non-requested
part: 1/2
reader's pronouns: he/him
overview: wherein m/n is dying, and his best friend is on tour and doesn't know
published on: 12/04/2023
a/n: wrote this while listening to <one last time> by ariana grande so you should listen to it too while reading this! also greatly inspired by <i fell in love with hope> by lancalli, where some lines in here are from the book.
"m/n-ie are you sure you'll be okay? you can pause university classes and come with us on tour?" "i'll be okay min, i promise." a radiant smile on m/n's face to convince him.
trying to hide his frown, but failing obviously, seungmin brought m/n into a tight embrace, tears spilling out of m/n's eyes, staining his best friend's sweater. separating, they bid farewell as if they would never see each other ever again.
well, that was true, for half a year, that is. at least that's what seungmin believed.
with the idol's busy schedules, he never noticed his best friend's drastic weight loss, his wide array of medicine, and frequent nausea even though the two live together.
30 minutes after their farewells, m/n once again finds himself at the local hospital doing chemotherapy, trying to stop a time bomb in his body that ticks uncontrollably, threatening to detonate any time, anywhere. m/n prays that it never goes off when he's with seungmin though. thankfully, it never has. not since the diagnosis, at least.
seungmin and m/n, the inseparable duo since high school. the pair of nerds known for their smarts. seungmin was popular among everyone because he was a trainee and had a glib tongue, an unbeatable speaking machine whereas m/n was just the side character. everyone knew he was smart, yes, but he wasn't sociable like seungmin, nor was he a trainee. m/n understood though, and he was happy enough that seungmin had friends even when he doesn't.
he was never happy that the two were only best friends though. m/n always wanted to be more to seungmin – his lover. someone seungmin will run for a hug to and for kisses and cuddles after training, just like he sees in dramas he watches while undergoing chemotherapy that only makes him feel even more ill.
to make it worse, seungmin was all he had. m/n's family passed away in a tragic car accident caused by a drunk driver, who also was the son of the owner of a massive company. he had received a hefty sum of money that could get him through university life. he lives with seungmin in a small apartment near the jyp campus, and seungmin is all he has. m/n didn't want to risk that by confessing.
and even when he finds out he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, after a series of painful abdominal pain that made him go for a check up, he didn't tell seungmin. he knew his best friend would put his career second, and he didn't want to be a burden. but with the frequent treatments he has to go for, m/n's depression only worsened after the death of his family. that, seungmin noticed, but he only assumed it was because of the death of his beloved family – which is partly correct. even when he rejected seungmin's offer to go on tour with him, he felt a knife stab his heart.
how could he bear to hurt the love of his life?
crying is all he does now. like now. m/n is on his bed, sobbing into the pillows, muffling his cries as if to not let seungmin hear them. "oh..." he realises. his best friend is still on tour.
m/n follows the band's tour digitally though, thanks to youtube, instagram and tiktok. he sees his best friend on the screen always so happy and he just gets reminded of how that smile will be wiped off once seungmin finds out he'll die soon.
why m/n? why is this happening to him? why? why does it have to be m/n? it's not fair...
m/n used to ponder these questions too, have these thoughts too, but he finds out that tragedies and injustices usually fall under the same umbrella.
a sudden pain shoots through his body, causing him to convulse in pain. shakingly, he tries to stand up and go to the cabinet where he hides his medicine from seungmin, but he falls, his knees weak.
with a shaking breath of effort, he dials for an ambulance. "help... *address*. pancreatic cancer." he mutters just loudly enough before he's too weak. he heard desperate shouts of "sir? sir are you okay? sir! sir! the ambulance is 5 minutes away! please answer me! this is dispatch, please hurry. caller has fainted!" before darkness finally overtakes his body.
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