⋆ ★ ALREADY GONE ━━━CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
( MAN DOWN! ) , filler episode.
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JAMIE FELT LIKE SHE WAS JUST LIT ON FIRE. The feeling as if her bones were going to turn into jello and collapse in on themselves overlapped with the feeling of needing to cover up with a blanket because she was also freezing to the point that her lips were chapped and her teeth were chattering. Her messy hair clung to her neck while she attempted to go back to sleep once more, despite her pounding headache that made her eyes squint to the sunlight that peeped through the curtains.
Derek smiled as he woke up and turned to kiss Jamie's cheek. "Good morning, Jamie Marie." He then trailed his kisses down her neck, coming to an abrupt stop once he felt how warm she was.
"Are you cold?"Jamie struggled to speak, as she attempted to cradle herself, hoping it would warm her up a bit. Newsflash, it didn't. "Is it cold in here?" She asked once more.
"No." Her boyfriend answered. He then felt her head and sighed. "But you do have a fever. You feel alright?"
"I'm sweating my ass off, Derek." She snarked in response, looking back at him with an eye roll. "But I'm also freezing my tits off so no, I'm not okay."
It took everything for the male not to laugh at Jamie's response because he knew she was being serious, but instead he simply pulled back his covers and got up to run a cool rag to try and bring her temperature down.
Coming back into the bedroom, Derek gently dabbed the cloth against Jamie's forehead while she apologized, sighing at the content feeling on her face. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I think I knew this was coming..."
"What do you mean?" He asked in response.
"I haven't been feeling like myself lately. My stomach's been off these past couple of days and I feel like shit now." She then closed her eyes as she covered her mouth and let out a nasty cough. "Ow." She cringed and swallowed hard. "That hurt."
"Do you need to go to the hospital?" He then gently felt her forehead once more and sighed. "You're feeling really warm. Do you have a thermometer?"
"In the bath." She pointed towards the conjoined room. "It should be in the third drawer below the sink."
After scouting the device out, Derek returned to bed and sat down next to her, sweeping some hair out of her face before putting it between her teeth. After a few moments of silence (and Derek admiring his girlfriend) they heard the beep and he took it into his hands once more and viewed the number, 101.6. Sighing once more, he showed his girlfriend. "You sure you don't need to head into the hospital?"
"I'm fine." Jamie then rolled onto her side and dove her face into her pillow. "Let me just try and sleep it off."
Derek didn't feel the need to argue with her so he nodded and placed a kiss upon her forehead. "Alright. I'll let the Chief know we're not coming in."
"No, you need to go." She insisted before covering her mouth and letting out another cough making her voice sound rough and hoarse. "You have surgeries, I'll be fine."
"No, I can postpone them, Jamie Marie. What if something happens to you and you need to go to the hospital?"
"Then I will call an ambulance and they will take me but Derek, that will not happen. Go."
"Jamie Marie, I'm not going and that is final. Now, you need some rest so lay down and I'll bring you up some water. Do you want anything to eat?"
Jamie didn't have the energy to argue with him so she shook her head and laid back down with a huff of breath, her stomach churning at the sudden movement. "I'm good for right now."
"Alright, keep the cloth on your head, I'll be back." He kissed her forehead once more before getting up and fetching his phone before exiting the room and shutting the door behind him. The interns were in the hall, getting ready. "Oh, good morning." He greeted them.
"Morning," George nodded as he made his way into the bathroom in the hall.
"Is Jamie still sleeping?" Meredith asked, slightly concerned.
Derek nodded in response. "Yeah, she's not feeling very well. We're going to stay home today."
"Is she alright?"
"She's got a cough and a fever but she doesn't want to be taken into the hospital, so we're staying home today. I've just gotta call and let the Chief know."
"That sounds like James." The younger sister mused, knowing all the times she refused to go to the doctor when she was just a little girl. "Alright, we've got to go but call me if you need anything."
As the two said their goodbyes and the residents left, Derek made his way downstairs and quickly called the Chief before he filled a glass with some water, grabbed some rice crackers from the cabinet and made his way back upstairs. When he opened the door to Jamie's bedroom, the bed she was resting on was now empty and he heard retching sounds from the bathroom. He quickly set down the items in his hands and made his way to the adjoined room and held his girlfriend's hair back.
"Fuck me," was the first thing the girl said before she leaned back into her lover, Derek now brushing her sweaty, stray strands of hair out of her face. "I hate being sick."
"No one likes being sick, Jamie Marie." He kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's get you back to bed."
Jamie had finally fallen back to sleep after Derek had given her- against her conscious and well-being will- some cough syrup which almost made her throw up once more because of the treacherous smell. He laid in bed beside her, reading a book of his, before he looked at the clock which read the time, 10:57. He then set the book down on the nightstand beside the bed and looked to his girlfriend who was sleeping.
Since Jamie could not breathe through her nose at the given moment, she was sleeping with her mouth wide open, drool spilling from the side and snores lightly passing by as well. As much as she was sick, she looked adorable.
Suddenly the girl twisted in her sleep and her eyes opened and Jamie squinted to the light. "Can you shut the curtains?" She then covered her mouth and let out a loud, rough, cough. "Ow."
Derek got up and shut the curtains before getting the thermometer once more. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.
"I'm fine." She mumbled with the device in between her teeth. "It's just-" Cough. "-a little-" Sneeze. "-cold."
"Mhmm." The male nodded, unconvinced. When he took the thermometer in his hands once more, he realized her temperature went up. "Your fever is getting worse, Jamie Marie."
"I'm fine, like I told you, I'll sleep it off." She then cringed, a slight rough patch in the back of her throat making it uncomfortable to swallow.
"Jamie Marie, your temp is now 102.4. You need to see a doctor."
"You're a doctor, you see me." She smirked a little bit before coughing, her joking humor immediately going away.
Sighing, he shook his head. "You need to go to the hospital and see a doctor that can give you the right medicine. Besides, you don't seem to have a blunt head trauma."
"My head hurts." Jamie retorted with a roll of her eyes. "Oh no, a headache, I hope I don't need a CT scan for that."
"I can see that sickness doesn't take away your sense of humor." Derek deadpanned, not finding it amusing whatsoever.
"It is the only thing I have, Derek. Don't take it away from me."
The male only ignored her, shaking his head once more and putting some sneakers and a sweatshirt on. "Come on," He motioned her out of bed, holding a hand out for her to take. "We're going to the hospital whether you like it or not."
"No." She protested. "You can't force me to go to the hospital and if you do, I'll refuse treatment and I'll even sign a goddamn DNR, I'm not-"
"Jamie Marie just get some damn shoes on and let's go!" Derek now shouted. The thought of losing her flashed through his mind once more, just like when she drowned. He couldn't lose her. Not after everything they'd been through.
"Hey," She whispered calmly, sitting up in bed and watching him run a hand through his hair in anxiety. "Derek, talk to me."
"You can't-" He tried but stopped.
"Can't what, Derek? Come on, talk to me-"
"-you can't joke about that stuff." He finally admitted. "You died, Jamie Marie. Don't you get that? You died for, what, 45 minutes? You died and came back and now you're sick and joking about a DNR... you can't do that." He whispered the last part, it was so soft Jamie barely even heard it.
There was a grave silence between the couple for a bit. Jamie didn't know what to say- what was she supposed to say in this situation? Sorry I drowned myself but you never told me you had a wife? Sorry I drowned myself but you broke me over and over again and I didn't see an end to the never ending cycle of sadness? She didn't like bringing up that part in their story because it pained her. Derek had hurt her- a lot- but she had forgiven him and they started over. However, to Jamie, it sometimes felt like they were still stuck in the past.
"I'm sorry," She eventually muttered. "I don't... I don't know what you want me to say to that."
"I don't want you to say anything, I just want you to get in the car so I can get you the care that you need."
"Okay." Jamie nodded timidly before getting up out of bed and putting some sneakers on. The awkward silence was back as they made their way out of the house and into Derek's car. Even though Jamie's limbs felt like they might snap in half any minute as she continued to walk, she didn't ask for help. How was she supposed to ask for help when Derek had just dropped that atomic bomb of confessions on her? And the girl knew that he had more to say and that he was choosing not to say it.
Sitting in the passenger's seat, her knees tucked tucked in, Jamie looked out the window peacefully watching the scenery as they made their way to the hospital.
Finally after several minutes, which felt like hours, Derek spoke as they pulled into the parking lot of Seattle Grace. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I just-"
"I don't want to talk about it." His girlfriend muttered in response, sinking further into the vehicle's seat. She did not have the energy and on top of that, she felt like absolute shit.
"Okay," He nodded in understanding. Derek knew that he had crossed a line and he regretted it so much but he had one question. How did they let their relationship get like this? How did they go on like this for so long- all the pent up tension and unspeakable actions that had happened were agreed to be in the past, but were they? He just hoped they could get past this once and for all once Jamie was feeling better.
Upon arriving at the hospital and walking in, Jamie and Derek were greeted by Mark who was standing at the nurses' station filling out some charts. He noticed them right away and cringed at Jamie's ill state. "Grey... you look like shit." He commented, a smirk on his face but it dropped once he saw her scowl. "And I mean a good piece of shit because-"
"Mark, stop talking." Derek stopped his friend from rambling with a tired sigh.
"Can you get me a wheelchair?" Jamie asked her boyfriend lightly, trying to ignore Mark's unneeded input. "It's getting hard to stand."
"Of course," He kissed her forehead before going to fetch one.
"What's up with you two?" The plastic's attendant curled his eyebrow in curiosity. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he knew Derek like the back of his hand and he could physically feel the tension between the two.
The female shook her head and sighed, leaning against the desk for support and repeating her words from earlier. "I don't want to talk about it."
Mark then noticed Jamie's face go slightly paler than it originally had looked and he grew concerned. "You okay, Grey?"
"I feel like shit, Mark." She snarked, glaring at him through her eyelashes.
Derek quickly returned with a wheelchair and helped Jamie sit down in it, her breathing a sigh of relief when she plopped down. "We need to get some fluids in you." He told her. "Come on, let's check you in."
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After getting the patient settled in with paperwork and a room, Jamie sat in bed alone while Derek went to get her something from the cafeteria. She scrolled through the shitty hospital TV that she had been acquainted herself with a couple of times already. She let out a cough before grabbing a tissue from her bedside and removing the cannula (which was helping her breath) and blowing her nose.
"You're supposed to be on the opposite end of this." She heard a familiar voice enter the room. Bailey smirked at her friend before grabbing the patient's chart and reading it. "Temp of 102.6, what the hell happened to you, Grey?"
"I don't know." The blonde answered, her voice hoarse. "Woke up and felt like shit, puked and went back to sleep before coming here. Beats me."
"Where's your little boyfriend?"
"He's getting me something to eat."
As her friend's tone of voice changed, Bailey's face twisted. "What? He's not taking care of you?"
"No, he is. A little too well for my liking."
"What's he doing now?" The question wasn't meant to send the girl in front of her into tears, but it did. Jamie's face scrunched up and her head fell back onto her pillows as the water droplets ran down her face. Bailey's face fell and she brushed some hair out of the girl's face. "Jamie..." She sighed.
The blonde grasped her friend's hand in her own and shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it." She had said that a lot today. Jamie tried to stop herself from advancing her crying by forcing a smile and looking over to her friend. "I'm okay. I'm going to be okay, Dr. B."
Bailey took her friend's hand and clasped her other around it too in a comforting manner. "I know you are." She nodded strongly. "You are Ace. You are Jamie Grey. You're going to be fine. I know you are."
"If I can survive drowning, I can survive a little cold, can't I?"
The female in front of the patient was glad that Jamie could freely joke about the incident she didn't even like to think about but it still brought pain to her heart. She had lost the only person she had ever been able to tolerate (her baby not included) and it broke her heart. "Yes," Bailey nodded, a little laugh escaping her to lighten the tension. "Yes you can."
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The news that Jamie was in the hospital spread rather quickly and now every doctor she seemed to know was in the room. Kathryn and Callie lied on either side of Jamie in her hospital bed, Adam was sprawled out on the couch across from her, his feet resting on Derek's lap (without the older male's consent), Lorelei sat in the windowsill, Meredith sat on the floor with Mila and Cristina and yet somehow they were all in total silence watching the hospital television that played in the corner.
"Don't you guys... I don't know," Jamie started off, pretending to think to herself for a moment. "Have surgeries and patients to attend to?" She was actually quite thankful they were in here so she wasn't alone with Derek- as bad as it sounded.
"Nah," Kathryn waved her off without a glance towards her friend. "They're not that important."
"I agree with Harper." Callie sat up and smiled as she high-fived the other female before simply laying back down and resuming her attention on the TV.
Derek sighed and rolled his eyes slightly. He wanted Jamie alone right now just so he could talk to her about this morning and right now, all of the doctors in the room, especially with Adam's legs on his, weren't making it any easier.
"You know," Cristina started from her place on the floor, her back resting against the end of the hospital bed. "Some of us need to get sicker more often so that we can all hang out in a room like this and not have to worry about all the death around us."
"Wow," Lorelei commented. "It's almost like you hate your job, Yang."
"I don't hate it all the time. I just get sick of the patients who constantly need attention. Like, can't I just take a nap and live my life in peace?"
"You're twisted." Callie shook her head. "Twisted."
"Whatever."
Mila, who had her head laying on Cristina's lap, her legs stretched out across Meredith's legs, merely shrugged. "I mean I get it. I want to save lives too but it becomes exhausting at some point. Especially if there's nothing you can do and they just die." The room went quiet and everyone had a strange look on their faces. "What?"
"Stacey," Lorelei sat up slowly. "My door is always open, you know that, right?"
"I am not suicidal." The resident said- well sung.
"I never said you were suicidal, all I said was that my door is always open."
"Potato, pototo."
"Anyway," Jamie cleared her throat as softly as she could. "I'm just-"
Suddenly everyone's pager in the room, excluding Jamie's and Derek's, went off. "Shit- mass trauma." Kathryn cursed before getting up and rushing out of the room, her boyfriend right behind her.
"Ugh." Cristina groaned as she helped Mila up from the floor. "Let's go, Stacey. Stop being so lazy."
"Bite me, Yang." The other commented with a roll of her eyes but nevertheless followed her and Meredith out of the room and down to the pit.
"Gotta go." Lorelei kissed Jamie's forehead. "Page me if you need anything, Jimmy." And she and Callie were the last ones out.
The patient fell back onto her bed with a sigh, the tension between the couple resumed as the TV played in the background. Jamie wanted to be the one to speak first and she wanted to tell Derek what was on her mind without him getting hurt because he obviously wasn't worried about hurting her.
"I'm going to speak, and you're going to listen. That's how this works, remember?" She spoke to him, but never once looked in his direction. Silence was her confirmation to continue. "What you said earlier this morning ws really fucking selfish, Derek. You-" She then sighed and laughed a bit. "You essentially made me feel like shit and at the end I still came back to you. Now I'm known as the resident that tried to kill herself, Derek. I'm apparently a slut because I broke you and Addison up and yet again, I still came back to you - after everything. So, this morning when you made my situation about you that was incredibly selfish of you, Derek."
"I'm sorry, Jamie Marie-"
"-do not Jamie Marie me. You have no right. No right!" She now started yelling at him. "You hurt me over and over again and you just wanted to fucking start over maybe build me a house? That's not how this works. You have to understand that I-" Jamie choked on some tears and covered her mouth so that she wouldn't draw attention to people in the halls. "You have to understand that I am trying to put back together what you damaged and I cannot do that with you thinking that it's all about you so please, please tell me that you get it. Please tell me that you understand. I need you to because I do not know what I'd do if you say you don't."
It took a moment for Derek to process everything that his girlfriend had just said. He does understand that everything he did to Jamie - including his outburst this morning - was completely uncalled for and he's glad she said something. He didn't know how they were going to move on if both of them hadn't said it outright to one another.
"I want you to know that I really am sorry, Jamie." He said, not using full name this time. "I don't understand how you're feeling right now but I know that I did hurt you and I never meant to. I'm glad you came back to me because I love you so much and yes, maybe I tried to woo you with a big house and whatnot but it was purely out of love. I'm sorry if I sounded selfish this morning but I just can't." Tears came to the male's face. "I can't watch you die again - I can't lose you again."
"This isn't about that, Derek!" She scoffed loudly, she then suddenly just shook her head and dropped the subject. "You know what, I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Okay, I'll just leave then." Derek nodded before he swiftly made his way out of the room, ignoring the nagging feeling in his head that something was wrong and it would never be fixed again.
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Jamie had been hooked up to fluids all day and because of the mass trauma and her fight with Derek, she had pretty much spent the whole hospital visit alone. Derek never did come back that day, not that Jamie could blame him and she really thought they needed this sort of break between them. Just some space to think things through.
The eldest Grey sibling had paged Meredith to discharge her and take her home so they could wallow in self pity about their horrible relationships they both were horrible at. They blamed Thatcher.
That night Jamie and Meredith fell asleep on the couches downstairs in the living room after they had turned on a movie (Dirty Dancing) and shared a tub of cookies and cream ice cream and a glass of tequila, Meredith's request - Jamie preferred vodka.
Derek had stopped by to get his watch that he left this morning. He was let in by George who was only up because he had to get a glass of water from the kitchen before trudging back upstairs. After Derek fetched his lost item, he saw Jamie and admired her for a second before placing a light kiss on her head and brushing some hair out of her face.
"She missed you this afternoon." He heard Meredith's voice behind him. "She didn't say it but I could tell. I hear you guys fighting after we left for the case. I saw you walk down the hallway. You never came back, did you?"
"No." He shook his head lightly. "No, I didn't."
"Next time, come back. Jamie's already been abandoned by one man in her life, don't be the next one."
That stuck through Derek's head the rest of the night. He didn't get much sleep - he couldn't have. He just needed to make things right once and for all.
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— AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This chapter was shit and I'm sorry but I've had the longest week ever and I'm so tired.
But anywho, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a hot minute (and I know that I've said this previously in my last chapters) however, life has been a bitch like always and I've had horrible writer's block, etc. This is simply a filler chapter while I work on the next real Grey's Anatomy episode. This chapter was inspired by me having the flu a couple weeks ago and feeling like absolute shit so enjoy! (republishing this i also have a cold lol)
With that being said, season four is definitely slow until we get up to season five where everything happens with Izzie and George and whatnot, along with season six, that's why it's hard for me to write this part of the book so bare with me. I promise we'll get through it eventually!
I hope you guys are enjoying the book so far and I hope you continue to enjoy it through chapters to come!
And I just want to say this, Jamie is not pregnant! I feel like in chapters where she feels a certain way (this one) people think she's pregnant when she is not and although it makes me laugh, it's not true because if she were, that would be a whole other problem. (And poor Jamie has enough problems). it will happen but not now lol.