few weeks later, and she passed away in her sleep within one innocent night. My father never returned my calls about her cancer, and he never showed to the funeral. My friends and Hayden's friends were there for me though, and so was Hayden himself. I spoke a few words at the funeral, but I kept on getting choked up, when I saw my mother's casket laying there in front of me.
I needed my father the most and he never even showed.
I started to lose count of how many angry voicemails I left him these last few days. I really couldn't believe him right now. Once we headed back to the beach house for the wake, I hid in my mother's room, where I held the knitted blanket my mother made and I cried.
After a few minutes, Hayden knocks on the door, and opens it slowly, seeing me laying on her bed, clutching the blanket.
"I just need to be alone right now Hayden" I said, sniffling.
"Maddie, I know your dad didn't make it. But I don't want to be the next person who doesn't show up for you when you need them the most." he said, making my heart skip.
He comes into the room, closing the door behind him, as he walks over to my bedside and sits at the foot. There's silence between us, as I cry into my blanket. After a few moments, Hayden lays down next to me, as we stare at the ceiling together.
"I had a sister" he starts, as I look over at him with a frown.
"Had?" I asked, as he closes his eyes and sighs, and it seems like he's never said this to anyone before.
"Her name was Mira, she died in a car accident" he says slowly, as my breath hitches.
"Oh my gosh, Hayden I'm so sorry" I said, taking his hand to comfort him.
But he doesn't allow me too, which slightly pains me.
"Would you still feel sorry for me.. if I told you it was my fault?" he asked, but I didn't believe this for one second.
"I was in the driver's seat that day, my sister was sitting in the passenger seat, and I was driving us back from her soccer game. She was telling me about the score she just made, even though she was the goalie on the team. We were laughing and I was teasing her, telling her she couldn't score if she was the goalie and she's so full of it" Hayden says, and I liked how his eyes glistened when he talks about her.
"Gosh, she was beautiful.. and so smart, kind and freaking hilarious. She never failed to make me laugh. Even though she was always getting me into trouble with her clever ideas and outrageous plans for a life of adventure she always talked about. Soccer was just a hobby for her, she didn't want to be a professional soccer player in the future. She wanted to travel the world. She wanted us to go back packing through the grand canyon one day. And I promised her I would. When she graduated high school. But that day, we were having such a great time." he said, before he takes a deep breath and I reach for his hand again.
This time he allows me to hold it, before continuing the story.
"Until we got into a fight about her quitting the team and sneaking off to travel the world with this guy she met. She told me our plans to travel the world together were over, and she was tired of me throwing my life away, because I wanted to live up to my parent's expectations of me. I was angry with her for thinking that was what I was doing. But I mostly hated that she was right, and then I'm swerving off the road because I merged into the wrong lane. And Mira's screaming at me to stop the car." Hayden said, as a tear escaped his eye, and he wipes it away.
"Oh Hayden.." I said, as he shakes his head.
"She was killed instantly" he croaks, covering his eyes with his hands as he wipes his tears.
"After my sister died, my father became a dead beat. And my mother started occupying her time with working two jobs. All of this happened before I met you" he said, as I listened.
"I started to think maybe the reason why my mom worked so much was so she could distract herself from her grief. That was the main reason why I turned to basketball. I wanted them to be proud of me, I wanted to get my father off the couch and come to one of my games. At least to watch me play. Cheer me on. But he never did. My father never even so much as helped around the house, he always left my mother to pick up the slack." he said, as he held my hand, drawing imaginary circles to distract himself from the pain.
"My dad never cared much for my basket ball games, and eventually my mom just couldn't make it cause she was taking care of the bills and household on her own. Then somehow along the way, I started to fall in love with every aspect of basketball. The team became my family, and my friends, they cheered me on. They were always there on the court doing so when I scored or won the game for us. I loved that. So I loved the game." he said, as there was an ache in my heart for him.
"The reason why I'm telling you all of this, is because I wanted you to know.. you're not alone in your grief. Yes, it might be different than mine. But I understand the loss of a family member. Hell, I practically grieved my whole family, after Mira died. But I'm here for you. And I'll always be here for you. Because I wish someone was there for me when I was grieving Mira. But you're my family now. you and our baby." He says, making me tear up, as he pulls me closer to me.
I was terrified in this moment, cause I realized the closer I grew with Hayden the more I felt myself falling for him. The way he would make my heart race, or my hands shake, and the more I felt myself falling for him, the more I kept finding reasons to forgive him for the past. I didn't want to convince myself that he's changed.
Or that he had the right to justify his actions from then.
But I also didn't want to hate him just to hate him, I want to honor my mother's dying wish. Because she was right, my daughter needed her father.