The coming days march by in a blur, and we shuffle through periods of rest in between press conferences that taxed Verando more than I'd like, he was clearly exhausted. It would seem any time Fenrir managed to claw his way out, it left the gray-haired man in a near-comatose state of fatigue.
I did my best to field the phone calls, finding him passed out on the sofa or cuddled up in the window seat, how a man of his stature could fit in the small spaces he crammed himself into continued to amaze me. The piercings, if nothing else, gave him peace of mind that he was doing more to keep the beast under control.
Though the darkening roots did give me concern, worrying about it wasn't helpful when he was already drained.
Tiberius and Tucci finally surfaced when they were convinced that Fenrir was under wraps. Both the deities were supposed to meet us here to take us to Tucci's daughter's party though it felt like an unnecessary risk considering how long they'd been avoiding us. If they were truly so scared, perhaps having him around children was a mistake.
Ron did his best to reassure me that they were both just following protocol, and Tiberius was putting in an effort to grow back his hand, a trait that I found disturbing even though plenty of shape shifters held the same ability.
I settle into the crook of the couch, smirking slightly as Verando adjusts to rest his cheek against my thigh. Slowly, I drag my hand through his hair, marveling at the softness of the loose, messy tangles as I twist some of the strands through my fingers. My ring glitters against the sunlight streaming in, I'd be tempted to call our evening off and remain here if we weren't trying to get on Tucci's good side.
Picking up the phone, I dial quietly, tracing my fingers casually through the hair of my sleeping warlord.
"Oh, is this the Mercer's finally checking in?" the voice sounds irritated, I roll my eyes.
"Good morning, Adam."
The French man had been exploding my text messages trying to figure out what was going on, it would seem our track record for trouble was a mile long and it never stopped making him nervous. Now that he was back in our lives, his involvement would apparently be necessary. Tough as it was to admit, I did like the feeling of someone holding down the front lines while we were away. Someone to answer to, a level above us again, it was nice to have someone who cared and was strong enough to have an opinion.
"I check the news and all I see is word about a new drug and Verando on a rampage!"
I appreciate the thickness of his accent, it was much like Verando's in that it got stronger the more upset he was. "There is an Alpha serum that can replicate the scent, Ron is doing everything he can to analyze it and we have sent some off to Lotta to see if her team can do anything with it. It's tough though, nothing that has any animal influence can get close to it."
Adriam falls silent for a moment, I wait for him to take the bait only to sigh in relief as he sucks his teeth in disapproval. "Nonsense... there has to be a way to defuse it. I saw you activated the sprinkler system in your fight with Fenrir, it probably washed the scent away. Have you researched Fenrir at all? He consumes everything, you'd probably do best to stop letting him eat people..."
"Oh, I figured we'd just keep a steady stream of civilians to keep him happy." I muse, brushing the back of my fingers over Verando's cheekbone, "It's easier said than done, but Verando is taking more measures to suppress him, more silver.. you know. But the reason I'm calling you is actually some to do with Fenrir. Bastet gave me a cuff."
"Bastet, the Egyptian god?"
It felt like everyone but I knew about these gods.
"Yes. She gave me a cuff to help with Fertility. She said my gift is incomplete, that I won't be able to maintain.. a-" Could I even dare to say it? Flinching, I sigh, wishing I'd picked a different time to have this conversation. I never knew when he was pretending and when he was actually asleep, though watching him now, with the slow movement of his chest and the light occasional snore, I was pretty convinced he was out cold.
Adriam is quiet, and patient, slipping into his medical training as he waits and for that I'm appreciative.
"I'm doomed to keep losing whatever is in this space, forever, unless I get rid of it or keep this cuff. She claims it will help me carry, and protect me from Fenrir."
"Protect you from Fenrir? Did you make a deal with her? Why would she help you?"
All questions that I'd refused to ask myself, because I didn't want to know. "I don't know," I admit softly. "I don't want to know, I just want so badly for this to work..." He was one of the few people who could understand, a woman trapped in a man's body, Adriam had always wanted what I'd wanted. Longer than I had, for sure, though I was thoroughly convinced I was a man.
"Well. Some Gods, as you know, are good. Some just love humans, they must if they helped create our world and our worship of them gives them strength. So... in theory, it is not a surprise she would love a human enough to want to bless them. People do pray to Gods, you know." His voice is guarded, fearful of giving me to much hope for we never had that much luck.
The amount of celestial being's we'd dealt with told us that most things such as this didn't come without a price and if I was being honest, she told me straight and clear she was hoping I would find a way to allow her to stay in the mortal realm. She wanted to continue to walk amongst the humans, and I would think of her when it was time to start sending these entities back to where they came from.
Allowing a few to walk the earth meant also allowing creatures like Seth, like Skull and Haiti... like... Fenrir... to walk this plain.
My heart threatens to sink. "How can we send these God's back to their own realms without forcing Verando to go with them?" It was a timid question, something I couldn't ask anyone else for no one else loved him the way that I did. Nobody else was as desperate for him to live a long and happy life but Adriam was also a realist, he understood the reality of our situation.
Bastet wanted to be on my good side because I loved my husband, I would not send him to the underworld to be with Lucifer, I would keep him by my side if it was at all possible. This meant there would be decisions to make, and she wanted to be on the side that got to remain.
"I think you know the answer to that, it's a 20-year journey to hell and we all decided that it was going to be an impossible trek that nobody is going to come back from... so the idea of sending him back at this point seems to be off the table. How to get Fenrir out of his body is.. well.. I believe we are relying on Darrius for that, at least the future version of Darrius. The only one who is going to be able to decide all of this is going to be the Unicorn.
The unicorn is the spirit of the earth, he will be able to banish or allow any being to stay here. That means it will be for him to decide if Verando can stay or not with Fenrir intact and if they can be separated. I've been thinking about this a lot and this is something we can not tread through lightly.
Nicolas, if you remember Fergus, he did not help us even though we are friends. He also did what was right.. and we have to keep that in mind in raising Darrius. If sending Verando to the underworld with Fenrir is the only way...... I hesitate to believe that we should stand in the way of that."
This wasn't right. He was supposed to be on my side, my fist tightens around the phone as I resist the urge to curl closer to my husband who looked so peaceful in my lap. "Darrius loves his Daddy. He'd never do that."
"I know he does. But. We also have to remember that Darrius's mission in life is much bigger than anyone's. Just like yours, a lot of pressure was put on you and if your parents had prepared you better for the school perhaps you would have walked a more just path than what you endured."
Flinching, I glare at the ground with pain in my chest, second-guessing if calling Adriam was truly the best idea. "So 11 years. 11 years until it's time for Darrius to decide what to do with all these gods?"
"I believe so. When Darrius is 18, from what Verando has told me, that was when Tyr felt he should take on his duties as the unicorn. Even if he decides to banish Verando for the time being, it might not be permanent, a few years.. a decade perhaps.. but he might learn how to separate the two and could bring him back? I'm not saying it's ideal but, it's an option we have to consider." I can hear the pain welling up in Adam's voice, making him hoarse as he speaks, and know he mirrors my own posture of agony at the thought.
I knew this. I knew all of this, but hearing it was so much more difficult. It was a conversation that I kept avoiding over and over again because I wasn't ready to hear it. In the end, it would be up to Darrius who stayed and who went, the gods would be vying for me to help influence those decisions and that would mean we had a leak... or a growing suspicion... to the identity of the unicorn.
"Surely they can't know?" I almost whisper.
"God's know all... I imagine someone has to have said something."
Running a hand through my hair, I shake my head and feel Verando startle at the sudden movement. Cautiously, I stroke his cheek and brush over the cheekbone with my thumb as he presses his lips to my fingers and stretches. I'd run out of time if I wanted to have these conversations without his input. I knew his thoughts, he would do whatever he deemed right.
"I'll call you back, Adam."
"Mmm... call me with casual conversation, not this depressing shit. Your boys miss you, I'm sure they'd like to do one of those face chats..." The terminology makes me chuckle and I hang up as Verando curls his arms around me to slide further into my lap. Kissing my abdomen all the way up to my neck. I can't help but crack a giggle at the feeling of his stubble on my skin.
"Good morning," he murmurs, kissing the olive skin under my jaw, climbing his way toward my ear as I shudder. Placing my hand over his mouth, I meet his gaze with a warning glance not to get too invested in his pursuits.
"It's almost afternoon." I remind him, brushing my nose against his affectionately. "We have a birthday party to attend and you're sleeping the day away." Leaving his lips, I skirt my finger tips over the chain with a heavy sigh. 11 more years... to wear this thing, to suppress Alpha, to hide who he truly was if it meant not allowing Fenrir to escape. I note the bruising, hiding my frown as he scans over my face with a fleeting moment of concern.
"It doesn't hurt."
"I'm a lycan, too, now. You can't lie to me." Silver felt like a branding iron on my skin, I could only imagine the discomfort a strigoi chain would hold if it was wrapped around my neck. "Even if you're a masochist and like pain, this still hurts me to see." I cup his face in my hand, brushing my thumb over his full lower lip only to smirk as he kisses my palm. I liked when he was like this, sweet and charming, completely smitten with me.
"Our pain threshold is very different, love. This chain is something I hardly think about." Teasingly, I slip one of my hands down to graze my thumb over his nipple, grinning deviously as he snatches my wrist with a warning growl. "That.. on the other hand... is private property."
So he was still sensitive there it would seem. I wriggle my fingers, chuckling as he tightens his grip on my wrist with a raspy rumble in his throat. "You're so fun to poke at, I can't help myself." I tease, chasing his lips only for him to duck out of my way and graze his nose against my cheek. "You're not letting me play with your toys." Pouting playfully, I gain his attention and quickly peck him on the lips.
Rolling his eyes, the Alpha male climbs out of my lap and I know I've lost him. It's as casual as I've seen him dressed in some time. A flannel shirt over the top of a simple white v-neck and some jeans. He'd been asked to dress like a civilian and I suppose he took that seriously, though he was the most unfashionable person I'd ever met so I'd have to pry into his social circle to find who was dressing him.
Verando would just as soon be nude as clothed.
I admire the red flannel, left unbuttoned though it seemed to bother him that it was open as he tugs at the sides. Tiberius appears, startling me more than I'd like to admit, with Tomas, Rowan, and Tucci close behind him as they slide in the door without knocking. Just like that, my time with my husband was over and it was time to share him with the world.
They pile into their respective vehicles as Verando and I get in my car, though I'm rarely allowed to drive it with him here. Offering me his hand, I graciously accept as we make our way towards the complex in which Tucci lived, a large 'settlement' outside town that allowed his kids to live a more free lifestyle without risks. I knew Verando wanted to see it to model our own piece after now that we owned Tyler's parent's home.
Verando's thumb skirts over the band, I catch the glance and resist the urge to yank away. "You're worried." I point out with a sigh.
"Always," he admits, trying to keep his gaze on the winding road. "You keep finding new and unique ways to give me gray hair."
I would chuckle if I didn't find the topic so stressful, shifting in my own jeans, I'd love to talk about the future if it didn't make him so uncomfortable. "I like you gray. It's sexy." I tell him bluntly, making his scoff and roll his eyes so dramatically, I know I have my charming warlord back. "What will happen if I do get pregnant?"
It was time to be serious about this. We couldn't keep pretending that it wasn't going to happen when it became more and more obvious that this was the intention the universe placed on us.
Filling the car with silence, I wait patiently, knowing better than to push him when the look of concern crossed his face and he put on his 'Alpha' expression. There was no room for my favorite look or a playful volley of teasing. This was the truth, the honesty of how he felt about this. "I'd like to have whatever is inside of you removed. But I've resigned myself to that not being an option, and it's not as though I was particularly thoughtful in our fornicating to insure this didn't happen."
I wasn't motivated to prevent it either, though I knew it wasn't exactly his wish.
"My instinct is to run away, to stop talking about it and just pretend it's not happening.. but I know that is not realistic. This is a tough subject for me, with Marisol and the various other children I've created that have all ended in a variety of ways. I am going to try not to allow my negativity to crush this for you, I know you are excited... I just ask that... you honor my concerns and listen to Adriam. Even if it's not what you want to hear."
His expression is somber, I know he couldn't have known what we were talking about but it applied in both instances. "Your life means more to me than anything, and that is never going to change. A child-" Exhaling roughly, I wait as he searches for his words, noting the pained expression of reliving the horrific childhood I'd only heard glimpses of. "I own very little things in this life, Nic. You are the most precious of all of them. You're mine, I won't do anything that will risk your life. I can live without the money, the fame, all of it can be lost but if I have you, I will overcome. I can't do this without you."
Gripping his shirt, I yank him to me, kissing him deeply as the car nearly swerves and he pulls away with an exasperated gasp. "Have you lost your damned mind?"
I shrug, holding his hand firmly. "I just love you. Sometimes I can't help myself."
Rolling his eyes heavily, I can only absorb the words and acknowledge that it's the largest request, no matter how small it may seem in the grand scheme of things. If it came down to a baby or me, he would pick me.. and I would have to figure out a way to live with that.