Thursday
For the first time in three days, Skylar was able to sleep without any disturbances, in her own room. To be honest, she couldn't even remember getting up to her bedroom and falling asleep. She guessed it was just the fatigue working its way in her system.
At seven in the morning, even without the assistance of an alarm clock, her eyes slid open to the morning light. Her lips quirked into a soft smile when her skin was bathed in the warmth of the morning sunlight and the glow of the white washed trees. She heaved a pleased sigh before rolling onto her back and stretching her limbs to the maximum to get rid of the kinks and cricks.
She didn't allow herself any time to wonder why exactly she was able to sleep so soundly last night. A part of her knew but she'd be dead before she acknowledge it. Hence, she let it pass and went along with her morning routine.
She moaned in satisfaction when the warm water hit her naked skin, washing away whatever germs and dirt that decided to lodge themselves on her skin during the night. She washed herself thoroughly before stepping out of the shower and wrapped herself in a comfortable fleece bathrobe.
Upon changing into a comfortable long sleeve fleece shirt and a pair of thermal jeans, she retrieved Dog's leash from the study and went downstairs to put on her winter gear. Dog was more than elated that he would finally get his morning walk after missing it for two days.
Once outside, she couldn't be gladder that insomnia had decided to pass on her last night. She truly missed the sunup fresh air where everything was just brighter and crispier. The snow felt crunchier under her boots and the trees just seemed more lively. She patted Dog's head before beginning their walk down the path.
Apparently, the saying 'early bird gets the worm' was true because she could hear the winged creatures everywhere. Some were flying above her; some were perched on the trees to her right; some to her left; there were even some halted on the path, pecking the pebbles for worms, probably. They were eventually chased away by an eager Dog.
In spite of the chirps and whooshes of tiny wings, she found serenity and tranquility in her surroundings. She wished Ethan was awake to experience this. He probably would be scowling for the first five minutes but she couldn't imagine anyone not reacting positively to this kind of harmony, so he would probably then started to realize exactly how uplifting it could be and the scowl would vanish, replaced by a reluctant smile and awe. And then, as they watched Dog's antics of prancing around and chasing his own tail, he would laugh and find himself enjoying the morning.
Skylar came to an abrupt halt, which subsequently led to Dog choking on his leash momentarily before he started to circle her as if he could sense her trouble. Not that she would be able to see it, because she was utterly in a world of her own.
Her gaze were settled upon nothing. Her mind's eye had taken over her vision. Images consisting her illusions of Ethan joining her morning walks invaded her inner thoughts like the images on an age-old film roll. The sounds of his voice, his laugh, the crunches under his heavy footsteps, the rustle of his clothes rubbing together; they simultaneously joined the images, creating a short movie in her own mind.
She could even picture herself laughing along with him and rejoining him in his lame jokes. She could see herself linking arms with him and walking with him like there were no worries in the world and they were in their own little universe.
All these instilled the fear of god in her. They froze her to her core. She wasn't supposed to be envisioning this sort of delusions, but alas, she was. And she was shaking from it all.
A nudge to her lower leg slammed her back into the real world and the sounds in her head were once again replaced by the voice of nature. She cast her gaze downwards to see Dog sniffing her boots. Her eyes shifted over a little to see a patch of yellow fading into the snow at the bottom of a tree.
She smiled and patted her dog again before resuming her walk. She found that the frozen lake was no longer frozen as she reached the end of the path. Her feet were rooted to the ground as she stared ahead at the shimmering lake.
Ethan had promised her that he would coach her in swimming against her wishes. She shivered at the thought of swimming, yet she also found herself marginally thrilled at the thought of him coaching her.
God, what was happening to her?
She stroked the top of her neatly tied hair with her free hand and exhaled in distress. She was starting to accept her more than platonic feelings for Ethan, but this - the delusions of them being happy together - was too far. They were ridiculous and no doubt impossible. She was sure of it.
Ethan and her were people of two entirely different worlds. They were the opposite ends of a magnet pole. He belonged to the high profile, the business-oriented and money driven clique. She belonged to this: small town and friendly and not entirely greedy. She would surely spiral if she ever had a chance to experience his world.
The fact that he was here, that he needed a break from his own world so much so that he made a spontaneous decision to book a room at her cabin, was proof enough that she most certainly did not belong in his world.
She made a deliberate shake with her head and stomped her foot just a little, determined that she would not, under any circumstances, get into something more than a friendship with Ethan Boyd. It was for his own good, even if it was at the cost of her own however temporary happiness.
**
She knew he was awake because she could hear him singing in the shower again. She told herself once again that she would stand her ground and would not weaken her defenses against his freaking charming smiles and looks and beautiful face. No.
Skylar immersed herself into the book she hadn't been able to finish for the past two weeks because a certain someone had been distracting. Nevertheless, his singing still managed to beat on her eardrums and invade her inner peace. Instead of losing focus, she allowed his baritone harmonize with her mind and surprisingly, she found herself able to read and enjoy his singing simultaneously.
She quietly patted herself on the back with a proud smile.
"What's funny?"
Skylar jumped with a distasteful surprised snort, the page she was reading horribly crumpled by her sudden movement. She turned towards the direction of the staircase where Ethan was staring at her with an amused smirk.
He playfully winced as his lips extended into a full blown shit eating grin. "Sorry." He did not sound sorry at all.
She groaned at him, marginally annoyed. She shut the book, knowing she wouldn't be able to read any further for now and uncurled her legs from beneath her, setting the book on the coffee table. She stood up and headed into the kitchen, Ethan tailing her.
"I see you woke up on time today," he commented.
She nodded, sitting down at her seat.
"I assume you had a good night's sleep?" He just wouldn't give up.
"The best," she deadpanned.
He shot her a coy look for a moment before smiling with a tame nod. "Good."
She stared at him, frowning since she noticed the look he gave her. She observed as he ate and made noises of appreciation as he usually did. For some reason, that mysterious smile was still stuck on his face. The curiosity emerged its ugly claws but she chose to disregard it, deciding that she did not want to know.
She finished her food before he did so she dumped her dishes in the sink for him to do it before making her way to her study. She figured she should check up on letters and statements she'd received over the week since she still had time before she had to go to the bookstore.
And she also wasn't sure if she could keep looking at him without jumping him.
She stopped short when she saw the newspaper-wrapped gift that she had so carelessly tossed on the desk last night because she was in a hurry to head to John's place. She took it and carefully tore the wrapping open to see the inside. Her eyes widened in shock when she saw the content.
The book was solid and light in her hands, all 288 pages of it printed with words she yearned to read and absorb. The cover was silver in the backdrop, a girl swinging on a swing and the titled read: Thirteen Reasons Why, a novel by Jay Asher.
Skylar expired a disbelieving chortle, her fingers touching each letter of the title as if they were the most treasured things on earth. She'd been craving this book for months, always pestering Adam and Adam Sr to stock up on it so she could purchase one for herself.
"We will, Skylar," they would say but they'd never do it. She didn't know how many times she got excited whenever there's new stock and then be let down again when she saw nothing.
She felt a protruding of sort when she held the book in her hands and she frowned. Then she opened it, flipping the pages until she saw something slipped between the middle. She took it out and saw that it was a folded piece of purple colored paper. Adam's familiar handwriting was scribbled across the very front page.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet - Aristotle. She rolled her eyes at that. Then she flipped it open. Okay, I'll be completely upfront. The reason that we didn't stock up on this book for the last six months is because we forgot about it. (No, we did not). She laughed, recognizing Mr Kingston Sr's handwriting. Yes, we did. But then last month, Dad and I were filling the forms and we remember it's your birthday this month and we know how much you've been wanting this novel, so we got it. You didn't see it during inventory was because Dad and I have been purposely hiding them until your birthday. (The things we do for you, Skylar, the things we do for you.) Anyway, happy 24th, Skylar. Almost a quarter of a century! We hope you'll enjoy this book as much as I did - yes, I snuck a copy for myself. And Skylar, we sincerely wish that you'll be happier in the following years. - Adam Kingston Jr and Sr
She didn't even know she was crying until a drop of her tears made an impression on the paper, puffing out into a bigger, fatter circle. She hurriedly wiped at her eyes and released another laugh as she reread the paragraph Adam and his father had written. She stood up, placing the book on her desk and circled her desk to the shelves lining the wall behind the desk. She put the so-called birthday card on one of the compartments, opening it until it had a diagonal angle so it could stand.
She made her descent down the stairs with the book in her bag. Ethan was still sitting in the living room, doing absolutely nothing. She couldn't say she wasn't surprised.
"Ethan?" He looked up, head turned to her direction. "Why are you still here?"
His expression made him look like a deer caught in headlights. She stifled a giggle. "I-I was waiting for-for you," he stammered, jumping onto his feet with his hands at his back, tugging at the waistband of his trousers.
"Why?" she asked, genuinely curious. He had his own car now; he didn't have to do that.
**
Why, indeed.
Ethan suddenly found himself unable to come up with an excuse. He didn't really know, to be honest.
He had been thoroughly relishing each taste he had of Skylar's food. Honestly, it had been almost two weeks and he was still wondering why she wasn't a restaurateur. It was really quite a waste to not let her cooking make her some profits. He was certain that she would make loads if she opened up a restaurant.
After he cleaned up the plates, he loaded them all into the dishwasher - including the ones Skylar dumped in the sink. As he waited for the dishwasher to finish cleaning, he let his mind wander. An inadvertent smile augmented on his face.
Skylar was able to sleep through the night last night. Sure, her exhaustion must have factored into her peaceful slumber last night. But he felt somewhat proud of himself. He liked to think he was another factor as well, as much as a pipe dream as that might be.
The dishwasher beeped before he could think more on it. And he flippantly began unloading the dishwasher and putting the utensils where they belonged. Once the last plate was placed to its stack, he swiped his hands proudly and strode out of the kitchen and into the living room.
He saw his own keys among other keys in the bowl by the door but he did not approach it. Instead, his subconscious somehow led him to tumble onto the couch and wait as the clock tick by. He didn't think much of it until now, when Skylar questioned him.
"I don't know," was everything he could come up with.
She stared at him, mouth slightly opened. The edges of her lips twitched minutely, as if she was amused. He wouldn't be surprised. If he wasn't so aghast at his own folly, he probably would be amused at himself. Silence entrapped them for a long moment before her eyes widened in understanding.
"You mean, you really don't know," she said, her voice tinged with disbelief.
He opened his mouth for a second before he blinked and closed it again. He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. "I guess."
He could see that she was trying very hard not to laugh by the way she pursing her lips and her cheeks puffing out a little. He couldn't believe he was actually finding this quite adorable. But he did. She looked like the cutest squirrel in the world and he just wanted to kiss that barely stifled grin away.
He decided that this wouldn't do. He would not have her laughing at him for being a smitten fool. He stood up straighter with a shake of his head. He sent her an unamused look before making beeline for the door, grabbing his keys from the bowl.
He was just shrugging his right arm into the right sleeve of his overcoat when the door opened with a still laughing Skylar behind it, Dog sitting at her feet. "You're not actually mad, are you?" she asked with a wince that wasn't even really a wince.
He looked to her, feigning nonchalance as he successfully put his coat on and adjusting the lapels. "What?"
She licked her lips and grinned widely, teeth and all. He cursed himself for softening at that expression. "It's just...You were kind of cute back there," she admitted, pointing a finger behind her.
He frowned. "You did not just call me cute." He took his mittens from the top compartment and put them on.
"I did." She nodded matter-of-factly, nudging him out of the way to get her own stuff.
"Skylar!"
"Yes?" she asked, pushing her glasses higher up her nose and staring at him with all her attention.
He blinked several times as his eyes caught her green ones. They were staring right at him. He swallowed and puffed up his chest in an effort to appear intimidating. "Don't call me cute."
She looked upwards and puckered her lips in her thought, head tilted slightly. Without giving a response, she swung back around to get her beanie and mittens. "What do you prefer I call you then?" she asked, her back to him.
He put on his own beanie. "Just...anything but cute," he grumbled, twisting the knob to the front door and letting her out first.
She entered the garage with him. "Disgusting? Repulsive? Hateful? Grotesque? Unseemly?" she shot off in a row. "Do you prefer those?"
"None of them!" he protested, standing by his rental while she stood by her Jeep.
"What's wrong with being cute? Everyone likes being called cute. It makes them feel nice," she said with a smile.
"Well, it makes me feel like a girl."
She grew quiet as she regarded him in a quiet and - dare he say it - formidable manner. "What's wrong with that?"
"What's wrong with what?" he asked with a frown. She looked just about ready to launch into a long rant when it dawned on him and he hurriedly shook his head and flung his hands wildly in the air. "I did not mean what you think I meant."
"Well, what did you mean?"
He had this habit, where he scratched the back of his head while clenching and unclenching his jaw whenever he was nervous. And he was doing exactly that right now. The woman made him nervous. "Unbelievable," he muttered under his breath as he detached his eyes from hers.
"Come again?"
"Nothing," he quickly replied with a firm shake of his head. He shifted on his feet a couple of times, looking everywhere but her. "Look, we're late. So why don't we-" He stopped when he caught the look on her face. She was doing that thing again: the puffy cheeks and the lip biting and the crinkled eyes. He went flat. "You're really getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"
She expelled a short laugh and nodded in admission. "I have never seen you so flustered before."
He thrust a finger in her direction over the hood of his rental, but he was still wordless. He then shook his head again with a huff and simply opened the door and climbed into the vehicle. He could hear her laugh again until he slammed the door shut and ignited the engine.
As he looked at her through the window where she was still giggling to herself and talking to Dog, his glower became short-livened as his lips ticked upwards into a tender smile.
**
"Thank you," she chirped and accompanied it by surging up to her toes and kissing him on his cheek.
Adam's eyes visibly widened and his cheeks flushed pink at the touch of her lips to his cheek. He looked to her, evidently gobsmacked. "What for?"
Her smile widened. "The book," she said and hitched a shoulder. "I can't wait to dive into it."
"Ah," he drew out in cognizance. And then the flush was gone and the gobsmacked look on his face was replaced by a cocky expression. "You're welcome. I have to warn you though, it is a decently touchy book on some touchy subjects."
She nodded. "Yep, I'm totally ready for them."
He cocked his brows and nodded. "Alright, then."
Skylar shot him another pleased smile before taking the tagging device. She made herself comfortable on the armchair situated by Dog's rug and picked up the first book from the stacks piled at her feet and she started tagging the price.
"You should know better than to sit on Dad's armchair," Adam said, not maliciously but teasingly.
She chuckled without looking up at him. "Your Dad loves me."
"Never let it be said that I did not warn you."
She stuck her tongue out at him. They spent the next thirty minutes in comfortable silence, only interrupted once by a customer who came to pick up some reference books for her son. She had meaningless chat with the lady as Adam rung up her purchase, pausing her task of tagging the books that were ready to be displayed on the shelves.
"So how are things with you and Ethan?" Adam suddenly asked, surprising Skylar. It was shown on her face. He smirked. "Come on, if I can't be the object of your affections, I want to gossip about the object of your affections."
She sputtered. "He-He's not the object of my affections." He cocked his head, a few strands of his jet black hair straying into his eyes, as he sent her a knowing look. "He's not!" Liar, her inner voice whispered.
He bent down so that he could rest his elbows on the counter top, his hands clasped together. "Will there ever be a day in which you'll stop lying to yourself?"
"I'm not lying to myself," she stated. She wasn't. She was just lying to him.
"So you're lying to me then." It was like he read her mind. He inclined his head. "Are you?"
She sucked in her lips as she fidgeted with the trigger of the tagging device, unable to shift away from Adam's scrutinizing gaze. She was looking for the right words in her head, piecing them together so she would sound as mellow as possible. She couldn't. She groaned aloud and tipped back so her back hit the back of the armchair.
He snorted with an impish roll of his eyes. "Figured," he quipped. She thought she heard a little bitterness in his voice.
"You know, I wish you don't know me as well as you do," she shot back, peeved.
He snickered with a shake of his head. "You and me both, Smith." She pouted at him. "Woman, I've known you for four years. I've liked you for all of those four years. I'd be ashamed of myself if I don't know you that well."
The guilt she'd hid in the back of her mind returned as she listened to him. She sobered and pushed away from the armchair, keeling forward. He must have seen something on her face because he scoffed and stood upright.
"I'm not guilt-tripping you," he clarified.
"I know you're not. I still feel guilty though," she confessed, peering down at her hands.
"Skylar," he admonished.
"Have I been leading you on?"
"What?"
She sighed and closed her eyes. "Why else would you cling to this hope that you and I may get together one day?"
"You haven't been leading me on." She opened her eyes and held back a gasp when she saw that he was in front of her suddenly, kneeling down and staring at her thoughtfully. He smiled sadly. "Skylar, I don't think you have any idea what you do to people."
She frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"
This time, his laugh was not placid but languid. "You have a way of awakening a sense of protectiveness in everyone you know," he started, sitting down on the floor and holding her hands. "You don't realize it but each one of us want to protect and shield and love you in our own way. You make us care about you so much. It's like you're our mutual weak point. We would literally go amok if anything happens to you."
"We?" she remarked.
"John, Aunt Rita, Joseph, my Dad, basically everyone in this small town and then more," he elaborated.
"I find that really hard to believe."
He laughed. "Did you know that John threatened me once? He said if I hurt you, they wouldn't be able to find my body. And we weren't even together then! I get the feeling that he wasn't really joking." Her eyes widened in surprise. "You imagine that sense of protectiveness in everyone. There should be a club revolved around protecting you!"
"You're kidding."
He shook his head, looking as serious as he could get. "We all see that you have a troubled past. We've all watched you grieve when..." He didn't continue but she knew who he was talking about. "Yes, we might not know everything but we still want to protect you because somehow, we know that whatever you've been through, you didn't deserve it. And you should not go through it once again."
As she slowly processed his words in her head, her hands tightened over his hands. She felt like she could cry at the fact that everyone cared about her to such level.
"My point is that you did not lead me on. Not at all. In fact, you've pretty much been friendzoning me for the last four years and I know it, but I still can't help but have feelings for you."
"I'm sorry."
"No!" Adam snapped. "Stop apologizing." She shut her mouth. "And by the way Ethan has been acting around you, I'm pretty sure he's not immune to you too." She gulped, heartbeat increasing slightly at that. "That doesn't mean they'll be able to find his body if he hurts you though. And this time, John and I will be working together."
She smacked his arm with a laugh.
**
"I timed it perfectly."
Skylar laughed. "Timed what?"
"See, I didn't want to call you yesterday because I know you wouldn't want to talk about anything. So I'm calling you today," Emma said, sounding proud of herself.
"Do you want an award?"
"Absolutely! I spent the last two days worrying about you, Sky. I couldn't even focus on work."
"Aw," she drawled mockingly. "Poor Ems." Emma hummed in agreement. "Well, now that you know I'm safe and alive and well. You can hang up now."
"I stayed up until three in the morning so I can call you and this is how you treat me?" Emma exclaimed in disbelief. "Am I the only one that cares in this relationship?"
Skylar laughed at her best friend's antics. "No, Ems. But I have to make dinner. And you really need to sleep."
"Dinner?"
"I have a guest, remember?"
"Oh!" Emma said. Leave it to Emma to forget about this. "Okay, before I go, I just want to ask something."
"It was better last night compared to last year," Skylar answered before Emma could ask. Last year, Skylar had to ask for a sick day and stay in. It was too much for her last year. This year, she did not. She managed to drag herself out to work and she actually had some genuine smiles. Of course, dinner at John's definitely contributed. And there was something else.
Emma was quiet for a minute. "Good," Emma said. Skylar could hear the smile in her voice. "Well, happy belated birthday, my friend. You're 24! You're officially older than I am!"
Skylar rolled her eyes. "Shut up."
**
"I came to realize just now at work that I have no more facts to trade," Ethan revealed, ashamed.
Skylar looked to him, grinning teasingly. "Oh yeah?"
He nodded. "You know that I'm a recovering alcoholic. You know that my father was a gambler. You know that I dropped out of four colleges. You basically know everything about me!"
Her laughter rang like the sweetest sounds of bells in his ears. "Well, I want to hear about the little things. It doesn't have to be big," she said.
He looked at her. He then smiled softly. "You wanna know about the little things?"
She bowed her head in affirmation. "I want to know about the little things."
"You're willing to trade big things with little things?" he asked, vaguely stunned. Was Skylar starting to open up to him?
"A person's story is not weighed by its heaviness," she said sagely.
He laughed in disbelief. "Okay then." He hummed as he tried to come up with something. "My favorite color is red."
She hummed in acknowledgement. The smile on her face remained but he noticed the way her eyes dimmed. He braced himself for it.
"I was a computer genius," she began. "I mean, I built my own computer when I was like twelve, stealing spare parts from my dad's stash. Remember when I told you I was supposed to go to MIT?" He nodded. "Well, if I hadn't left, I would probably be working in a big corporation's IT department and slaying it there." She chuckled bitterly. "I love computers. I love the codes. I love looking into the history of all these things and figure out ways around things that were supposed to be blocked."
"So you're like a hacker?"
She grinned. "Hacker sounds so mean, though. I never liked that word." She wrinkled her nose in distaste as she mouthed that word.
"You missed it?" he asked gently.
She nodded with a heavy sigh. "So much." Her voice sounded choked at the end.
He studied her for a moment. He could see it though, her being a computer genius. He smiled at the mental image he conjured up in his head, her bending over a computer, focused on hacking into the Pentagon or something.
"Well," he exhaled, propelling her to look at him. He directed his smile at her and nodded to himself. "Now that you're here and built a life for yourself, you can build another career. I mean, if you were to open up a restaurant, you'd be richer than you are now."
She laughed at him. His smile widened, looking as cheeky as possible.
Mission accomplished.
A/N: isn't Ethan just the sweetest and most adorable guy ever? i thought i could make this chapter a little lighter after the last one. yikes. anyway, 1k reads! whoo! 1k reads in just ten chapters! thank you, guys! love you!
what do you guys think of the brand new cover?