But the first thing that I will do
Is bury my love for you
♡︎
"I'll wait here for you, okay?
I love you, Sungie."
Minho rested his forehead against the
younger's, his thumbs drawing gentle
circles on his husband's soft cheeks.
He could feel those rough traces
of already faded tears on the rosy
skin as he stared into those caramel
orbs he had fallen in love with.
Jisung's eyes were red and swollen,
the concealer did a poor job hiding
the boy's misery.
The blonde wrapped his arms tightly
around his husband's waist when
Minho made an attempt to let go,
too scared to face the moment that
was awaiting him anyway.
"Mr Han-Lee, the doctor is waiting."
Minho growled under his breath
at the insensitive nurse as he hugged
the small male in his arms a little
tighter and placed a soft kiss on
his head when Jisung buried
his face in his chest.
"I'll be here for you when it's over,
love."
It felt like everything suddenly
happened in slow motion, how
the small blonde followed the
nurse with shaking hands and
a heavy heart, how Minho
watched him leave with the
biggest frown on his pretty face.
Even if everything inside of him
screamed to run after his husband,
the ravenette knew that he couldn't.
He wasn't allowed to be in the room.
Jisung just wanted to disappear.
He didn't want to change into
the light blue hospital gown,
he didn't want to take off the
baggy blue hoodie that belonged
to his husband.
The familiar scent brought
him so much comfort.
But this was the choice he had made.
He had already visited the clinic
the day prior for the needed exam
and for the necessary ultrasound to
check if the abortion was safe for him.
And even that had pushed the boy
beyond his own borders of comfort.
"Mr Han-Lee, as we already
discussed yesterday, I'll give you
a sedative now so you can relax a
bit and allow us to do our work.
Have you taken the medicine I
prescribed you yesterday?"
Jisung nodded, his mind foggy
and his eyes half-shut.
Those stupid pills to help
open his cervix.
Of course he had taken them,
it was part of the procedure.
A brunette nurse with round glasses
brought the examination chair he sat
in the right position as he handed the
patient a paper towel to wipe away
the stray tears on his face.
Jisung hadn't even noticed that
he had started crying nor did he
know the reason for the crystal
tears on his pale cheeks.
There was no reason to cry,
this was the choice he had made.
His stomach churned in discomfort
when he watched the doctor arrange
a few surgical instruments and
suddenly he felt naked, exposed
to a moment he so badly
wanted to escape.
He jumped slightly when the nurse
grabbed onto his wrist so he could
disinfect Jisung's elbow before he
injected a clear liquid in the
blonde's veins.
The sedative.
"You might start to feel a little sleepy
and heavy or very lightheaded so it's
okay if you want to close your eyes.
We sadly can't dim the light
else we can't work."
Jisung hummed softly,
his sweaty hand subconsciously
wandering to his aching tummy.
He felt nauseous and tired but his
heart was jumping in his chest like
a little hummingbird wanting
to be freed.
Oh, what would he give to have
his husband by his side right now,
to hold his hand tightly.
"Mr Han-Lee, this might be a
little uncomfortable now
but I'll check your-"
"No!"
"Mr Ha-"
"No! Don't touch me!"
The blonde jolted awake when
the doctor tried to insert one of
his instruments and practically
flew off the chair, ignoring the
instructions to stay calm.
He didn't want this,
he didn't want to be touched like this.
This was wrong,
all of this was wrong.
Tears streamed down the male's
cheeks like raging rivers as he flew
through the clinic, passing confused
patients and his worried husband but
right now he needed to breathe.
He was suffocating in there,
the invisible ropes around his
neck tightening with every second
he stayed in there.
The fact that he was still in the
blue hospital gown was long
forgotten as the squirrel-like
male ran towards their car but
instead of going inside, he curled
up leaning against the door
on the passenger's side.
Warm salty drops spilled on his palms
as he cupped his face and screamed,
his choked sobs turning into a
melody of agony and wails.
Yeah, maybe he couldn't do this.
Maybe he had made a wrong decision.
This is why he wasn't supposed
to have a child in the first place,
he couldn't even make the right
choices for himself.
He didn't even care how crazy
he probably appeared judged
from the outside, curled up in
a small shaking ball beside a car
and still in the hospital gown.
He just wanted to go home.
"Jisungie?"
A blurry figure was moving
towards the blonde but Jisung
didn't even need to wipe his
tears away to know that it
was his husband.
"Love, are you in pain?
What's wrong? Oh gosh.. "
The ravenette knelt down in front
of the younger male but when he
reached his hand out to cup his cheek,
Jisung buried his face in his knees.
"I- I want to go home.."
His voice was so quiet,
barely a broken whisper.
And Minho could feel his heart
shatter into a million pieces
at the sight.
"But love, what about the surgery?
W-what happened?"
Of course he hadn't expected
Jisung to walk out all smiley and
energetic but the fact that he was
sitting in the parking area in just
a hospital gown and having a
complete mental breakdown
told him that something must
have happened in there.
"M-min, please.. H-home.."
The small blonde didn't even protest
when his husband effortlessly picked
him up so he could place him on the
passenger's seat but he whimpered
softly when Minho let go of him.
But the older man wanted to get
the blanket he stored inside the
trunk of his car so he could cover
his lover and he also turned on the
heater so Jisung wouldn't freeze.
It was almost winter and he had
stayed outside in nothing but the
thin fabric of the blue gown.
"My love, I'll be back in less
than a minute, okay? I have to
get your bag and clothes though,
can you stay here alone
for a moment?"
Jisung sniffled softly and nodded
as he snuggled further into
his blanket cocoon.
"You can turn the music on if
you want, I know that it sometimes
helps you calm down."
A small kiss was being pressed
on his blonde hair before Minho
closed the door, leaving his husband
alone with the storm raging in
his head and heart.
Although the sedative weighed
him down quite a lot, it only added
to the turmoil in his body.
He felt nauseous, disgusting and
unbelievably tired.
Closing his eyes to drift away
into unconsciousness sounded
very appealing right now.
Oh, what would he give to escape
reality right now, just for a bit.
♡︎
I just want to give them both a big hug