Maddison's POV:
It had been a few weeks now with Hayden staying over our household. And to be honest my mother and I couldn't get enough of his homemade cooking. He taught me a few things, as I played the role as his kitchen cooking assistant. Things like how to prep the oven and stove when making spaghetti, or fetcticini. I won't say I was better than him at cooking, since all I have been doing is prepping. But hey, you got to start somewhere.
I hated to admit it, but I really missed my job, I haven't thought much about the night I lost it until recently. Maybe it's just my hormones talking, but I know for a fact I miss working, taking phone calls, and spending time in my cubicle. No, I most certainly did not miss ten minute Tim. But as weeks went by, it had already been a little over two months of me not being employed. And I'll admit it I do like to consider myself a workaholic. I don't really see that as a bad thing. Sitting around, eating random foods, and getting the urge to tackle Hayden to the ground nowadays was driving me crazy.
I needed to distract myself with something, and there was only so many times a women could clean and organize her room, let alone the whole house. I needed a challenge, and I did find myself looking at online jobs, where I could work from home. I feel like I'm qualified for a role like that, since I have plenty of experience in customer service and phone etiquette. But every time I even try to focus on myself and prioritize financially for my daughter.
My pregnancy gets in the way.
I stared at my desk top screen, reorganizing my resume one more time, before feeling a kick in my ribs. Making me flinch and clutch my stomach. I felt like a giant balloon these days, floating wherever this journey took me, and only popping when I was ready too. Whenever my daughter would allow me too. I took a deep breath, leaning back in my chair, as I rubbed my stomach with a sigh. I was so ready to give birth, no one talks about how being pregnant sort of feels like your a prisoner in your own body.
Suddenly nothing I do is ever just for me, it's for me and her.
I have to urinate more times than I can count on my fingers, the cravings drive my mother and Hayden crazy, when they rush to the store at eleven at night just because I can't live, unless I eat pickles and peanut butter. My mood swings send my hormones into overdrive, as I can physically feel myself being a doormat for my emotions. Nothing feels normal anymore because this is the new normal.
"I love you but you're a lot of work" I whispered to her, as I rubbed my stomach, a few more times, before clicking out of my resume on my screen. It's best to believe I'm on maternity leave. For however long that maybe. I looked at the ceiling, thinking more about what was going to happen when I did give birth. Do I want Hayden by my side? did I want him to father our child? yes I know he and I are getting to know each other better, but that doesn't mean he's in the clear.
That dam around my heart is still very much there. And I think it's because he still doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up completely to me. When I asked him why he didn't want to live with his parents, he didn't feel ready to elaborate. I literally gave him my full life story, and all he gave me was a what he's been to these last four years, and when he lost his virginity.
Both could have been a lie.
I'll never know for sure, but what I do know.. Is that he's still just a handsome stranger to me.
I don't want to push him, or feel the need to force him into opening up to me. But if he wants to be in our child's life, he needs to give me something, anything for that matter. That shows me he's worth forgiving. He needs to prove it to me. But even when my daughter does come into this world, I won't be alone.
I'll have my mother with me, her grandmother, and she and I will give my daughter what she deserves. A smile crosses my face, as I look down at my stomach. And within a second, there's a thud down the hall from me. As I wince, the thud was abnormally loud. And paranoia washed over me, as I climbed out of my seat and walked into the hallway.
"Mom?" I yelled, walking into the kitchen, eyeing the living room, and then the dining room.
"Mom? did you hear that?" I asked, remembering Hayden was out looking for a new job.
It couldn't have been him and I would have heard the front door if it were. I walked over to the porch, opening the sliding door, as fear trickled into my stomach.
"Mom? come on, this isn't funny! you're scaring me!" I said, looking out on the porch, but I didn't see any trace of her. Where is she? did she leave? was someone in the house?
I walked back inside, closing the sliding door behind me, as I entered another hallway of the house, before my eyes widened, staring off into horror, as my mother was unconscious on the floor by the attic ladder.
"MOM" I screamed, running over to her side, as tears were fighting to escape my eyes.
"Mom? can you hear me? mom, please wake up!" I said, shaking her, assuming she fainted or something. But how? did she trip? was she light headed? So many questions that were unanswered were rushing through my mind, as they made my fear intensify. My mother didn't answer, when I spoke to her. She laid there in my arms, as I cradled her, crying.
The front door then opened, in the distance, as I looked in that direction.
"HAYDEN!" I screamed, as he ran over to the hallway, and then stopped in shock seeing my mother unconscious in my arms.
"Call 911!" I screamed, as Hayden stared at me, alarmed, trying to shake himself out of it.
As he nods, running to the landline in the kitchen.
I went back to cradling my mother, "we're gonna get you some help, just hold on mom, hold on" I whispered to her.
The ambulance showed up ten minutes later, placing my mother on a gurney, as they checked her vitals and rolled her out of the house. As Hayden stood by me, while I told the police what happened. How I just found her like that. The paramedics said she must have took a tumble down the attic stairs. But I didn't even know what she was even doing up there. I was trying to stop the tears from falling out of my eyes, but my hands were shaking, and I was so nervous for her.
Hayden and I rode in the ambulance with her to the hospital, as I held her hand all the way there. She wasn't awake yet, but she was breathing. Which brought me some peace. When we made it to the waiting room, I was pacing, as Hayden stayed with me. I called my girlfriends, as Melody told me she was praying for me. And Laurie, Loren, and Sam insisted on coming down here but I knew they were busy with work and other personal things.
I was okay with Hayden being here.
As we waited to hear news on my mother, Hayden held my hands, preventing them from shaking, as he reminded me to take deep breaths. Minutes later, a nurse came over to us, as we stood to our feet.
"Are you Meredith Manson's daughter?" she asked, as I nodded.
"Is she gonna be okay?" Hayden asked, as I folded my arms in panic.
The nurse looks at me, "your mother has stage four leukemia.." she begins, and everything after that is a blur.
I'm shaking my head, refusing to believe my mother is dying. As I can feel a tug on my heart, causing it to breaks. And Hayden looks over at me, once the nurse places a comforting hand on my shoulder and walks away. I'm bawling, as Hayden pulls me into an embrace. And I'm clutching his shirt and soaking it with tears.
There's so many questions echoing in my mind, but only one is loud.
Why didn't she tell me?
"I need to see her" I croak, pulling away from Hayden, as he rubs my arms.
"I'll go with you" he says, as I shake my head,
"it's okay, I'll go alone" I said, as he nods.
I wipe my tears from my cheeks, knowing I have to be strong for my mother, and that's when the anger sets in.
"I'll be waiting out here for you when you come back" he said, as I smile, looking into his eyes.
I'm then walking down the hall with the nurse, to my mother's room, as I remember to breathe. Once we reach her room, she's laying in the hospital bed with a gown on now. Hooked up to a monitor, with her heartbeat sounding the room. As tears were welling in my eyes, but I fought them with what little strength I had in me.
"I'll be out there if you need me" the nurse said, as I nod.
My mother opens her eyes slowly, as she looks over at me with sorrowful eyes. She knows I know. She reaches her hand out to me, to sit down next to her. As I rush to her side, hugging her, as she hugs me back, allowing me to cry into her shoulder. I can't be strong on my own, not when my mother is the one who makes me strong. Without her I'm weak.
I laid next to her in the bed, as she kept me in her arms.
"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, as she wipes the tears from my eyes.
"I wanted to spend time with you, as the mother you remember, not as your mother who is dying." she said, as I feel so guilty.
"I feel like I should have known.. should have seen the signs.. noticed something!" I said, as my mother shakes her head.
"But you kept on pushing me away to spend time with Hayden, when really I should have been staying with you. I should have been taking care of you mom!" I cried, as she continues to shake her head.
"It's not your job to take care of me Maddison, it's my job to care of you. You're my daughter. Not the other way around." she begins, as I lay on her chest, holding on to her for dear life, like how I use to do when I was younger.
"I just wanted to know you would be okay, when I'm not here anymore. I just needed to know that your daughter would be okay." she said, as her voice broke and my heart shattered even more.
"How am I suppose to do this without you? I don't know how to be a mother.. " I cried, as my mother tightened her arms around me.
"We still have time Maddie.." she says, but I knew whatever time we had left was never enough.
"How long did you know?" I asked, as she sighs.
"When you called that night.. and I told you to come home" she said, as I gasped.
"Does dad know?" I asked, as she looks at the ceiling. And then shakes her head.
"I'm never gonna let you go" I said, as we lay in this hospital bed together, and hold on to each other for dear life.
We bring my mother home, after a few days of observation, cause she tells her doctor she doesn't want to die in a hospital. She wanted to be home. So that's where Hayden and I take her. We didn't need to hire a full time nurse to tend to her needs, because I was that for her. Not once have I ever leave my mother's side. I was making sure she was eating, sleeping, and taking her medication. Holding her hair as she vomits, and reading to her, as we watch the sunsets and the sunrise.
Hayden wanted to help, but I felt too guilty when I was around him. As if spending less time with him, meant I got to have more time with my mother. It would have been the same in the past. My mother has known she was dying for months, and she never even told me. I had to find out by her being unconscious on the floor of my childhood home. I don't want to blame anyone, but I sure as hell should have known. She's my mother.
"Maddie, I just want to help-" Hayden said, handing me a tray of chicken noddle casserole for my mother. As I take it from me.
"I don't want your help, just stay in the lodge" I said, referring to his housing outside in the backyard.
He looks at me with those blue eyes, and each time he does, I can see as well as feel the pity in them. It makes me sick. I don't want to pitied, and I don't need my mother feeling like this either when he looks at her.
My mother fell asleep next to me as I read to her tonight, I make sure she's breathing and then climb off the bed. Placing the blanket over her and tucking her in. I then kiss her forehead, as I walk out of her bedroom, and I turn off the light. I walk into the living room, sit on the couch, and pull out a baby book from my child hood. Flipping through photos of me and my mother smiling and laughing when I was younger. From the first day of school, to my first missing tooth, to my father daughter dance. I laughed and cried, brushing my fingers over our faces within the memories of my childhood past.
Hayden walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, as I sniffled and wiped my tears, but every time I did, more would come spilling out.
Soon, Hayden walked over with iced tea for me and takes a seat next to me.
"I'm gonna miss her so much" I cried, because all of this felt so sudden.
There was literally no warning.
"She's leaving me at the most important part in my life, parenthood. This is when I need her the most. Now I'm all alone in this, I never feel like that when my mother's with me." I cried, closing the book, and setting it on the table. As Hayden scoots next to me,
"Maddie, can I hold you?" he asks, and I can hear the pain in voice, causing it to crack. As I nod, allowing him to pull me to his chest, and wrap his arms around me, as I cry and hold him too.
"You're not alone in this, I'm here and I'm not leaving you. I promise." he said, as I nuzzled into his shoulder. Sighing of comfort.
"Thank you" I whispered, as he didn't let go of me. Not once.
Before I knew it, I was waking up on the couch to the sun beaming on my face. And Hayden was fast asleep at the bottom of my feet. I smiled, he stayed out here with me all night. Which warmed my heart. I got up, stretching, not wanting to wake him up. As I walked into the kitchen, reading the clock on the stove that read: nine am. It was early and I was use to waking up early in the past. As I checked on my mother, I thought more about what she said in the hospital. Dad still didn't know about her condition.
I can't even remember the last time I reached out to him about anything in my life. I wondered if I even remembered his number. Or if it changed all these years. After I got my mother situated with breakfast, her meds, and some sunlight. Allowing the sunshine to spread through the room, as I opened the drapes near her bedside. I headed to use the landline in the kitchen, as I dialed his number.
Surprised my fingers knew which numbers to press, but somehow it was muscle memory. The phone rings, as I pace in the kitchen. Did he even care enough to try and say goodbye to my mother? to his ex wife? But then again, when as he ever? I continued to listen to the call sound, as I kept hearing it ring, but there was no answer yet.
Just as I was about to hang up, someone on the other line picks up.
"Hello?" a voice says, and my blood boils, when I hear it belongs to a women.
Wow, he doesn't even bother to answer his cellphone.
I could hear a shower head running in the background, "Hey, it's Maddison. Micheal's daughter" I said, as there was silence. Before the women was yelling for my father that I was on the line.
"You know what? that's okay..I'll call back later if he's busy" I said,
"no it's okay-" she starts, but I'm already hanging up.
Hayden sits up on the couch, as I hang the phone back on the wall.
"Morning sleepy head" I say, as he looks at me and smiles.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, as I sighed.
"I'm hanging in there, with all things considered" I said, rubbing my stomach for comfort.