CHAPTER ONE
⤷ uncertainty
WHAT do you want to be when you grow up?
We are often asked this question throughout our adolescence. We had an idea from watching our admirable family members thrive in their professions, movies, tv shows, and books, somehow we were influenced by someone or something. When we were first asked this question in primary school, our answers ranged from princesses and superheroes. Then in middle school, our answers became a little less silly, ranging from actors to doctors.
By the time you're in your last two years of high school, the average student might have already had their minds set on their careers, preparing to chase their dreams and endlessly daydream about their dream life. For Jackie, this wasn't the case.
Tree Hill High was ranked the lowest on Jackie's favorite places to go list. It was one of the many places where she left her insecurities in her uncertainty about her future. It seemed as though all of her peers seemed to have something figured out, they all dabbled in a variety of sports, clubs, talent art and or simply just knew who they wanted to be in life while Jackie lived vicariously through them from the slide lines.
"Jackie!" A familiar voice called out to her as she rummaged through her locker.
"Nicholas!" Jackie feigned surprise, "So you do remember me." The girl rolled her eyes before focusing back on her locker.
The duo had been best friends for as long as they could remember. Their parents were knit tight so it was destined for them to be attached to the hip. Every Friday night, the two friends would have a game night but ever since Nick joined the basketball team and climbed the social ladder, he had been slacking on their routine.
"Jackie, C'mon," Nick leaned against the nearby locker, "I'm sorry I bailed on you the other night but it was a big game, you know how that goes." The brunette tried to explain himself but Jackie avoided eye contact with him, further her head into her locker, "If you forgive me I'll buy you your favorite ice cream."
Jackie turned away from her locker, a smile slowly appearing across her face, "Rocky Road?"
"Rocky Road," Nick confirmed, extending out an open hand, "Shake on it."
"Then all is forgiven," Jackie happily shook his hand before shutting her locker, "So, I'm guessing you were involved in that little grand theft auto then."
"Correct," Nick confirmed, with no shame before reading the look on his disappointed friend's face, "I mean, yeah, it's a real shame I was caught up in that." He tried to act upset with himself.
Jackie shook her head, "If you were to go back in time and tell freshman me that, she would go straight into cardiac arrest. Especially if you tell her that you befriended—"
The girl cut herself off as she realized Nick's attention was elsewhere. The girl followed his gaze, locking her eyes on the popular blonde cheerleader, Peyton Sawyer, "You're drooling," Jackie snapped him out of his trance, "I can't believe you still have a crush on her, it's been years."
"I can't believe she's still with Nathan," He scoffed, "He's a real dick to her."
"Like you can be any better?" Jackie teased, "Keep eyeing her and Nathan's gonna kick your ass. Would you prefer on or off the court?"
Nick laughed, elbowing his friend playfully, "As if Nathan can kick my ass, maybe your ass but not this one," He pointed to his backside.
The sound of the bell blared through the halls and students hastily began making their way to their next classes, "I'll see ya' later, Kid." Nick tapped her shoulder before making his way down the hall. She always chuckled at the nickname knowing that he was only two months older than her.
Jackie took the long way to Study Hall, she would usually be the first one to arrive but luckily her usual spot was still open and the students began filling in. She was just about to reach over to grab the chair before a taller and buffer body stood in her way.
"That's my seat," Jackie stated, trying to maneuver around the athlete and his group of friends.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Nathan began to examine the chair and the table, "is your name on it anywhere?"
To avoid all conflict, Jackie mentally rolled her eyes before walking away as the small group snickered. The next available seat was next to the less insufferable Scott boy. Jackie nodded in acknowledgment to the blond boy before she settled down in the seat next to him.
She didn't know much personally about the two boys besides the common knowledge that most of the town probably knew. She never engaged in conversations with them or anybody else besides Nick for that matter. She always preferred to listen more than she spoke anyways.
Everyone sat in silence for the most part. Every now and then Jackie would look over at Lucas to see him staring intensely over at Peyton. She even caught herself a few times looking a little longer than she expected. Peyton was just one of the many people she envied the most, she seemed to have it all socially wise plus she was talented. She had some sort of depth to her that Jackie felt she didn't possess.
"Scott," Whitey drew the attention onto himself, Jackie's thoughts leaving her.
"Sup, Coach?" Nathan answered.
"Not you," The older man dismissed, before pointing to Lucas, "You." All eyes were now on Lucas as she reluctantly got up from his chair. "You," Whitey addressed Nathan, "read a book or something."
The next few days of the school were a complete drag. Jackie went through her week feeling entirely disinterested in all of the material and lectures given to her. She was always relieved to finally be in the comfort of her home, looking forward to relaxing for the rest of the day.
As usual, her Mom wasn't home. Jackie always labeled her as the busiest person on earth, she worked nonstop at the hospital as a general surgeon. She truly admired her mother and the passion that came with her profession. Her mother had been trying to get her career appeal to her interest but she did not feel the spark.
She knew following in either one of her parents' footsteps would make them extremely proud but she had never committed to something she didn't love for. She didn't find anything that resonated with her.
After a few hours passed, Jackie found herself over at Nick's house who didn't live much further from her. She laid across his bed, staring up at the ceiling while he repeatedly shot a miniature basketball into the small hoop on the back of his door.
"Nick," Jackie spoke up after being in deep thought for quite some time, "How did you know that basketball was gonna be your thing?"
"What do you mean?"
"When did you feel the spark, you know?" Jackie sat up, "How did you know basketball was the one?"
"Are we talking about basketball or chicks?"
Jackie deadpanned, "C'mon, I'm serious."
"I don't know," Nick shrugged, "I just liked watching basketball growing up, my dad played a little when he was in high school. I thought I'd give it a shot and I loved it, now it's stuck with me. That simple."
Jackie nodded in understanding, "What if basketball doesn't work out?"
"When you're really passionate about something, there is no Plan B, I wanna play ball and I just know it'll work out in the future," Nick shot the ball into the hoop once more, "What you're thinking about playing or something?"
Jackie laughed, "Like I have one athletic bone in my body. I think I'm just a little overwhelmed about my future."
"Jackie, you're rich and pretty, somebody has to marry you." Nick joked with a laugh, Jackie cracked a small smile, "But seriously, you have nothing to worry about. You have time to figure it out."
Jackie gave him a small thank you, internally unsatisfied with his advice since it was the most used piece of encouragement that she had gotten. If anything, it fueled the inner conflict with herself as it felt as though she had already been waiting patiently for time to send her something to find her.
"Well, enough about me," Jackie put her problems to the side, "What's been going on in your perfect life?"
"Oh, it's far from perfect," Nick scoffed, "Nathan and Peyton fought and made up again, right before I was about to slide in."
Jackie gasped dramatically, "How could they continue with their relationship?!" Nick laughed dryly, "Why are you even plotting on your friend's girlfriend anyway, don't you have some sort of bro code?"
"Hey, being teammates and being friends are two different things."
"But you willingly hang out with him, attend all his parties, and even lift weights with his dad," Jackie pointed out, "I'm no expert on friendships but that kinda sounds like that's your friend."
"Shut up," Nick shushed her, throwing the mini basketball towards her. Jackie quickly caught the ball before it made contact with her face, "Well maybe football is your calling." Jackie threw the ball back at him, hitting him in the chest.
Another hour or two passed before Jackie left Nick's house. She adjusted the strap of her tote bag a few times as she walked, eyeing the empty courtyard as she grew closer to it. She decided to make the most of her outing and made her way over to the courtyard before sitting on one of the benches. She sat there and reflected on her week, enjoying the silence and the wave of serenity that came over her.
The silence was short-lived once she heard the repeated bouncing of a basketball growing louder and louder as it got closer. Jackie slowly opened her eyes to see Lucas heading toward the court. She knew that was her cue to leave so she began to stand up but Lucas reassured her, "You can stay, don't mind me." Lucas sighed, "I could use the company anyway."
"Jacqueline, right?"
"Just Jackie," She corrected.
Jackie eyed the blond as she retook her seat on top of the bench. She watched as Lucas dribbled the ball and flawlessly shot it into the basket over and over again, rarely missing a shot. The only sound that could be heard was the ball hitting the ground and the swish of the net before the brunette broke the unbearable silence, "So, what did Whitey want?"
Lucas shot the ball, making it in the net before it bounced back into his hands. He turned to her a little shocked that she spoke to him, "Uh, he just asked me about joining the team."
"Well, are you?"
"Nah," Lucas started dribbling again, "Not with those guys."
Jackie wasn't mad with that answer, "But you like it though, right? I mean, you seem good at it. Why let them take that away from you?"
Lucas thought about his answer as he shot another basket but before he could speak, Nathan and his friend, Tim, made their way over to the two, "Nice shot," Nathan retrieved the basketball, glancing between the two and then waving his finger over to the both of them, "This is cute, girlfriend helping you practice?"
Lucas stared at him, unimpressed, Jackie following suit as he continued, "You think you can hit a shot against a double team, down by two, a packed house telling you that you suck?" Nathan glanced back at Tim, "How 'bout just two people telling you that you suck?"
"What do you want?" Lucas finally asked, the two brothers eyeing each other as Nathan circles him.
"What do I want?" Nathan asked, "What do you want? I mean, besides my spot in the lineup. Look none of us want you on the team. I don't want you, the guys don't want you, I don't even think she wants you."
ouch. Jackie thought to herself, crossing her arms. Nathan dribbled the ball again followed by a fake pass to Lucas but he doesn't flinch, "Here's the deal: you and me. One-on-one. You name the time and place. If you win, you crawl back into your hole and remember your place in all this." Nathan offers the ball back to Lucas, "Time and place, baby."
Lucas and Jackie watched as Nathan and Tim walked away. Jackie blew out a breath and clasped her hands together, "I guess that answered my question," Lucas softly chuckled and shook his head before shooting the ball, this time hitting the backboard and missing, "It's hard to believe you two share the same father."
Jackie mentally facepalmed herself for speaking her thoughts out loud, "I'm sorry—"
"Don't be," Lucas cut her off with a sigh, taking a seat next to her, "I hate that my mom has to see him. I never knew him."
"Dan?" Jackie asked for clarification.
Lucas nodded before continuing, "We used to play in the junior league together. Me and Nathan. I loved it and I was good at it. You ever had something you knew you were better at than almost anyone else?"
Lucas looked over at her expectantly, she broke eye contact with him, looking straight ahead, "I can imagine what that feels like, sure." She told a half-truth. She didn't know what that felt like exactly but she had fantasized about what it would be like, she assumed what she imagined was equivalent to the reality of it.
"Anyway, the guys started teasing me about it. That Nathan's dad was mine too, so I asked my Mom and she said he wasn't," Lucas carried on, "But when I got home I heard her crying in her room and I knew it was true."
There was a long pause between them as Lucas revisited the memory, "So I never went back. I told my Mom it was because I didn't want to have to see his face. But it was because I didn't want her to have to."
Jackie felt sympathy for him. She was also a bit confused about why he decided to confide in her when this was the first time they had an actual conversation, "I'm glad that I served as some type of outlet but why are you telling me this? Not to sound rude but we don't even know each other."
"Maybe that's the point."
A/N: please excuse any grammar mistakes :)! I'm really just writing this for my own entertainment to be honest lol, I'm not sure if anyone would read this but if you do then I would appreciate the feedback <3!
Also, if you see Jackie being described as a brunette, it's because her fc was different when I first started the book. Please point it out if you see any mix ups!