Zendaya PoV
I will never forget that moment 10 months ago that changed my life within a second.
That changed our life.
Tom had hurt himself on the Set of Spiderman 5, so we had driven him to the hospital. It wasn't bad, he just broke his ankle and one wound on his shoulder had to be stitched up. We thought everything was alright, we could leave the hospital. Thats when the doctor told us to stay, because he found something in Toms blood that was unusual. Something with his blood cells.
We should have known. We should have known this wasn't a bad joke from our fate. We should have know that our luck, our young love and just started marriage would be ruined through fate. But we didn't. We thought Tom hadn't eaten enough or had an inflammation somewhere in the body. Nothing bad.
Fate proved us wrong.
A few hours later, we had sat there, trembling hands interlocked, tears in our eyes as the doctor told us that Tom was suffering from Leukemia and that the cancer was already quite advanced.
My whole world stopped. Everything went loud and at the same time quiet. I felt so less and yet so unspeakably much. It was like a part of my heart had been teared apart.
I didn't understand it. And I still don't. Why Tom? Why us?
We just had began to start a family. We had been married for 4 months and we had started to try for a baby. And then.. this.
I remember us, lying in Toms hospital bed and crying for hours. Comforting each other. Trying to realise what the doctor said. Trying to not give up. Trying to make a plan. Trying to find hope.
We promised each other that day that we would fight. That we will fight against this fucking cancer. We promised ourselves that we would enjoy every day that we could still have together. To see the good every day and try to look to the future with hope. And that we won't let the cancer ruin our plans and dreams.
---
Now, 10 months later, I was packing my hospital bag, while Tom watched me smiling. We were sitting in our nursery. The nursery for our little girl that was on the way.
I know, we promised to still chase our dreams of an own little family, and I was happy, more then happy when I felt my little girls kicks through my belly. But sometimes, I got sad when the realisation of the fact, that Tom won't get to watch our daughter grow up, hit me.
Like right now.
I folded my clothes while looking at Tom, who was still folding a few onsies.
He had two infusion lines and next to him was the rolling pole with the infusion bag. He sat in a wheel chair, because in the last few weeks he have had more and more debilitating attacks. The chemotherapy had made him physically infinitely weak. His skin was pale and he was bald.
I swallowed. I was used to this. And it still broke my heart every time I saw him like this. Weak and yet fighting. While we both know, that he will lose this fight one day.
Just yesterday, at his monthly check-up, the doctor told us that we would not have much more time together. The cancer had spread and Tom was losing weight no matter what he ate.
,,Maybe 2 months, maybe 3. I don't know it, Mrs. Holland." the doctor had said to me and I was still struggling to cope with that.
,,Love. It's okay."
I snapped out of my thoughts when his hand stroked over my cheek to brush a tear away.
I tried to smile. ,,I know. It's just hard.." It wasn't okay. It was everything but okay. But I needed to be strong.
He smiled weekly and put his other hand on my 9 months bump.
,,I am so exited for next week." He said and the exited sparkle in his eyes made me smile. I put my hand on his head and stroked it.
,,Me too. Can you believe? We will finally meet our daughter!" I grinned.
Again, as so often, a sad shaddow flew over his eyes.
I sighed and dropped on my knees, to be on his height. I cupped his face with my hands.
,,Baby, I love you. No matter what, kay? We gonna get through this, and we gonna get through this together, remember?" I repeated the words we promised each other.
,,I don't deserve you. And you.. don't deserve this.." he pointed at himself. Tears were forming in his eyes.
,,You deserve a man, who can protect you, who can take you out, who can take you to dance, who can.. who can.. who can grow old with you. Who you can raise your daughter with. You don't deserve a mess like me. Look at me! what do you see? A weak, ugly, coughing man.. " He aggressively grabbed his bald head while tears where running down his cheeks.
,,Tom, love." I slightly lifted his head so that he could look me in the eyes. ,,Do you know what I see, when I look at you? I see my beautiful and strong husband, the love of my life, struggling but fighting. Do you even know how fucking proud I am? You are fighting for us. For our little girl. I know you are in pain. And yet you don't give up. I fucking love you. And nothing will ever change that. No fallen hair, no setbacks and no diagnoses."
I was crying too.
Tom smiled weakly while we layed our foreheads at each other.
,,I love you too, Daya. You're the best that ever happened to me."
I tried to smile as well.
We sat like that for a few minutes, until Tom had to cough again.
,,What did the doctor said, yesterday? How long..?" he weakly asked and looked at me.
I swallowed. ,,Two o-or three months.. he doesn't know for sure though.."
He nodded and took a deep breath, before looking into my eyes and smiling sadly.
,,That's good. I am still able to meet our daughter."
I swallowed again and tried to be as thankful as he was, instead of tearing up.
,,Yeah.." my voice broke, though. ,,What do you think she will look like?''
,,She'll probably have your beautiful caramel skin. And your beautiful hair. And your beautiful..-"
I laughed and pecked his cheek. ,,Honey, I love you. But you know, she'll have your genes as well. And I personally hope she will look more like you."
Tom curiously looked at me. ,,Really, why?"
I swallowed and lowered my gaze, while mindlessly caressing his cheek. ,,So that she'll remind me of you a-and.. so that you're still be there.. that I see you in her.." I teared up again, and Tom wrapped his arms around me and gently stroke my back.
,,I will always be there, love. Always."
I closed my eyes and tried to calm down, relaxing into his embrace.
,,Do you wanna.. uhm.. watch a movie?" I asked after a few minutes of calming down.
Tom smiled and nodded. ,,I'd love to, babe. Make yourself comfortable, I'll order takeout."
I grinned, kissed him and walked, well, more waddled to the living room and flopped onto the couch. As I grabbed a blanket, I noticed Tessa and Noon playfully bickering and fighting over some toy. I laughed called Noon, soon after the two dogs made themself comfortable next to me.
Noon was cuddling up to me and layed his head on my bump, which made me smile. Since I became pregnant, he was kinda overprotective over me, almost like Tom was. If you could compare the way how my dog cares over me with how my husband does, of course.
,,I ordered pizza, your favourite." Tom said as he rolled into the room. I smiled thankfully and patted next to me on the couch, so he carefully moved from the wheelchair to the couch and cuddled up next to me.
We agreed on a Harry Potter movie marathon and soon we could forget our problems for a small time period, cuddling with each other and eating our pizza.
5 days later I was once again sleepless in our bed. The nights were the hardest for me. Worries and thoughts kept creeping up inside me. Like the one and only question I asked myself, since that day 10 months ago:
How will I be able to live without him? How will I make this work all alone? Just, How?
In addition, our daughter kept me awake with her kicks lately. I layed my hands on my bumb and occasionately smiled, feeling her kicks and whispering to her. It calmed me downa bit.
I gently turned to the side and watched Tom sleeping.
He was so tired lately.
I was glad he could sleep and forget about everything and the pain for a while but also.. I was afraid every day.
That this would be the morning he would no longer wake up from this sleep.
Maybe this was also a reason I couldn't really sleep when he was asleep.
But seing him so peacfully made me smile though. I stroke him gently over the cheek and then cuddled up to him, as close as I could with huge bump between us.
I turned to my back again and starred at the ceiling, feeling my baby girls kicks again.
A few minutes passed till I suddenly felt pain in my lower abdomen. It was like the little contractions I've had over the last 2 weeks, but this time a lot more painful.
I shut the eyes in pain and breathed through the contraction.
It stopped, for maybe 2 minutes, and then I felt it even more painful.
I sat up and held my bump, breathing heavy.
,,Fuuuck.." I gritted through my teeth. Then I felt it.
I sat on a wet bedsheet.
My water.. she broke. Fuck.
I surpressed the urge to scream when the next wave of pain hit me.
,,Love..what's wrong?" Tom tiredly asked and lifted his head from the pillow, just to see me crunching in pain.
,,Daya?!" He slowly but immediately sat up and looked worringly at me. I just groaned in pain.
,,Tom.. my water broke.. and I'm having contractions every 2 or 3 minutes..we.." I breathed.
,,-we need to get to the hospital. Imma call your mom and Darnell and an ambulance." he reacted quickly, got into his wheelchair, helped me stand up from the bed and we slowly walked into our living room.
10 minutes later the ambulance and my mom was there and we drove to the hospital.
,,Tom.. I can't do this.. I just can't.. I can't do this.. Tom noo..fuck.." I screamed in pain, 5 hours later in the delivery room. I've been pushing for what if felt hours now. I was at the end of my strenght.
,,Babe, you can. Of course you can. You're so strong. Cmon! You can do this!" he resured me like every time.
,,Tom I'm in so much pain.. fuuck.. no.. I can't.. I can't do this.." I cried, tears streaming down my face.
He took my hand again and kissed my forehead. ,,You are the strongest woman I know, You can do this, love. I am so proud of you! Please, just a few more pushs, then we can hold our little daughter and all this pain is over. I love you. Please, love, You can do this!" Tom said, looking deep into my eyes and kissing my hand over and over.
I shut my eyes and took all my strenght to push again. I was so dizzy.
I screamed in pain again and I squeezed his hand so tight that I was afraid to break his bones.
But honestly, who brought up the idea of women having children?
,,You're almost there, Mrs Holland, I can see the head, now one last push! You can do this!" The midwife said and I nodded, breathing heavy.
,,Fuck." I screamed when the most painful contraction hit me and I started to push.
,,Thomas Stanley Holland, next time you're delivering the baby! Fuck!"
I pushed with everything I had in me, then, suddenly, the pain was gone.
A high pitched, but beautiful little cry filled the room.
,,Congratulations, here is your little daughter. Well done!" the midwife gave me a little baby, wrapped in a pink cloth, in my arms.
My baby. Our daughter.
I cried, but now out of joy.
Looking at her, I immediately felt the hormones again and all the love I had already for her increased immeasurably now.
All the pain was now forgotten.
She was beautiful. And insanetily cute.
,,Hello.. hello my little sweetheart." I cried, fascinated by her.
,,Daya, she is flawless." I heard Tom whsipering to me while kissing me and giving our baby his little finger.
She immediately wrapped her small hand around it and I looked at Tom. He was crying as well.
,,We made it. We made it, Tommy." I smiled happily.
,,You made it, darling. I am so so proud of you. I love you. So much." He said and kissed me again. ,,She is so beautiful. Just like her mom."
I quietly laughed. ,,She has your eyes. And your nose."
He nodded and we both just watched our baby.
It was right. She looked like Tom when he was a baby. Although, she had a darker skin tone. And a few dark curls on her head.
The perfect mix of me and Tom.
,,I love you, Tom." I said and we shared a gentle kiss.
,,Do you already have her name picked out?" the midwife asked, while smiling at our happiness.
Tom and me nodded and looked first at our baby, then to each other.
,,Eleanor Holland. Eleanor Chloe Holland. Because we never lost hope and now, we're here. Holding her in our arms."
,,Chloe means hope, a new life." Tom explained to our midwife, who was writing the name down.
,,Beautiful name." She nodded.
,,Well then, welcome to our world, Eleanor Chloe Holland." I said and gave her a gentle kiss on her head.
,,We love you more than you can even imagine."
Hi guyyss... so I'm kinda feeling bad for posting this sad piece on Dayas birthday, but hey, the end was not sad anymore, right?
Anyway, there will be a Part 2 though, cs it would have been to long to post this in One Part.
I hope you like this one (and got a few tears while reading it, I sure did) you can always give me ur feedback <3
Love y'all, I'm working on the second part. <3