"Asteria! Wake up!" Someone yelled. I groaned, shoving my pillow into my face as Mor jumped onto my bed. "Get up! It's almost noon!" The blonde said, grabbing the pillow from my face and throwing it. I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up.
I had hardly gotten a lick of sleep after the events of last night. I just hoped that Cassian had kept his mouth shut about what he had witnessed.
"It's Solstice! We have to get you dressed," Mor said, standing from my bed and walking to my closet. I sat up as she threw the doors open, revealing my collection of dresses, all gifted by Rhysand.
"This is pretty." She chirped, tossing a fluffy dress of a pink so pale it could be mistaken as the color of the white snow that gently fell through the sky. I raised an eyebrow at Mor.
"I do hope it's a bit more modest than the one you had me wear last night." I say, to which Mor chuckled.
"Oh it is. Though I must say, you got quite the stares. Especially from Azriel." I froze at the mention of him.
"Have you spoken to him?" I asked softly, carefully. Mor snorted.
"No. He's with Cassian and Rhysand, having their annual snowball fight." I didn't stop the raise of my eyebrows.
"Snowball fight?"
"They do it every single year without fail. It's tradition to them." The three most powerful and feared males in the Night Court, perhaps in all of Prythian, had an annual snowball fight?
"I know. Now get dressed, we should take a walk through Velaris." With that, Mor winnowed away, leaving me to change in privacy. I sighed, holding the dress up to examine it. It had a tight fitted bodice, with little ornamentation, save the small lace flowers that were only noticeable up close. At the waist, the dress exploded into layers of tool. At least they would warm me, and the long sleeves would as well.
I quickly bathed and put on the dress, which was more comfortable than I had imagined it would be. I combed my hair, letting it fall loose to my waist. Once I was finally ready, I dared to look at myself in the mirror.
When I did, I realized something in my reflection had changed. Not just the physical changes, the way my face had color and my cheeks were filled out, though that too stood out to me. But there was something else, something that was the same and yet... different.
Because when I studied y features, when I looked into my violet eyes, I no longer saw my father. I only saw myself. And I did not feel the need to immediately look away.
"Are you ready?" More called from outside my room. I turned around, wiping my face quickly. I hadn't even realized I had been crying.
"I'm ready." I said as I walked out of the room, finding Mor to be leaning on the wall as she twirled a strand of golden hair around her fingers. Her face lit up in a smile upon seeing me, and I felt a grin of my own rise to my lips.
"You look amazing." She said as she linked her arm through mine. I laughed, telling her she looked even better.
...
It was a cold winter morning, all of Velaris covered in a fresh blanket of sparkling snow. And yet, I had never felt warmer.
The streets were filled with laughing children and happy couples, who all greeted Mor and I upon seeing us and wished us a happy Solstice. Almost every single house and shop was decorated for the holiday as well.
"I've never actually celebrated Solstice." I say to Mor as we walk through yet another street. She paused, turning to look at me with wide eyes. "Really?"
I nodded, looking away as I resumed our walk, pulling her along with me. "I've heard what its like, of course. And read about it. But I never had anyone to give gifts to. Or to give me any." Mor smiled at me. "Well then I am honored to be with you at your first." I returned her smile, the warmth in my chest even greater than before.
Mor and I walked through almost the entire city, entering dozens of shops to get gifts, if not just to look around. We talked and laughed for hours, until the sun began to set and it was time to go to the town house.
...
Cassian won the snow ball fight, and he would not shut up about it. The three males had come into the House covered in snow, Cassian boasting to Mor, Amren and I from the moment he walked in, Rhys and Azriel rolling their eyes at him. It wasn't long before the Illyrians left again to complete another one of their Solstice traditions, one that involved a steam shed, apparently.
Me and the other two females were sitting next to the fire, an empty bottle of wine on the table in front of us as we chatted. We stayed like that for a good hour, until it was time to get ready for the celebration. I changed into a new gown, this one a deep blue color, made of a velvet material.
We all stood around the black mantel of the house, Rhys on one side of me and Cassian on the other. The former lifted his wine filled glass up, the rest of us doing the same.
"To the blessed darkness from which we are born, and to which we return." He said, his eyes shifting to me at the end as he flashed me a smile. I returned it, taking a large sip from my wine as everyone else did.
I'm beyond happy you're here with us today Asteria. He said into my mind. I felt my eyes start to sting.
And I am beyond happy to call you my brother, Rhysand. I could've sworn Rhys's own eyes started to water as he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground as he embraced me. I hugged him back, chuckling as he set me down.
Cassian hugged me next, lifting me and twirling me around until I was dizzy. I swatted his arm as soon as he let me down, both of us laughing. Amren did not hug me, though I didn't expect her to. I didn't expect her to smile at me either, though she did as she wished me a happy Solstice. I smiled back, wishing her the same.
Mor of course, hugged me so tightly I was gasping for air. "Happy Solstice to my favorite cousin." She whispered.
"Hey!" Rhysand called, a look of fake betrayal on his face as he held a hand to his chest. Mor simply shrugged at him, and I couldn't contain my laugh.
The last person to greet me was Azriel. I was staring at the star lit night sky through a window when he approached me, placing a hand on my arm. I turned to face him, the breath robbed from my lungs as I did. He looked beautiful dressed in finery, the stars reflecting in his amber eyes, causing them to appear as if glowing faintly. There were no shadows trailing him, no shadows in his eyes, either. His lips were set in a soft smile, and it took everything in me not to crash my own lips against them. My chest was so tight I could hardly think, especially as he studied me before whispering, "happy solstice, Asteria."
I opened my mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Rhys announcing it was time to exchange presents. I leaned in to Azriel, placing a kiss on his cheek before walking to where everyone else was gathered around the large stack of presents.
"Me first!" Mor announced, rushing to the huge stack of presents. She began throwing boxes of all shaped and sizes at everyone. I caught mine, finding it to be very light. I immediately knew what it would be. The blonde gave me a wink and a mischievous smile, confirming my suspicions.
Surely, inside the box was the most scandalous night gown I had ever seen. It was made of a black sheer fabric, covered in lace designs. It was so small I wasn't sure it would be much different than being naked.
"Why thank you, cousin. I'll be sure to wear it to bed every night." I say to Mor, earning a laugh from everyone but Azriel. I pretended not to notice the look in his eyes, so similar to how he'd looked at me last night on the balcony, as he held me against the bed later...
I blinked, forcing the images out of my mind. My eyes met with the shadowsinger's. He gave me a wicked grin, as if to tell me he knew exactly what I was thinking about. I quickly turned away, turning my attention back to everyone else.
I exchanged gifts with Cassian, Rhys and then Amren. Cassian got me a belt, one that was made to hold daggers. It was lined with small purple and black crystals. Rhys got me twin daggers to match it, both of them carved with designs of stars, jewels the same color of the ones in the belt lining the edges.
I gave Cassian a canteen filled with water. I'd had a spell put on it so that it would magically refill itself every time it was empty, since he was always barking at me to drink water during training. From his roaring laughter, I assumed he liked it.
For Rhysand, I'd bought a custom mug that said Prythian's best High Lord on it. It also had a spell put on it, though instead of refilling with water, it had the same effect with wine. The male opted to use the mug rather than a regular wine glass for the remainder of the night.
Amren and I both got each other jewelry. She said I was clearly lacking some sparkle as she handed me a pair of diamond droplet earrings, so bright they shimmered like the moon in the night sky. I had gotten Amren a choker adorned with rubies the color of blood, which had cost a small fortune. To my relief, it had seemed to please the female.
I finally gave Azriel his gift. I'd had absolutely no idea what to give him. I had initially thought to give him knives, but he seemed to have more than enough. Mor's suggestions had been utterly useless as well.
When I'd been shopping for Amen's gift, it had caught my eye. It was a small, dark ring, with swirls carved on it. Azriel examined it after he'd unwrapped it, holding it in the light. "I know it seems like an ordinary ring, but if you look closely there's-"
"Shadows." He said. Indeed, the ring had the slightest bit of darkness surrounding it. Like he usually did. Azriel smiled and thanked me, before handing me his gift.
It was a small and light brown package, likely also jewelry. I carefully unwrapped it, holding back a gasp as the necklace was revealed.
The necklace had a glittering star, about two centimeters big. The star was filled with hundreds of small, glittering crystals, glinting in the light. It was so bright it seemed to illuminate the room.
"It reminded me of you." Azriel whispered. "You always seem to shine in the darkness." I didn't know what to say to that, so I pulled him into a hug. Azriel hesitated for a moment, before wrapping his arms around my waist. "Thank you." I whispered as I finally pulled away. Azriel nodded. "Put it on me?" I said, handing him the necklace and turning around.
As Azriel gently brushed my hair onto one of my shoulders, the rest of the world vanished. I no longer care that all of my friends were in the room with us. The only thing I cared about was the feel of his hands brushing against my neck as he clasped the necklace on. I could feel his breath on my skin, causing a shiver to go down my spine.
"Asteria!" Cassian's voice sounded. Azriel immediately retreated a step, the spot were his hands had touched my neck suddenly feeling cold. I turned to look at the General, hiding my annoyance. "Come on, it's time to eat." He said, though his eyes weren't on me. They were on Azriel, who was giving his brother an angry look. Cassian didn't back down, his own expression irritated. I grabbed Cassian's arm and pulled him with me to the dinner table, not daring to look back at Azriel.
...
The Winter Solstice dinner was probably the most entertaining meal I would ever attend. Everyone was telling stories and joking and embarrassing one another. It reminded me how old these people were, how long they had known one another.
One moment, I was laughing along with everyone else at something Cassian had just said, taking a bite of cake. In an instant, everything I had just been seeing was gone, replaced with a new scenery.
I was in a room I did not recognize, one so very different from the one I'd been in moments ago. A few feet in front of me, a large male with the most unforgivingly dark eyes I had ever seen was smiling at me wickedly, sat upon a throne. A throne made of bones. I had never seen him before, but something about the way he looked at me made my hands start to tremble.
There were armored guards everywhere, including four that were grasping onto me. I tried to break loose from their hold, but they were much stronger than me. I reached for my power, but found it to be absent. Panic began to spread through my veins as I looked around.
To my left, there was a large blond male, at his side a male with long red hair and tan skin. They both seemed paralyzed with shock.
I immediately regretted looking to my right. A female was sobbing on the floor, two other females who resembled the first hugging each other behind her. I had no clue who the female was, or why she was screaming over my brothers corpse.
A scream escaped my lips as I realized that Rhysand, Cassian, Amren and Mor lay lifeless on the ground. The male, the one sat on the throne chuckled, a cold, merciless thing. I turned my attention to him, rage spreading through my body.
I then saw Azriel, who was a few feet in front of me, on his knees. His back was facing me, which allowed me to see how one of his wings was completely shredded, a pool of blood dripping from it. I screamed his name, and Azriel turned to look at me.
The look in Azriel's eyes was one that would haunt me forever. He was the picture of agony, but whether it was from the pain he surely felt from his ruined wing, or the wound in his chest, or from all his friends being killed I did not know.
"Don't do it Asteria." He said, begged, his voice raspy and pained. Don't do what? I was about to ask, but there was a bright light, and he fell limp to the floor.
And I felt it. I felt him die, like half of my soul was being ripped away from me. It was the worst thing I had ever felt, an agony so blinding that I could not control myself.
The next few moments passed by so quickly my brain hardly registered them.
An enormous blast of purple and black light flooded the room, throwing every guard flying back. I fell to my knees and crawled to Azriel. I think I was screaming, though I couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything besides Azriel's limp body on the floor.
I pulled Azriel onto my lap, cradling his head. The world was violently shaking, and not just in the room. No, the entire world was quaking, and the room was erupting in purple and black flames.
I was tearing apart the world. But I didn't care.
I held Azriel against me, sobbing and screaming, my power continuing to flow out of me.
In the distance, I heard someone laugh maliciously. I forced myself to raise my head, to see the male laughing at me. Despite everything and everyone else being affected by my power, he was not.
I then noticed a large iron tub like thing filled with nothing but a swirling darkness beside him, shielding him from the effects of my power. From the feel of utter power and ancientness that flowed off of it, I immediately knew it could be nothing but the Cauldron.
"All of this could have been avoided. If only you had joined me willingly."
I blinked, and I was back in the town house, all of my friends whom I had just witnessed being murdered in front of me, still laughing. My power was stirring ruthlessly. I closed my eyes in attempt to calm it, but found that the image of Mor, Rhysand, Amren and Cassian's corpses was fresh in my mind. As was the feeling of Azriel being killed.
I quickly stood from my seat, muttering that I would be right back before rushing out of the room. I prayed no one noticed what had just happened.
I ran to a bathroom as fast as my dress would allow, setting my hands on the sink to keep myself from collapsing.
I stared into the mirror, finding my eyes to be a deep, glowing purple. Upon observing them more closely, I realized that the image of my dead friends was still swarming through my eyes.
My knees buckled, and I fell to the floor. I buried my face into my knees, my breaths coming short and uneven.
My heart was racing in my chest, my entire body trembling harshly. I buried my nails into the skin of my arms, hoping the pain would bring me back to the present. It didn't help much.
"Asteria?" Someone said from the door of my bedroom. I raised my head, still panting. I didn't have to look to know that it was Azriel, though.
Of course he had noticed. He always noticed. It was like he could see right through me.
Before I could say anything, Azriel rushed into the bathroom. He paused upon seeing me sitting on the marble floor, clutching my knees to my chest. His expression quickly turned to a worried one.
"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice so gentle and soothing my heart calmed a bit in response. I forced myself to stand,and Azriel examined me from my likely still glimmering eyes, to my trembling hands, to my rapidly rising and falling chest.
"What happened?" He said, his hazel eyes softening as they looked into mine. The image of him lying lifeless on the ground flashed into my mind, and I flinched. To my horror, Azriel took a step back.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, his eyes falling to the floor. It was almost enough to make me start sobbing again, to make me wrap my arms around me and tell him everything that had just happened. Almost.
I shook my head. "You didn't do anything. I'm fine." I assured. He lifted his gaze, and I glimpsed the look of pain in his eyes. But then he blinked, and it was gone.
"You're shaking." He stated. I quickly clenched my hands into fists in an attempt to hide their uncontrollable trembling.
"I'm fine." I repeated. Azriel frowned slightly, inching closer to me.
"Why won't you let me in?" He whispered, his words so low I hardly heard him speak them. I froze. That was not at all what I had expected him to say.
I stared at Azriel with wide eyes, at loss for words. He was so close I could feel his warm breath against my skin.
I wanted to scream at him, to tell him that there was nothing I would like more than to let him in, to let someone in. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him how I longed for him to hold me, to tell me everything would be all right.
But I was too afraid. Too afraid that if I did let him in, if I told him all of the things I had done and could do, he wouldn't look at me as he was now. He wouldn't think I was a shining star among the darkness.
After all, how could anyone ever love me if I could not love myself?
I shook my head, lowering my gaze so that he would not see the tears forming in my eyes. I took a step back, blinking them away.
"Just... leave me alone. Please." I almost took the words back when I saw the pained look in Azriel's eyes, as harsh as if I had just plunged a dagger through his chest. It reminded me of the look in his eyes when he had begged me not to do it, right before he'd...
He blinked, and that pain was gone, to my relief.
Azriel took a step back as well, nodding. He looked into my eyes one last time, and the urge to scream at him to stop making me feel this way rose again. But a half second later, he winnowed away, the only trace of him a lone, swirling shadow.
...
hey y'all... sorry for disappearing I went to the eras tour lmao and I been busy asf but dw next chapter is so good y'all will forgive me