Scars

By lillanovak

218 38 14

Scars are nothing to be ashamed of. Internal or external, scars are souvenirs that prove you're stronger than... More

1. Fresh Starts
2. That is the Sound of Inevitability
3. You Aren't the Only One with Scars
5. Jumping off a Bridge Will Not Solve Your Problems
6. We All Struggle

4. Pretending

28 6 0
By lillanovak

"We're right here," Chris told his mother as he walked down the stairs. Billie followed him closely. Ruth had changed into a blue shimmery dress top and a black skirt. She turned and disappeared out the door. Janice followed her like a shadow. Joe stood at the bottom of the stairs smiling. He was still dressed in a robe.

"Have fun at church," Joe said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Hilarious!" Chris said as he slugged Joe on the shoulder.

"You don't go to church?" Billie asked him.

"No, I never saw the point in it. If I even believed in a higher power, why in the world would I have to go to a specific place for them to hear me?" Billie nodded in agreement.

"Atheist?" Billie asked him.

"Agnostic. Not quite sure what's out there. You?"

"Pagan," she said without hesitation. Joe's eyebrows shot up and he looked from Chris to her.

"Oh your mother's going to love that," he said to Chris.

"Yeah yeah," he said as he waved off the concern. He grasped Billie by the elbow and led her out of the house.

"It was nice to meet you!" Billie called out behind her. Joe smiled and gave them a wave. Chris led her back to the SUV and they crawled into the back seat.

"You know Billie," Janice's voice was testy, "You don't just waste your time by dawdling." Billie's head cocked to the side as she attempted to wrap her head around the amount of attitude coming from Janice.

"Excuse me?" Billie asked.

"You heard me Billie."

"Wow!" Billie exclaimed with more than a little attitude herself. Janice turned around in the front seat to meet Billie's eyes. Billie met her stare right back.

"Watch the attitude with me. Stop pretending to be tougher than you are just to impress a boy," Janice snapped.

"I'm the one pretending here?" Billie said as she broke the stare to let out a hearty laugh, "Who's the one pretending not to be Pagan? Who's the one trying to impress people we've only just met by going to church like the good little Christian girl you'll never be."

"Pagan?" Chris' mother asked.

"I am not pretending! You're well aware that your mother and I both denounced that as our faith! Christianity is the only thing that has saved you numerous times!" Billie burst out laughing so hard she had to clutch her sides to keep them from cramping.

"Christianity," Billie said through the bouts of laughter. She calmed down after a moment, wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throat, "The only thing Christianity did was convince my parents that leaving me in a nut house that had a church attached would save my soul. It convinced them that abandoning their child was okay, because mental illness isn't real. Depression certainly isn't real. Right? It's all the devil."

"We prayed for you to pull through your," Janice paused, not wanting to say suicide attempt. Billie would've liked to think that it was because Janice didn't want to embarrass her more than she already had. But that wasn't it, she didn't want to embarrass herself and Billie's mother.

"Praying. 'Cause that always does the trick."

"It worked didn't it?!"

"You really are stupid aren't you?"

"Don't talk to your aunt like that," Ruth interjected.

"Don't," Billie held up her hand, "Don't talk about things you know nothing about. Please." She tried to tell Ruth in as nice a voice as possible.

"You know what?" Chris said as he clapped his hands together, "We're going to drive down separately." He opened his door and pulled Billie out of it after him before anyone could oppose. He slammed the door, threw his arm over Billie's shoulders and led her away from the SUV. She heard it pull off down the driveway. Her core was shaking from anger.

"I'm sorry for snapping at your mom," Billie said finally as they rounded the side of the garage. Chris withdrew his arm and opened the man door with a key he pulled from his pocket.

"It's okay. She shouldn't have gotten involved," he said as he gestured for her to go first, "She actually deserved worse." She looked at him, not many boys would say something like that about their mothers. She spun around to face the openness of the three-car garage. The space closest to the door connecting the house and the garage was empty, Billie assumed this was where the SUV usually sat. The space closest to her was occupied by a BMW. All black, it was sleek, and beautiful. In the middle space sat a monstrosity. Billie knew this belonged to Chris. It was an old pickup truck, she assumed it used to be blue, but with all the half completed body work and rust, it was hard to tell. She walked up to it, rubbing its hood.

"Is she going to move?" she asked as she knocked on the hood.

"Don't hate on the truck," he said as he pushed her away from the hood towards the passenger side. She opened the door and cringed as it creaked. She pulled it shut behind her and took in the interior of the truck. The vinyl was cracked on the seat, held together by duct tape and the dashboard was faded from sunlight. Chris grunted as he forced his door open. He pulled it shut behind him with such force that it rocked the truck. He stuck the key in the ignition and turn it, nothing.

"Shit. Come on baby, don't be this way." He tried it again, still nothing, "I have a girl who knows about cars, don't embarrass me," he hissed to the steering wheel. He pumped the gas and turned the key once more. The engine sputtered for a moment then roared to life.

"Good girl," Billie said as she rubbed the dash. Chris turned to her with a triumphant, and slightly proud, smile plastered across his face. The garage door opened slowly and he inched out. Soon they were flying down the winding roads at speeds that would probably have given their parents heart attacks. She loved every second of it. Billie was an adrenaline junkie, it probably stemmed from her need of attention after they moved away from her grandparents.

"I think you'll like Carey and Leyna," Chris said over the music, "They're a lot to handle at first, but I think you'll get used to them." She smiled at him and continued watching the blur of colors pass. Slowly the trees became thinner and Chris slowed to what felt like an achingly slow crawl after what they had just been traveling at. Houses became closer together and Chris turned onto the only street in town.

"I can't believe I live in a town with no stop lights," Billie muttered to herself.

"I couldn't imagine living anywhere else," Chris said to her, "Hey, there's Carey and Leyna." He pointed at two girls walking arm in arm up the street. One of them was fair-skinned, but she wore pale very well, with stick straight blonde hair. The other girl was mixed, her skin a beautiful caramel color that made Billie feel like she needed to go tanning. Her hair was thick and curly, highlighted with blondes and browns. Chris pulled over not too long after they passed them. He threw the truck in park, shut her off and hopped out of the cab.

"Chris!" the pale girl called. He waved and hollered back at them. Both of the girls waved, they were in matching yellow dresses and white shrugs. Billie hopped out of the truck and rounded the rear to join Chris. She watched a look of confusion cross the faces of both girls.

"Hey guys," Chris said as he hugged both of them at the same time. Billie hung in the background, looking for any form of escape.

"Hi, I'm Elena, but you can call me Leyna for short," the curly headed girl said as she extended her hand. Billie took her hand in a shake.

"And I'm Carey," the white girl said.

"I'm Billie, it's nice to meet you." Billie felt tension between her and Carey immediately, she didn't like it. Leyna's eyes were a beautiful gray color, they were only lightened by the sunlight hitting them. Carey had blue eyes, nothing altogether special about her. She looked like every all-American white girl in any Hollister ad ever.

"Where are Brian and Jared?" Chris asked Carey.

"At the church already."

Oh good. More people. Billie thought to herself.

"Come on," Leyna said as she gave Billie a pull on the hand and released her.

"So Billie, I have an extra dress in the car if you want it. It might be a little tight though," Carey said with a smile. Billie rolled her eyes to herself.

"I'm fine thanks." Carey shrugged and fell back by Chris. The walk up the street to the church was short. Billie hadn't been in a church since Hunter's little brother's communion. She wasn't sure about going in, her stomach was doing flips. All churches smelled the same and that particular smell always had set her on edge.

"Finally, Jesus Christ, move a little slower," a young guy standing on the steps said as he skipped down to the last stair. He ducked and avoided a woman's swat at him, "Sorry mom. Didn't mean to use His name in vain." The smirk on his face said otherwise. He was built, much more so than Chris, tan skin, blonde hair, blue eyes. Again. Hollister ad.

"One of these days Jared, she's going to connect with your head and there's going to be so much pent up in there from not hitting you that it's going to knock your head clear off," another guy said as he stood up from sitting on the last stair.

"Shut up Brian," Jared hissed, his blue eyes fell on Billie, "Well hello."

"Hi," Billie said back. He jumped off the last step and landed lightly on the balls of his feet next to her. Leyna slugged him right in the shoulder for almost knocking her over.

"I'm Jared. I'm sure this rag tag group of misfits didn't give you a proper welcome," he said as he took Billie's hand in his own and gently kissed it, "Welcome to Thompson Falls."

"Thanks," Billie said as she pulled her hand away, "I'm Billie."

"Interesting name," Jared said. Brian shoved Jared aside and held his hand out for her.

"Do me a favor and ignore the horny thing standing to your left," Brian said with sass. Billie chuckled and shook his hand, "I'm Brian."

"It's nice to meet you," Billie said with a genuine smile. She glanced at his hand as he pulled it away, it was perfectly manicured. Her spidey senses began to tingle. She'd had a couple gay friends back in Los Angeles. She thanked Mother Earth that there was a gay man in this city.

"Let's go, inside," Chris ordered them. Brian hooked his arm through hers and led the way. They passed the room where sermons were held and headed straight for the basement.

"So Billie, I'm assuming you just moved here. Got a boyfriend back home?" Jared's question caught her off guard. Did she?

"No," she said after a moment. She couldn't expect Hunter to be faithful to someone he may not see for at least another two years. She couldn't expect herself to remain faithful.

"Well then, just for your own personal information, I'm currently single." Billie laughed.

"Oh honey," she said as she glanced back at him, "I would rip you into tiny little shreds of a man." Jared's steps faltered as he took in what she said.

"I think you broke him," Brian said with a laugh.

"What's a matter Jare-bear?" Leyna cooed, "Did you get rejected by a girl?"

"Oh shut it Elena." Jared stuck his tongue out at her and she responded by flicking his nose. He yelped and pulled back from her reach. Brian unhooked his arm and flowed down the stairs. Billie followed him, keeping her eye on Chris so she didn't lose him.

"Look what the cat dragged in," a boy about Billie's age said as he looked up to see who was entering the basement. He was half leaned over the pool table, cue in hand ready to break. Billie fell back behind Brian, out of the vision of most of the people in the room. She didn't like walking into situations without having a chance to assess them. Billie would've thought that this was playful banter had it not been for Chris' sudden stiffness as he saw the boy.

"Don't you have a puppy to kick Theo?" Leyna snapped at him.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand stupid."

"Well shit, you must have a hard time communicating with your girlfriend," Brian said politely with a smile. Theo's face fell and he slammed the cue onto the table. In three long strides he covered the distance between them. Brian wasn't by any means short, he stood at maybe six foot, but Theo dwarfed him. He stood over him by at least six inches.

"Want to say that again you–" Theo's words trailed off as his eyes wandered to Billie. He grasped the front of Brian's shirt and essentially threw him out of the way.

"Hi I–"

"Am so not interested in even knowing who you are," Billie finished for him. Theo raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

"You're cute. I think you'd rather hang out with me and mine over the losers over there. You just moved into that beautiful mansion over near the bluff right?"

"Monstrosity, and yes," Billie said. Theo leaned over her, resting his arm against the wall above her head. He leaned his face in close to hers. Her eyes caught a glimpse of Chris in her peripherals and he was red. She couldn't tell whether it was anger or what.               

"I should come visit you some time sweetheart. I'll give you a proper welcome." Billie's stomach rolled but she kept her face calm and collected.

"Oh yes," she said in the sexiest voice she could manage as she placed her hands on his sides and pulled herself close to his face, "I think that would be an excellent idea if you want me to bash your fucking skull in." Theo's face crumpled in confusion.

"What?"

"Get away from me," Billie said as she shoved his core away from her. He stumbled back a step still wearing the look of confusion.

"Who the fuck are you?" a female voice came from the stairs. There was a chorus of nervous murmurs from everyone around the room. Billie inhaled and turned to face the owner of the voice.

"Hi, I'm Billie," she said as she offered her hand to the girl. Cheerleading outfit, blonde hair pulled into such a high ponytail that it was probably giving the girl a facelift, and brown eyes. Billie wished she could throw up at all the high school stereotypes in that room.

"Katie, baby," Theo said trying to recover from the fact that a moment ago he had offered to 'welcome' Billie properly and got rejected.

"Move," she snapped, Leyna sidestepped. Ponytail bobbing as she walked, she closed the open space between herself and Billie. Billie cracked a smile at the set of balls on this girl, "Listen, Billie?" She waited for Billie to nod, which didn't happen, "Or whatever your name is, I don't know how things are done in California, but here, we don't go around flirting with boys in relationships. That's how you get labeled a slut."

"You'd probably know right?" Billie said back without hesitation. Leyna and Carey's jaws both dropped at the same time. Katie seemed a little thrown off the by the comment herself.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you were walking kind of stiffly. How many players on the football team did you just finish off? One, two, twenty?" Katie was speechless.

"Holy. Shit." Leyna mouthed to Carey.

"Katie?" Billie asked mocking Katie's earlier attempt to get in her head, "Down in California, we don't handle snotty bitches very well. Leave me alone." Billie turned for the couches on the other side of the room, "Oh and maybe instead of blaming every girl he tries to sleep with, try to stop pretending he isn't the problem." Billie walked away from her before she could think of a reply. Leyna held her hand up for a high-five, Billie accepted. Tearing down evil people was always worth a high-five.


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