*Songkran 2023 Winning Entry*
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It was day two of my best friend Malee's wedding weekend and the first day of Thai New Year. Yesterday, her wedding party - which included myself and 19 other guests - arrived in the city of Chiang Mai and checked into this beautiful, luxurious hotel. We had the opportunity to tour the hotel, eat a delicious brunch, have a relaxing massage, and eat a traditional Thai dinner while chatting with one another. A few old friends from school were invited so it was nice to see some familiar faces, but the majority of Malee's guests were strangers, at least to me. Regardless, everyone was super nice.
When I received Malee's wedding invitation in the mail months ago, I was stoked and a bit nervous. I had never been to Thailand in my entire life! Actually, I'd never traveled outside of my own country! Malee and I both grew up in the same boring American town in the Midwest, but always dreamed of living somewhere bigger and better. We managed to move out of our hometowns for college and grad school, keeping in touch as we were miles apart chasing our careers, but neither of us had the opportunity to travel international skies. But, look at us now! In less than 24 hours, my best friend will be marrying an educated, financially stable man who shares the same cultural and religious background as her. And she'll be doing it in Thailand, a country her family has deep roots in.
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My first impression of Thailand is incredible! The people are super friendly and the architecture is so unique. I mean, look at this hotel lobby! There's tall marble pillars and large chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings... I feel like I'm in a museum! It's so quiet and peaceful, and it smells like flowers. Call me easily impressed, but everything is just...
"...so amazing..." I gasp as my eyes travel over every detail of the lobby.
"You're gonna get a crook in your neck if you keep doing that," Malee warns as she appears behind me with her husband-to-be, Prin, in tow.
"I think it'll be worth it... this hotel is beautiful!" I say with a look of awe.
"Isn't it? I'm glad we made this choice," Malee says while smiling up at Prin.
"I'm glad, too," Prin replies while wrapping a loving arm around my best friend. "So, Sasha, did you sleep well last night?"
"Like a baby. I've never had a King-sized bed all to myself. Not to mention, the pillows were fluffed to perfection," I reply with a goofy grin causing my friend to chuckle.
"That's great to hear," Malee smiles and her dimples appear. Then she glances behind me and raises her eyebrows like she forgot something as the sound of shuffling feet echoes through the lobby. "Oh! Looks like the other guests have arrived... Sasha, I actually meant to mention something to you. Prin, babe, give us a second."
"No problem," Prin replies as Malee guides me over to one of the giant pillars, lowering her voice.
"What is it?" I ask, impatiently. I hate surprises and I feel like she's about to drop a big one.
"I forgot to mention... Kai is here."
"Kai... wait, Kai? Like our friend from middle school?"
"Yeah..."
I lower my voice to a whisper. "Like the boy who lived next door to me who I totally didn't have dreams about marrying... that Kai?"
She chews on her bottom lip. "Mhm, that's the one. Surprise!"
My eyes widen. "I didn't know you invited him."
"I was afraid you wouldn't have come if I told you because you'd overthink everything and be super weird about it..."
"What? No, I wouldn't..." I reply. "First of all, you're more important to me than some crush I haven't seen or talked to in years. I would never bail on you because of a guy."
Malee sighs in relief. "Thanks, Sasha. That's sweet. But... I feel like you still kind of have those feelings for Kai, don't you?"
I gulp and hesitate to respond.
"Even after they got a girlfriend, those feelings never really left. You said you were over Kai but... I know you. It broke your heart seeing them with someone else," Malee pouts.
I frown, shaking my head. "That was in the past. Regardless, I'm here for you always."
Malee's huge smile returns to her face. "I know. Anyway, I should introduce you since it's been a while. Plus, Kai's single! You both have grown and changed so much-- in a good way! Oh, by the way, you should know that Kai is, um, different."
"Well, after all these years, aren't we all?" I reply.
"I mean, Kai's still the friend we know... but 'he' isn't a 'he' anymore..." Malee tries to explain before she spins me around to face an approaching figure. "Hey, Kai, good to see you today. We missed you yesterday. You feeling better?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I missed you guys. A 25-hour non-stop flight and jet lag is no joke," Kai replies.
"No worries, I understand," Malee gives him an assured smile. "I'm just happy you're here. Also... guess who else is here? Do you remember Sasha?"
She gestures to me as Kai's cocoa-colored eyes flick toward mine. As he pauses to take me in, I do the same. He slightly resembles that little boy next door that I grew up with... but he also doesn't. He's tall with a slim, chiseled face, a stubbled mustache and beard, and long black curls past his shoulders. I notice the sides of his hair are shaved and he has a silver tasseled earring in his left ear. As my eyes work their way down his figure, I'm impressed and shocked at his feminine fashion choices. His sleeveless tank top, which showcased his delicious arm tattoos, was tucked into a high-waisted maxi skirt that ended just above his black heeled ankle boots.
"Sasha? From Coral Ridge?" Kai asks with a shocked face. As he approached me, he carried the same eye smile that made my tummy flutter at the young age of 12. That was almost 15 years ago!
"Hey... y-yep, that's me," I stutter while blushing.
Kai's face lights up with recognition as he smiles. "How are you? Oh my gosh. You look great!"
I was practically drooling at the sight of Kai, my old crush. It was shocking how satisfyingly attractive he looked, which made me catch every little detail that most people would ignore. Like his black nail polish as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, or his silver charm necklace that cascaded down his chest.
"Th-Thank you... so do you-- you look... like... wow!" I reply, getting tongue-tied.
"I hope that's a compliment," Kai replies, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah! It is! I'm just... wow-- surprised to see you again after all these years. You're definitely not the little boy next door anymore," I awkwardly chuckle.
"No, no I'm not. Um, I actually identify as they/them..." Kai replies with a grin.
"Oh... oh! Okay, I'm sorry-- I didn't mean--"
"No worries," Kai responds while completely ignoring my awkward word vomits. "It's good to see you, too."
After that not-so-smooth exchange, Malee quickly takes the reigns and addresses her wedding guests who have filed into the lobby. "Okay, everyone! We're gonna have so much fun today! We're gonna head to a shopping center in the city for some activities, entertainment, food, and - obviously - shopping. Then later, we'll make friends with some water balloons to celebrate the new year. You guys ready?"
The other wedding guests applaud, hoot, and holler as Prin joins Malee's side, kissing her temple. I look over at Kai, who is also making eye contact with me, as we both applaud. My cheeks flush as I quickly look away.
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When Malee told us all there would be lots of entertainment, she wasn't lying! As soon as we step into the shopping center, Thai locals with smiling faces greet us in their native language and gently sprinkle water on us. There's so much going on I don't know where to look! Inside the mall's main entrance, there's a huge, towering sandcastle (or sand pagoda as they call it) surrounded by an equally huge sandbox filled with laughing children. Strings of colorful pennant flags hang around the sand pagoda and along the tall pillars and escalators within the main entrance. I crane my neck toward the high ceilings and make eye contact with the crowds of smiling natives and visitors, some of whom are dressed in colorful printed shirts and comfortable trousers.
As we walk further into the shopping center, the music overhead seems to grow louder. In one corner of the mall, there seems to be a dance party with a live DJ! Another corner has photo studios along with a traditional Lanna arts and crafts area with more colorful banners hung overhead. There seems to be a little bit of something for everyone to enjoy here.
"Come on. Let's bathe the Buddha first..." Malee says as she and Prin walk hand-in-hand toward a small golden Buddha statue that sits on a platform surrounded by yellow, white, and green flowers.
I glance at Kai and he shrugs with the biggest grin on his face while following behind Malee. As our small group approaches the statue, Malee explains the tradition of pouring water over the Buddha, which represents washing away any misfortune or negativity from the last year. She adds that this practice is sort of like a "safe" way for visitors to purify themselves if they don't want to participate in the huge water fights that happen throughout the country.
I respond after watching them do the ritual. "I'd prefer not to get wet, thank you very much."
Malee laughs. "You say that now, but you might change your mind later once it reaches 90 degrees today."
After we bathe the Buddha, we decide to split up and check out the rest of the festivities. We agree to meet in about two hours for lunch. The other wedding guests go their own way, so Malee recommends that Kai and I hang out and catch up for a bit. She says this with her weird smirking face that made it obvious she was plotting something, but I ignore her and wave her and Prin goodbye. With a nervous feeling in my gut, I turn to Kai.
"So..."
"So... looks like it's just me and you. What kind of fun should we get into?" Kai asks with his hands in his skirt pockets, teetering back and forth on his heels.
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For lunch, we meet in the mall's food court as planned. The food court is set up like a buffet with various stalls of decadent traditional Thai dishes, like fried pork with ma kwaen balls, khao kan jin, mango sticky rice, prawn pad thai, satay chicken, and more. Each stall has red and white umbrellas providing a covering for the workers who happily cooked the meals. Visitors can grab plates to go or sit at one of the food stalls and eat their meals.
"It smells so good!" Kai enthuses, piling food onto their plate.
Kai wasn't lying. The aroma of Thai seasonings and fried dishes fills the air, causing a burst of happiness to release inside my body. Once everyone gets their food, we find a few tables located near a stage, where a local musician is playing a jazzy song on his saxophone, and take our seats.
"Enjoy your meal, everyone!" Prin shouts before everyone digs in.
Without hesitation, I begin to eat. The rice, the noodles, the meat, the sauces, the seasonings -- everything was super delicious! While chewing, a few moans slip out of my mouth, which causes Kai to chuckle from their seat beside me.
"Sounds like you're having fun," Kai says.
I nod my head with an embarrassed grin.
Kai chuckles again. "Here. Try this. It's a fish cake..."
Kai holds a crispy, round fish cake on their fork and guides it toward my mouth. I was a bit caught off guard that they so boldly offered to feed me, but I blinked back my nerves and took a bite, making eye contact with them. As I chew, taking in all the fish cake's flavor, Kai amusingly watches my reaction.
"It's amazing, right?"
For some reason, my face feels hot while looking at Kai, and all I can do is respond with a head nod. Clearly satisfied with my reaction, Kai smiles and goes back to feeding themself. From the corner of my eye, I see Malee shoot me an excited grin with a thumbs up. I shake my head at her and pretend not to notice her.
"So... Kai, what did you and Sasha do?"
"Ah, we just kind of walked around, watched some traditional dancers-- oh, and bought some traditional jewelry... you like?" Kai beams as they show off their dangle earrings. "It's made of pearl and quarts."
"Wow, Kai, that looks so good on you!"
"Thank you... I try," Kai smirks while flipping their hair, causing Malee to giggle.
"Sasha, did you buy that necklace too?" Malee asks as she points to the colorful rice-shaped beaded necklace around my neck.
I caress my new piece of jewelry with pride. "Yeah! Isn't it pretty? We actually watched the artist make her necklace while we were shopping. In English, she told us she can handcraft 20 beaded necklaces a day!"
"Oh, yeah. That was pretty cool," Kai chimes in.
"Great! I'm really glad you two are having fun," Malee smiles.
Kai glances at me and I answer her with a nod and a smile.
"Alright, everyone. After this, we're going outside! It's water fighting time!" Malee announces.
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I run outside of Thapae Gate where the water balloon and water fight are still happening, hoping to find a safe place to dry off. Passing through the old brick structure, I cross the street and jog down Rachadamnoen Road, passing several restaurants to my left, and find a free spot on some cement stairs a block from the gate. Luckily, this spot is shaded thanks to a nearby tree. It's blazing hot outside and my clothes and hair are wet! I attempt to wring the water from my soggy ponytail, whining with displeasure as locals pass by with a chuckle.
"Hey! Sasha!"
I look up to see Kai near the end of the sidewalk walking toward me, shading their face from the sun with the back of their hand.
"I saw you leave and decided to follow you. You okay?" Kai asks as they sit beside me without hesitation. Their hair is slightly wet along with their shirt, and their skin is already a shade browner thanks to the sun.
"We weren't even there long and I got soaked! All I remember is throwing one water balloon, and then all hell broke loose. I think I blacked out for a good minute..." I release a dramatic huff and wiggle my toes around in my wet sneakers. I pout. "Ugh... these are my good shoes!"
Kai chuckles. "I can't even scold you 'cause I did the same. I shouldn't have worn my good heels today... that's what I get for trying to be cute..." Kai crosses their legs and fluffs out their long skirt as I eye their unfamiliar mannerisms.
"At least you're still cute..." I say, but instantly feel embarrassed at my remark as Kai quickly glances at me with intrigue. I puff my cheeks with air and look away. Ugh, why did I call them cute? I mean, it's true, but they didn't need to know that.
Kai chuckles which makes me feel a little relieved. At least they took my remark lightly.
"Okay... since I'm on a roll of embarrassing statements... can I ask you a personal question?"
"Sure," Kai replies with a grin.
"Why did you decide to change your pronouns? I-I'm not judging... just... curious."
Kai takes a moment to think, staring up at a passing plane before responding.
"New year, new me, right?" Kai shrugs. "In all honesty, it took years for me to be happy in my skin. I went through lots of anxiety and an identity crisis after everyone graduated high school and left the city. Without my close friends, I started feeling like a nobody."
"No way. You were always super popular growing up. You were always friendly, you played on every sports team, even the teachers loved you!" I respond.
"But that's the thing... my existence was justified by everyone else," Kai replies, taking a beat to pick at their nails. "I was playing the part of this cool guy, trying to please everyone even if that meant hiding my own struggles. I didn't realize it back then, but I was trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, instead of being who I wanted to be."
"I'm sorry to hear that..."
"Oh, don't apologize. It's not your fault. Anyway, at NYU, I promised myself that I'd start living for me and nobody else. It was kind of scary making new friends again in a new city, but soon enough, I joined a couple of organizations and I found my people. I found my happiness. This sounds real cheesy, but... I found myself."
"It's not cheesy at all. In fact, more cheddar, por favor!"
Kai laughs at my remark. "You're so funny... I always liked that about you. Anyway, seeing you again and all of our old friends from childhood gives me a mix of emotions. I'm glad to see you, of course, but those old memories remind me of that little boy that I was trying hard to be..."
"Well... you may not be the boy next door with the shaved head and countless Lego collections anymore--"
"Oh, not the Legos," Kai groans causing me to laugh.
"But you'll always be my friend. No matter how much we change or the world changes... that'll never change," I say with a smile.
"Wow... that's really sweet."
"I'm not just saying that either. I mean it. I... missed you," I hesitate because my heart is beating super fast. I realize how close we're sitting and those old feelings towards my crush come running right back into my conscious. "Kai... I..."
"I missed you too, Sasha." Kai grabs my left hand and interlocks our fingers, staring softly into my eyes.