[Lila]
In a rare turn of events, we were sitting having tea together tonight. I know my parents would like this to be a nightly occurrence but now it's more a weekly or bi-weekly thing. As Cal and I get older we tend to spend more time out. Quite often in an attempt to avoid these nights.
Cal was mum's little prince and since my coming out it was more pronounced. Thankfully he never acted like that and saw our parents for the flawed humans they were. We had each other's backs and no-one would get in the way of our bond. I think if I was an only child, I would have gone crazy living with my parents. They were never overly cruel to me but it was clear that Cal could do no wrong.
Sometimes I felt guilty from stopping Cal receiving the adjuration that they wanted to heap on him. Like I was keeping him from our parent's love. He told me to shut up during those moments. That he would rather spend his time with me than have them overly fawn him. I know he'd tried over the years to get my parents to put more focus on me but it never stuck. It didn't stop me from feeling like I was letting him miss out.
Most nights we didn't really have any plans, we'd just walk around to delay getting home. Now we had the car we had driven around a few times just listening to music.
I wish I could have avoided this night. Mum, dad, Cal and I, are all sat around the table as Cal regales every one of his day. It's usual for Cal to take up most of the conversation. He's always been the chatter box whereas I'm the quiet twin that gets dragged along for the ride.
Today though the conversation gets my blood boiling.
"There's this girl in school, she's been getting a load of abuse lately. Today though this guy purposely knocked her over, she's only this tiny thing and he proper cut into her path to trip her up. I couldn't let some douche do that though so I shoved him out the way then helped her pick-up her things. I even walked her to class just to make sure he wouldn't do it again."
"That's sweet of you son. Why have people been bulling her? Do the teachers know?" Their mum asks.
"Everyone's calling her a slut because someone found out she had a kid during the summer."
No, she didn't. Why am I the only one who sees that?
"She's a mother?" Mum asks shocked. "How old is she?"
"Our age I think." He says with a shrug. God bless Cal for not seeing the bigoted way everyone else looks at this picture.
A bunch of teenagers that are probably sleeping around. A load of adults that probably lost their virginity as a teen. Yet they still see a teenage mother as a slut or a failing of the parents. Not that Mic is a teen mum but still. Anyone of them could be in that boat yet they act all smug that fate hasn't handed them that card.
Hypocrites.
"She's seventeen and has a child. Cal, I don't want you getting involved with this girl." Mum says almost shrill.
Internally I roll my eyes. She's judging Mic as a teen mother but had nothing to say to dad who was a teen father. Dad didn't even acknowledge Ewan as a kid. He may say he regrets it now that Ewan is in our lives but he still left him.
"What? I'm not going to leave Mic to deal with the abuse she's getting alone."
"Bet most of those kids bullying her are sexually active themselves." Dad says, before taking a bite of his meal. I've barely touched any of the food on my plate, the fork squeezed tightly in my hand.
"Exactly." Cal says, like dad's word settles this mess.
"Don't encourage them."
"They know about sex. They're not idiots, they know to be safe." My dad argues.
"I bet this girls parents thought the same but now look at her." Mum argues back.
They wonder why we don't sit down around the table as much anymore. I can't take this anymore and shove away from the table, storming to the quiet of my room.
How can mum even judge Mic? She's never even met her and doesn't know the full picture. Mic did not have a baby over the summer, there is just no way she did. Which means she is looking after someone else's kid. She should be praised for being responsible yet she is victimized. It's not fair to her.
I want to help her; I want to support her. Let her know I'm in her corner; let her know I see the truth. Yet I still can't talk to her. I imagine all these scenarios where I say the right thing and she knows I care about her. It's not even about my crush on her, I just want her to have a friend.
Well, Cal is filling that role.
I'm torn between being silently glad Cal is her friend. I know I can trust him. Then there is the part of me that is dying because he is her friend and I'm not.
It's an ongoing battle.
Twenty minutes go by of my silent turmoil in my room before my mother walks in. I stay laying on my bed throwing a tennis ball in the air and catching it.
It's something I've been doing for years, it's sort of meditative for me. Usually, it results in someone telling me to stop because it annoys them. Even when I'm in my room I get told to stop because of the banging. The rhythmic up and down, throw and catch calms me though.
Takes my mind off everything going on. Takes my focus off the awful light purple paint on my walls that my mum insisted on. The perfect teenage girl's room. I can't stand purple. Give me orange any day of the week, the brighter the better. Or red even. Hence the streak I spray in my hair.
"You barely touched your tea." Mum says, using the soft inquisitive mother voice.
"Lost my appetite."
"What's going on Li? This isn't like you." I would laugh but I don't want to start a fight. Mum still likes to think she has the perfect little set of kids. One girl and one boy. Only I've never been the girl she wanted or likes to portray to friends.
Hence the clashing.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Well, this is just a night of it. You're all sullen, your brother is determined to follow in your father's footsteps and get a girl knocked up as a teenager. And will you please stop with that bloody ball." She steams, dropping all pretences.
"That's not what happened at all." I yell, sitting up and looking at my mother. "You don't even know Mic but you're judging her like everyone else has. The baby is not hers. Why can't anyone else see that?" I end, chucking the tennis ball across the room. Okay, I chucked it at a pile of clothes so it wasn't a destructive ending, but the anger was still in the throw.
Mum stands there is shock for a moment before moving to sit next to me. Laying a gentle hand on my knee she says softly. "You're right, why don't you tell me what's going on?"
"She was seen with a baby so one of the idiots assumed the baby was hers and the story spread like wildfire. They've been calling her all manner of names because they assume the rumour is true."
"How do you know it's not true?" her mother asks calmly.
"Mum, she was working like ten jobs all summer. I saw her everywhere and she was not pregnant."
"Some women don't show that much of a bump."
"She. Was. not. Pregnant. She's not like that. I don't know who's kid it is but it's not hers."
"Are you sure she's really not like that and it's not a matter that you want her, to not be like that." Mum says carefully.
Now she accepts my feelings towards girls. "Yes, I like her. I can see that's the argument you want to use but I also know she is not like that. Maybe it's her niece or nephew, maybe she was just babysitting for someone. But there is no way this is her child." I say jumping to my feet and pacing.
"Okay, I trust you." She says in a placating tone. "I just wonder how I'm going to deal with you and your brother liking the same girl."
She looks at me with pity and in that moment it's clear that she doesn't trust me about Mikayla. In her mind I'm a love-struck teenager and stand no chance with the girl who already has a baby. She's already written me off and is planning how to stop Cal having sex.
Ha, you're too late to that problem mum. Cal already lost his virginity when we went on holiday last year. He thought he was chocolate after the event. Telling me way too much information about it. It was bad enough he used me as cover, meaning I had to hang around the club avoiding my parents for a couple of hours while he had the date. Then to have him give me a play by play was just too much. Unfortunately for him she wasn't interested in him after that. Brought his ego right back down.
Both parents are unaware of his dalliances. Mum under the impression that her precious little boy wouldn't do things like that. I'm not going to be the one to tell her though.
"Can I just be left alone, please?" I sigh, I can't be dealing with my mother right now.
She pats me on the shoulder a little condescendingly and leaves the room.
The truth will come out soon.
I'm not imagining it; Mikayla was not pregnant during the summer.
Mikayla is not a mother.