So, on Thursday, I went to my therapist to talk about my troubles. I went into detail - father's not here anymore, but I try to look up to someone just like I did to my father. But even when I tried, even to my own godfather, my dad's brother, I still couldn't achieve the admiration and closeness level like the one I had with my father. And yet, I look up to one and only one person that way - my drum teacher.
I couldn't understand, why specifically him, a stranger, a mere musical instrument teacher. Although, I did realize why, while time went by. I believed, that he was the missing comfort I couldn't get from my father since. The suggestion of him listening, the times he said that he's proud of me. I feel mentally "hugged" every single time I hear him say those things.
As I told my therapist about my situation, she said that it's very nice, that I have people around me who can listen, who I can ask tips from. She also mentioned, that maybe to get over the grief, I should go to the cemetery, to talk to my now deceased father. Even if I can't see him, he can see me nonetheless, and can hear me, listen to me. That I could tell him my troubles, how far I've come and what I'm dealing with now. She specifically said that, because that's how most people deal with grief and loss.
I thanked her for her advice, and headed out of her office. Then I thought, maybe I should go alone sometime. Or maybe I should tag along my mom or my sister, when they go visit.
I'll probably ask mom when.