Carrigan sure had some nerve.
After Frey had left Noah to his sandwiches, he walked out into the garden. Perhaps he was overthinking it. It would be reasonable for any upper class person to want to be on a future town chief's good side, but Frey knew Lord Carrigan better than that. He knew him better than many, and he had no choice but to be cautious when that man approached a young lord.
Still, the fact that Noah had turned down his offer to discuss business further was a comfort. Frey would just have to keep an extra eye out.
He grimaced to himself. He would keep an eye out? First he'd let Luna borrow his clothes and patch things up with her father, and now he was looking out for Noah? Out of concern? When had he become so sentimental?
The events of last night finally struck him again, and he groaned under his breath while straining against the urge to open and close his hands repeatedly. What was wrong with him? He'd completely lost touch with his old self. Where had the pragmatic, calculating and merciless Frey gone? Sure, he hadn't surrounded himself with the same shallow, treacherous people he'd used to in a good while, rendering those traits unnecessary, but just because he was fraternising with concerned mentors, socially messed up twins, and charming yet uppity servants did not mean he could drop his guard like that.
He raised a trembling hand to his lips, a burning, longing sensation running through him as he recalled the kiss. It had been a mistake, he tried to tell himself. Even Marius had thought so.
One thing was for certain, Frey was not taking Tea for Two out that day. It pained him, but he couldn't bring himself to go there.
He hadn't even considered it earlier. He'd have to face Marius sooner or later, wouldn't he? There was no way he'd ditch Tea for an extended amount of time, and Marius wouldn't just up and stop working at the stables.
He stopped by a bench underneath a tree and sat down despite the chilly weather, chest aching and it felt ridiculous. He shouldn't have to feel like that just because some stable boy decided to be endearing all up in his face.
"Lord Clausson!"
Frey couldn't believe his ears. He wasn't particularly religious but surely he didn't deserve whatever kind of divine prank this was. It was impossible to ignore from where he sat though, so he reluctantly looked over at Marius who was walking briskly towards him.
"Stable boy," he greeted him, determined to let no emotion show. "Is something wrong?"
"Well, is it?" Marius returned the question, sitting down next to Frey without hesitation and the latter wondered if the best option would be sitting still or sliding away from him. "You were supposed to head out with Tea for Two before lunch, but you didn't show."
"I've been busy." Frey cocked an eyebrow. "I don't just sit around all day, you know. Despite what others of your class may say, we do have things to attend to as well."
"Yes, well..." Marius eyed the situation in front of him with Frey clearly just sitting there below the tree, but must've decided against commenting on it. "It's not like that's stopped you before. So I—"
"I'm sure you can handle taking Tea outside for some exercise." Frey stood from the bench. He'd forget about the kiss sooner or later. He just needed to go back to how things were before. Before he'd decided to grace servants with casual conversations. "Not riding of course, but you may walk her along our usual route."
He breathed out as he walked away. That wasn't so bad. He'd managed to get the message across and he might even be able to resume his usual schedule when it concerned Tea for Two, as long as he didn't have to deal with awkward encounters.
"I wanted to know if your absence was because of what happened last night," Marius called out behind him and Frey squeezed his eyes together.
Damn it.
He didn't turn around, but he slowed his pace enough to make sure Marius could hear him.
"People have talked ill about my family for a long time now. It's unpleasant, but I'll always rise above it. You shouldn't worry about things that don't concern you."
To Frey's great shock and confusion a hand grabbed his shoulder, and before he could stop it from happening Marius had already spun him around.
"I meant the kiss," he said, and Frey screamed on the inside. "I think that very much concerns me."
Frey's mouth opened and closed. He hadn't decided on how to deal with that part, so what would he say?
"I feel like there was a misunderstanding," Marius continued, quickly removing his hand as he once again remembered the no-touching rule. "And I figured I should apologise."
"... Oh?"
Frey remained expressionless. An apology? Marius was supposed to apologise for Frey kissing him? It was certainly a preferable outcome, but he couldn't grasp the reasoning behind it.
"I should have elaborated on why I pushed you away before you ran off." Marius rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to reject you like that, or... I suppose I was going to anyway, but I could have—"
"It's fine." Frey shook his head irately. "We'll forget that it happened. That any of it did. My mind was in an unfortunate, intoxicated state and I acted without thinking. I'm sure you know by now how I actually feel about being touched by servants."
"Yes, that's..." Marius awkwardly glanced at Frey's shoulder where his hand had just been. "... That's why."
"What?"
"Why I pushed you away. Because you were in a vulnerable state and I... I couldn't take advantage of that."
A moment of silence, and Frey tried to crush a sudden, annoying sensation of astonishment to death inside his head. He wasn't supposed to have any positive feelings towards this man, no further than casually acknowledging him doing his job well, but that was also to be expected.
"Well, it was the right thing to do," he therefore said, voice painfully low. "Good to know even my stable boy can show common decency."
Marius tilted his head, looking as though he was holding back a smile.
"Am I your stable boy, my Lord?"
A sudden itch in Frey's throat, stemming from his dry mouth, attacked him from nowhere at that and with a hoarse attempt at holding it back he turned away, but it was no use. It was an unbecoming kind of cough and the more he tried to keep it down the worse it got.
"Are—Are you all right?" Marius stepped forward and reached a hand forward only to quickly retract it again. "Did you swallow down the wrong pipe?"
"I don't—" Frey could barely get any words out. "I don't swallow down the—"
A moment of what seemed like forever passed by before he could recover properly.
"Hope you haven't come down with something." Marius leaned in only a little bit to scan Frey's face. "You look a bit pale."
"I don't need your opinions on what I look like." Frey was tired, but Marius wouldn't let his theory go.
"Perhaps taking Tea for Two out would have been too much for your health then... If you feel ill."
"I don't need my—" Frey paused, clearing his throat as if the itch had returned, though it hadn't. "I don't need a stable boy to tell me about my health and what I can and can't do."
"No, of course not." Marius' failing attempt at not smiling returned, and Frey couldn't help but address it.
"When I said my stable boy I meant it as in you mainly taking care of my horses. Specifically Tea for Two and... The other one."
"Lord Neigh?"
"... Yes."
"As honoured as I'd be to only take care of your horses, I do take care of most of them at some point during the day," Marius informed him with a grin, much to Frey's frustration. "I think it may come off as otherwise since you only see me when I'm around yours."
Of course he knew that. Frey wasn't oblivious to what tasks awaited someone working at the stables, but couldn't very well admit the possessive word he'd uttered had been by accident.
"But to be honest, I do spend a lot more time with your horses than with the others," Marius continued, almost with a comforting tone. "I know how much you care about them, so..."
"You do, don't you?" Frey muttered, remembering last night and Marius mentioning overhearing him talking to the horses now and then.
"Apologies..." Marius' voice lowered. "I never intended to eavesdrop. I just... Found it endearing and, well... Figured you'd appreciate it if they were well taken care of."
Was stopping a blush from appearing possible?
"Lord Clausson..." Marius averted his gaze, much to Frey's delight as it, in the end, proved impossible to keep the blushing cheeks from happening. "... May I ask why you kissed me?"
And thus, the delight was over and Frey could feel the aforementioned rosy colour being drained from his face as horror filled him.
"I... Told you, I was in an unfortunate and intoxicated state." He tried to sound amused, as if Marius was wrong to a laughable extent.
"Yeah, I get that, but what were you... Thinking, you know? You still must have had some reason behind it." Marius gestured between the two of them. "And I was wondering... You always say you don't like being touched by servants, and you rarely if ever talk to them, but yesterday you leaned against me, and let me touch your face and— And... I don't know, it seems like you have an easier time being around me than many others."
Frey had to shut it down. He had to shut it down quickly.
"I... Think you're getting ahead of yourself."
"Perhaps." Marius looked a bit disappointed at the idea though. "And I don't want to assume things but... With all this out there, don't you think we could at least acknowledge that you like me? A little?"
It took all of Frey's willpower not to scream.
"Listen, stable boy, I was... Understandably upset with people at the time, and it's only reasonable that I felt isolated." He straightened his back with a sigh, gathering his composure. "It's also reasonable that... My mind, weakened as it was, found the idea of someone listening and offering support seemingly without judgement... Comforting. That's all."
Marius nodded slowly.
"Your mind sure sounds reasonable."
"And since that... Kind of thing isn't something I usually have, I suppose my mind sought out the first option." Frey gestured vaguely at Marius. "Which just happened to be you."
Marius tilted his head to the side with a raised eyebrow.
"You mean like, a friend?"
Frey blinked, hoping to mask his confusion and building horror.
"... What?"
"Someone who listens and comforts without judgement." Marius tried to keep a straight face, but an amused smile was fighting its way through. "That's a friend."
"Well it was a mistake regardless," Frey hurriedly said, refusing to be flustered for long. "My mind was being unreasonable and thought I needed... That."
"So you... Don't have other 'thats' that you can turn to then?" Marius wrinkled his forehead in concern but Frey wouldn't have it.
"I don't need any."
"Surely—"
"I don't need friends to feel good about myself." Frey wrinkled his nose. "No matter what my drunk mind thinks."
Frey thought he could end it there. It was a good enough way to end a conversation, but Marius wasn't done.
"That still doesn't explain the kiss though," he said, continuing before Frey could respond. "Apparently you don't have a lot of them, but I doubt you're the kind of person who kisses his friends, Lord Clausson."
Frey ground his teeth. He would not be speechless, but he had no good, logical explanation to throw out there either.
"I clearly acted without thinking. I wouldn't mistake that for affection if I were you."
Marius didn't look very impressed at his attempt.
"You know... Even though you're a lord, you should be allowed to acknowledge your feelings, inconvenient as they may be."
"You don't know anything about my feelings." Frey's voice was tainted with hostility. It didn't matter if Marius was right or not, he had no right to assume what was going on in his head.
Marius actually winced at this, and he lowered his gaze.
"Apologies... That was too much."
Frey raised his chin with a cold stare as if refusing to accept his apology at first, proceeding to let the expression slowly fade away as though he was a forgiving person.
"You're—"
"Can I just say..." Marius had the nerve to interrupt him. "... Had the situation been different, I wouldn't have pushed you away."
Frey was frozen on the spot. What was his deal? Why did he have to paralyse him with every other sentence?
"You may be right and I'm reading too much into it, perhaps due to wishful thinking, but I figured you should know. I didn't really mind it or anything on my part, so if you... I dunno, felt bad about it or something, you don't have to."
"You... Really like to jump to conclusions, don't you?" Frey asked, making a desperate attempt to mask his flustered face and rapidly beating heart by more dismissive talk. "Why would I feel bad about something like that?"
"Well, maybe you were embarrassed," Marius suggested, and Frey once again wanted to scream. "It got pretty awkward."
Frey balled his fists, knuckles whitening as he tried to retaliate but it amounted to nothing.
"Well, whether I misread the situation or not, I wanted you to know that I'll still be here," Marius continued, giving Frey an obnoxiously charming grin. "Not just for crying sessions or awkward displays of affection, but... You know, if you just wanna talk or something. You can come by the stables whenever."
"... Like..." Frey's dry mouth was messing with him again.
"Like a 'that'." Marius nodded. "A friend, if you want."
Frey tried scoffing, but it didn't come out right.
"Me being friends with a servant?"
"With a stable boy," Marius suggested. "Or a fellow horse enthusiast, or a fellow admirer of Everleigh's designs. Doesn't always have to be about social classes, does it?"
While Frey certainly knew what others of his particular class would say about that, there was of course truth in what Marius said as well, as much as it bothered him. They did seem to have similar interests, and Marius had already proven to be a proper shoulder to lean on if necessary. Which Frey had to assume from recent experience was a friendship necessity. If only those credentials hadn't belonged to a servant.
"I do have one condition though," Marius said, and Frey arched his eyebrows.
"You have conditi—?"
"Friendship isn't one-sided, my Lord." Marius shook his head and Frey was once again annoyed by the interruption. "As for my condition, my friends call me Marius."
Frey frowned.
"So?"
"So I'd like you to call me Marius as well, if you want to be friends."
It was so ridiculous. Why was Frey even considering it? Why was he even bothering listening to Marius' demands? He'd been determined to shut it all down just minutes ago. His reputation was bad enough as it was, so why would he risk falling even further?
His eyes narrowed.
Because of that stupid, lovable smile.
So he drew a breath, turning slightly in preparation to walk away.
"You know, you're way too cocky for your own good..." he said, his voice almost choking as he continued. "... Marius."
He'd already turned away, so he didn't see Marius' expression, nor did the man say anything, but Frey was certain of what his own expression looked like and quickly walked back towards his room for yet another embarrassed pillow-screaming session, hoping no one would have time to see the burning blush on his face.