I lay on the sofa, reading my book in peace and within moments, I find myself lost in the world of fiction. I read about a young girl, who falls in love with her father's nemesis before eloping with him, escaping her family for years as she lives with her lover peacefully in the countryside.
I get to chapter 34 - where she finds out she is pregnant with his child and they are both over the moon, reminiscing of the times they were the worst of enemies and now they were having their first child together. I sigh heavily, wishing I had felt like that when I had found out. I was the total opposite.
As if on cue, Silas begins to cry after waking from his nap, and I go to fold the corner of my page quickly before realising it already was. I frown, looking at the title of the chapter: 'Enemies to Lovers'.
I see a date scribbled on the corner of the page in small writing and I squint to read it - 30/7/98
Mine and Lucius's wedding anniversary.
I had gotten the book from the Manor library, but I had thought no one had read it before. After all, it was a romance, and I highly doubted Draco or his father would have been interested in it.
I thought it was Narcissa's. That would have made more sense, but who had written our anniversary date on the page?
I put down the book, dropping the matter and I reach into the crib beside me, picking up my baby and holding him to my chest. "Shh... you're okay, darling."
He whimpers and I lay him on my lap, resting him on my propped up knees. "Did you have a nightmare?" I ask, and he whines softly, blinking the tears off his lashes.
I smile in awe.
"Oh baby, it's alright. Mummy's here," I coo and he watches me as I speak, completely entranced by my voice. I don't notice Lucius standing in the doorway, listening in.
"We all have nightmares, darling. But they're not real, and they never will be," I explain, his big eyes flicking between my lips as I speak and my eyes as I blink.
"It's all in our minds, all of it. All the fear and the worry... it's not real." Silas blinks again, grasping my finger with his tiny hand and I can tell he's listening, so I continue.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, baby. Mummy will always be here to protect you," I say, taking a deep breath. "And if I'm not here one day, then Daddy will keep you safe. He loves you more than anything, I can tell."
Lucius smiles from behind me, listening in content.
"And Draco too, your amazing big brother who loves you very much. You'll never be alone darling," I tell him softly.
"We're all gonna be here to protect you. And you know why?" He looks up, babbling quietly as he waits for me to speak again. I chuckle, nodding slowly.
"Yes that's right, because you're our little boy."
His eyes go wide before he sneezes, making me giggle.
"You're so silly aren't you, Si," I smile and he babbles again at my nickname for him, looking around the room. His eyes catch Lucius's and he starts to whine again, wishing to be picked up by his father.
Lucius walks in, pretending as though he had heard him crying from the other room.
I look at him, holding eye contact before looking away, stroking Silas's head gently. However he starts to fuss.
I talk to him gently, trying to calm him as I hold him to my chest but that doesn't work either.
"I can take him," Lucius offers and I glance up at him. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," he replies softly. "It's my turn to have him tonight anyway. You just get some rest."
Since me and Lucius both cared a lot for our child, we had thought to take it in turns to have him each night. One night he would sleep in my room, and the next he would stay with Lucius. The plan had worked well so far - Silas seemed to be equally comfortable around the both of us.
"Alright," I say as Lucius crouches down beside me, opening his arms. I gently pass our son over to him, and he instantly calms once he's in his fathers arms.
"Oh wow, I see how it is."
Lucius chuckles, looking at our baby in amusement.
"Good boy, Silas," he says gently, his voice soothing as Silas listens, completely fascinated. "You're a good boy."
Lucius stands, taking a small milk bottle and a teddy bear from me as I pass them over.
"It's late," he says, rocking Silas gently in his arms as he blinks tiredly. "You should go to bed."
"Are you sure you'll be okay, though? He's been cranky all day," I look at Silas as he snuggles his head against his father's chest, babbling quietly. "Yes, we'll be fine," Lucius assures me so I comply, standing from the sofa, my book in hand.
I notice he glances at it, staring at it for a moment before his eyes flick back up to me.
"Okay," I lean in to kiss Silas as Lucius comes closer so I can reach him, my hand resting on his shoulder as I peck my son's cheek. "Goodnight baby." He sneezes again, making me giggle.
I step back, about to leave when Lucius calls out.
"Sleep well, Sarah," he says gently and I nod.
"You too, Lucius."
I leave the room, going upstairs and down the hall and within moments, I'm in my warm bed, under the covers as Binx lays beside me, sleeping in contempt.
It's not long before I drift off too, my mind finally at rest.
* * *
I awake to the sound of a baby's cry, opening my eyes slowly before realising it was Silas. Instantly, I sit up in my bed, looking around in a panic when I see Lucius in my room closing my door behind him, our son in his arms. He turns around, noticing I'm awake and my heart races as I realise something was wrong.
"I'm sorry to bother you," Lucius says tiredly.
"Is he alright?" I ask quickly, not bothered at all that he had woke me up.
Lucius approaches the bed, standing beside me as Silas wails in his arms. "He's fine. But he will not stop crying," Lucius explains. "I didn't want to wake you but his bottle ran out, and I thought maybe if he was hungry..."
I shake my head. "It's okay, as long as he's fine." Lucius nods and I open my arms, "Give him to me," I say tiredly and Lucius passes him over, instantly sighing in exhaustion and I realise he hasn't slept at all.
I lift my tank top slowly, trying to feed Silas but he shakes his head, crying louder. Lucius watches as I lower my top again, holding our baby in my arms.
"He's not hungry," I say, staring at him as I try to figure out what was wrong with him. "I've tried everything," Lucius says and I glance at him, feeling just as confused as him.
I sit back in the bed, laying Silas on my chest and stroking his back gently, trying to calm him. He chokes on his sobs, nuzzling his face against mine as I talk to him softly.
"It's alright darling, calm down..."
After a few more minutes of tears and wailing, he finally gives up, laying on my chest in silence as he stares at Lucius, once again fascinated by his father. I smile, feeling my heart fill with joy as I realise how much I was starting to enjoy being a mum.
"Thank Merlin," Lucius whispers under his breath and I chuckle, looking at Silas as he blinks a few times, his eyes not moving from his dad.
"Do you want him back?" I ask after a moment and Lucius watches us with a small smirk, shaking his head slightly. "No, he seems more comfortable with you."
"Alright, get some sleep then," I say, breaking eye contact as he continues to stare at me, before looking away too. "I will."
He gets up to leave, going to the door when Silas starts to fuss again, whining a little, making it clear he was about to cry again.
Lucius stops at this, turning back around and I look at Silas, confused when he goes quiet again, still staring at his father in awe.
"Leave the room," I say to Lucius softly, watching our baby as he follows my orders, leaving the room and closing the door. Suddenly, Silas begins to cry again, wailing once more and Lucius opens the bedroom door and he calms instantly.
I smirk in realisation, "I think your son wants you to stay."
Lucius walks back in, his hands on his hips as he stares at the kid in utter confusion. "I don't understand. I've been with him for hours, and yet he still cried."
I look at our son, figuring it out instantly when he tries to lift his tiny head to look at me before looking back at Lucius.
He wanted both his parents to go to sleep with.
Not just one.
I don't say anything to Lucius but I give him a look, and instantly he realises.
"Oh," he says, coming over to us and crouching beside me as I gently stroke my baby's back.
"That's a problem, isn't it?" He says and I look at him shortly.
I didn't agree.
I had no problem at all with Lucius sleeping here with me for our son's sake, but I know it would complicate things. I know it would increase the chances of this marriage becoming real. And that concept still scared me.
I can tell Lucius is reading my mind, and I look away, focusing on our son instead as I think of a solution.
"How about you stay until he falls asleep?" I suggest and he looks at me, his eyes slightly widened.
"Are you sure that won't complicate things?" He asks sarcastically, and I can tell he is slightly hurt.
"Stop reading my mind," I say. "And you won't have to worry about it."
"Hmm," he sighs, lifting up and sitting down on the bed next to me, giving me a chance to lay Silas between us, so he knows we were both here. He looks to his father, his eyes wide and then he looks to me, blinking once more.
I wonder what he was thinking.
It takes a while for him to go to sleep, but I continue to gently stroke his head, playing with his hair as I lay beside him and this makes him tired, soon drifting off after half an hour or so. I check he's asleep, turning to tell Lucius.
"Luci-" I whisper, stopping abruptly when I see he's asleep too, breathing gently, his hand laid protectively over Silas as they both sleep in peace.
I frown, thinking of what to do as I yawn, realising I was just as tired as they were.
I sigh heavily.
I simply couldn't be bothered to wake him up, especially when I knew how tired he was as well.
I decide to leave him as I lay back down to rest, closing my eyes.
Surely one night would be okay... right?