Jin knew what has got Jungkook in the knots but he wasn't sure how to help him.
After all, you can't really do much if someone doesn't want to love you. It hurt Jin to watch Jungkook like that. To him, he was the brother he never had. When he had first met Jungkook, he was drunk out of his mind in a city he knew nothing about. He had taken him home and that had forged a friendship. Later, he met him when he came into the publishing house Jin worked at with a manuscript of his own. That journey had bonded them in more ways than one.
He wanted Jungkook to be happy- it made him mad to see how his happiness was tied to another person.
He sometimes wondered if his yearning was more because of love or was it guilt. But Jin knew better than to question that. Everytime Jin watched Jungkook in one of his moods he couldn't help but think if Jungkook has the same grip on Taehyung's life like Taehyung has on Jungkook's.
"Jin hyung! I am leaving." Jungkook said gathering his coat. His voice low and dull. His voice has been like that since his meeting with Taehyung at Yoongi's office.
"Kook-aah! Wait. Come here!" Jin called and Jungkook just sighed before throwing off his coat again on the sofa and making his way towards his hyung.
"What is bothering you, Jungkook?" Jin asked slowly. His eyes roaming on younger's face.
Jungkook didn't have it in him to make up a world of lies. He was exhausted. So exhausted by his own thoughts.
That was one of the reasons why he left without a trace from Taehyung's life.
He just took his head in his hands as his eyes went teary.
"He doesn't say one word to me hyung. Like I am not worthy of anything from him. He looks at me like he doesn't know me at all."
Jin felt a pang of hurt seeing Jungkook like that.
"It's not like you have left a lot for him to work with, Jungkook-ah! He is scared and rightfully so. Nobody wants to go through something they have been subject to before especially if it has been so horrible. He won't just listen to you Kook-ah! You gotta make him listen to you. It's not going to be easy but you have to start to try."
****
Late at night, all alone in his apartment, Jungkook couldn't stop thinking about Jin's advice. He couldn't stop trying. Getting nervous won't help him in any way. He picked up his phone. He had Taehyung's phone number thanks to Yoongi. His mind flashed his conversation with Jimin.
Jimin was getting coffee for himself after the meeting when he caught him off-guard.
"Jimin Hi!"
"Yes, Mr. Jeon. How may I help you?"
His professional voice switched on.
Jungkook wanted opposite of that. He wanted his Jimin-aah to see him, really see him but his eyes were as distant as they both have become now.
"Jimin, I-I actually wanted- I-
Can I get Taehyung's number?"
Jungkook said softly.
Jimin looked at Jungkook. His eyes perfectly still on his own eyes. Like he is trying to process something. After a minute of silence he smiled.
"Have mine instead Mr. Jeon. I get all the messages through to Taehyung. Here my card!" Jimin said forwarding his business card to Jungkook. His eyes steel like. A cold smile plastered on his lips.
Jungkook couldn't help but let out a soft "Jimin-aah!"
Jimin's expression instantly turned to stone as he kept his card on the counter and replied "I gotta go Mr.Jeon. See you later."
Jungkook let out a sigh. Jimin will be mad if he gets to know about this but Jungkook decided he will deal with it later.
He punched the dial button under Taehyung's name and the phone on the other side instantly started ringing. Jungkook counted his loud erratic heartbeats till the ring took place of his voice,
"Hello!" His voice as deep and raspy over the phone as he remembered.
****
The lightining burst through the clouds making rain come harder and harsher on the moving pedestrians. The rain had come out of nowhere and so now Jungkook was drenched from head to toe. He decided to wait ten steps away from the apartment he knew Taehyung lived in.
He had asked Taehyung to see him once. He wanted to talk to him so that he can lessen this tension they seem to create everytime they are together in a room.
"I wanted to meet you." Jungkook had said the first thing.
"A lot of people want to meet me. Not everyone can. Check with Jimin. He can gi-" Taehyung's voice came husky and uncaring.
"I will be waiting for you outside your apartment building in thirty minutes." Jungkook said what he wanted to say before Tae can break him.
The line had went quiet and Jungkook had cut the call without another word.
Now, getting peltered, he just hoped Taehyung had taken him seriously or otherwise he could be standing in this rain all night.
"Why are you here standing and getting soaked?" A voice suddenly made Jungkook turn around as he saw Taehyung standing under an umbrella looking like the Tae he used to know. Messy hair, small face, long overcoat over tee and pants- everything was same expect for his eyes.
It's always the eyes. Jungkook thought. If it wasn't for his seering eyes he could almost forget the distance between them.
All of a sudden, the rain stopped soaking his body breaking the spell he was in.
He craned his head upwards, finding the straws of the umbrella spread over his head and he swooshed his head back down only to see Taehyung standing closer under the same umbrella. The space so little between them.
The sight of his ex-boyfriend's handsome face so close after so long got his heartbeat to quicken.
"Did you bring the paparazzi with you?" Taehyung asked with a deadpan expression.
"What?" Jungkook said confused.
"You need to come with me because the paps are right behind you and I don't want to make headlines."
Taehyung said and Jungkook could only follow him quietly inside the building.
Taehyung closed the umbrella once they were inside. His eyes scanning Jungkook's drenched body.
How long was he standing there waiting for him? Taehyung wondered.
He had almost decided to not meet him.
Jungkook shivered as the water droplets dripped from his body turning the floor wet.
"You need to get changed." Taehyung willed himself to get the words out of his chest.
Jungkook looked at him with his doe-eyes. Tae averted his gaze and walked himself to the elevator.
When Taehyung was inside the lift he saw Jungkook still standing at the same spot.
"In case you don't know how these things work, this is not going to be here forever and I don't have the whole night for you." Tae said and Jungkook whisked towards him like coming out of the reverie.
When the elevator pinged, Taehyung almost ran out of the door and Jungkook let out a breath first.
He couldn't believe how nervous Taehyung makes him. He saw the older fumbling with the keys and wondered if he feels the same around him.
"You don't know the passcode?"
Jungkook quipped from behind. Curiosity twinkling in his innocent eyes.
Taehyung gulped and felt his own stupidity. He entered the passcode and the door unlocked.
Jungkook followed quietly after Taehyung. The older without a second glace at him went inside a room and Jungkook stood scanning the movie star's adobe.
He knew it was Taehyung's house because it felt like Taehyung. The apartment was huge with a balcony view of the skyline of the bursting Seoul.
It wasn't minimal and it wasn't bursting with colors. The house was elegant and reflected poise. It wasn't anything like the small home they had once shared, it was huge and seemed seamless and well Jungkook couldn't help but feel how inspite of all the paintings and antiques and murals. . .the house felt lonely.
Or was it something he just wanted to feel?
"Here. Please change. You are dripping my floor wet." Taehyung said forwarding towels into his hand.
"Umm. .you don't have to. I am sorry. I should-"
"You are really out here to ruin my carpet, huh?" Taehung asked flatly and Jungkook just looked down confused to see how right Taehyung was.
"I am sorry! I am so sorry Tae!" He flustered and Taehyung just pointed him towards a room.
Jungkook went inside immediately not wanting to ruin anymore expensive stuff.
Taehyung was making coffee when Jungkook came out dressed in a new pair of clothes. The white shirt a little tight on his muscular body, the denim fitting perfectly and his hairs combed to a side exposing his forehead.
In old times, this situation would have felt homely. Them just being a normal loving domestic couple.
In old days, Taehyung would have pulled him in and ripped that shirt open before kissing the water droplets away from his nape. Jungkook would have groaned so hard and Taehyung would have loved that so much. It was so easy between them.
The coffee machine pinged and Taehyung immediately became alert as he came to his senses and shook his head to get rid of his fanciful thoughts.
That ship has sailed long ago.
"Thank you." Jungkook said in his small voice.
Taehyung still felt flustered with his thoughts and so instead of answering he pushed the coffee mug towards him.
"Your house is pretty." Jungkook complimented. The cold wind and the sound of platter filled the room.
"You didn't come all the way to compliment my house I guess?" Tae snapped walking around the open kitchen before getting in living room.
It made Jungkook silent.
"Is it necessary that you are always this vile with me?" Jungkook asked taking a word towards his hyung.
He was tired. He wanted both of them in a place where they are not constantly hurting each other by each other's mere presence.
But the comment shifted something in Taehyung. He took small steps back towards the younger and placed his cup on the nearside table.
"Oh delicate darling Jeon Jungkook!"
Taehyung mumbled slowly coming closer as he traced Jungkook's face along with his fingernail,
"Is this what vile is for you?" He whispered. His face so close to Jungkook that it made the younger gasp.
"Tae-" Jungkook started but Tae cut him off.
"You don't remember what you did to me?" Taehyung's voice so hoarse, it made Jungkook bite his lips as he casted his eyes down.
Taehyung took a good look of his face. This face that was the boon and the bane of his life.
He smirked and pulled himself back leaving Jungkook shocked.
"I don't have too much time, Mr. Jeon." Taehyung snarled.
"Taehyung, I- I know you hate me and I know you do not want to see my face. . .but we are in this situation now and there is nothing we can do. So, can we just try and not make things difficult for people around us? Why should other people suffer because we can't manage our emotions?"
"There are no emotions involved here." Taehyung said through gritted teeth.
Jungkook wanted to contradict that. If there were no emotions, he wouldn't have been standing here. Taehyung might have been great at talking cold and acting cold but Jungkook knew better now. He had come to meet him, protected him from rain and brought him along to his house. . .for what? If not for the emotions.
"Can we please just be civil with each other? For other's sake? I am sure if you said yes to this arrangement, there must be a good enough reason. For that reason alone I beg you Taehyung!" Jungkook pleaded.
Taehyung fell silent at that.
"I will take your silence as your approval. I hope when we meet at the photoshoot we will be as normal as we can."
Taehyung said nothing at that and Jungkook knew it was his cue to leave.
"Now, I think I should leave. It's getting really late and look it has stopped raining. So, I guess I will just go now."
When Taehyung did not turn back, he quietly retreated towards the door he had entered from before taking a halt and letting out the words carefully,
"And Tae, I do remember what I did to you. I remember it in my every breath. When I see you, I see what I have done. I live with what I did. And if it makes you feel any better, I just want to tell you it eats me away."
"Leave." Taehyung's shaky voice rang in his ears and he stepped out quietly closing the door behind him.
Taehyung's eyes were filled with tears. He closed them and let the tears flow.
******