hello ! I haven't posted in a while and I'm so sorry but I just didn't have any inspiration. I am still involved in the writing of this story, of the characters I'm building.
I'm so thankful for you guys, your comments makes me happy every time I read them. Plus, those of you who sent me private message, I love you so much. It literally gives me so much motivation. It means a lot to me to know you are liking my story.
Last, I last saw that the majority of you were from England and the states and of course, many from other parts of the world!. It's so crazy, like, a story that connect so many people!! So where are you all from ?? Tell me from where you are reading me !
Thank you again, hope you will like this chapter ♡
Marie <33
It's confusing because I'm not supposed to feel that way toward him.
But I do.
When I do kiss him back, his brings his hand in the back of my head to get me closer to him. As is I'm not already. His hand his warm.
Despite the wind outside, my body is very hot, I feel very very warm in my belly and lower. It's like I desperately need him down.
I try to close my legs as much as I can. The feeling is so deep that it almost hurts.
Why am I doing ? This is so wrong, nothing in Mattheo should attract me. And even if I was attracted to him in any way, I shouldn't. For my pride, for all he's done to me, for all he's done to my family. Because he represents what most despises.
Mattheo Riddle is Voldemort's son. I can't kiss Voldemort's son.
Yet, despite all of this, I am kissing him. And my body wants this.
He doesn't stop the kiss, he is taking my lips in his mouth with such softness. He's warm. So warm I feel like my lips are burning under his touch.
His hands comes into contact with my cheek. That's when I spontaneously pulled away.
I hadn't anticipated his hand, I hadn't seen it coming. The same way I didn't see coming the day he undressed me. And it came back, suddenly, reminding me of what Riddle can do.
He looked me in my eyes, looking for a sign, for an answer. But all he could see was fear in my eyes. I chewed on my inner cheeks to chase the feeling away, the questions that were speeding everywhere in my brain.
I was panicking, panicking at thought of what he did to me. But in the end, I'm looking for comfort in his eyes. I'm deeply searching for a sign that state that he won't do it again. I need him to ease me, to reassure me because I'm panicking at the moment.
I couldn't guess what is happening inside is mind right now. His lips are closed in a thin line , he's breathing like normally whereas I'm literally panting from the kiss and his eyes don't show anything.
Seconds are infinite, time is moving around us but we are not.
Then, I perceive a small change. At first I can't tell what it it, where it's from, but I get the global feeling.
Mattheo's features changed. His eyes became wider in a way, clearer, his face softer. I can sense he's trying to communicate with me.
It like he's trying to see what's going on in my head, maybe he's actually trying to understand. I feel his concern when I focus on his eyes, his breathing.
It's ok. You're ok.
I don't see it at first, but his voice in my head made it clear. He actually got into my head, he pierced the wall Draco trained me to built. And I don't push him back.
Mattheo's not looking into my memories, I can feel he's not even trying to. He's just whispering.
You can leave at any moment, it's ok Y/N.
I can't process what just happened a few minutes, but this. This is all new level. Mattheo's being, nice ?
Slowly, I try to reach his hand. My fingers brush the top of his hand. I do it very slowly because I'm not only unsure of myself but particularly unsure of Mattheo. Let's try and not be naive and forget about everything that happened before.
His eyes still hasn't left mine, his mind still hasn't left mine.
I hate you Mattheo.
Don't you ever just shut up for a minute ? Mattheo's words, delicate as always.
Well, if I was looking to get the old Mattheo back, I succeeded.
My eyes gets bigger at his words, I am hotter and hotter as the minutes goes by. I could beg for his touch right now. Honestly, just put my pride aside and ask for his fingers to run down my tights. I guess his mouth could be kissing all my body, without missing a piece. Then slowly, his fingers will stoke my inner thighs, then with a swift motion, put my pantie aside to reach my vagina.
I almost whimper at that thought.
Mattheo's smiling. Oh Merlin.
He doesn't even need to say it that I understood. But for
Immediately.
Fuck.
I feel my cheeks turn red. And Mattheo's smirk grows wider.
As if he wasn't close enough, he bends his head toward my ear and whisper,
-Make sure I'm out of your head when you think of stuff like that, miss Y/L/N.
I want to scream, I'm so embarrassed right now I could go and hide forever. When he withdraw his head, I feel him withdraw from my mind too.
He is enjoying seeing my embarrassed like that. And he knew, from my head, that I understood as soon as I saw his smile. But because he is Mattheo Riddle, he had to let me know, to make sure I knew what was his smile for.
Bastard.
- I should go.
My throat is dry, there's barely a sound that gets out of my mouth.
-Mmh Mmh. Mattheo's saying with a dirty smirk.
I could really stab this fucker right now. He fucking knows I'm embarrassed, he did everything he could to burry me in this fucking spinning wheel of shame.
Not only did I kiss him, so literally I said "ok Mattheo, me kissing you is perfectly reasonable". But he saw that I was thinking very strongly of him touching me.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I start to get up, try to reassemble my stuff, but I just have my bag.
He hasn't stop looking at me, he's laughing while I'm standing up embarrassed.
- Bye.
Bye ? What the fuck ?
I leave before I say something awkward and embarrass myself. I don't want to appear weak in front of him more than I already did.
This was a mistake.
I did wanted that to happen and I was perfectly aware of the choice I made by kissing him. But it'll just get things worse. This is pure incoherence.
People wouldn't understand, they'll think I'm such a stupid cunt. I don't even understand myself, I would love to assume my actions.
But it'll take a while.
I just hope the word won't spread.
Who Riddle tell anyways ? He has no friends, and no reason to tell. He could use this information has a leverage. He sure would, but I'll deal with that later.
It my responsibility, not anyone else.
As I'm climbing down the stares, my thoughts are confusing themselves.
Everything is replaying : Mattheo's voice, deep and rough, his lips, boiling hot when they touched mine. He was gentle. A word I never thought I'll associate with him. But he was in tat precise moment.
It's like he wasn't sure of himself. I might be naive to think that but, it's like Mattheo wanted to assess this moment, this kiss. A long waited kiss. Maybe he's not so indifferent after all.
This belief is a dangerous path to go so I'll just stick to the version where I'm just some girl he likes.
When I push to door to reach the corridor, it is filled with students.
The moment I just had on the roof felt like out of time, but people keep living. And nothing I could do will have consequences of them, they do actually care if I just kissed Mattheo.
Time had stopped for me but not everybody else.
This is weird.
After a minute, a reconsider going to the library with Onyx. To be frank, my bed is way more appealing. But I have homework to do for tomorrow, I rather be doing it now than tonight at 10pm. Plus I have a great person to help me, work will be done faster.
Mattheo's POV
Those lips. They are perfect.
Burning under my kiss, under my touch.
Y/N has left twenty minutes ago and I'm still hard.
I have been waiting for this fucking kiss to happen. At first, I thought I would have kissed her last night, in her dorm. When all anger had gone down, my hand would have wrapped her little head, and my lips would have been soft on her. I wanted to hurt her so much for what she had done. Giving a fucking erotic book was a mistake that I shouldn't tolerate.
I wouldn't with someone else.
But there she was, anger and envy mixed together as I watched her. I could have had her just there, against her bedroom's wall.
She was begging me to touch her, her body was asking for my fingers to roll down her face, her collarbone, between her breasts.
But she was drunk last night. Not in her right state of mind.
No, I wanted her first kiss with me to be a choice for her. I wanted her to fully admit that she was tempted by me, she had to let her pride down and accept she wants me.
She hated it and I fucking enjoyed it.
I liked how she was tormented by the game I was playing with her. She was mine, she just didn't know it yet.
I was with her when she would go to bed and the morning when she would wake up. Her mind was blurred by me. She didn't have a clue why this was happening, why we've met in the first place.
I never should have let her cross my path like that, it was just a game at first. I'd studied her before going to Hogwarts, my father wanted me to keep an eye on her because of her parents.
But I never intended all this. I wanted to see her everyday now, she was on my mind, constantly, I couldn't get rid of it.
Her smart mouth was annoying for sure, but damn did I want to spend my day with her.
I'm sure this is because I'm tormented myself, otherwise I wouldn't care less for her. Maybe she looks like me, she reminds me of many things I wanted to forget. She says stuff to me, brutal stuff yet doesn't fear my reaction.
It is quite the opposite, she fucking hopes for it.
I should be careful, I wouldn't want my father to think I fell for a girl. This girl especially.
I didn't fell for her, yet or never, I don't want her to ruin my plans.
My arrival at this school had one purpose and one only : serve my father.
But there she was, the girl I first saw when I was just a boy.
I remember her standing in that backyard, hiding. I couldn't tell them she was there, otherwise she would have been killed. She looked terrified. I wanted to help her but fucking couldn't.
It was not my fight.
I was only 11 but knew who to choose. Because he had choose her over my mother I had to fight for her. That day, the last bit of humanity I had left.
I killed for the first time. It left when I participated in killing her mother. The woman who stole my mother from me.
She haunts me since.
Y/N's POV
- And this my friend, was my last minute of homework for today, Blaise declare as he closes his book. Onyx and I took a surprise glance then laughed at him.
- Sure, you've stayed for low key 30min and copied our work, but sure go to rest Blaise Zabini.
- Um maybe I should recall you Onyx de Laughgrey that I have to go practice, and with your brother nonetheless. We boys have very tiring day, he got up and put his stuff in his bag pack, but you girls have fun. Blaise said with a big smile before going away.
We were in the library for a little more than 2 hours and a half and had a lot of work done. I practically even finished my homework.
I liked working with Onyx because she keeps me focus. Until Blaise arrived and we just switched between talking and working.
Once Blaise left, I got my head out of work and remembered of the kiss. I had kissed Mattheo.
Fuck.
I really want to tell Onyx, I really do, but I'm afraid she'll become more involved in "us". I mean I want her to because I absolutely love to gossip, but this is different. I feel like I need to process my emotions. Or rather anything I needed to process.
Plus, I felt guilty. I hated the way my body reacted to him, I hated the way I was attracted by him.
Everything was wrong, I shouldn't be doing this.
I also feel like I'm betraying Draco. My closest friend with whom I just recently reconnected. I am aware of the relation he has with Mattheo, and I'm not a fool, I know they are rival in Voldemort's circle.
I don't recognize myself.
I was pulled out my thoughts when I sighted Snape walking inside the library. He had several books in his hand. My eyes followed him around the library, hoping he wouldn't get out of my sight.
He didn't though, because he stopped in between the shelves that were a few rows besides me. I tried to take a look, and got surprised when I saw a blond headed boy meet with him.
They talked, then he gave Draco one of the book. Draco looked worried, but wasn't he always, then talked again. I couldn't hear them, but I suppose it had to do with the Death Eaters.
All of the sudden, Snape's head turned toward me. He gave me a death glare, quickly followed by Draco's. My heart started beating fast and when I realized they spotted me, I quickly turned my head back down my homework.
Fuck fuck fuck.
- I just finished, feel like getting out ? Onyx tells me as I was just gathering myself. Y/N ?
I finally looked at her, Yeah sure, I snapped my head to looked back at where Snape and Draco were, but they were gone.
- Who did you see ?
- Hum, Snape and Draco were talking back there, it sounded, i don't know, suspicious. I really wanted to know what the discussion was about, even though it was not my business.
- Yeah well, doesn't surprise me if you ask, they both work for you-know-who so, she paused and started getting her stuff in her bag, the further you stay away the better, trust me.
- I mean, if we are to go to war one day against Him, we might as well not look dumb. Like, I was kind of curious and surprised she wasn't, don't you want to know what's going on between close door ? What Dumbledore is planning to defend us ? I packed my stuff to.
- I do. But I mean, I just want to hear the gossip of it that's all, otherwise I'll become to involve and freak out.
Onyx got up the same moment I did. I had to much in mind,
- Come on, lets catch a drink.
- Yes fucking yes Onyx, I needed a drink, badly.