What's the difference between the me now and the me that first landed here on Earth almost a year ago?
The things that have changed are monumental when compared to the sheer amount of similarities that are hidden beneath my scarred and flawed surface.
The sun that hits the rough patches on my skin is a constant reminder that Earth is not going to change. The way that the frosted grass crunches beneath my boots is never going to change.
I take comfort in these changes like the way I used to take comfort in the way Bellamy's golden eyes used to glide over my skin, leaving gold flecks wherever he looked.
I miss finding the longing in his eyes instead of the back of his soles as he walks in front of me.
I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to face these heartbreaks head on.
Instead, I'm noticing the light hitting his brown curls at just the right angle. I can't help but compare his likeness to that of Clarke's.
In Clarke, I found companionship. In him, I found...
I stop the thought as it begins to form.
I almost thought.
In him, I found something new. Something I'm scared to say. He's with someone else and here I am, staring at his back I used to let my fingers glide down.
I sigh, finding the forest floor even more intriguing.
He found her while I found comfort in Clarke. I took what she had to offer because it was safe. There were no feelings attached, at least to my knowledge.
The feelings that Bellamy can provoke in my mind by just glancing at me are never changing and never staying the same. They're stagnant like the pool of our stories as they're intertwined together.
I sigh to myself as I find my eyes once again glued to his head. They momentarily flit to the Camp Jaha sign but return to their place, but immediately are sent to a nearby tree at the sight of his eyes meeting mine.
God, I feel like a teenage girl in those old world stories.
I risk glancing back up but instead see Miller with a smile on his face.
"Hey, Hails." He smiles before taking me in a bone crushing hug.
"Hey Nate." I smile into his shoulder before glancing up and catching Bellamy's gaze. I hold it, waiting for him to break away.
He doesn't. So I do.
I take a step back and smile at Nate.
"God, it's been forever seen we've seen you." He chuckles, placing his hand on my shoulder and guiding me toward the camp.
"Well, I was busy trying not to get killed by my sister and her posse." I joke, but he can see through the cracks.
"How are you with that?" He asks as I turn in my weapons, leaving my handgun and knife on my person.
"I haven't seen her since I set her free from the Mountain Men, so I guess I'm dealing." I sigh, turning to him. I take a moment and glance at all the faces. "Where's Murphy?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.
"He..." Miller clears his throat. "He went off with Jaha and couple others to find the 'promised land,'" he makes quotation marks with his hands.
My eyebrows raise as I try to not seem phased by it. I go to respond, but Bellamy comes into my vision.
"Hey." He says, his voice flat. "Half of our people won't listen to us and you..." He clears his throat glancing away from my eyes. "They still consider you their leader and apparently I'm dogwater."
I keep the smirk that threatens to show on my face neutral. "So...?" I trail off.
"Just come on." He says and we walk.
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"Best we can tell, Mt. Weather was destroyed by an internal self-destruct mechanism. It worked as designed. 49 of our citizens were lost." I hear my dad say from around the corner as we round it.
He pauses, staring at me before he does something fourteen year old me would have ever dreamed of. He practically runs to me and hugs me. He hugs me.
My eyes widen as I glance at Bellamy, making him shrug his shoulders in confusion.
I hesitantly let myself enjoy the hug as he begins to speak. "After I got word of your sister trying to kill you, I didn't know what to think." He murmurs. "I just know that I..." He trails off before stepping away. "You were gone and I found myself missing you." He says and a small smile makes its way onto my face.
He clears his throat before turning to face Pike and Abby . "Let's resume?" He asks and we all nod. It's only then I notice that Bellamy has left.
I feel Pike's gaze on me as he takes in my intricate braids and combat ready clothes. I meet his eye contact with a raised brow. "So when do we strike back?" He asks, directing the question to me.
"We don't." I answer simply, making his face screw up in annoyance.
Abby breaks through his building anger. "She's right." I nod at her. "The Ice Nation took credit for the attack and the Commander will bring them to justice." She says and Pike's eyes narrow.
"So, now we're trusting Grounders to punish Grounders?" He scoffs pointing at me as if I'm not even in the room. "I'm sorry, Madam Chancellor, but I lost more than half of my remaining people yesterday and four times that many since we landed."
"You shouldn't have moved your people into that mountain, Pike." I gravel out, my eyes narrowing.
He puts his full attention on me. "I taught you everything that you know about Earth, little girl." He says and the memory of Finn teaching me about tracking flashes to my mind. "Now, in my experience, Grounders understand one thing – strength. It's simple. We need to hit them now. We need to hit them hard. Leave no survivors." He enforces, staring at Abby and my dad.
"No." I say, crossing my arms. "I know Abby is with me on this. I trust the grounders to do what is right." I say, nodding at Abby.
Kane nods, "There's nothing simple about this. This attack by the Ice Nation was against Lexa, not us."
Pike shakes his head. "Are you saying this isn't our fight?"
I stay quiet as my dad answers. "I'm saying we were collateral damage in someone else's war."
Pike takes a pleading stance as he glances between the three of us. "But it's not someone else's war anymore. Look, if we don't defend ourselves, they will take what we have." He tries. "That's what they do. Mark my words. The Grounders are coming for us." He says before turning and leaving.
I follow him with my eyes before Bellamy comes back into my view. I furrow my eyebrows at his stance. He has his guard jacket in his hand.
I hear Abby talking to Kane but I don't pay any mind to it. I walk over to Bellamy and stop in front of him.
"Don't do this." I mutter, already knowing his plan. "It's not your fault."
He shakes his head. "Yes it is." He says and I can almost read the guilt that's littered in his eyes. "I told Gina to stay at the mountain."
I shake my head before taking his hand out of habit. I'm surprised when he squeezes back.
"Give yourself a chance to prove it." I mutter. "You are good, remember?" I say. "I've known that the whole time."
His eyes begin to harden as he takes his hand out of mine. "Even when you left?" He almost spits out as he walks past me.
I sigh as I hear him.
"49 of the people I swore to protect died yesterday because I left." He says, making me catch my dad's eyes. His raises his brows in questioning. Whether that be to take his resignation or to ask if I failed in persuading him.
I give him a nod with tired eyes. So, he takes the jacket. "Given the information you had at the time, you made a reasonable choice. You were trying to save lives." He sets his hand on Bell's shoulder.
He takes a step back, shaking his head. "But I didn't." He says before walking towards me and stopping. "You may not know it, but you chose her over me." He leans down to my level. "Am I really that unimportant to you?" He asks.
I immediately begin shaking my head. "No." I say, grabbing his hand again, but he's already walking away.
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a/n
yeah im sorry but rn im grinding out chapters for you lot !!
so expect spelling errors and shit
anyway i love you all sm sm sm SM
please vote and comment because it makes me happy <3
abigail