Lucy POV:
I'm so fucking sick of this job.
Not being a cop or a UC, but this specific job in general. My attempt to infiltrate a high-level drug runners in LA has been nothing short of stress inducing. Their crew, "Los Pájaros" are a tight knit, family level type of close. Leading me to weave my way anywhere near them through local clubs, shows and now bars.
If sixteen-year-old Lucy could see me now she would laugh. Hysterically laugh at my pathetic attempt of seeking acceptance from my former T.O. Like some sort of schoolgirl crush. While also wanting to be invited to the popular kid's lunch table full of felons and gangbangers.
'Self-doubt only holds me back.'
'I'm only as strong as my mind is smart.'
'This type of thinking isn't good for me.'
I keep reminding myself as I stare into my glass seeing my reflection mixed with whiskey neat. It's been a week. Seven full days, and I have nothing. Not entirely nothing though, I've had 3 glasses of whiskey and a couple tequila shots, or was it a few? Who knows, I certainly don't.
Tonight was about getting close to Los Pájaros but I can't stand thinking about them anymore.
"Helllooo!" My arms waving as I shout. "Can I have a margarita please?" The sentence barely forming together as I attempt to deliver it to the bartender.
The tall dirty blonde man behind the counter gave me a quick chuckle. "How many have you had tonight sweetheart?" He said with a smile as he dried a glass.
"Margaritas?" I teased. "None." I smiled back at him, as he caught on. "Cute." He replied back.
"I'm going to have to cut you off, you don't look alright."
"I'm fine." I replied, irritated, "Are you going to make it or not?" I snap.
"No, but let me order you an Uber." He walked his way around the bar stopping a few feet behind me.
"My boyfriends going to pick me up." I lie hoping to leave without causing an argument with the guy or blowing my cover.
"Alright, you stay safe." He hesitantly turns away.
As my shaking feet slowly but confidently makes their way out of the crowded bar. The fresh air fills my head, the disorienting noise of traffic and city life surround me and without warning I'm vomiting on the side of the brick building bar I was in just 3 minutes ago.
'Way to go Lucy, everybody's gonna be so proud of you.'
'I've gotta get home.' I nonchalantly thought as I pull myself off the wall and reach into my purse for my car keys.
The rumble of the starting ignition soothes me and before I know it I'm on the road to the motel I'm stationed at. Approaching the intersection and everything is instant and hazy.
All of the colors of light blending together
My favorite song on the radio blaring with a mix of horns hollering.
'I'm exhausted.'
As my weight shifted onto the gas pedal, and I slowly succumbed to sleep. The car that saw me throughout college along with myself breezed 90 mph into oncoming traffic.