Before I had realised the time had gone, it was the end of March and my first look at Champions League with Arsenal. We were coming up against Wolfsburg: first at The Emirates and then in Germany. I was excited to be playing in my first Champions League for Arsenal. I had felt, over the past few months, that this place was becoming my home. This club and team were becoming my family. Leah was becoming my family. We still hadn't confirmed anything, but everyone knew we were together. Our teammates didn't question anything, but they all knew. Our families didn't ask, but understood. And the fans, although they didn't hide their interest, they didn't push - something that surprised me at first.
"You ready?" Leah asked, as we were driving to the Emirates. I was nervous about the game. I was trying to smile my way through it, but in my heart, I wanted to win. I knew I had no reason to get nervous, or feel as if I had to prove something, but I did. I felt as if I had something to prove. Everyone questioned why I moved from a club like Lyon, where I could be winning every single match and trophy and award, to a club like Arsenal.
"Yeah," I responded, grabbing her hand, and squeezing it softly. She smiled at me, and we both headed out, parting ways as I caught up to Caitlin and she stayed to walk alongside Lia.
The Emirates was set to get a good crowd this night, something we were excited to have. We would need it in this leg. We wanted to get the win, or at least not let them get a goal. We couldn't go to Wolfsburg with a deficit.
As we were in the locker room, I looked over around the room. Viv and Beth were sitting beside each other, laughing and smiling more so than I had seen either of them doing so since being here.
"Something fishy," I said to Caitlin. "Seriously fishy."
"You have said this before," Caitlin laughed. "You really think?"
"Trust me, Cait. Trust me."
"Alright, I always know that you should always side with Tipps."
"Smart girl," I joked.
"But-" Caitlin started to say, before she was soon interrupted by Jonas, who was giving us the lineup for the match.
In the back, Manu, Laura, Leah, Lotte, and Steph made up the backline. Frida, Lia and me were in the midfield, with Katie, Viv and Beth up top. I was hoping that this would be the line up to break Wolfsburg apart. I wanted, more than anything, to get to the semi final.
Before we walked out, Leah grabbed my hand, squeezing it softly. I smiled at the girl I could now, sort of, call mine. She was wearing the captain's armband, holding her head up high, just as she should.
As we lined up, I looked across at the wolfsburg team. They were stacked with talent with German players like Alex Popp, Lena Oberdorf and Tabea Waßmuth, and Dutch players like Jill Roord, Dominique Janssen and Mila Bakker. The connection between Mila Bakker and Alex Popp was one that we were told to watch: they were the Kerr-by or Mead-ema of the German league. Mila could find Alex anywhere on that pitch, and we knew she had to be stopped.
I watched the Wolfsburg players, laughing and chatting with each other. Viv went over to give Jill and Mila both a hug, as they were national team friends. Mila's hand was interlocked with the player in front of her, and I was slightly taken aback, not realising that they were, from this interaction, most likely together.
"Oi," I whispered to Beth who was in front of me.
"Yeah?"
"Did you know that they were together?" I asked, nodding over to Mila.
"Holy shit, no. That's new." We both chuckled.
"Oh, and by the way, you and Viv..." I said, nudging her.
"As I said before, Tipps, we're just being nice to each other. You know how it is at the moment." She was right. I did know. I was feeling the same way she was feeling. But maybe less so.
We soon walked out, lining up, taking the photo and preparing for kick off. I looked around me, seeing the many Arsenal supporters who had come to the Emirates on the cold night.
Viv soon kicked the ball, and we were off. The game was a tight tussle, and although Wolfsburg were dominating the possession, they weren't having any real chance on goal.
In the 12th minute, Mila Bakker was making a run into the centre of the pitch, as I collided with her, taking the ball from beneath her feet and kicking it to Leah. Leah then kicked the ball out to the middle, where Beth made a counter attack. Nothing eventuated from the play, but it was something. We could make it something.
Our luck soon started to fail. In the 19th minute, Wolfsburg scored. Mila crossed the ball in from the wing, and Popp got her head onto it.
"Fuck," I said, under my breath as I watched the play happen. I was too far from the box to make any real difference.
"COME ON GIRLS!" Leah shouted, grabbing the ball out of the net.
"Viv!" I called, walking over to her and talking before the kick off. "You need to be keeping the line, but as soon as I spot you, make the run. I am always looking for you or Beth. So hold the line, and then I'll pass it in the middle corridor."
"No, pass it to the right, and I'll cut it in. Janssen will be able to cut a middle ball off." Viv and I always had great tactical discussions. Her knowledge of the game widened my own.
"Okay, okay. I'll pass out to the right, and cut it in. Should I try to get Beth or you?"
"Probably me."
"Okay."
I tried to find Viv several times through the game, but none of the passes were coming off. I was getting inside my head, and it was corrupting my brain and my thoughts. I needed to feel loose. Free.
At half time, we went inside. I grabbed my bag, heading into the bathroom. My flash had a little whiskey left in it, and as I downed that last dribble, something inside me came alive.
"Tipp?" someone called.
"I'm on the toilet," I replied, lying. I soon walked out, and Leah was there.
"Everything alright?" she asked.
"Yep." I smiled at her, and without even thinking, I leant towards her, kissing her softly.
"Tipp, a drink? Really?" I chuckled softly, trying to not get mad at myself for being so stupid. Why did I kiss her right after a drink?
"Just a little liquid courage, alright?" She looked at me, most likely worried or disappointed (I wasn't sure which) before I walked out.
The second half soon commenced, and we were all playing better. But as the clock started to wind down, I knew we needed a miracle.
We had a free kick outside the box in the 88th minute. I was standing over it, with Beth and Tobin as well. I was tired; Tobin was fresh. I had played 90 minutes in the midfield; Tobin had just came onto the pitch.
"I want to take it," I said, my hand covering my face as I talked to both Beth and Tobin.
"I think I should take it," Tobin responded.
"Look, this kick needs a right foot. Look at where they set their wall. If I hit low, and curl it around, I'm going to try to get one of the runners, and they could tap it home."
"Are you sur-'' Tobin started to say.
"She's got this," Beth interrupted. "She's got this." I smiled at Beth, and as both Tobin and I stepped back to look like we were both about to take it, Tobin did a fake run, leaving me to take the kick. I hit it low, curling around the wall. Lotte got on the end of it, and was able to punch it home.
We had equalised. In the 89th minute.
Lotte was ecstatic, she went over to the corner, celebrating with the fans and her teammates. As I smiled to myself, walking over to Lotte, Leah came beside me.
"That was a good ball," Leah said. "Maybe the liquid courage helped."
"Maybe it did," I laughed.
"Not again though, please." Leah looked at me, with a pleading look in her eyes.
"Okay."
The game ended 1-1, and it was the best result after the game we had had. We hadn't played bad, but there was more we could give. We knew that.
I stood beside Viv and Beth post match, with Leah coming up behind us. She put her head on my shoulder, as her arms were slightly resting on my waist.
"You right?" I asked her.
"Cold," she laughed. I turned around, hugging her softly.
"You're getting all up in my business," Beth soon said, as Viv went over to talk to Jill and Mila, "but you two are all snuggly and cosy."
"Don't be nosy," I joked to beth.
"You're such a hypocrite," she laughed.
"A cute hypocrite," Leah added in.
As I was about to leave the pitch, I saw Mila once again. They were holding hands, smiling at each other, Mila's head resting on her shoulder. Mila and her girl. Mila Bakker and...
note:
- soo... who do we think it is? leave ur thoughts
- also lol i haven't written in ages soz about that... but something exciting is brewing in my personal life so yeah <3