"What's taking them so long?" Huan huffed again, visibly agitated, his leg bouncing up and down as he sat in his chair. Kiui clung to him, standing beside him with an arm wrapped around his. She looked as though she was about to cry. The rest of the group was a bit more collected, although their feelings mirrored the emotions that Huan and Kiui wore on their faces. Felicity stood and peered out of the open door, glancing either way down the hall. A few unfamiliar faces walked past. She stepped out and stopped one of them with a gentle touch to the forearm. The man seemed a bit confused, turning to look at her with a single raised eyebrow and an expressive, unique face.
Felicity spoke with a soft politeness, "Excuse me. Do you know the room where they take the injured persons? Someone I'm looking for is there."
"Oh, sure," he said. "They give them the lighter-weight jobs so that they have more time to heal, so sometimes you might not see them for a while, since they work in a different location than us miners."
"But they would inform the family if that was the case?" Felicity asked. The man led her down the hall and past the nurse's room that Felicity had been in before.
"Oh, sure. Who are you looking for?"
"A friend, she was injured."
"Ah, she might just be taking a while, especially if she's required surgery."
"Yeah, I just want to make sure. I'm new around here, so its making my group a little nervous. Just wanna check up on her."
"Totally understandable." He walked to a door, then stopped and opened it for Felicity. It was similar to the other nurse room, though large and split up into sections separated by white rolling curtains. A mattress was on the floor, where Marina laid, a doctor and Davis standing beside her, talking quietly. They stopped their talking with slightly flushed faces, turning to look at Felicity.
Davis spoke with feigned, pain cheer, "Felicity, was it? What's wrong? Somebody hurt?"
"No, sir. My group doesn't like to be separated. Marina's absence was making us nervous. Wanted to come check on her."
"Oh, that's okay," he said, glancing down at her shoes. "Well, it's okay. We're just discussing what options we have to get her back in good health."
"Is it infected? I feared it could be..."
The doctor spoke, "It is. Our antibiotics can only go so far with something of this extent," and she walked towards Felicity with an eye of early mourning, "We could amputate the arm, but that poses even further risk. She's already spewing of a fever; her body fighting sepsis. It is best to only treat her and hope for the best..."
"Can she come back to the room?"
The two adults shared a semi-worried glance, and then the doctor spoke with precision, "Let's give her time. She's strong, and she could just as easily pull through. Staying in this room will help give her that push, at least until she is back on her feet. But you and everyone else are welcome to come visit her any time, given she's not any more ill or undergoing surgery or anything of the sorts."
Felicity let out the breath that she did not realise she had been holding, "They'll appreciate that." The day had been rocky, but slowly, the new, foreign place had gained Felicity's familiarity; real trust was a long ways away, but it seemed to be on the right path. Felicity would ensure that she held the doctor to her words, and bring the group to visit that evening.
She did so as the sky outside grew dark. The group spoke softly with Marina from her bed and asked both Davis and the nurse questions that Felicity already knew the answers to. Felicity stood nearby, observing boredly, but peered out of the open door and into the busy hall, the bustle growing fuzzy and background, wondering if this place was safe, wondering what the authority was like and how it was elected. She slowly trailed away from the small, talkative crowd, and out of the door with hazy eyes. She peered to the right of the hallway where she had not been before. Unfinished tunnels and rooms branched off in every direction. Part of the hallway was narrow, part of it was more like a school hallway, and part of it was more like a big room or cave. It was all varying sizes. It was clear they had been mining for months, ever since the floods began, she figured, and it was likely this spot was mined at for minerals even before society collapsed. She wondered what job she would get, and slowly grew homesick.
It had been obvious from the start that there was no repairing what had happened to the Earth; it was clear things would never be normal again. And yet, Felicity felt. She felt solemn and sad and deeply, gravely homesick. She missed her once-dry house, her cold family and her bright siblings. She missed the group's rowboat, she missed simplicity and convenience. It was strange, but a small part of her had expected help to be heaven. It had expected that finding the military would somehow drain the world of the access water and bring back her family.
Felicity was a murderer.
She took a good, long look at the dark edges of the hall and the entrances to rooms she hadn't seen, sighing deeply, bearing the agonising weight of the past. Then, numbness crept in, and she walked back into the room. Kiui and Huan decided to stay overnight with Marina, while the rest returned to their room. Felicity trailed behind, tripping occasionally over the uneven ground, lost in dark thought and too unbothered to care. Zephyr eyed her without her knowing, and then he paused and began to walk slow beside her at the back of the group.
"Felicity," he asked, "You alright?"
It took her a minute to register his words, "Oh, yeah, fine. Just thinking."
"Bout what?" She gave him a slightly sly look, as if to say something only he could understand, and the look registered with him well, and he knew it meant, my sins.
By the time they had filed into their room, it was surely pitch black outside, just as it nearly was in the room, the embers of one dimly-lit torch being the only light as the rest had been blown out. It flickered ever so timidly, putting a sheen reflection on only a few glossy stones in the cobble floor. The corners of the room were black and the darkness was textured with splashes of dim yet visible shapes. Felicity leaned against the cold wall and laid against the cold floor with fluffed blankets and pillows to protect her. Zephyr sat beside her, breathing gently as he dozed into a light sleep. She eyed him, his face black in the low lighting, only a very barely-there sheen of warm orange making his cheek and the bridge of his wide nose visible.
Felicity thought still and evermore about her past, about the earth, about the disaster. She had been on the move sinc events took place. Now, she was no lonegr struggling to survive, and although stressing painfully about drama and about Marina's condition and the safety of the new town, she was suddenly at rest in a way she hadn't been since the floods began. She was able to rest and recover despite her fears, insecurities, and suspicions, for the time being she was surrounded by family, loved, and safe. She had less to worry about than she had ever had before. And yet, the sudden silence, the sudden relaxation was sharp and hard to her mind. She was unsettled and uneasy, disturbed and distracted, alone entirely with her putrid, rushing thoughts. The darkness surrounded her, clogging her pores and lungs and filling her with bile, with thoughts equally so.
I deserve to die for what I've done.
I don't deserve this safe haven after what I've done.
This group deserves more than me, more than this.
It flooded her senses, beginning with a throbbing migraine, and before she could even think, she was struggling to breathe, waist-deep in a painful panic attack. Heavy ears ran from her eyes, poling at her chin, teeth clenched with emotional agony. She stood shakily and unsteadily, stumbling to the door, gently opening it and shutting it behind her as she stepped out into the even darker hallway. No light existed here except the very timid warm glow from beneath the crack of the rustic door. Felicity shattered, falling slowly to her knees on the floor, sliding against the wall. Her breathing was short and rampant and shallow. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe, no air in her body, no oxygen in her lungs, no air at all for her.
And she jumped and nearly yelped to a touch on her shoulder, looking up and seeing the gentle light of someone's eyes in the darkness, and taking in the familiar musk of her best friend.
Zephyr wrapped a tired arm around her and whispered with warmth and comfort, "It's alright. Slow, deep breathes. The air is there. You have to pause to let it come to you, give it time to flood your lungs." She took a moment to struggle, but did as she was told, pausing to hold her breathe, and then deeply inhaling, then exhaling. The rapid heart beating slowed, and suddenly, more than just the room was black; her vision fogged and melted, her eyelids feeling heavy and her limbs feeling numb as she grew lightheaded. Zephyr pulled her close to him as her head hung for a moment, and she slowly regained consciousness. "It's cold," he said softly, to no one in particular.
But Felicity responded once her senses had returned to normal, "It's winter, isn't it?"
"How long has it been since the floods?"
"I don't know. A few months...? Nobody bothered to keep track."
"The people here might know."
She sighed, basking in the warmth and softness of his embrace, "Might be nice to find out, but I'm scared of how fast time flies."
"Everyone is. But we learn how to deal with it, how to cope, and how to look forward to the future." Felicity looked at him with exuberance and heart. He was so easy to love, too easy to love.
"You're too kind for this world, Zephyr," she said, "And I'm scared it is going to get you killed."
"You're too pessimistic," he replied softly, "And that is going to end you before anything else has the chance to."
"The water is going to end us," Felicity said with uncertain certainty.
"It won't be the floods," Zephyr reasons, "You would have died without them. Your mind makes sure of that."
"I'm not sure what you're on about."
"You have no hope and little faith," he said, "And a life so bleak and hopeless will never last long, because then what's the point of fighting to survive?" He paused. "Felicity, why did you want to survive?"
"Everyone told me I couldn't."
"Oh, spite. Because surely that isn't an easily-breakable reason to exist."
"Hey, spite is a great motivator."
"Oh, I am aware. But you need more than that. Have you found what you're looking for?"
Then, with resentment, "You're being so quizzical. I didn't ask you to follow me out here."
"I didn't come because you asked me to. I came to help you because I care."
"And why'd you stay?"
"You're avoiding my question."
"You're avoiding mine."
He chuckled, "That's fair. Seems an impass, then?"
"I wasn't looking for anything."
"A will, weren't you? You're easy to read, Felicity."
"A will... Maybe subconsciously." Then, her resentment boiled over in the span of a second into pure rage, and she pulled away from him, glowering, and growled, "What more could the world want from me, Zephyr? A will? I don't have a will. I don't need a purpose or reason to exist. Isn't it enough for you that I am here? Isn't it enough for you that I've made it this far?"
"It's okay, Felicity. I know how it is. You don't live for nothing, not as a human. Not as a human."
"Then maybe I'm not human," she spat.
"I had begun to think you were here for me," he said softly, and with no judgement, only concern, "But I think you are here for yourself.
"That's not-"
"I think you needed to prove to anyone that you are capable and worthy of wanting to exist. You feel guilt, and have to make up for it. You overwork yourself, so security and rest is hard on you." She stared at him in the darkness, unblinking, and considering his words in her twisted , rather angered mind.
After much deep thought and consideration, her final contemplation was, "Get bent," and Zephyr chuckled lightly in response. He eyed her with admiration in the same way that a moth is drawn to a flame. Her face was not soft and kind in this instance; rather, it was hardened, eyebrows furrowed with a look of concentrating hate. She had so much truth to think about, and it overwhelmed her. Her instincts responded with irritation.
"Ready to go back in?" Zephyr asked.
She clung to him tighter, squeezing his arm in her hands, "No."
"Take as much time as you need... What's wrong, anyways?"
"Just... Everything," she said.
"It's been a lot for anyone to handle. But you've handled it well, and I'm proud of you for doing so." She stiffened at the word, at the single concept that pride could exist where she breathed. Zephyr noticed it, and at first wondered if he'd made her uncomfortable, which was not the case. She had simply never heard the word used in her direction before, and it was unbelievable. She was unsure of the proper way to react. "I can change the subject, if you'd prefer that," he suggested. "Or I can be quiet."
"I think that quiet is good," she said, rather sleepily. He nodded, slightly smiling to himself as she rested her eyes leaning close against him. "One thing..." she said softly, words slurring.
"Yeah?"
"Am I going to replace Tati for you?"
"No. You both hold a special place in my heart. Neither could replace the other."
"Good... I was beginning to grow worried..." She dozed into a comfortable sleep safe in his arms, and Zephyr slowly stood, using the wall behind him as support, picking up the young girl in his arms, her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He used his foot to open the loose door, sneaking back into the room where the ember glow had completely died, taking slow, cautious steps so as not to step on anyone. Then, he sat down on a pallet of pillows and blankets beside Tati, letting Felicity stay in his lap, comfortable against the soothing feeling of his body rising and falling in every breath. He hugged her tightly with both arms around her back until he managed to fall asleep himself.