It turned into a busy weekend. Restful, invigorating but still busy. We spent hours by the fire before bedtime. Thom was always the first to fall asleep. Ryker had no qualms about carrying him to bed. Maverick and I were always the last. In the final hour before we said our goodnights, we planned our futures together. It turned out, there was a lot we agreed on wanting to do. Like go visit the haunted ship Queen Mary. He'd never been to New Orleans, but I had. I told him how fun the zip line at the french quarter was.
There was always that pause though. Since our rooms were right next to each other, we'd linger in our doorways and sort of just stare at each other. I don't think he wanted this to end any more than I had. We'd keep finding things to say and it was getting hard being apart from him. The wall between us might as well be the ocean.
"You know, Thom, Ryker and Avery own a lake house out in Oak Run," I was saying. It was our last night. "I could see if we could all take a weekend out there together in the summer."
"I'd like that." His eyes were difficult to see in the dark but I had a feeling they looked happy. I could hear it in his voice. His voice sounded slightly dreamy too, or it was just my imagination. It could be that my mind was building a perception of him. "You think by then..."
"Kyra would have the guts to invite Lulu along?" I finished for him but then had a thought. "Do you happen to know her well?"
"My goodness." He faked a poor baritone southern accent that was supposed to sound regal.. "You sound just like your friends." He went back to his normal voice. "Honestly, no but you can count on me to be team Kyra."
"That is the perfect answer." My fingers drummed along the door frame. In the dark, I heard his fingers do the same. "So goodnight? Thanks for coming with this motley crew."
"Thank you for having me. Goodnight."
Our doors shut soon after. A part of me wanted to linger with my back against the door. I wanted to hear his movement. I wondered, did he feel the same? Was he doing the same? Did he want to lean his back against his door and listen for me?
Instead, I unwillingly crawled into my bed and found myself staring at the wall. More accurately, the space where he might be.
When it was in the morning, Kyra was watching Spice Girls and it was when they were just about to meet the UFO when I got up. Maverick was naturally making some breakfast sausages. He had a plate ready for me but I looked to Kyra.
"Oh, I already ate. Have at it." Half of her face was suddenly hidden behind a mug of coffee.
She didn't have to tell me twice.
When we were done, we had to start packing. Which did not take long. It also did not take long to notice the glow on Thom, Ryker and Avery. Maverick leaned forward to fist bump Avery. Which shocked me because Avery was the least fist bump person I'd ever known. We were all pretty mature adults not to comment.
The next sad part was having one final look at Vail. It was so charming but it was far less busy since it was Monday. Most had already gone back on Sunday. It was sort of like when we went window shopping for the first time together. Only this time, Maverick had gotten closer to us. Avery especially.
For once, Ryker wasn't being his usual overprotective self. I guess because he knew Avery could handle himself. Not that Avery would.
"You know, I really do think he's a good guy but I still think you could do better." Ryker said beside me.
My face suddenly went on fire. Yes, a part of me wanted to defend him but it was more because I felt embarrassed. "It's that obvious?"
"Oh yeah. You even have like a little drool right there over in the corner of your mouth." He was gesturing over in the vicinity and I found myself starting to make a reach for it. I was panicking.
But then I realized that he was actually teasing me. "Punk ass."
"I love you too little brother in law." He made a single arm reach for me and tucked me into his side. I felt him kiss the top of my head. This was normal of him. I had gotten used to it a long time ago. I was used to Avery's hugs and occasional friendly cuddle too. Even Thom and I had fallen asleep holding hands once. We were like one big touchy adopted family. Strange to an outsider I guess but for us it was normal.
Ryker stiffened and since my head was still tucked oddly in his chest, I was also trying not to fall since we were still walking. "Uh oh, I think I might be in trouble." I heard him say.
I had just pulled my head free to find out what he was talking about. Maverick was up ahead with Thom and Avery. Their heads were facing forward and seemed heavily engaged in something. Maverick was just turning his head to face forward. I felt like I had just missed out on something. Dare I hope?
Ryker let go of me and I was finally able to walk normally again. I looked for Kyra and found her just coming out of a shop across the street. Every now and then, she would go rogue on our time in town. It was a mystery that we figured would solve itself soon.
Kyra had to run to catch up. Ryker whistled ahead so we could stop and wait for her. Kyra had a couple of small bags in one hand. That oddly gave me an idea.
"I couldn't figure out what souvenir to get for Lulu so I got her a gold bear and a hoodie." She said though with a pant at the end. "Should I return the bear? Do you think it would be too gaudy? Any suggestions would help." I could tell she was frantic. I was on the verge of taking her by the hands and to say something calming.
"I think the hoodie is a great idea." Maverick said. "It does get cold in Chicago. I think she'd really appreciate the bear too. It's always the thought that counts."
"Thank you! I knew I could count on someone." She gave the rest of us the squinty eye look.
Thom was the least bothered and said, "Happy to be of service."
"You ass."
"Like I haven't heard that at least 20 times last night." He turned his back and started to walk and Avery hid his face. Ryker just looked proud.
"Oh yeah. Really mature you guys."
I was also trying not to laugh but gave her a let's go motion with my head. She grudgingly started to oblige. However Maverick said, "Actually I think there's something I think I left at the gift shop we went to earlier. You guys keep going. I'll text, call or find you."
"Do you want me to come with you?" The question flew out of my mouth.
Maverick for a moment looked panicked.
"Nah, let him go get his thing." I heard Thom say. I had a feeling there was some innuendo in that line but I couldn't figure it out.
I waited until Maverick got out of earshot. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that any of us could easily forget something in a shop that we need to go back to." He left it at that, even though I wanted to press further. Avery though kept me distracted about book recommendations. I soon forgot about Mavericks secret mission.
When Maverick did return, he was empty handed. "Oh no, you didn't find it? What was it you lost? I can help replace it if you need." I started to look at the others for some back up.
Ryker looked like he was having some trouble keeping up. "Uh yeah. I'll help." There was a thump. I didn't see what or who. It happened to Ryker. I think. Kyra was nearly hidden behind him. Thom was smiling.
"You guys are being really weird." I said.
Maverick had his hands at his hips when he stood next to me. "It's all good. It wasn't anything worth missing. Don't worry about it."
"Oh..." I heard Thom say. "You didn't know? He's the neurotic Virgo."
Ryker joined in. "Telling a Virgo not to worry, is a red flag for a Virgo is to really worry. I would know. I am one."
"Ignore these weirdos." Kyra said while stepping up to Maverick. She held out her arm. "Walk with me?"
"Uh, sure." Maverick looked like he wasn't sure if he should be confused or just go along with it. It was clear that he was going to go along with it.
The frown on my face only deepened. I also felt like it was now or never. "You know what, I think I'm going to go rouge for a bit. I'll catch up later." I didn't wait. I ran for the nearest shop and ducked inside. It wasn't the current shop that I was aiming for.
"Can I help you sir?" I heard a store employee ask. It was a candy shop.
I turned and I was sure the embarrassment showed. There was a short brown haired man in a green apron staring at me. There was another employee standing at the counter not far away.
"Oh sorry. I'm actually hiding because I wanted to grab a last minute gift for them."
The guy, I couldn't blame him, looked at a loss for words. "In fact, you think I could get some of you mid priced homemade chocolates?"
It would take me nearly half an hour to get everything in order. I had seen a keychain in a gift shop we had visited the day before. Maverick was looking at it. Back then, he was alone. Besides the time at the guest house, we did not get a lot of time alone together. I requested that they gift wrapped it. Since it was not a usual request, the shop employee seemed delighted to add a little of her own touch. She had to run in the pack to find an ideal package for the keychain. It was a standard keychain that I doubted would blow anyone's mind, but it was the thought that counts. It was rectangular with the word Vail in bold lettering on top and Colorado at the bottom. In the middle was a stick figure on a pair of skis with mountains in the background.
Again, it was nothing major. I didn't want to scare him so I figured simple would be better. It's what I would have preferred. The woman had it packaged in a small box, with light brown paper, a couple of cinnamon sticks with a tiny pine cone tied in a matching light brown string.
"This is a profession you should pursue." I said the moment she placed it right in front of me.
"I know right? Your boyfriend is going to love the thought because that's what really counts."
I was about to correct her but since I had a little bit of cash on me. I set it on the counter. "Please keep the change and thank you!"
I had to hustle because it was nearly time to get ready for the airport.
Before I left, I could tell the manager was sorting through a stock of hoodies. "That woman at the counter," his eyes turned in the direction where I pointed, "she totally deserves a raise." Then I was gone.
****
Maverick answered the first ring. "We're back in the car."
"We are but Maverick is not." I heard Ryker say in the background.
"See you soon." I might've been a little out of breath from all of the running around that I was doing.
"Yeah, see you soon."
The way he said it, I nearly fell. Again, I was likely reading into things too deeply. Since I remembered where we parked, it wasn't hard to find. I happened to be closer by. Maverick in his denim blue jacket over a black hoodie was not hard to miss. I heard the radio too. It sounded like Lana Del Rey.
I was out of breath when I said, "Hi." I even had to lean forward a bit to rest my hands over my knees.
"You should work on your cardio." Ryker said out of the window.
"Close it!" Thom made a grab for Ryker. I understood it was because Ryker was letting all of Thom's precious heat out.
Maverick's smile had returned to normal. Normal as in, like it had been before we came out here. That happy go lucky, nothing bad can touch him, guard is down, smile. It was kind of chaotic. Then again we were chaotic together but a beautiful chaos.
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
I made myself stand up straight. "Yeah." I tapped at the window which rowed down and Kyra stuck her hand out. She was the one I bought the chocolates for. Although I knew she'd share them with Thom. They both loved homemade chocolate.
The window rowed back up the moment the gift was accepted but I heard, "I forgive you." I wasn't sure who said it though, Kyra or Thom.
Maverick was laughing lightly before turning to face me. His expression softened again but it was mostly in his eyes. There was the same gentle smile that I felt inevitably drawn to. I felt my body act against my will. I took a step forward.
"I also got something for you." I said and reminded myself to take a step back. I was still terrified of spooking him. "Just don't get the wrong idea." I nervously chuckled.
I reached into my back pocket which probably wasn't the wisest idea. Sure enough, the cinnamon sticks and pine cone were a little crooked. Mavericks gaze shifted downward to where my hand disappeared. There was fear, longing, intrigue and I think concern. I handed it to him and took it gingerly. Then he just stared at it in his hands.
I started to regret my impulsive gesture. "Is it too much? I am so sorry."
"No, no, it's fine." He said but he hadn't looked up. He moved his other hand and reached into his pocket and somehow I just knew. "I just wish I had thought of gift wrapping my gift to you. This is nice. Thank you."
We had gotten each other the same gift. Only the keychain he was placing in my hands was on an actual thin chain. It was light and I would wear it with pride. "Thank you!" I actually felt a little emotional.
It was the thought that counted.
I was also trying not to laugh because he didn't know that I had gotten him the same keychain. The same design but no chain to wear it like a necklace. I was already putting mine on when he slowly started to unwrap his. When he finally did, we both laughed together.
****
The sad part wasn't just leaving the charming town of Vail. The tragedy was that I wasn't going to bed with Maverick and my friends as neighbors. We weren't going to wake up and have light breakfasts. It was only a few short days and I just knew that I was going to miss that.
It did not feel real when we got the plane together. Kyra threw a piece of popcorn over in the vicinity of Ryker. She waited until the coast was clear. Judging by the sound of surprise he made, she had made her mark. I caught Maverick who was across the aisle from me smiling. I could see it in his eyes, he was going to miss this too. I wondered if he had ever experienced a friend group like this. My guess was no.
At the airport, where we could have parted ways, we ate burgers. I could tell Maverick was really enjoying himself. We all were but Maverick was like a golden sun. Everything about him shined.
Kyra nudged me with her elbow and when I looked at her, she was sharing a knowing glance with Avery. "What? What are you both going on about?"
Neither of them answered me but the time had inevitably come. There was no more stalling. It was getting dark. Kyra offered me a ride. I was considering it when Maverick asked me, "You don't drive?"
Everyone got busy in conversation with each other. I wasn't sure why.
"I do." I said. "Where I live, I know it's going to sound silly but I do pay for parking even though I have no such car to park. It's just, I don't know. Everything is so easy to get around here. I just never found any use in having one."
He seemed to nod in understanding and so I continued, "It's not that I oppose having a car. I'd probably get something hybrid. You know, like electricity and gas. I kinda figured electric cars are cool but I don't want one that runs solely on electric. I'd feel better having gas as a good back up. I mean, how many electric stations do you have down south of here?"
"Makes sense."
"But seriously though. I'd likely get a car if I had to move. Not that I see that happening any time soon."
Maverick continued to nod but he wasn't really looking at me.
"Are you ok?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I'm just going to miss having Kyra and you as roommates."
"Yeah. Same. You cook a mean breakfast sausage." I said and it was enough to make his sad eyes turn bright. "I don't know what you put in that coffee but Kyra turns into a kitten." This brightened him up further. "I'm sad too." He started to frown but I had one more thing to say. "It's not like this will be the last trip. Hey Thom?"
Thom easily snapped out of his mid conversation with Avery and Ryker. "Yeah."
"Lake house?"
"Yeah."
I turned back to Maverick. "See? It's already done. We just have to pick a date. Preferably in spring or the summer. Thom will let us know when it's time. Trust me, the wait will be worth it."
There was a look of wistfulness. "You sure you don't mind letting me take you home?"
Oh... I wanted to. More than everything but there was still a lot I hadn't figured out yet. I did not have the guts to outright ask him. My fear of losing him was too great. I also felt it was healthy to let there be space between us. Like the wall that separated our bedrooms.
I wasn't ready.
My face seemed to give him the answer but he did not seem put off by it. "I look forward to having many adventures with you."
"As do I." It was like we were standing at our door frames again. Only this time we could clearly see each other's faces. One of us was going to have to make the first move. With lead in my throat, I said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a train to catch."
Hugs went all around and though I hesitated a little bit, Maverick was the one who made the decision. His hug was surprisingly soft and gentle. My heart turned into a jackhammer. There were so many things I felt and wanted to say. Fear had a way of holding it all back. Like a dam. One day, these feelings were going to burst if I wasn't careful enough.
I only let myself look back once after I finished my goodbyes. Maverick was sitting, and maybe looking a little lost as he sat at the table with my friends. His eyes were on me. I could swear, I saw his eyes get a little misty. Not that I could blame him, to have any part in a friend group like this. It was truly a treasure. That was probably all new to him.
When I got on the train and it started to move, I played my favorite song. I did often let people in on what I listened to, but I did let Maverick listen to this one. I started to cry a little bit. Not because of the song but it was a sudden realization, I was way deeper in than I had imagined. It was a beautiful chaos.