Flash From The Past | JENLISA

XXXVII

"I'm Kim Sejeong, your wedding planner, dear."

Wedding planner?! Oh, wow, okay. Wasn't prepared for that.

However, she discovered that the panic she'd expected to feel at that statement was apparently absent, and instead, she found that the idea had generated a swarm of nervous butterflies in her stomach, their wings tickling along this way and that. Not that she was in any way ready for such an event. They still had quite a few bridges to cross before that would come.

Numerous bridges. Loads of traffic. So many tolls.

But still, in the spirit of 'their normal'...

I mean, one day... it might be nice.

"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, you kind of look familiar, but I have a pretty solid block on anything Lisa related, unfortunately," she said, pointing to her temple.

"That is unfortunate," she said, her face falling into a sorrowful grimace.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, or to meet you again, I guess," she giggled softly. "I didn't even know that we had a wedding planner. Lili never mentioned it."

"Yes, well, I suppose it's more accurate to say that I was your wedding planner," she said, the pity evident in her eyes. "You were such a lovely couple. Such a shame."

And, suddenly, it was like an icy shock to her system.

What...? She felt a small smile fall from her face as she absorbed the words, trying to make sense of them in any way that she could.

"We... we were?" she asked uneasily.

Oh god. What's going on here?

She was their wedding planner? They were a lovely couple? It was such a shame? That formerly absent panic had made an appearance and was quickly growing, echoing into her chest and expanding outwards as her throat began to close up.

"Absolutely. One of the sweetest I'd ever had the pleasure to work with. I honestly don't think I've ever seen two people more in love in all of my years in this business."

"Oh, um..." Wow. "Well, thank you, but... I'm sorry, you're no longer working with us or...?" she stuttered, still trying to wrap her head around what exactly was happening at that moment.

Breathe, Jennie. Just breathe.

"Unfortunately, no. I was so looking forward to the big day, for both of you, and it was so hard to hear the news when Miss Manoban called."

Lili called her and... She felt like the air had just been sucked from her body as she struggled to keep her feet steady. What did she say??

"The news...? I'm sorry, when did Lili call and what did she say?" She heard the edge of desperation leak into her voice as she gripped the strap of her bag a little tighter, her knuckles straining under the pressure.

"Oh." The question seemed to surprise the older woman, which only made Jennie's angst grow faster. "Well, originally she called sometime in early October to say it was possible you may need to postpone the event. She said you'd had an accident and might need some more time to... I believe she said 'readjust.'"

"Oh!" Jennie felt some of the tension leave her shoulders as she sagged in on herself.

She just pushed it back!

"But then," Ms. Long continued, "I believe it was around the end of October that she called and canceled everything. I was so sorry to hear you were no longer together."

Oh god...

Every muscle in her body went taut with fear, the panic at her core tripling in the span of a second with those three words.

No longer together? She was really done with me?

"She-she said we weren't together anymore?" she asked, her voice small.

"She didn't go into any specific details. She simply said that considering the circumstances, it wasn't going to work out," she answered, and the pity on her face only made matters worse as it grew.

"But, I mean... I mean we are still together," she cried eagerly, wondering if she was saying it for the benefit of her current companion or just to reassure herself.

"Well, that's wonderful, dear!" she said with a genuine smile. "I'm thrilled to hear you were able to find your way back to one another despite the situation." Sejeong looked away for a moment as someone called her name just up the sidewalk, the younger woman smiling and waving before turning back to Jennie. "I don't mean to sound forward, but if for any reason the two of you change your minds and decide to continue on with the planning, I'd love to help. Here's my card," she said, handing Jennie a small piece of pristine white cardstock, and with one last smile, she was gone.

Jennie looked down at the card, the loopy script swirling unsteadily in front of her eyes, her fingers shaking ever so slightly within the thick red yarn encasing her mittened hand. She felt like she'd just been punched in the chest, bile swiftly rising in her throat.

Oh my god! Oh my god! She-wait a minute!

What had just happened? The wedding? Lisa calling it off? The fight? That they weren't going to work out? Everything churned around her brain in a vortex of confusion, and as she attempted to pinpoint one fact to focus on and start there, she found herself getting more and more agitated.

She called at the end of October...?

The fight they'd had... the fight where Lisa admitted that she knew Jennie didn't love her anymore.

No, they weren't in the best place at that time. That much was obvious. And when she'd stupidly run out that morning to Jisoo and Rosé's... when she'd almost ruined everything, yes, the situation had probably hit an all-time low. She'd been so busy trying to wrap her head around the fact that she'd lost the most important person in her world that she hadn't thought things through when she'd grabbed her bag and bolted that day.

But Lisa understood! After that fight... I mean, she got it! And she wanted to start again just as much as I did! Right?

But no. Apparently, she was wrong. Apparently, she was the only one who felt that way... who wanted to make it work.

Lisa stopped everything and...

Suddenly, of all those emotions swirling around inside her, one, in particular, took hold, overshadowing all the others with a loud thunderous jolt. The confusion fled. The sadness ran away. The dread bolted.

She was done! She was done with me and with us! And... she never even told me! She never said a word! She chose for us and stayed silent on it!!!

Turning on her heel, she stormed up the sidewalk, stomping past the bakery she was planning to visit for some of those pastries Lisa had just mentioned craving the day before, her fists clenched at her sides, crushing the white card in her hand, breath coming fast and hard. The relaxed afternoon she'd planned to spend with her girlfriend was going to have to wait because this wasn't going to be pleasant.

She better has one hell of an explanation!

****

Hearing the locks turn on the door in the other room, Lisa swallowed hard and stepped into the kitchen, watching from the doorway as Jennie entered, head down, her long brunette locks hiding her face.

"Hey, cutie," she said, the nervousness in her voice more than obvious. She waited a long moment as Jennie dropped her things, the smaller girl's back still to her. "We um... we need to talk."

She watched as Jennie hung her jacket from the coat rack, the smaller girl's shoulders tensing as she turned towards her, the silence between them heavy. And Lisa immediately saw it. Saw what she feared as their gazes met. Jennie's eyes were hard, her eyebrows tightly pulled together, jaw clenched. The tiny brunette took one step towards her, fists tight at her sides, limbs taut in obvious anger, and Lisa once again swallowed hard at the sight.

"Yeah. Yeah, we really do, Lisa."

She sighed and looked down at her feet, her boots suddenly heavy on her feet, gluing her to the wood floor below. Shoving her hands into her back pockets, she nodded once before looking back up, the anger in Jennie's eyes even sharper than the moment before.

Damn, trio.

"Look, I get that you're upset," she started, "and you have every right to be. I shouldn't have done this. I should've talked to you first but... can you please just let me explain why?"

Jennie huffed and rolled her eyes, her posture still rigid. Shaking her head, she turned and walked past Lisa into the living room without another glance.

"This better be good," she sniped and Lisa swallowed once more before slowly following.

Three Hours Earlier...

"So um... you want to tell us what's going on, Lisa?" Jisoo asked.

Fuck.

She had to do this. She couldn't back out now.

As much as I want answers, I really hope they don't give me the one that's going to crush me.

"I wanted..." she started before swallowing down the guilt that was rolling around in her chest, clearing her throat softly, and trying again. "I wanted to ask you guys about... about Jennie. If she'd said anything to any of you before the accident."

"Said anything about what?" Jisoo asked.

"About... about her and I. Did she say anything about me?" she asked, absolutely hating that a smidge of insecurity had clearly leaked into her voice. That wasn't her and she wasn't about to let these three see that vulnerability. Schooling her face, she looked back up, the weakness now hidden even as her heart thudded loudly in her chest. "Did she... was she unhappy with me or... with us?"

"Manoban, what're you talking about? That girl thinks you make the sunshine." The fact that this came from Seulgi startled her, and when Lisa looked over, taking in the softness on her face, it only confused her more.

"She really does. Jenduek is head over heels crazy in love with you."

She says she is. She thinks she is, but before...

"Lisa, dear, what's going on?" Rosé asked as she untied the apron from around her waist and took the stool next to Lisa's.

"I just... I'm trying to understand. With everything that's happened, I'm just trying to find an explanation. I mean... there has to be a reason that she only forgot me."

She glanced around, watching as the three girls shared a sad look, their own feelings on the situation obviously surfacing.

"Lisa, why are you asking this all of a sudden?" Jisoo asked, leaning her elbows forward onto the table, eyes curious.

"Like I said, I just want to understand."

"But why now, dear? Has something changed? Between the two of you?"

"No, it's just... look, I know it's been months. And I know that this has been really hard for her. But it's been hard for me too, and I just... I just want to understand if I did something that was driving her away before it all started. If the reason she forgot me is because..." She paused, feeling her heart drop in her chest at that moment. "Because she wanted to."

She fucking hated that the thought had even come to her, but she couldn't deny it once it implanted itself in her brain. Jennie obviously hadn't planned the accident, or the aftermath, but if she had wanted out... well, this was a pretty good way to go.

She nervously glanced around, the sinking feeling in her gut becoming heavier and heavier as the moments of silence ticked by. The trio stared at each other, eyes uneasy before finally turning back to her as she swallowed hard and prepared for the worst.

"Why would she ever want to forget you, Lisa?" Rosé finally asked. "Jennie was so happy with you. She was so excited about the future and all that the two of you would have. Together."

Sighing heavily and steeling herself once more, she looked down at her hands, her fingers nervously moving the crumbling piece of the oatmeal cookie back and forth between them.

"Fine, then if she didn't say anything, is there a chance that maybe she felt that way and didn't tell you guys?" she asked, slowly glancing around the three once again.

"Doubtful. Jennie can barely hold water. And even if she didn't tell us everything, if there was something wrong, we would've known," Jisoo said, her face taking on a seriousness rarely seen. "And you would've too."

You would've. You know this!

"Well, then what the hell is it?" Lisa asked, her voice exasperated as she finally set the fragmented cookie down beside her, ignoring the anxious look on Rosé's face at the possible mess. "There has to be an explanation."

"There might not be, though," Seulgi argued. "It might just be a fluke thing that her brain just shut off everything having to do with you."

"But she didn't shut off everything! She remembers stuff!"

A loud chorus of startled 'whats?!" erupted around her and she realized that she may have been a touch pre-emptive with that statement.

"No," she said, holding her hands in front of her to calm the excitement. "I don't mean she remembers everything. But she does know some things. She... she remembers all these little one-offs, but they're so small and insignificant, and she doesn't even seem to realize that she's doing it."

"Well, like what?" Jisoo asked, scratching thoughtfully at her chin.

"Like... she somehow knows I hate mushrooms. She knows how to waltz and how to play chess, things that I taught her. We danced to the song I taught her to after a dinner date we had before I left town. She knows which of my t-shirts to wear when she's going to make a mess of herself and the ones she's already ruined in the past. She knows to pack something to remind me of her when I leave town, just like she always has. She knows the one Christmas song that I like and that she always makes me dance too. She knows..."

Exactly how to kiss me and touch me and make me fall apart.

"Yeah? What? What else?"

"Nothing, just..." She shook her head, ridding herself of the thought. "I mean maybe all these things have something to do with why it's just me!"

She looked around, the three sharing another curious look before facing her again, shrugging, apparently at a loss.

"So a handful of random shit and nothing? That's just it? No rhyme or reason?" she scoffed. "Of course. This was a waste of time."

"Wait, hold on. Maybe not," Jisoo said before looking around the room. "Has anyone else noticed anything?"

"Well, she did say something a few weeks ago that I found rather odd," Rosé started, her brow furrowing as she did. "She mentioned something about how you like those little bacon and potato quiches I make. I didn't understand how she knew that at the time but, well, it was rather strange."

Lisa's eyebrow quirked at the information, curious. What is it with Jennie and food?

"Oh! She said something that day I met her for coffee," Seulgi added. "They were having some sort of art exposé at the time and there was a painting on the wall near our table. She said something about how it specifically looked like one of yours."

"So? There are paintings hanging in our house, I'm sure she can see similarities between artists."

"Okay, fine," Seulgi piped up again. "When we had a game night, I think you were in the bathroom, but she mentioned some restaurant in Thailand that had 'the best pizza ever.' Have you guys talked about the greater Thailand area's restaurants in depth?" The taller girl's eyes narrowed, daring her to argue.

"Okay... I... maybe-"

"Oh," Rosé interrupted. "The day she and I spent together when she bought you that Christmas ornament, she said something about getting you a new set of pencils. And when we asked the girl at the art store, she knew the ones that you prefer, but they were out of stock."

"Maybe... maybe she dug through my art stuff?" Okay, these are just getting weirder and weirder.

"She also called me on Halloween. It was... well, it was when she was still trying to come to terms with everything that happened with Seulgi," Rosé said uncomfortably and Seulgi had the decency to look embarrassed. "But I was making caramel apples for the neighborhood children, and she asked if I made any with the graham cracker crust and if I could save one for you since they're your favorite."

"Well, I never got one, so clearly you didn't," Lisa grumbled.

"Have you possibly mentioned any of these things to her? Like, just off-handedly?" Seulgi asked.

"No! I mean, sure, she's asked me things about myself, but despite her love of food, we haven't gone into favorite holiday treats or why Gino's East has the best deep dish ever." Eyes eager, her gaze flicked between Rosé and Seulgi. "I... I really don't know why she would just know any of this."

"Well-"

"Whoa, hold on, you guys are spinning," Jisoo interrupted, holding her hands up. "Look, I'm sorry, but just because she knows these things... well, that doesn't mean she's going to remember everything. I mean, I'm not saying she won't, but what she's remembered, in relation to the big picture... you have to admit that it's a slim bet."

Lisa sighed heavily, turning back to Jisoo.

"That's not why I'm-"

"But that does not mean it's not possible," Rosé zealously argued, eyes wide. "This could be a sign!"

"No, Jisoo's right," Seulgi sighed. "And, it sucks, but... I mean, I thought you were okay with this, Manoban? I thought you were okay with the fact that Jennie wasn't going to remember and that this was your life now."

"It's not that. I... Goddamnit you guys, you all know that I love her more than anything in this world. I don't care if she ever remembers anything. I'm not waiting for her to wake up one day and suddenly know every detail of the last seven years, because that's not going to happen and that's not why I'm here! That's not why I brought any of this up! I just... fuck, I need to understand why she only forgot me. I mean, she could've forgotten anyone or anything else. And, I know she didn't make the conscious decision to tag me out, but... well, I just... I thought, maybe, all of these little things... ugh, nevermind"

She sighed heavily, staring at her lap, and trying to calm herself back down as silence overtook the room for a long moment. She'd sworn she wasn't going to get her hopes up and she'd done it anyway. She'd thought this might lead to an answer and it was most likely just a complete fluke. This was hopeless. There wasn't an explanation.

Luck of the fucking draw.

"Hold on." Somehow Jisoo's voice sounded louder than normal within the four walls, startling the other three to quickly look at her. "You're right, she didn't make the conscious decision. And these things that she's remembered, they may be small, and I'm not saying she's going to remember everything-"

"I just said that's not why I'm here!" Lisa interrupted. "She's not getting her memory back!"

"But..." she continued unphased, her face thoughtful and pausing for so long that Lisa nearly fell off of her chair. "Maybe she's not remembering things. Maybe she never forgot. What if... what if she couldn't shut you completely out? What if something held on?"

"So because she has a fascination with food, she subconsciously held onto some of my eating habits? That's ridiculous!"

"It's not. And it's not just the food. The chess and the waltzing... those were things you taught her. Things that were special because they were things the two of you shared."

"We shared a lot of shit, Jisoo, come on!"

"Well, what about the painting thing?" Seulgi asked, her face challenging.

"Again, I will reiterate that some artists share the same fucking style!"

"No, she was talking about one in particular, and if I remember correctly, it was one that got packed up for storage when you guys moved."

"Well, maybe you're confused," she argued.

"No, I'm not. Besides, she always memorized everything you created, down to the last detail, Manoban. She bragged about you to anyone who would listen. She was proud of you," Seulgi continued.

"What does her being proud of me have to do with any of this?" Lisa growled.

"Because she still is!" Seulgi practically yelled. "That hasn't changed! It didn't go away!"

"Seulgi, generally people don't forget when they're proud of something! Again, I ask, why does this matter?"

"Ugh, you are such a pain in the ass."

"Fine!" Jisoo interrupted before Lisa could snap back. "What about the t-shirt thing? You said she knows which shirt specifically to wear when she's going to make a mess. But she used to steal all of your t-shirts constantly."

"She still does," Lisa shrugged. "Every day there's like a fifty-fifty chance that she'll put one on at some point just because. She's worse about it now than she was before she got hurt."

"Exactly! That habit didn't stop with the accident. She showed up in a Johnny Cash one when she met Seulgi and I for coffee like two weeks after she got out of the hospital. And that was when you guys were still in that weird limbo stage, you weren't even 'dating' yet."

"She said she accidentally put it on," Lisa argued, trying to forget the warmth that moment had generated in her stomach all those months ago.

"So what about that fifty-fifty chance on the daily?" Jisoo countered with a small grin and Lisa sighed heavily as she rolled her eyes. "You know why she used to wear them, right?"

Lisa merely shrugged, looking around the room as all three girls shook their heads in sync.

"We used to give her shit about it all the time," Seulgi laughed. "She couldn't name a single song by the Ramones and her knowledge of The Smiths was pretty limited. But she'd always show up to meet us in these shirts. And she'd never cop to the real reason she was wearing them. It was always 'laundry day' or 'a mistake' or 'she was in a hurry.'"

"She finally admitted one day, about a year ago, that it was because it made her feel closer to you," Rosé said with a smile before motioning towards Jisoo and Seulgi. "It made those two tease her even more, but... I personally thought it was very sweet."

Lisa let that sit with her for a moment, as the thought had never occurred to her. It was a habit Jennie had had for as long as they'd lived together, and, as she'd always thought the shirts looked better on Jennie anyway, she never minded.

"I didn't know that," she finally said, her voice a little softer.

"Maybe the reason she's doing it now more than ever is because the two of you have had this block between you," Jisoo offered eagerly. "If this still makes her feel close to you, whether she realizes it or not, maybe it's her way of getting back to what you guys had."

Lisa shook her head and looked away, once again second-guessing her choice to come here. As sweet as the thought was, she wanted answers about why, not theories on something that was impossible.

"Lisa, even those these things are small, maybe she didn't block you out as much as you think," Jisoo said. "Maybe Chaeng's right. Maybe there's a small chance that she'll get some of her memories back. I mean, I'm not trying to get your hopes up but-"

"Jisoo, for the last time, that's not why I'm here!"

"I know, but Lisa, what if she didn't really forget you? What if you're still there, deep in the recesses of her mind, but she separated everything having to do with you out for some reason?"

"Which is exactly what I want to know!" she cried.

"But all these little things that have popped up..." Jisoo continued as if she hadn't heard her. "The songs and the food and the little things she just knows about you... maybe it's you slowly creeping back in. Maybe-"

"No! That's... she may have somehow retained this handful of random things but they clearly don't have anything to do with why I'm all that's missing! She's not going to remember! What part of that are you three lackwits not understanding?" she growled, running a frustrated hang through her hair. "I'm not here hoping for a damn miracle!"

"Ugh, fine, you're here because you want to understand why she only blocked you," Jisoo sighed, folding her hands in front of her.

"Yes!"

"And we've clearly discovered that these things she does know were all positive associations with you. If she wanted to forget you, I'm assuming she would only remember bad things."

"Like how obstinate and argumentative you can be," Seulgi added with a fake smile.

"Maybe you should go," Lisa snarled.

"But as we've also established, dear, she didn't want to forget you. She loved you, Lisa," Rosé added pointedly.

"So if she didn't want to forget me, then what?" She heard the desperation in her voice but she didn't care anymore.

She saw Rosé and Seulgi both shrug, obviously at a loss. But Jisoo... she watched the lightbulb slowly turn on behind her eyes, her face turning thoughtful as she swiveled towards Lisa in her seat.

"Maybe it's not anything you did or didn't do, Lisa. Maybe something else was going on with her."

"Like what?"

"Well, the day of the accident, did anything odd happen?"

"No," Lisa answered, quickly replaying the day in her mind. "We talked on the phone that morning. It was a shorter conversation than normal because I was running late, but I promised I'd call her later after everything was done for the day. And then, later came and went, but I was still working so I didn't call when I was supposed to. And she ended up calling me instead. I just never heard my phone ring, so I didn't answer."

"Did she leave a message or anything?"

"Um... yeah. Yeah, she was on her way home from the airport. She made a lame Jennie joke about my voicemail because she hadn't heard it in months. And then she said she just wanted to hear my voice and that she loved me. And she hoped I was okay."

"But did she sound upset or anything? Because when she called us, something was definitely wrong."

"No, not upset, but... well, maybe kind of anxious," she shrugged. "What do you mean something was wrong though?"

"Just, something was definitely off. She called us on her way home and we invited her over, remember, Chaeng?" Rosé just nodded. "And... she was talking about how sad she was and how much she missed you. She sounded absolutely miserable."

"That's right. I do remember her being far more morose about not seeing you than normal," Rosé added.

"Well, she's never been super fond of us being apart. But what does that have to do with anything?" Lisa asked, desperately glancing back and forth between the two.

"Well, maybe it was more than just being apart," Jisoo said, working through whatever puzzle was forming in her brain. "What about while she was gone? Anything weird?"

"No. She seemed fine and we had the same routine as always."

"Okay, keep going back. Anything unusual the day before the trip?"

"No, nothing. She... well, I was already awake when she woke up that morning. She... convinced me to come back to bed, and we stayed there pretty much all day."

"Gross."

"And there was nothing at all out of the ordinary? The whole day?" Jisoo continued, ignoring Seulgi's side commentary.

"I mean... she did seem a little more antsy than normal as the day wore on. But I just figured it was because of the trip. That week was the first time we were both going to be out of town in over a year, and it was the longest we were going to go without seeing each other in... well, I honestly can't remember."

"Are you sure?" She pressed.

"What in the hell are you getting at, Jisoo?" she cried, the irritation seeping into her voice.

"Just something was going on the day of the accident. She may have been fine when you talked to her that morning, but from then until she called us, something had gotten under her skin," they answered eagerly. "So between that and being antsy the day before the trip, obviously something was up. What... What about the day she left for the trip? Did she say anything to you or do anything odd?"

Lisa looked away, her brow furrowed in concentration, trying to remember Jennie's exact words from that day.

"She had an early flight so I walked her down to the car. I'd just loaded her suitcase into the trunk and she grabbed ahold of me. She said she'd miss me and that she loved me and then she kissed me. And..." She paused, trying to remember anything else. "She told me to drive safe. She wanted me to take the jeep down instead of the bike but-"

"Oh my god... that's..." Jisoo trailed off, her eyes widening just so as the final pieces clicked into place.

"What?" she pleaded, a sudden uncomfortable weight settling in her chest.

"That accident on the highway this past spring! The one that scared the absolute crap out of her!"

Lisa swallowed hard and looked away as she thought back, remembering the utter chaos she'd come home to.

It was mid-May and she'd been out of town once again for work. She was only going to be gone for two days so it wasn't a super long, drawn-out goodbye between her and Jennie, and the brief time they'd been apart, they talked and texted just like always.

She'd gone to the shoot the second day, realizing too late that she hadn't fully charged her phone, a rookie mistake in her fiancée's book. But she'd been able to fire off a quick text to the younger girl just as she was getting on the road that afternoon, letting her know she was on her way. She'd thought nothing of it after that, simply driving along, looking forward to her own bed next to the woman she loved that night. And she was making pretty good time, or she was until she hit a small snag on the highway back. It had taken hours to get through the mangled mess of traffic, and she knew Jennie would probably be worried that it had taken her far longer than it should have. But she never expected to come home, open the door, and find their house full of all of their friends, and Jennie in full-on panic mode.

The smaller girl immediately ran to her as the door shut, wrapping herself around her fully as the tears started to stream down her face. Carefully putting her own arms around the younger girl, she looked around at the relieved faces of their friends, thoroughly confused.

"Good to see you too, cutie."

"Where in the hell have you been?" Jennie demanded, finally pulling away but still gripping tightly to her t-shirt, her teary eyes furious, teeth clenched.

"There was a lot of traffic on the way back."

"And your phone is turned off because...?" she pushed.

"Ugh, I forgot to charge it. It died not long after I told you I was leaving. I didn't think it would be a big deal though."

"You jerk! I thought... I thought..." But she gave up, her arms desperately winding around Lisa's waist once again, leaving a trail of tears into the shoulder of her shirt as she sobbed.

Once more, she looked up to their friends, who all looked a little upset as well, but also, somehow relieved.

'What's going on?' she mouthed in their direction, hoping someone would fill her in.

"The traffic was from a pretty nasty accident," Jisoo said quietly as she pulled Rosé close. "And... there was a bike involved. Same make as yours."

"Oh." She looked around, now understanding the worry but... Isn't this taking it a bit too far, she thought as she looked from one set of frightened eyes to the next. "Well, I mean, I'm sorry, but-"

"There were multiple fatalities," Ryujin interrupted, her voice angry. "It's been all over the news for hours."

"And she hasn't been able to get ahold of you," Jackson added softly.

Oh shit.

"Fuck. Jennie, I'm sorry," she said, pulling back just enough to look into the other girl's red-rimmed eyes, the guilt at that moment ripping viciously into her gut. "I'm so sorry, cupcake. I swear I didn't know and... oh god, come here." She pulled the smaller girl back in, holding tight as Jennie's tears continued to fall.

Jennie had clung to her that whole night and most of the next day, still furious and spouting off this and that before wrapping herself around her, and burying her face back into Lisa's neck, unwilling to let go despite her anger.

Lisa had felt horrible for scaring the tiny brunette, but she hadn't done it on purpose. And she honestly hadn't thought of it again after a few days had passed. She'd gotten a charging station installed on the bike, at Jennie's insistence, and things had slowly returned to normal.

"She hung up with us like five minutes before that truck hit her car. And she said that she'd just tried to get ahold of you, but you didn't answer. She... she sounded worried," Jisoo said, sagging ever so slightly into her chair.

"But she knew where I was!" Suddenly that weight in her chest tripled, nearly pulling her down to the floor as it descended.

"It scared her, Lisa. And I didn't think about it when she called but... the way she was talking..."

"What?" Lisa pressed. "What did she say?"

"She knew she was being dramatic, but she wanted to get it out. She said something about how she didn't know what she'd do without you. That she didn't know how she'd live without you. And something about... ugh, what did she say, Chaeng?"

"That she never wanted to know a world without you in it," Rosé answered quietly, her own eyes sad.

Jesus.

"So what does that mean? She... she blocked me out because she was scared of losing me?!" The idea was so completely farfetched, and yet...

"Lisa, she was terrified something had happened to you earlier this year. And if that was in her mind at the time, if she was really that worried about losing you, it's possible that that's why you're the only one she's missing."

"Jisoo, that makes absolutely no sense!"

"Yes, it does! Traumatic events have an impact. A big one. I've been reading about this stuff for months now and, dammit, why didn't I see this before?"

"See what?"

"That whole thing... last spring and her thinking she lost you and worrying about you since then any time you took the bike out... if that fear caused the disassociation, then that's it! By the time she woke up in the hospital, you were gone from her mind!"

But... no... I...

"And," Jisoo continued, her voice much softer, "I mean, that whole thing... Lisa, we know how much you love her. And we know that no one in this world knows her better than you. I just... I don't think you realize just how much it scared her."

"But... I mean, she was fine after a few days," she argued. This couldn't be it. She couldn't be the reason Jennie had been put in this position.

"How many times did you guys take the bike out this summer?" Seulgi asked quietly.

"I mean, not a lot but... well, we were busy with work... and the wedding and... fuck."

How had she not noticed this before? Sure, Jennie hadn't been a huge fan of the bike when she'd initially gotten it a little over two years earlier, but she'd slowly come around. And after Lisa had finally convinced her to come along for a ride a few weeks after she'd purchased it, Jennie had held tight to her waist and laughed loudly the entire time. The smaller girl still gave her guff about it from time to time but was never quick to turn down a ride during those gorgeous sunny days.

The previous summer's rides had greatly dwindled in frequency, and looking back, Lisa had noticed that Jennie hadn't laughed as often as they took the twists and turns. But she still kept their bodies pressed together at every juncture and held tight. Sometimes...

Too tight. Oh god, she got hurt and...

"This is all my fault," she said, her voice almost inaudible.

"Lisa, no! That's not what I'm saying at all! I just meant the thought of losing you earlier this year absolutely terrified her. Between keeping that worry inside and getting hurt, it might've made the perfect storm," Jisoo said, eyes eager. "I just... you wanted to know why. This could be it."

"Dammit, why didn't I just agree to take the fucking jeep!" Lisa growled, completely ignoring the argument. She stomped off of her stool, pacing back and forth from one end of the kitchen to the other, fists clenched at her sides, jaw taut in anger. "I did this."

"Come now, Lisa, you can't blame yourself for this."

"But if I'd have just-"

"Manoban, you didn't do this!" Seulgi stepped in, eyes hard, stopping Lisa in her tracks as she met them. "Yes, she was worried about you. And yes, that whole thing this past spring scared the absolute shit out of her. But you didn't do anything to hurt her. It... it was an accident."

"Yeah, an accident that I completely ignored how she felt about!" She grabbed onto the counter, eyes downcast, knuckles tight.

You broke her. You broke her!

"Lisa, stop! Look, this may or not be it," Jisoo argued. "But it doesn't matter anymore. What's happened... it's done. And yes, it's unfortunate that she lost the last seven years of her life with you. But, I mean, come on. You've been next to her every step of the way since! You haven't given up on her! I know it's hard but-"

"She's worth it," Lisa interrupted. "She will always be worth it."

And that was true. Jennie was the love of her life and she'd do anything for her for as long as she could.

But that's not true. She asked you not to take the bike. She asked you more times than you can count and you ignored her! she thought as she stared down at her fists, pushing down the ache that had taken over her entire body. If you just would've listened, you wouldn't be in this mess! And you wouldn't have hurt her. It's all your fault.

Present...

"Are you okay?" Lisa asked quietly from where she leaned against the corner of the wall on the other side of the room. She watched Jennie, sitting on the couch, staring down at her hands, looking so small and...

Hurt. You hurt her again.

Jennie had stayed quiet the entire time, which was more than surprising. And it worried her. A quiet Jennie Kim was never a good thing. She'd expected questions at rapid fire and angry accusations. Maybe even some good old-fashioned yelling. But, now that the story was done, and she'd admitted everything, the silence was unnerving her even more.

"Jennie...?"

She watched the smaller girl close her eyes, her fingers clenching back and forth in front of her.

Heaving a deep sigh, she pushed herself off the corner of the wall and slowly moved further into the room, edging closer and closer before carefully sitting on the trunk in front of the tiny brunette, leaning in but not touching.

"Jennie... I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about going to your friends," she said, her voice remorseful. "I wasn't trying to hide this or anything like that. All these little things that you've remembered, I thought maybe there was a connection. And I went to them because I thought they might know something that I didn't. I just..."

"You just what?" she asked quietly, eyes refusing to meet Lisa's.

"I just wanted to try and find some answers first before I approached you about it. And... I didn't want you to find out about it from them. I asked that they let me talk to you first. I should've known they couldn't keep their damn mouths shut. But... either way..."

She watched the younger girl blink slowly, her jaw clenching tightly, but staying silent.

"Look, I know I'm a shit and I should've just told you right from the get-go. I... I'm sorry. For everything. It's... it's all my fault," she trailed off, looking away, guilty.

"That's... no, it's not all your fault," Jennie quietly countered.

Lisa's gaze quickly moved back, eyes eager, her heart rate speeding up.

"Or... at least me losing my memory isn't."

What?!

"What does that mean?" she asked nervously. It was all her fault.

"Lisa," she started, her voice uneven. She cleared her throat once before trying again. "I understand why you have these questions. I understand that you just want some answers."

"I do! But that didn't give me the right to go about it the way that I did," she argued.

"You're right, it didn't."

Oh fuck.

She watched as Jennie finally looked up, her eyes a combination of hurt and fury, and Lisa felt it hit right in the center of her chest.

"It..." Jennie started once again, taking a deep breath. "It seems you've been going about a few things the wrong way lately."

And suddenly, this wasn't just about the accident anymore. There was more here that she wasn't seeing.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her brow furrowing as she felt her own defenses start to kick in. Yes, she'd screwed up. She was the reason they were in this mess to begin with and she'd gone behind Jennie's back looking for answers. But she'd been trying so hard to do right by her girlfriend for months now!

"My friends didn't tell me about today. I didn't know you went to see them. I haven't even talked to any of them in... days."

"Oh! Okay, well... look, I get that you're pissed now, and rightfully so," she said eagerly. "But, then why were you upset when you got home?"

"Because I did run into someone this afternoon."

"Yeah?" She quickly wracked her brain, trying to come up with anything else she could've possibly done that would deserve the true Jennie Kim Wrath that was sitting on the horizon.

"Kim Sejeong..."

She felt her brow furrow even deeper as she stared back into those furious brown eyes, her confusion growing.

"And...?"

Jennie's sigh echoed into the room as she shook her head and looked away.

"I obviously didn't know who she was right away. She... she looked kind of familiar, but I just couldn't place her. So... go ahead and add that to the list of 'weird crap Jennie remembers but can't figure out,'" she snipped.

And another blow.

"Jennie, come on, that's... cupcake, I'm not keeping score here," she tried, hating how hard the smaller girl's gaze was. "I only went to your friends because I wanted to find out why I'm all that's gone."

"I know. And again, I understand that, but..." She trailed off once more, looking down at her hands, still tight in her lap. "Today, she um... she said you'd called to postpone the wedding. And then-"

"Originally, yeah, I did," she eagerly interrupted. "But then I called her and told it was off. I... I'm sorry. I know I should've canceled everything right away. I just, I don't know. I thought we might still-"

"Lisa, that's not what I'm getting at," she said, her voice frighteningly even. "I can understand why you initially called to say we might need more time. And, honestly, I can even understand canceling everything. I mean, even if that's where we want to end up someday, we have a lot of ground to cover first. I just..." She watched the smaller girl's gaze move up to hers, the storm behind her eyes brewing larger and larger with each second that ticked by. "When did you call her?"

Why the hell does this matter?

Lisa hadn't come to the decision lightly. She'd fought herself about it since she'd initially pushed the wedding back. But it was a decision she had to make. Jennie wasn't ready for anything, including getting married, and though it was a hard pill to swallow, it was one she had to accept.

"The first time was before you came home from the hospital," she answered, her posture sagging, head falling, eyes downcast. "I thought that maybe you just needed some time. That if your memory came back, we could always try to go with the original plan, but just in case..."

"And the second call?" Jennie pushed after she trailed off.

The moment of silence that followed seemed to stretch on for far longer than necessary, the quiet around them strained and tense, ready to shatter at the smallest misstep.

"It was the day after you bolted," Lisa finally answered, her voice defeated. "After you ran to Jisoo and Rosé's."

"So, I was conscious for both," Jennie said, her tone mocking.

"What?" She snapped her gaze back to the tiny brunette, suddenly finding her own anger fighting to the surface. "Jennie, what the hell are you getting at here?"

I did the right thing and now I'm getting shit for it?

"And when you called her..." she continued, ignoring the question. "You told her the wedding was off. And you told her that we were over," Jennie said, her voice breaking ever so slightly on that last word.

"I don't remember the conversation word for word, Jennie," she answered, shrugging. And that was the truth. She'd lost the love of her life and she was heartbroken. "It wasn't the most pleasant phone call I've ever made."

"But you said it," Jennie pressed.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I said that the wedding wasn't going to happen. I mean, it wasn't. It's not."

Another moment of silence passed, somehow even more charged, a bomb just waiting to explode.

"Look, I don't want to make this worse. I know that I messed up that day. I know running out was a terrible mistake and that it only made things between us more complicated. And, I know I hurt you, and I hate that I did. But... I just... I can't believe you did this," she said with an incredulous huff.

"You can't believe I did what?"

"You just quit," Jennie said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I had not quit!" she countered, eyes earnest.

"Yes, you did. And... you did it all without ever saying a word to me. That's... that's why I'm upset," she said, her tone once again even and lifelessness. "You didn't talk to me."

"What was I supposed to say?" Lisa asked with her own huff, gaze skeptical.

"I don't know. How about 'hey, cupcake, you know how people keep saying that I'm your fiancée? Well, we need to talk about that.'"

She felt her eyes roll as she shook her head, doing everything she could to keep herself in check.

"Jennie, you ran out of the house because you freaked out and wanted to get away from me."

"I didn't want to get away from you! But I needed to figure out how I felt about all of this and how in the hell I was going to get through it. How I was going to get to the point to tell you that even though I still wanted you, I needed more time."

"Well, then I did you a favor. I canceled the wedding and gave you time," she said, her voice taking on that gruff tone she so rarely used with the smaller girl.

"That's not... ugh, no. That's not the same thing, Lisa. Look, again, I know we are not ready to get married. That's not why I'm upset. I just... was it really that easy for you to just give up and never say anything?" she pleaded.

"I wasn't giving up! Jennie, you had no feelings for me."

"That's not true! I did have feelings for you and you know it!"

The volume of their voices continued to rise with each trade-off, the mutual annoyance growing with each exchange.

"Jennie, you had an innocent little crush on me," she finally scoffed. "That does not a fiancée make."

"You are infuriating!"

***

"You are infuriating!" she exclaimed, standing up and stomping to the other side of the room, combing her hands through her hair in complete aggravation. She looked up, taking in the irritated expression on Lisa's face, and huffed once more.

"What the hell? I know I deserve some shit today for not telling you about the Jisoo and Rosé visit beforehand. And you have every right to be pissed about the accident. But how did this turn into a fight about a wedding that you have never even asked about? About a wedding that you agree we're not ready for?" Lisa pushed, standing and turning to face her, her own hands gesturing erratically.

"It's not a fight! It's a heated discussion!" she argued. "And it's not about the damn wedding! I'm upset because you were ready to just walk away! You were done! You made a choice and you didn't even bother to talk to me first! You just did it!"

"Are you serious right now? Jennie, I have been here, by your side, this whole time! I have never walked away from you!" she growled, stepping around the trunk, but keeping her distance.

"You were done! And I don't know if it was because... because..." she squeaked and she hated that her voice had cracked again at that moment.

"Because what?"

Oh god.

"That morning..." she hiccupped. "I knew I had made a huge mistake in running out! And I was so angry with myself because I was a coward and I knew that I'd hurt you!"

"Jennie, why are we rehashing this now?"

"Because I need to understand! I..." She swallowed hard and briefly glanced away, blinking rapidly and attempting to gather herself before finding Lisa's own angry eyes. "Do you love me?"

She watched as Lisa's brow furrowed, her mouth falling slack.

"What kind of question is that?! You know I do!"

"No. I'm not talking about the me you've spent the last seven years with. I'm not talking about that Jennie. I'm talking about the one standing in front of you, right now!"

"Jennie, you are you! Why can't you accept that?" Lisa demanded back.

Because what if that was why you gave up? What if the reason was because you didn't want me without the memories?

"Did you see me as me when you called to cancel? Did you see me as the same when you gave up on us?"

"I didn't give up!" Lisa all but yelled, teeth clenched. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because you did! You said it yourself!" she fumed. "And, apparently, you told our wedding planner that we 'weren't going to work out' before you even told me!"

"Now wait a goddamn minute! I didn't tell her that we weren't going to work out!" she argued, pointing back and forth between the two of them. "I may not remember that shitty conversation word for word but I didn't say that. I said the wedding wasn't going to work out and I was fucking right! And not because I didn't want to be with you or because I saw you as a different person or any other bullshit reason! It wasn't going to work out because you weren't in love with me anymore!"

Jennie paused, taken aback, replaying the conversation from earlier that day in her head.

"She didn't go into specific details. She simply said that considering the circumstances, it wasn't going to work out."

"Wait, so you didn't tell her we were over?" she asked desperately, the burning behind her eyes getting stronger.

"No!"

"But... well..." It doesn't matter what she said, she still never told you! "You still made a choice!" she cried, her anger at the original issue surging back. "And in making that choice, you never said a word to me!"

"Oh my god, no, I didn't say a word to you! You're right. Maybe because I didn't want to deal with more panicked hysteria!"

"What?! Panicked hysteria?!"

"Yes! It just would've freaked you out and, quite frankly, I wasn't feeling super enthusiastic about watching you run away again!"

"Oh, that's a low blow, Lisa."

"Maybe it is. But, dammit, Jennie, up until then, everything scared the shit out of you," she said, taking a deep breath and lowering the volume of her voice. "And yeah, I really thought I had lost you completely at that point. I had no reason to think otherwise. So I made a decision and I didn't tell you."

"And today at Jisoo and Rosé's? Why couldn't you have said something to me before that? God, this is my life too, you know?" she cried.

"I know. And I will fully take the shit storm you want to divvy out right now for that because I deserve it. I should've told you before I talked to them. I should've been honest and then I wouldn't have had to deal with Jisoo trying to take my equipment apart because I let her borrow a goddamn camera!"

"This isn't a joke, Lisa," she snapped.

"I'm aware of that. But, Jennie, I thought that if on the off-chance, you had said something to them before the accident... if you had really wanted out and they knew about it... well, if you weren't there, it would've been easier, for everyone."

"For as happy as everyone says we were, you seem to have a lot of opinions on reasons I might leave you."

"Okay, now you're acting like a shit," she growled.

"Lisa!" she warned.

"Look, I know that this hasn't been easy for you and that my insecurities about you not staying here haven't helped anything. I know that I've made you doubt yourself and who you are... and doubt us, and I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry! I hate that I've made you feel this way and that I've made things harder. But, dammit, it hasn't been easy for me either."

"I'm well aware that you drew a short straw in all of this! But you can't do this, Lisa! You can't go around trying to find answers about me without me there. You can't go around making decisions about us without ever talking to me. That's not how this relationship is supposed to work and that's... that's why I'm so pissed at you!"

"You're right! Not including one another has never been part of our agenda. I know I should've talked to you about my visit to your friends. And... maybe I should've talked to you about the wedding!" she conceded, her gaze falling away. "But I was between a rock and a hard place, and I made a choice."

"You chose to give up because I wasn't me!" she yelled.

"What did I just say?! I never wanted to give up and, goddamnit, Jennie, you are you!"

"But you were willing to! That morning, when I tried to talk to you and explain everything, you were willing to let me go!"

"Because I wanted you to be happy!" Lisa growled.

"And I wanted you!" she cried, her vision blurring as the tears finally spilled over.

Finally, it had all come full circle. It wasn't about any choices Lisa had made for them and what she had or hadn't told Jennie. It wasn't about who loved who more. It wasn't about Jennie learning to trust herself again. It wasn't about whether or not they would stay together after everything that happened. It was all of those things and so many more. It was all their insecurities and doubts that had been lingering below the surface for months, wrapped up in a package that they were both trying so desperately to mend. It was the past and the present and the future, all rolled together, and looking for a way to go on. It was the two of them, standing there, deciding whether or not they wanted to fight for each other. Whether or not they wanted to fight for their happy ending.

And Jennie already knew what she wanted. She'd known all along. Even with all the uncertainties warring within her, telling her to do this or that, whether or not she wanted to be with Lisa had never been a question.

She watched as the frustration on Lisa's face slowly melted, her eyes going soft around the edges as they stared at each other, the anger evaporating into the rafters.

"I wanted you," she finally said, voice soft and wet. "Maybe it wasn't the end of the world, can't eat, can't sleep, heartbreakingly amazing love that we had, but I wanted you, Lili." She waited for a beat, watching as Lisa looked away, that doubtful expression taking over her features. "You can't get mad at me for not being able to accept that I'm the same person if you're not willing to accept the fact that I love you and that this is what I want. I know I screwed up but I never intended to let you go. And I didn't want you to let me go either."

"Jennie... you weren't in love with me anymore," she said, defeated.

"Just because I wasn't in love with you then didn't mean that I didn't want to love you. Lili, since the moment I saw you in that stupid hospital... there's just been something there. Something that I can't deny."

"Jennie, I... I was a stranger to you," Lisa sighed sadly. "There was nothing there."

"That's bull crap!" she cried. "You just went searching for a reason, a reason that it's only you that's gone. You did that because there's always been something there. You did that because all of these little familiar things keep popping up. You did that because you wanted an answer and you thought these memories might give you one!"

She watched Lisa look away again, the older girl's jaw clenching ever so slightly, her fists following suit.

"Yeah, maybe I've lost a lot. But I obviously didn't lose everything! There was... Jisoo's right, and whether I realized it or not, something about you just wouldn't leave my mind."

"Yeah, and it was the really important things to remember too," she scoffed.

"They are! It doesn't matter how big or small, it's something. And even if I didn't know any of these things... even if I couldn't remember a single thing about you, there's still always been that pull." She paused, watching as Lisa's eyes finally met hers, Lisa's sadness matching her own and frantically pulling at her heart. "I am drawn to you for some inexplicable reason! I don't know what it is or how to explain it or even if it's really real! But there's something deep inside of me that held on. Something that would not let you go."

"Jennie..." she sighed, running a hand through her hair as she looked away.

"What?" she asked desperately, hands worrying together in front of her, waiting a long moment, and then... nothing.

Lisa kept her gaze down, shoulders sagging, looking utterly exhausted and crushed.

"Please! You would've talked to me before, why can't you now?" she asked desperately, stepping closer to her girlfriend. "If you really believe that I'm still me, then-"

"You are," she interrupted, eyes finally meeting Jennie's, the sadness there so devastatingly aching that Jennie almost had to look away. "You are you. You're my Jennie and you always will be. I..." Lisa sighed heavily, collapsing back onto the trunk behind her, eyes falling to the floor at her feet. "Dammit, I fucked up. You're right. I should've talked to you before I canceled. I just... I didn't want to pressure you. I... I had already lost you. You didn't want this."

"But I'm still here," she said, her voice cracking for a third time and she swallowed hard as more tears slowly slid down her cheeks. She cautiously stepped forward again, carefully sitting on the trunk next to her girlfriend, close but not touching. "You have to trust that as much as I want and need you, Lili, I can handle this stuff. It might not always be the most comfortable and easy conversation, but if we're really going to be us again, then we need to talk."

"I know. I... I didn't want to end it, Jennie," she sighed. "I just thought it would be kinder to let you go than to force you to stay out of obligation."

Obligation?

"Did you... did you choose to stay here by my side through all of this because you felt obligated?" she squeaked.

"No! Never," Lisa answered, looking up, eyes earnest.

"Well, I didn't choose to stay out of obligation either," she said, gently reaching up and tucking a wayward hair behind Lisa's ear, her fingertips lingering as the older girl ever so slightly leaned into her touch. "I want to be here, Lili. I want to be here with you." She sighed sadly as Lisa looked away, but she wasn't about to give this up. "Were you really so absolutely sure that we weren't what the other needed?"

"I never said that's why, Jennie. I hate the idea of my life without you. You're..." She waited quietly, watching Lisa struggle with whatever was coming next, the older girl's eyes falling away once more as she quietly uttered, "You're it for me. But... I'd rather you be happy without me than miserable with me."

"Lili, I love you. And this is where I want to be."

But Lisa didn't respond. She just kept her head down, eyes focused on the floor, sagging in on herself. And Jennie saw that same insecure little girl that she normally kept locked away, deep inside, surfacing more and more as the seconds ticked by.

Was this who Lisa would've permanently become if Jennie had left? Would they both have just become empty shells? Would they really both be able to live without the other?

My god.

"You were really willing to walk away if it meant I'd be happy?" A shrug. "What... what if I would've let you? If I'd agreed with you and told you that we were over and that I didn't want to try... what would you have done?"

She watched the older girl's face somehow fall even further, the sight bringing more tears to her own eyes.

"I would've let you go," she finally said, her voice low and dejected.

"But I would've missed out on so much with you!"

She watched Lisa slowly turn those incredible dark eyes to her, the emotions there chaotically swirling around, so heartbreakingly sad.

"No, you wouldn't have," she said finally, her voice so disheartened but Jennie saw exactly what she was trying to do.

"How do you know that?" she asked desperately, pushing. "How do you know what I would've done without you?"

She still doesn't know how incredible she is!

"Because I know you. You're strong and resilient." She waited a long moment as Lisa's brow pulled together, her mouth opening and closing twice before she finally could get out what she wanted to say, and when she did, Jennie swore her heart literally torn in two. "You would've been just fine without me."

A fresh batch of tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and she felt her breath catch in her throat at that moment, the smothering feeling of complete sorrow overtaking her.

"But... what about you?" she asked with a sniffle. And to her utter despair, Lisa merely shrugged again. "Dammit, Lisa, you deserve to be happy too! You deserve so much more than that!"

The fact that Lisa was willing to stay heartbroken and alone if Jennie had wanted to end things... well, the thought absolutely gutted her. The fact that her girlfriend would've been willing to give up everything for Jennie's happiness and comfort... to watch her try to restart her life without Lisa at her side... to watch her maneuver through the different obstacles that were bound to be thrown at her... to watch her move on and possibly find someone else...

And she never would've known just how much she was really missing. She never would've known how much she could love this amazing girl.

She loves me that much that she was willing to give up her own happiness if it meant I would be happy. But I love her now too, and she still can't see.

"What?" Lisa asked, turning her body towards her, clearly picking up on the shift.

"Lili, you know I love you right?" she asked, her eyes once again desperate.

"Yeah, I know," she said quietly, looking down.

"I love you so much. And I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I knew! I knew almost two weeks ago and I held it back because I didn't want to hurt you if I was wrong. And I know even outside of that... I've still hurt you over these last few months."

"Jennie, you didn't do anything intentional. The circumstances... I mean, they haven't been great, but... we got more time together."

"More time...?" She reached for the hand closest to her, sandwiching it between her own in her lap. "No, Lili, you need to hear me. Yes, this is new. And in an everyday, meet on the street, start out dating, and move on from the relationship, being as invested as I am would be unheard of. It would be crazy and stupid. And even if, despite our situation, it's still crazy and stupid to want this, then that's what I am. Yes, we 'started over' but there's always been more there. There's always been something between us. We have seven years of history and, whether or not I remember, that's still a part of us. And it always will be." She reached up, cupping Lisa's cheek, Lisa's eyes staring into her own, the fear and doubt and hope viciously warring within them. "I know it's hard because it's been months but... I'm so in love with you that it's driving me crazy. And I want you forever, not just until the newness wears thin. This... this is where I will always want to be."

She watched Lisa study her for a long moment, eyes softening with each word but still holding on to a piece of that protective wall. It didn't matter. Jennie was not going to give this up. They weren't going to lose each other.

"I know it took you a while to see it all those years ago. I know it took time for you to really believe that I was in love with you and that we were going to be together. And I'm not going to push you but... I really need you to know that I mean it. I'll happily remind you every day if I have to. I'll do whatever you need to feel it... to know it."

Lisa still stared for a long moment, and Jennie worried that this was far from over. Worried that Lisa would just push her away and try to brush it all off. But then, Lisa reached up, slowly wrapping her hand around the nape of Jennie's neck, pulling her closer, and resting their foreheads together.

"I can't promise I won't need those reminders," she finally said, voice soft. "In fact, I'm almost positive they're going to be a requirement for a while."

"Every day it is," Jennie said, pressing closer, the corners of her lips just barely turning up. "And I really do love you, so much." She slowly leaned in letting her lips brush against the older girl's cheek, lingering there for a moment when Lisa's fingers gently moved up into her hair. "We're going to get through this. I'm... I'm not letting you go." She sighed as she felt some of the tension leave Lisa's hand in her lap, the older girl sagging just a little against her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. About... about all of it," Lisa finally said after a few long moments of silence.

"It's okay, I understand. The wedding... it wasn't a good time for us. And this morning... well, I know you didn't do it to hurt me."

"I never want to hurt you," she said, pulling back just enough to meet Jennie's gaze, her own eyes eager.

"I know," she nodded, and she really did. That had never even been a question. But there were still other questions. "Did you... did you guys think of any other reason besides that accident last spring that I may have blocked you out?" She hated the little flicker of hope that ignited in her chest at the thought of finally finding an answer, but she couldn't deny it was there.

"No. It's... it's all my fault," Lisa said, her voice broken, pulling away again, leaving Jennie's side cold.

"Lisa, no, that's ridiculous. You didn't do anything wrong!" She pulled Lisa back with one hand, the other wrapping in her hair and gripping tightly. "Jisoo, Rosé... Seulgi, they're all right. This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault."

"But-"

"No!" She immediately cut her off. This was not something they needed to hash out. "I get why I would've been worried. Even without remembering... if something like that happened now and I thought you were gone, it would destroy me, Lili. But that doesn't mean you're to blame."

"But-"

"No!" she interrupted again, hands gripping tighter. "Just... no. I understand if that's going to take you a while to accept but I'm not blaming you for this. You didn't take my memories. You've... you've given me a whole new world, Lili. How many people get to say that about the person they love?"

Lisa finally looked back up and Jennie didn't even bother to wait. She kissed her, softly but kept their lips pressed together as seconds turned to minutes, holding tight. When she finally pulled back, looking into those dark eyes, she still saw that worry. But she was determined to fight it with every ounce of her being if she had to because...

I'm not losing her. And I'm not letting her destroy herself over this.

"Besides, it's nice that I didn't really lose everything," she continued. "I just... I didn't even realize that I'd just known any of those little things. I mean, playing chess, that was a pretty obvious one. And the waltzing... I guess that would be too, but everything else, it's like... it's like it's there but for no reason."

"I know."

"So, I don't even know if I'll ever even realize if it happens again. And I don't know what any of it means but, I just... I don't want you to get your hopes up that maybe it's all coming back," she said, eyes sad.

"I'm not!" Lisa argued, reaching up to cup Jennie's cheek. "I mean, is it nice that once in a while, you just know something about me or about us? Sure. But relationships are about getting to know someone. Knowing all those little things about them that you love or that drive you crazy or that make them this way or that. Even after seven years, with how well I know you, I wasn't done learning yet."

"Are you sure? Because I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Jennie, stop. It fucking sucks that you lost all that time, I know. But I'm not waiting for you to remember it all. Cupcake, I'm not here with you because I think one day you'll wake up and it'll all be there. I'm here because I love you. I'm here because you're all I want."

She waited another long moment, staring into Lisa's eyes, searching for anything hidden, but the truth was there, plain as day. It wasn't about the memories. It was just the two of them, in love.

"Okay," she finally whispered, sagging into her girlfriend more and more as the seconds ticked by. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start a fight."

"No, you have every right to be upset," she said, her thumb ghosting along Jennie's cheek.

"And I'm sorry I never asked about any of the wedding stuff. That's my fault, one hundred percent. I just... I guess as you've told me stuff about all our years together... well, we started from the beginning." She shrugged, her grip on Lisa's hand loosening as she let her fingers glide along the soft pale skin of her wrist just below her leather cuff. "I thought we had time and we'd get there when we did. There was no rush."

"There still isn't," Lisa said, her voice just as gentle.

"Well... how long have we been engaged?"

She watched Lisa's lips just barely turn up at the corners, her eyes softening even further, and Jennie let herself completely melt into her touch.

"A little over a year."

"Why did it take us so long?" She immediately heard the callousness behind the question and quickly backpedaled. "I mean, were we waiting for something or...?"

"No. We never even talked about it. I mean, it was just kind of a given that we wanted to be together."

"How did it happen?"

"How did what happen?"

"How did we get engaged?" she asked, fingers moving upwards, now teasing at Lisa's elbow. "Did you ask me or did I ask you? Or did we just decide to do it one day?"

"No, it was me."

"Tell me?" she gently pleaded.

"Oh, is it story time again?" Lisa asked with a quiet chuckle, and it was music to Jennie's ears.

I adore that sound.

"Well, I think we need something to even out the day," she said with a shrug, smiling softly and pressing their foreheads together. "Please?"

One Year and Three Months Earlier...

"I don't know..." Lisa sighed, running her hand through her hair in frustration as she stared down into the brightly lit glass case in front of her. "I have no fucking clue."

"Language, Lisa," Rosé chastised from her right as Jackson snickered behind her. She rolled her eyes at Miss Prim and Proper and wondered again why in the hell she had asked her to come today. "And that's not true, you will find the right ring. Maybe you just haven't seen it yet."

"Or maybe every damn one looks the same and none of them are good enough for Jennie."

She'd been teetering on the edge for months since she'd decided to propose, trying to come up with the perfect way to do it. She'd pulled Mr. Kim aside when he'd been in town visiting a month ago, right after their move into the condo, and after a few awkward moments of stuttering, which had him completely baffled, she finally spit out the question, and asked for his permission. She wasn't quite sure why, but having his approval mattered to her more than she wanted to admit. Probably because Jennie thinks the world of him and he hasn't hated me for a while. Best to keep it that way. He'd stared at her for a minute, hard-faced and making her sweat before cracking a small grin and nodding as he reached out to shake her hand, his grip tightening a little too hard. She quickly got the message.

"Well, what about one of these over here?" Rosé suggested pointing to the glass case a few sections away from where she stood.

This was the third weekend she'd spent shopping and she'd lost count of how many jewelry stores she'd gone to. She'd started out with the big name, go-to's, that seemed to be the obvious answer, and had slowly made her way to smaller and smaller shops when none of them had anything that grabbed her attention. Thus, leading her to invite Rosé along to see if she could maybe see something that she was missing. Jackson had just happened to show up at the house, uninvited of course, when they were leaving, and had begged to let him tag along.

She shuffled over to where Rosé stood, shoving her hands into her back pockets, and taking in the collection Rosé was pointing to before sighing once again. The rings there were beautiful, there was no question about it. But none of them was the right one. None of them looked like they belonged on Jennie's finger for the rest of their lives.

"Ugh, forget it. Let's just go. This is hopeless."

"Is there something in particular that you're looking for?" The voice came from the middle-aged woman that had eyed them suspiciously when they'd walked into the shop, and rightfully so when Jackson almost knocked over a display smack dab in the middle of the room thirty seconds later.

"Why, yes, thank you," Rosé chirped up with a smile. "You have a very lovely collection here but we're looking for something a little less... generic." Lisa rolled her eyes when the woman huffed out incredulously, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Or just something more unique, dude," Jackson tried, only to receive the same response.

Idiots.

"Look, these really are beautiful," Lisa sighed. "But... my girlfriend deserves something so special. Do you... do you have anything else that's not out here?"

The woman seemed to take a moment as she considered Lisa, looking her up and down before landing on her face, searching.

"What's her name, dear?"

"Jennie."

"And how long have you been together?"

"Almost six years."

"And what makes her so special?"

Lisa smiled lopsidedly, glancing down for a moment as her mind flooded with all things Jennie Kim.

"Everything," she said, shaking her head in amusement.

"That's a very broad statement," the woman countered, clearly unimpressed.

"Yeah, well, there's no one else in this world like Jennie. And even if I stood here all day, talking to you about her, it still wouldn't do her justice."

"Try," she challenged, her eyes narrowing.

Lisa stared back, nodding once when the woman didn't look away.

"She's... she's incredible. She's got the kindest heart of anyone you'll ever meet and all she wants is to do the right thing. And to help the people she cares about, even if she shouldn't. But once she's on a mission, she will not be deterred, so there's no point in arguing. She's super inquisitive and always gets into trouble because of sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. And then when she's trying to get herself out of said trouble, it's always fun to watch because she plots and schemes, and usually just ends up digging herself into a much deeper hole. She's absolutely brilliant and amazing at reading people, which means she knows exactly when to call me on my shit. And she's scrappy, so she'll keep fighting until the end. Of course, she also keeps fighting because she's stubborn as hell. She's her own person and what path she's following is the one she's created herself. It's brave and stupid and miraculous. And I'm crazy about her."

"That's not the answer I was expecting," the woman said, a small smile pulling at her lips. "I was waiting for 'beautiful' or 'thoughtful' or 'sweet.'"

"She's those things too, and a million more," Lisa agreed. "But she's too unique to throw a generic label on. And if I did, she'd just tear it off anyway and tell me why labels are unfair and a part of the patriarchy and continue to argue fifteen other reasons why she's not this or that. She's just... Jennie."

The woman stared at her for another moment, her hard gaze still searching Lisa's face before slowly unfolding her arms from the front of her chest.

"Wait here for a moment." Lisa frowned as the woman elegantly spun on her heel and walked into the back of the shop without another glance.

She turned and looked to Rosé and Jackson, who both just shrugged at her and moved their gazes back towards where the woman had just vanished, watching and waiting. And thirty seconds later, she reappeared, wooden box in hand.

"I don't keep these out here with the regular stock. They're very special and all a little older. I believe the term you young people use is 'vintage'. But, it sounds like you have a rather remarkable young lady. She deserves a remarkable ring."

The woman opened the box, carefully pulling out three smaller ring boxes and opening each one as she set them down for Lisa to see. They were all gorgeous in their own right, each one unique and unlike anything she'd seen in any of the stores she'd gone to. But the one on the right...

"That's it," Lisa said, a small smile touching her lips as she stared. "That's the one."

"Are you sure, dear?" the woman asked, smiling softly.

It's perfect.

"Positive."

"Very good. I'll just be a moment and then we can talk sizing," she said as she closed the other boxes and put them away. "I'll be right back."

Lisa nodded her thanks and let a quick, relieved chuckle escape her throat. It was really happening. She was really going to do it. She was going to ask the love of her life to marry her.

Turning around, her smile dimmed and she rolled her eyes with a huff as she took in the sight of Rosé and Jackson, tears tracking uncontrollably down both of their faces.

"Dude," Jackson sniffled, wiping his nose with his fist like a child.

"It really is a beautiful ring, dear," Rosé said, dabbing at her eyes with an embroidered cotton hankie.

Jesus.

One Month Later...

"Are you alright, Lili?"

She glanced up in surprise, seeing the concern in Jennie's eyes, and swallowed hard.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

On the verge of shitting my pants, but fine.

Today was the day and it felt like it had taken an eternity to get there. Of course, it didn't help that every time she tried to plan it, something had gotten in the way. The first week it was an unscheduled trip to New Zealand when Mr. Kim came down with one of the first cases of that year's horrible flu, which left him bedridden and unable to do anything for himself. The second week, Jennie had brought the flu back with her, so they'd spent days and days fighting over who was less sick and, therefore, capable of running down to the corner store for more flu meds and ginger ale. The third week was spent getting life back to normal, the house clean, and waiting for another interruption to derail her. But now, as it seemed no other crisis was to be averted, it was time.

She'd run through all the possible options in her head over and over.

An expensive, fancy restaurant?

Been there, done that. Far too generic.

Taking her on a surprise romantic vacation?

A nice idea but not necessarily to Jennie's taste.

With a nice dinner at home, just the two of them?

Not nearly special enough.

Surrounded by their friends?

Hard pass.

What it came down to was the fact that Jennie wasn't going to be expecting some elaborate plan. Lisa didn't even think that she suspected anything in the first place. She needed something simple, something them.

And that morning, with the recently turned fall leaves still clinging to the trees beneath the sunshine and the temperatures just warm enough to not be uncomfortable from being outside for too long, she'd convinced Jennie to pull on her denim jacket and sneakers, and they'd made their way to the park where they'd spent so much time together over the last few years. She'd even planned ahead and brought a thermos of hot chocolate and a tin of Rosé's brownies for Jennie to enjoy while they were out. They'd walked around for a bit before finding a spot to park themselves, and that's how they'd spent the last hour, with Jennie sitting against a heavy oak, book in hand, and Lisa just a few feet away, facing her under the guise of wanting to draw.

"Are you sure?" Jennie asked, setting her book aside and tucking back a hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail. "You've been super quiet today."

"Because I'm normally such a chatterbox?" she smirked, her eyes going back to the pad leaning against her knee.

"No," she giggled. "Just, you've been quieter than normal. Like all day. I just... I just want to make sure nothing's wrong."

"No, everything's fine, cutie," she answered with a chuckle as she glanced up. "Just focused I guess."

"How's it coming over there?" she asked, craning her neck up comically like she could actually see what was on Lisa's drawing pad from where she sat.

"I think I got some good stuff," she said, looking down at the fancy lettering on the page in front of her that she'd been working on for the better part of the hour. Now or never. "You want to see?"

"Yeah," she eagerly nodded with a smile.

Lisa simply chuckled again and stood, flipping her book back a few pages to things that she'd created beforehand, and slowly walked over to the tree, the few leaves that had already fallen crunching under her boots. She crouched down next to the smaller girl, facing her as she handed over the pad, swallowing hard in anticipation.

Jennie began her normal scrutiny, the same way she always did any time Lisa shared her art, eyes wide as she took in every detail.

The first drawing was simple enough, depicting the little wooden bridge they always crossed over at some time during their stay at the park, the quiet stream running beneath it, and the trees in the distance. With the second one, Jennie's lips turned up further at the corners, the page showing her, sitting exactly as she sat now, back against a tree, book in hand, the background soft and smudged so that the focus was on her.

Lisa took a deep breath as Jennie flipped to the final page she'd covered, the younger girl's smile falling from her face, her eyes growing wide as she took in the words covering the paper.

'Jennie, will you marry me?'

She looked up at Lisa in surprise, mouth opening and closing rapidly for a full ten seconds before she finally got something out.

"Lili?"

Letting one knee fall to the ground, she looked down at the grass beneath her, biting at her bottom lip before looking back up and into those curious honey-brown eyes that she adored.

"Cutie, I'm not even sure where to start or what I should say but... I love you, Jennie. You're the most amazing person in this world and I don't want to go through this life without you or without you knowing how crazy I am about you. I just... I want you. I want forever."

"You're... you're really asking?" Jennie's eyes somehow widened even further, her grip on the pad tightening so that the pages beneath her fingertips crinkled.

"I am," she chuckled, her gaze searching the smaller girl's. "Will you marry me?"

A beat passed and it felt like the longest moment in the world, stretching on and on before Jennie's face broke into a brilliant smile and she dropped the pad to her side.

"Yes!" she squealed, as she scrambled up and lunged at Lisa, tackling her back into the grass in a fit of giggles and tears and kisses across her face. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Lisa smiled up at her from her spot prone against the ground and reached up to cup her face in both hands.

"Really?" she chuckled.

"Did you seriously think I'd say no?!"

Lisa simply shook her head, running her thumb along Jennie's chin, the smile above her so radiant and dazzling that she never wanted to look away.

With one last giggle, Jennie leaned down, connecting their lips in a long kiss that was so tender and sweet that it nearly broke Lisa's heart.

"I love you so much, Lili," she said as they parted, her voice quiet, eyes shining. Lisa kissed her once again, pushing upwards and onto her elbows, Jennie's weight still heavy and welcoming against her.

"I love you too, cupcake."

She left Jennie straddling her lap as she awkwardly reached into the pocket of her leather jacket and pulled out the black velvet ring box that she'd been hiding in her nightstand for the past month. Opening it, she watched Jennie's smile once again fade for a moment into shock, and even though Jennie couldn't care less about jewelry, she knew she'd picked the right one.

"My god, Lili."

"Will this work?" she chuckled.

"It's gorgeous. It's... it's perfect."

Pulling it out of the box and sliding it onto Jennie's finger, it really was perfect. It looked like that was exactly where it was supposed to sit. Jennie smiled once more, tears still in her eyes as she lovingly took Lisa's face into her hands and pulled their lips together once more.

"I love you. I love you so much," she whispered against her mouth, her kisses somehow both sweet and frantic at the same time. "And I can't wait to marry you, Lili."

Me either, cupcake.

Lisa simply smiled, letting her lips rest against her new fiancée's.

Present...

Jennie sighed at the feeling of Lisa holding her close, fingers trailing up and down her lower back where her t-shirt had ridden up, Lisa's heartbeat echoing in her chest just below Jennie's ear.

It had been a rollercoaster of a day, one that she wasn't eager to repeat, but so absolutely and completely necessary. That whole thought about their relationship not always been sunshine and rainbows wasn't just a hypothetical question. It was real. And if they were going to be together, they had to take the good with the bad.

Still...

"Are you alright?" she asked quietly, the silence above her a little unsettling.

"Yeah, I'm okay, cutie."

She ran her hand under the hem of Lisa's tank top, her fingers softly brushing along her side, back and forth, rhythmically.

"Do you ever feel bad that it's always you, asking me to take the next step?" she pressed.

"Jennie, that's not true in the slightest," Lisa scoffed.

"Yes it is," she argued. "You proposed. You were the one who asked me to move in with you."

"You're the one who asked me out on our first date."

"You're the one who asked me out on our second first date."

"You're the one who asked me to be your girlfriend in the first place. And just blatantly told me I was upon our reunion."

"I figured it was better not to beat around the bush," she grumbled.

Lisa simply chuckled and pulled her closer, her lips resting against the faded scar on Jennie's forehead for a long moment.

"Can I ask you something else?"

"You can ask anything."

Jennie took a deep breath, her fingers now caressing Lisa's stomach in soft, waving patterns.

"I know all of this has been really hard. And I know it hurts but... going through all of this again... is it ever too much?"

"No," she answered, not an ounce of hesitation in her voice. "Nini, I'd go through all of this a million times over, so long as I got to make you happy."

"You do make me happy. So happy, Lili." She paused for a moment, holding tighter, the emotions of the day still sitting with her. "And, now, well... I make you happy too, right?"

She waited, nervously as Lisa's fingers paused and she let out a soft huff.

"You make the stars shine, Nini."

And really, what could she even say to that.

"You always have and you always will, cutie."

She sighed softly, snuggling further against her girlfriend, holding on tighter. But all she got in return was another soft kiss on her forehead.

She knew Lisa was being honest. She knew the older girl only saw her as her and Jennie desperately wished that she felt that same way. The fear still lingered low in her chest, unwilling to fully let go and she didn't know if it ever would. But she had to stop throwing that 'logic' in Lisa's face. After all, it wasn't Lisa's problem, it was hers and she had to learn to trust herself.

As another long moment of silence passed them, she recapped the day again and all that had occurred. The proposal story was definitely not what she'd expected. Jennie figured that she probably just blurted out the question before having a panic attack and either attempting to convince Lisa that she should say yes or backpedaling and trying to take her foot out of her mouth. Or if it wasn't her that initiated it, after seeing suave and charming Lisa, she would've thought that the older girl probably planned a fantastically romantic evening for them before she popped the question. Something over the top with candles and wine and a fifty-piece orchestra.

She loved that she was wrong in both scenarios. The way Lisa described that day was so perfect and really, so them. It wasn't about the setting or the background. It was about being together. It was about being in love.

"Thank you for telling me about the engagement," she said quietly.

"You would've heard it at some point, I'm sure," Lisa chuckled. "You know for about a month or so afterwards, anytime someone commented on your ring, you'd stop and tell them the entire story. Restaurant servers, people at the bank and the post office, anyone at the coffee shops you hope to one day own stock in. I even caught you talking to the neighbor's cocker spaniel about it at one point."

"You did not!"

She smiled when Lisa kept quiet, just holding her tighter.

Honestly, though she knew the engagement story would come up at some point, she hadn't delved that deep into wondering about how or when it happened. She was curious, of course, but there were so many other wonderful stories and times that they'd shared. One possibly ideal and incredibly romantic day shouldn't have taken precedence over anything else. But now, she found herself thinking about which tree they'd sat under and what color its leaves had changed too. She wondered if Lisa dropped to her right knee or left and how they'd spent the rest of the afternoon. She pondered on whether or not Lisa's hands were cold as they touched her face and if her own lips were chapped from the fall chill as they rained down kisses on the other girl. She wondered how Lisa had convinced their friends to leave them alone that afternoon and what the ring looked like.

The ring. Lisa had clearly put quite a bit of work into finding it.

Especially if she was willing to put up with Rosé 'helping' for the day.

And, while she loved seeing these stories through Lisa's eyes, this was one of those rare occasions where she could actually see with her own.

"Lili?"

"Hmm?"

She paused, debating whether or not to ask, but just like Lisa had to stop holding back, so did she.

"Can... can I see my engagement ring?" she asked quietly. She felt the older girl tense ever so slightly beneath her and opened her mouth to take the question back, but Lisa beat her to it, cupping her chin and tilting her head upwards.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes soft and Jennie nodded.

"I mean, I just..." She swallowed nervously as she pushed herself off of Lisa and up onto her elbow. "Even though we aren't there yet-"

"No! I get it," she interrupted.

She watched as Lisa carefully untangled their limbs and climbed out of bed. The older girl turned on the lamp from her nightstand and made her way over to their dresser, her motions slow and deliberate. Opening the top right drawer, she reached into the very back and pulled out a small box that had been hidden there before making her way back to her side of the bed and rolling under the blankets. And suddenly, Jennie noticed the nervousness in her eyes.

"Hey, Lili, if you don't want to do this-"

"It's not that," Lisa cut her off, eyes earnest. "I just... when I got to the hospital after the accident, one of the nurses gave me the ring after she found out who I was. I had it in my pocket when you woke up because, well, I thought you'd want it back. And then..."

Jennie watched as she trailed off, wanting to offer comfort but knowing this was something Lisa need to do.

"After you came home, I guess I just kept hoping that you'd remember and as soon as you did, I'd have it there for you, at that very moment. I kept it in my pocket every day for over a month," she said, a slight huff leaving her lips as she fingered the velvet box. "The day before that fight... Jennie, you have to know I didn't want it to be over. I never wanted to lose you. But I really didn't think we'd ever move forward. I guess, I thought I wasn't what you wanted anymore so that's why I called the wedding off. And I didn't talk to you first because I didn't think it mattered. I thought... I thought I was doing you a favor."

Jennie couldn't stop herself this time as she reached out and cupped the older girl's cheek.

"It wasn't until after... after we kind of had that argument with me worrying about things being different that I stopped carrying it with me. I just... I guess, even though we were trying, that's when I started to really realize that this whole thing was permanent and that you may never want the ring back. Or, if someday you did, maybe you'd want something different. Or... I don't know."

"So you put it away," Jennie said quietly and Lisa merely shrugged. "Lili, it's alright. You've carried so much these last few months. But you don't have to do it all alone. I'm here, okay?"

"I know. I'm sorry that I haven't always remembered that. I... I can't say I won't forget again but I promise, I'm going to try." Jennie smiled softly, her thumb brushing across Lisa's cheek. "I don't want to solely make the decisions for us. I don't want to leave you out of our life together. I've never done it before, and I'm not making an excuse. It's just, now... I've been so scared that I would lose you. I didn't want to add any more fuel to that fire, I guess."

"I get it. But I am here, okay? And I'm not going anywhere. I love you and... you love me. And that's what matters, right?" She waited a moment for Lisa's eyes to meet hers and found her lips turning upwards, matching the soft smile forming on Lisa's mouth as the older girl gently nodded.

Lisa carefully set the box on the bed between them, her eyes never leaving Jennie's, and the younger girl could still see that flicker of insecurity there. Leaning forward she kissed her softly, resting their foreheads together for a long moment.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" she asked once more. "Because, Lili, you can't keep making yourself uncomfortable or letting yourself get hurt just because you want to make this easy on me. You deserve to be happy too. You deserve to have your say."

"I know. And I may have given up on my way a few times over the last couple of months, but I'm okay with this. If... if you really want to see it, I want you to see it too."

She nodded once, leaving one more kiss against Lisa's lips before pulling away and gently picking up the box. Tentatively opening it, she was immediately taken aback by the contents. It was simple yet utterly stunning. An oval sapphire sat atop the platinum band, surrounded by small round-cut diamonds, so completely different than anything she could've expected, and somehow exactly what she would've picked if she had a choice.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, running her finger along the edge of the box.

"Well, I wanted you to like it," Lisa chuckled. "I mean, I kind of intended for you to wear it for the rest of our lives."

"And... you said it's old?" she asked, carefully lifting it free.

"From the 20's. The woman I bought it from told me that her grandfather was a jewelry maker and this was one of the last rings he made. The shop I got it from had been owned by her family for generations now, and, for whatever reason, this was one of the rings they were holding on to." Lisa paused, shrugging bashfully before she continued. "She told me they were always just waiting for the right couple. Apparently, we fit the bill."

"Can I..." She held it up, ready to slide it onto her finger, but stopped, catching the older girl's eye.

Lisa smiled softly and nodded, leaning in to kiss her once.

"It's yours, Jennie. You can do whatever you want with it."

"But... I mean, I love you, Lili, I do. And I want us. I want us for as long as you'll have me. But I'm just not ready to say that we're eng-"

"Jennie, it doesn't mean that we're engaged again or anything like that. You... you don't even have to wear. You can just keep it," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind Jennie's ear. "Do what you want with it."

"I just... I know it's a label but-"

"Fuck labels, Jennie, you hate them and it doesn't matter. Girlfriend, fiancée, girl I'm dating, wife. None of it matters." She paused, holding her gaze, eyes intense. "You're my Jennie. That's all that counts."

She swallowed hard, eyes tearing up as she stared back at Lisa, so in love that it almost hurt.

"And you're my Lisa," she finally whispered, cupping her face gently. Lisa turned slowly to the side, leaving a soft kiss against her wrist before meeting her eyes again.

"And I always will be."

She smiled, letting a quiet giggle escape before taking the ring, and carefully sliding it onto her finger, an absolutely perfect fit.

"It is seriously the most beautiful ring I've ever seen."

"Well, the most beautiful girl deserves it, so..."

"Charmer." Lisa simply shrugged, a soft smirk on her face. "Thank you for letting me see it," she said, taking one last look at it before she slid it off her finger, placed it back into the box, and offered it back. She watched the hint of sadness creep into those dark eyes as Lisa took the box with a nod, and Jennie shook her head, immediately crashing their lips together before the older girl's doubt crept out any further. "I love it, Lili. And I'm not rejecting it. I just... I want you to hold on to it."

She watched the confusion take over Lisa's features as she tilted her head to the side.

"Why?"

"Because maybe... maybe you can give it to me again? Someday?"

She watched the confusion melt away as a small, almost shy smile formed on Lisa's lips, and she felt those butterflies fluttering around in her stomach again at the sight.

So adorable when no one else is watching.

"Yeah?"

With a nod, she reached up, fisting Lisa's tank top, and pulled her closer.

"I thought you said you wanted forever?" she said with a sweet smile and Lisa could do nothing but kiss her once more.