"Bambina, just take a breath, okay? Relax, it's okay." Carina attempted, watching Maya pace around their apartment anxiously.
"I can't. I could be jobless by the end of the week. I-I don't know what I'm gonna do." Maya ranted. It had been almost two weeks since her suspension and her captaincy relief, and have would finally know where her career stood in the next few days.
"Whatever happens, Maya, we will figure it out together. But worrying about it right now isn't going to help. Why can't you let yourself take a break?" Carina asked softly, in a concerned tone.
Maya sighed and took a moment before walking over to her wife and sitting down on the couch next to her. Carina grabbed her hand and squeezed assuringly.
"I used to think about the clouds. When we were flying around the country for track, I used to look at the clouds and think about how soft they looked and how nice it would be to just...float away on them." Maya said after a brief pause.
She felt Carina's grasp tighten on her hands and inhaled shakily. "You think about dying?" Carina asked, swallowing thickly.
"Not anymore," She said, smiling sadly. "My dad drilled it into me that losers didn't deserve to rest, or to take breaks. I was just so tired, physically and mentally of believing that I was a loser. At the time dying and the clouds were the only thing that helped me relax a little bit."
"Oh, Maya." Carina sighed, taking her wife into her arms fully. "It wasn't until I met you when I started to stop thinking about them. I guess a part of me still believes that when I start to fail, like I am now with my job, I don't get to relax." Maya admitted, feeling more vulnerable than ever.
"Hey. You are not failing right now, si? You made a call, and yes, you did go against protocol, but you did what you had to do to save that boy. What they are doing to you is not fair. If we have to do, we will appeal the decision. Do you have any regrets about what you did?" Carina asked, forcing Maya to look at her.
"No." The firefighter said without hesitation. "Then you made the right call. If you hadn't, that boy would have died. So don't think for a second that you are failing at your job, understand?" The Italian asked firmly.
"Okay." Maya replied, trying to believe her wife. "I want you to say it." Carina said. She knew Maya, and she knew Maya definitely didn't believe her right now.
"I'm not failing at my job." Maya repeated. Carina smiled. "Good." She said.
"Did you...did you ever do anything to get closer to the clouds, bambina?" Carina asked, trying to gauge her wife's potential suicidal thoughts.
"No." Maya replied simply. "Okay. You will tell me if you ever feel like that or want to go to the clouds, right?" Carina asked, feeling a relief after hearing that Maya never tried to self harm or anything.
"I will." Maya replied, leaning into her wife. "Good. Ti amo, bella." The OB said, smiling. "I love you, too."