"Rehab" by Amy Whinehouse drifted from the overhead speakers on the restaurant's radio; though it could barely be heard over the hundreds of customers. The table of four was tense as Lotus and Bonnie sat next to each other and across from Yana and Noelle.
The way Yana was looking at Bonnie was an indicator she didn't want to be here and he could tell. Bonnie didn't know some time ago she and Lotus had gotten into it when he came to her house looking for Lisa. Bonnie assumed the discomfort was because Lotus was on a date with a woman who was not her best friend.
Lotus didn't want to be here either. It was unnerving and making him uncomfortable. When Bonnie asked him to pull up he thought he was alone. He didn't know he'd have his chicken-head with him.
Lotus could feel Yana's eyes on him but he kept them on Noelle who seemed to be oblivious to the tension. She was too smitten with Lotus to notice anything else.
It was like they weren't even on a double date because they were only focused on each other. Chin in her hand, Noelle and Lotus were just sharing smirks and smiles with each other.
It was sickening to Yana. She hadn't really said anything much to the girl, but to see her so enthralled with Lotus, to see Lotus entertaining someone else put a bad taste in her mouth. What about Lisa and his daughter? To be honest she wanted to be cold and throw shade toward Noelle for her bestie, but the girl was a sweetheart. So instead of being nasty she limited her interactions with her.
Noelle looked around the place, it was small and cozy. Different from the types of places she assumed Lotus would frequent.
"I like it here. It's small, friendly and the food smells good...Gobble. I have to remember the name of the restaurant if I'm in the area again."
"This is not my place. I've never been here in my life." Lotus replied. "This is Bonnie's spot."
"Oh," Noelle said, a pretty smile coming across her face. Her plump lips were fully glossed up. She looked at Bonnie. "What do you like about this place?"
Bonnie immediately looked at Lotus the same time Lotus looked at him. The best friends had a moment of telepathy as they both knew it was the Gray brother's mother that attracted him here. Bonnie busted out laughing while Lotus looked away.
Noelle searched between the two men for the joke, but Lotus was expressionless, just looking at the crowds of people. So she turned back to Bonnie with a big smile. "What?"
"Nothing, my bad. I like it here because the food is nice and inexpensive. Some of us here can't really do inexpensive though. Like Lotus. That's a bluefin tuna, La Bonnotte potatoes, Ayam Cemani chicken kind of guy."
"Ooo." Noelle giggled. She's never heard of one food item he just said in her life, but she could tell it was expensive.
Lotus looked at her and winked making her blush. Noelle noticed he was kind of quiet today. Yana stared him in his face and could tell he knew she was looking, because he refused to look at her.
Lotus took his straw and started to stir his drink. But Yana could tell he wasn't interested in it. Lotus wasn't afraid being around Yana, just a little uncomfortable. He doubted Yana would, she knew better, but he just didn't want her to bring Lisa up trying to be petty.
Noelle pulled her phone out while the waitress came around to serve them.
"Hi Yana, hi Bonnie. Hello to the two newcomers. May I take your orders today?"
"Hi Brandy." Yana smiled. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "Why does Bonnie always request you?"
Brandy remembered him saying his step-sister was nosey. She glanced at him real quick and saw the look on his face. She looked back at Yana.
"Because the rest of the waitresses here have attitudes. They're younger women so I can see why he asks for me instead. I just do my job and get on with it."
"I hear you." Yana said. She proceeded to order as everyone went around the table.
Lotus felt his phone buzz. He pulled it out and read the text.
Noelle: What's wrong? Ur so quiet. ☹️
Lotus looked over at Noelle to see her staring at him inquisitively. He really liked her, she was very attentive. He was interrupted by Brandy when she asked him for his order.
After everyone ordered he simply shook his head from side to side indicating he was fine and nothing was wrong with him. The date was going fine but Lotus could feel Yana's eyes on him.
"You know any other languages Lotus?" Noelle asked him.
"No." He admitted. "Language has never interested me. Knowing more than one language is good to know in the world we live in, where you would most likely need more bilingual people. But I could ever get into something I don't feel passionate about."
"What about you guys?" Noelle asked. "Any other languages?"
Yana shook her head from side to side and Bonnie said no. Noelle was so in her own world she couldn't tell that Yana was not that interested to know her.
"When did you two meet?" Noelle questioned looking from Lotus to Bonnie.
"Middle school. We didn't go to the same school but he had to pass my area to get to his school. He usually got dropped off to school but one day he chose to walk and he was in this little preppy uniform. You could tell the clothes cost a lot. Some of my niggas was messing with him, trying to get his cellphone and shoes off him. He had some type of leather jawns on. They were ugly but I could tell they cost a grip. I thought he would back down and start crying but he threw his back pack down and squared up ready to fight. I was impressed."
"How many boys were there?" Noelle asked looking shocked.
"Four."
Noelle gasped and looked at Lotus. She could not imagine Lotus in a fight, he was so well poised, calm and intelligent. He looked like he was the type to try and smooth talk his way out of things. So she could not see the little kid version of him fighting. It was just not plausible to her.
"But I ain't let them touch him. I was impressed he was ready to fight so I told them let him live. I told him not to come back around that area anymore and the next day he came right back, same block, same time and with the same expensive clothes and shoes like he wanted us to try him again. He had heart and I liked that so from then we became cool."
Noelle looked at Lotus while Yana rolled her eyes. She reached across the table to touch his hand. Her thick accent came out. "Lotus you are crazy. Why would you do something like that?"
"Maybe I had some ego things going on. I don't know." He left it at that.
He was raised for the cartel life. So no matter how preppy he was, he wasn't scared of anyone. Boys like Bonnie's friends didn't scare him because he was used to those types being around his father. There were boys the same age as Bonnie's friends that use to work for his father and had already caught bodies. So Bonnie's friends were chihuahuas to him.
Noelle put a hand on her chest and closed her eyes for a split second in dramatization. She was so intrigued by him and wanted to know more. They did say it was always the quiet ones that you had to watch out for.
The food was brought to the table and placed down for them to eat. In the middle of eating Noelle continued the conversation.
"Well that was amazing what you did. Looking out for him. Most kids that age would just want to see other people getting hurt."
"I try." Bonnie shrugged.
They ate but mainly Bonnie and Noelle talked, Yana jumping in when she felt like it. Noelle had to use the bathroom so Yana got out so she could get out the booth. When she left, Yana sat back down not wasting a minute.
"She's pretty."
Lotus just looked at her but didn't say anything. He was picking at his food.
Bonnie smiled and looked back and forth between them. But he knew his friend and he didn't want Yana to get chewed out, so he tapped her arm so she could chill out.
Lotus picked up his ice tea and drank some.
"Took you an awful long time to move on." She said. She knew how her coming for him last time ended in him exploding on her. But she knew he wouldn't come out of character while outside with little miss Noelle. "You like her more than Lisa?"
"Noelle or Lisa is not your business." Lotus said.
"My best friend is my business. I can care less about you and your new toy. But I just think it's funny you acting like you love Lisa so much and it didn't take you a minute to move on."
"I also think it's funny Bonnie fucked you in high school when you were a virgin and left you with a hurt heart and open pussy. Then came back ten years later only to reward you with choking you till' you damn near pissed down your thighs. And to apologize for that, he's still never apologized for popping your cherry and leaving you, still hasn't given you a title as his girlfriend, hasn't given you a key to his house and not even a mention as to what the little situation between you two right now is. He just picked up where he left off ten years earlier. Scheduling visits to your house to bust hot nut on your face."
Yana looked like she wanted to slap the shit out of him, but she knew how that was going to go so she left it alone. Bonnie sat up, but he wasn't smiling or laughing anymore. He didn't want things to escalate.
"Lotus chill."
"Am I not being chill right now?" He replied. He knew Bonnie was only saying something because it was now gonna be awkward between him and Yana. "I was eating when she spoke to me. You don't train your Yorkie when not to speak?"
Yana sucked her teeth. "Oh fuck you! With your pathetic ass! And to think I use be the one advocating for you when Lisa was still with Freeman. I should've told her to stick with him."
"You should've." He said, taking a gulp of his drink.
"But you know what it's okay. Because Lisa has moved on too. She's dating just like you and I know once Egypt meets the guy, she'll love him and she'll love him for her mother. You should be embarrassed another man could one day step up to the plate to take care of your daughter."
Yana realized she went too far and said too much of Lisa's business. But she wanted to humble Lotus's rude, arrogant and disrespectful ass.
"Why would I be embarrassed your friend's new boyfriend would be stepping up to take care of Freeman's four legged mammal? That has nothing to do with me. They should take all the gratitude or whatever it is they're feeling to that old white man's grave and talk to him about it."
Yana looked over at Bonnie who kept his eyes on his food as if he wanted no parts of the conversation. Yana then looked back at Lotus.
"I hope that woman sees you for who you truly are."
"And what is that? Do tell."
"A delusional deadbeat that gets his rocks off from getting close to women just to degrade and tear them down."
"What an analysis. I could only hope you focused on that broken psyche of yours as well and studied the part of you that seems to have an attraction to—"
Noelle returned to the table and it got quiet. The lunch continued but she seemed to be the only one that couldn't read the room. After a while her innocent and bubbly personality took over and for a while, everyone was able to put on a smile.
Noelle was a good girl and that was exactly what Lotus needed in his life right now.
****
Allele was in the first ring centered on the left side of the room, showing a kid named Ezekiel how to have good form while fighting, when Journi walked into the gym.
There were four rings total. The two at the front of the room were right by the glass windows and the door, so he had a clear view from where he was, of who was coming in and out.
They made eye contact and Journi smiled at him but walked past to go put her bag in a locker. There were hardly women at the gym so the men always noticed her when she came. She looked good too, she wasn't the masculine bodybuilder type.
Journi came back in less than two minutes, pouting with her handbag still in the crevice of her arm. "All the lockers are taken."
His gym was always packed so that wasn't surprising.
"You can put it in my office. No one goes in there." He pointed toward the room on the second level. He walked over to her and dug in his pocket, giving her a single gold key.
Journi took it and travelled across the gym. When she went into his office it smelled so good, just a hint of cologne. It was very neat as well and had a perfect view of everything down below.
Journi watched Allele. Shirt off and jet black hair in three big braids dancing along his tailbone as he talked to someone from across the room. He oozed sex appeal.
Journi closed the door in behind her and made her way back to the ring. Allele went and put one foot on the ropes and lifted the other for her to come through.
Allele didn't bring Phenix today since he knew Journi had a session. Whenever she did, he didn't bring Phenix because since Journi was paying for the service; he wanted to give her her money's worth. Phenix would be looking for a lot of attention and it wouldn't be fair to someone who was a paying customer.
Ezekiel thanked Allele for the advice and got out the ring. He was only using the ring because it was empty at the time and knowing Allele was constantly busy, he didn't feel any type of way now that the gym owner had to get back to business.
While Journi had been putting her things down in his office, he had a pair of blue gloves brought to the ring for her. She was in Adidas today. A red Adidas sports bra and red Adidas spandex leggings. Her hair was still in its messy bun and she wore sneakers he couldn't tell the brand of.
While Allele was helping her get geared up, Journi decided to spill the beans. "Sooo...I'm sure your wife told you already."
"Depends. Told me what?"
"About yesterday morning. Your wife wanted to tussle honey!"
Allele's facial expression was blank. He didn't know if she was playing and trying to get a reaction out of him. Or if she was serious.
"She basically kicked me out the house yesterday."
"No I wasn't told. What do you mean kicked you out? I assumed she just finished work before me yesterday and that's why you weren't there when I got home."
"So you know how you leave out in the morning once I come in."
"Uh-huh." Allele said.
"So yesterday morning it was the same thing. You didn't text me anything different so I was under the impression I was suppose to babysit the kids that day. So I go over, you leave and I'm there for at least an hour when she comes downstairs."
"She was still home?"
"Yeah."
He shrugged. "She didn't tell me she would be home that day."
"Apparently she was. I think the vase Jaxon broke woke her up. He was playing and knocked over a vase. So she comes down and is all like how'd you get in here and I'm explaining everything to her. She's getting annoyed asking why I only communicate with you and not her and I'm like, I thought Allele was informing you."
Allele just listened as she talked. He looked over her shoulder when he saw one of his employees staring at them. The man smiled to himself and kept walking. He noticed people stare at them whenever Journi came to his gym.
Allele looked back at her while she was still going.
"So I said I'm sorry but I was using Allele as my main contact because he was the one paying me. She's like you can use Allele as your main contact outside my house cause you're not needed today." Journi smacked her tongue against the roof of her mouth for emphasis. "I'm like okay miss thing!"
Allele stared for a moment more to make sure she was done with her story. When she was, he shrugged and licked his lips. "Cilia doesn't come off as the most friendliest person sometimes. I could understand if you didn't appreciate the way she asked you to leave. I apologize for that on her behalf."
"You're so different though. You're calm, quiet, chill and laid back...opposites attract I guess."
Allele didn't say anything else about it. He finished up strapping her gloves on and they began. They sparred, him throwing soft jabs at her and teaching her how to dodge and counter.
"Okay, I'll swing and I want you to duck and swing back. Ready?"
Journi nodded. He swung in slow motion and she ducked and tried to uppercut but he brought his two arms together to block the punch.
Allele shook his head from side to side. She ignored the beads of sweat trickling over his abs but she could still see it without looking directly.
"You're ducking too slow and don't uppercut. I told you before, duck and punch the chest. That's where you're centered with the person's body once you duck. Once you hit the chest hard, they're defenseless for a second and that's when you come with the other fist and hit the face. Aight?"
"Okay." Journi said breathless.
"Again." Allele instructed. He swung and she ducked faster this time and hit his chest. It didn't stumble him but she still got the concept. Then she came with her right fist and punched the side of his helmet.
Allele nodded his head and used his boxing glove to playfully shove her shoulder as a acknowledgement of her doing a good job.
They sparred and practiced, making a few jokes in between. Journi didn't know Allele could be such good company. He had a really cute smile too.
They joked, talked shit and laughed while they sparred. The environment was really positive and lighthearted. They were really enjoying themselves.
The glass door swung open with force and Marshawn walked in. His grand entrance turned more than a couple heads. He started looking around and spotted Journi quickly.
When he saw Allele he got even more mad. She did say she would be at the gym but there was a lot of smiling going on.
"Bring your dumb ass down here." Marshawn said. His voice had quieted the gym, everyone turning to look at him. "This is what you out here doing? Flirting with niggas?"
Allele assessed him and off appearance he looked intimidating. Tattoos, tall, bulky arms. He probably got by on his physique alone and had people avoid confrontation with him. But Allele knew how to spot a man who was all bark and no bite.
Journi was so embarrassed. "Marshawn stop. You're causing a scene. He's just my gym coach."
"You're gym coach, you babysit his kids, what else? He the plumber and the electrician too? You fucking him or something!?"
Journi wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Everyone was now looking at the three of them.
"Huh? You messing with him?"
He then turned his attention on Allele. "Well at least you can't get her pregnant, dawg. Her vagina's broken, she's infertile."
An onslaught of ooo's and gasps went around the gym. All eyes were on her, including Allele's. Journi felt so small, the fact that he would do this to her. In front of all these people.
She wished Allele would stop looking at her, too. She wanted to shrivel up and die. Allele's tone was stern. "Go in my office."
Journi didn't waste a second, as she walked she was surprised her legs were carrying her. Allele went in front of her so he could open the ropes for her to get through. Once she did, she jumped down and Marshawn immediately reached for her arm.
Allele quickly intercepted. "You touch her imma break your fingers." He said in all seriousness.
It might've seemed like overkill, this was her man; but he wanted to embarrass him. Embarrass him the same way he just embarrassed Journi by spilling her personal business.
Allele was still holding some of that anger in from beating Breeze's ass. He went light on him because it was his brother and he still had an inkling of care for him back then. So he was very willing to take the rest of his anger out on this dude.
Just like Allele thought, the man quickly backed down. His look was just a front for how much of a punk he was.
"You ain't even got to do all that. I'm just trying to get my girl and go bro."
"Well she not coming with you right now. So you can just go."
Marshawn looked around and saw the faces of the other men. They looked like they would all pounce on him for their boy, so Marshawn didn't test his luck.
He turned and left, mumbling a bunch of shit. Allele told everyone to get back to work and he told his manager Lawrence to keep an eye on Marshawn's car. Fools like that were quick to come back with a gun or bring a mob of other pussy niggas.
Allele went upstairs to his office and saw Journi sitting on the sofa. She was crying silently, using a piece of tissue she either pulled from on top his desk or her purse as she wiped her eyes.
"Is that the same man from two years ago? The one that had you outside at that chicken spot at like two in the mornin'?"
"Yes." Her voice trembled as she sniffled.
Allele didn't say anything, he wasn't gonna lecture her. He just started taking his gear off. He went into a mini draw at his desk and pulled out a black t-shirt. He put it on.
"He left don't worry about it. You got somewhere else you wanna go for the night? I'm not trying to be in your business but after that I would at least distance myself for the night."
Journi nodded. She would go to her cousin's house, they were pretty close.
"Yeah. I'll go to my cousin's...I'm so embarrassed. Everyone will be staring at me when I walk out of here."
Allele couldn't say they wouldn't, so he didn't answer that. He sighed. "I'll take you."
Journi didn't argue with that, she took the bus here so she rather not breakdown and cry in public in case.
Allele leaned his back against the front door. He couldn't help it, he had to say it. "I'll tell you like I told you last time, you need a new man."
Journi gave a weak smile. Allele didn't want to keep harping on it so he stopped.
"Get your things, come on." He said. He waited there so she didn't have to walk out alone.
Once she took all her gear off and fixed herself up, they left the office. Journi kept her head straight the whole time and they walked out and got into his Mercedes-Benz truck.
The car ride was silent, music playing low in the background. About halfway through the ride, Journi turned to him.
"He's right...I can't have kids." She whispered.
Allele got a little uncomfortable. He pulled up at a red light and looked at her. "Not to sound rude ma, but you don't have to tell me any of this. It's not my business. You don't owe anyone explanations."
She shrugged. "No, it's okay. I don't mind telling you."
Allele wasn't about to still tell her he didn't want to hear, so he nodded his head. He had to focus on the road when the light turned green, but Journi spoke anyway.
"I use to always want kids, ever since I was a little girl. The babies, husband, dog, that was me. So I was so disappointed when me and Marshawn would try for babies and nothing would happen. We knew since we met in high school we would have kids with each other. So as soon as we were like twenty we tried for one. We tried and tried but I wasn't getting pregnant. So we went to a specialist and that was when I learned I was infertile. That was at age twenty-two. We were so in love back then and so ready. But that news changed our relationship. It was never the same after that."
Allele nodded, not knowing what to say. Journi wiped her eyes with the back of her arm.
"That's why I became a babysitter. I know it sounds weird but I like to think other people's kids are like mines for eight hours a day. Since I can't have my own, I chose a job where I could get to know the kids. A job where I've built a bond close enough to them so I can pretend. I'm not a weirdo I promise. I understand I'm not anyone's mother, it's just how I cope."
Allele nodded again. "No judgement."
Journi bobbed her head, "Thank you for letting me get that out."
The rest of the twenty minute ride was done in silence. They drove until he finally pulled up at the address she gave. "Don't worry about nothing that nigga talking about. You're still a woman, doesn't matter if you can't have kids or not. You can always adopt or hire a surrogate."
"Yeah, my main option is to find a single dad and fall in love with him and his child. Someone who needs a loving mom in their life. But if I can't get that, then yeah I'll look at adoption and surrogacy."
Allele pointed at the building. "We're here."
Journi looked out the window then gathered her gym back. She gave him a light smile and touched his face without thinking. She only noticed once he tensed. She dropped her hand quick.
"Sorry, it's a habit. You're so sweet." She smiled and he smirked. "And thank you for the ride."
"No problem."
She was about to get out, her fingers on the lock. But then she stopped and turned around to look at him. Her eyes lined with tears.
"I hear you about getting a new man, I do. But sometimes it's hard when you've known somebody for so long to just walk out. You feel like you might become lost. Like you don't know where you'll go because all you know is them. But you're right, change might be good for me. I just hope when I do leave him, I'll find my landing."
She got out and Allele watched her the whole time until she went inside.
*****
Allele opened his front door and saw Breeze sitting on his couch. He was in a black Supreme sweater with the red logo in the middle. His hoodie was on and he wore black denim jeans. Jaxon was sitting on his lap playing on his Nintendo Switch.
Alix, Phenix and Casi sat on the plush rug below them, watching an animated movie. It looked like Finding Nemo but Allele couldn't tell. He had only glanced at the screen for a second. Casi sat in the middle of her twin brothers Alix and Phenix while they all shared microwave popcorn in a large plastic bowl.
Allele's eyes went back to Cilia and Breeze. He was never the type that would be upset that his kids were around Breeze even though he wasn't messing with him. It was their uncle and they were kids. His problems with Breeze had nothing to do with the kids.
Allele closed the door quietly and took his sneakers off. After a long day at the gym, he came home with thoughts of just wanting to take a hot shower and going to bed. This was the last person he was expecting to see and especially not in his house of all places.
"Uncle Dion, look! I beat it!" Jaxon said, a big smile on his face as he beat level three of the game he was on.
Breeze looked at the screen, pretending to be interested. "Oh really? That's so awesome. How'd you do that?"
"I shoot the turtle with the fire gun and and and he go down. I beat him!"
"Yeah I see."
"I have to save my game." Jaxon said in excitement. "S-s-so I don't have to do it again."
Cilia and Breeze smiled at the small child's behavior. Breeze suddenly reached forward and tilted Cilia's head to the side. He checked out her eye which was still swollen but it was starting to go down and lose some of the swelling.
"It's going down." He glided his thumb across the eye. "Does that hurt?"
"What is he doing here?"
Everyone looked in the direction of the voice and saw Allele standing in the passageway. Alix, Phenix and Casi got up and ran over to him up. Jaxon remained sitting on Breeze's lap, having no desire to put his game down. Cilia stood, startled by his swift appearance.
"Daddy! Daddy!" The kids yelled, hugging his legs.
"I came to speak to you." Breeze replied, remaining seated. "You weren't here so I told Cilia I would wait. In all fairness she did tell me it wasn't a good idea, but I chose to stay."
"Next time wait in your car."
There was no attempt in his voice to hide the hostility, so the kids felt the energy in the room. As usual, Jaxon was the only bold one to speak his mind. "Daddy why you be mean to uncle Dion? Be nice."
"Jaxon stop it, be quiet." Cilia said taking him off Breeze's lap and setting him on his feet. "Daddy's just playing guys, everything is okay."
"Ya'll go upstairs." Allele's voice was stern.
The kids didn't question him as they all went toward the staircase. Cilia could tell he was really mad because he was just staring at her. She had the audacity to have this man inside his house.
"Go upstairs." He spoke to her as well.
She didn't move right away, not knowing if it was a bright idea to leave them alone. Last time at Tom's place, he had been able to control himself and stop before he really hurt Dion. But today was a different day and she didn't know how he was feeling today.
Cilia broke out of her oblivion when she heard footsteps approaching her. Allele lowered himself to her ear. "Go. Up. Stairs. Do not make me repeat myself."
He pulled back to look at her. His brown eyes were piercing. Cilia turned on the heels of her feet and went for the stairs.
Breeze didn't know what he said but it made her leave. Allele waited until she went up the steps and was out of sight.
"That was your last time touching her." Allele stated.
"What?" Breeze said, narrowing his eyes. "I was looking at her eye what are you talking about?"
"So look with your eyes you don't need to touch her."
Breeze scoffed. "You trippin' man. I understand you upset with me, but you being all loud, scaring your kids an' shit. I just wanna hash things out. That's why I'm not avoiding you or anything. I came to talk to you as a man."
Allele raised both eyebrows. "Oh so now you wanna be a man? A few weeks ago you had her upstairs in your crib right while I was downstairs and said nothing. We spoke on the phone several times after that night and it was never mentioned. But now you coming here as a man? You coming here where you know I won't put my hands on you 'cause theirs kids here."
Breeze didn't mean to smile but he did. His diamond shaped dimples making an appearance. Allele was talking reckless, but Breeze would let him talk his shit. He understood he was mad so he would stay calm no matter how rude he got.
"You gonna sit?" Breeze questioned, motioning to all the empty chairs.
Allele just stared at him.
"Okay..." Breeze said to himself. "Well, contrary to belief I didn't come here because the kids were here. I came here because going to handle this at your gym was too public for me. It started out as a family matter so I wanted to keep it that way."
"No it started out as matter between me and my wife and you put yourself in it. And you did that by letting her stay at your crib overnight and not mentioning it to me."
Breeze shrugged. "Aight, and that's something you gotta take up with your wife. Like you just said, she came to me. So you mad at the wrong person."
"You opened your door to her. So you involved yourself. You suppose to be my brother. How come you didn't call to just give me the heads up she was there?"
"She asked me not too." Breeze said, simply.
"So because she asked you not to that was all it took. All of a sudden you have loyalty to Cilia." Allele challenged.
"No, I have compassion for somebody who was heartbroken their husband passed her off like property to the next man, because they had a disagreement about something. So if she asked me not to call you for one night just to have some time to herself, I wasn't going too."
Breeze promised himself he wasn't going to go there, but Allele had smoke for the wrong person. He was going to speak up for himself.
It got quiet as Allele put his hands in his pockets. He was disgusted Breeze was sitting here in his living room acting like a saint when he knew he was moving suspect behind his back.
"Don't talk like you have morals. Where was this compassion when you put a hit out on her because she took some money from you to help her sister? Why not understand and have compassion then and forgive her instead of trying to have her killed?"
"The compassion is when she got on her knees and begged me for blood to save your life and I did it. Since you wanna bring up old shit. That was my compassion for her."
"That's not compassion that's obsession. You gave the blood to her because you have no pride. She hated you, or better yet you claimed to have hated her. But you still gave the blood to her. Same thing when her sister died, she didn't get the reaction she wanted out of me, so who's shoulder did she cry on in the limo? Now here we are with the dress situation. She runs to you because we had an argument. You take the bait every time. That doesn't hurt knowing that she runs to you when she doesn't get her way with me, but knowing she'll still come back to me any way?"
Breeze didn't anything. He just stared at his brother, his hoodie on his head.
"Yeah you can't answer that can you. You sneaky and sly as fuck. I asked you if you knew anything about this Tom nigga, you said no. But then took it upon yourself to go out there behind her. Why'd you lie to me about not knowing anything but then going yourself? She's my wife. That wasn't your place."
"Well your wife didn't want you to know who Tom was. I wasn't gonna tell you because that's not my place to tell you. Brothers or not that information can't come from me. It has to come from the person who wants you to know. She told me that in private so that's where it stayed. That's why I went, because she didn't want you to know but I knew she would be in danger going out there alone. So the only option was to go myself and just protect her."
"And that worked out beautifully didn't it?" Allele retorted.
Breeze nodded, taking that one because he knew he messed up. "All I can do is apologize Allele. I was just trying to help. It's crazy to me how you don't think you have any wrong in this. Not protecting your woman that night is what caused all of this. Leaving me there to potentially get caught by police, knowing I killed people behind Cilia is even crazier. You may not like how I went about it, but I still helped her and you left me there. I'm your brother how could you do that to me?"
"Nigga I shoulda put a bullet in you like I did the rest of them niggas. You lucky I left you alive. You don't think I know about the kissing and panty shit? You out your fuckin' mind?"
Breeze folded his lips, his dimples coming out. He stood from the sofa, sliding his hands in his pockets just like Allele. There was a meaningful pause before he spoke again. His voice now matter of fact and calm.
"That was to get into the building. I didn't just do it to do it."
"I don't care what you did it for. You shouldn't have never did it! If you knew she couldn't get inside without you putting your lips on her, then you shoulda never put your lips on her. You took her underwear off my nigga. I really wanna fuck you up again for that but my kids are here so I'm tryna be easy."
"You know...I think you're really only upset because you know you fucked up that night and she can never look at you the same again. You're mad because another man came to her rescue when it should've been you. When she came to my house that night crying over that bullshit you did, I was telling her she should tell you everything she was telling me. I was trying to convince her that you didn't mean to do what you did. So you're welcome."
"Dion fuck you."
The older brother put his hands up. "Aight, cool, that's the thanks I get."
Allele analyzed him, eyes narrowed. "...It doesn't turn you off knowing she's married to a man that's biologically your younger brother? It doesn't turn you off that she gets fucked by your younger brother? It doesn't turn you off that she had four of my kids? And that three of them look just like me?"
Breeze's face was blank. "Why would any of that bother me?"
"Well I just figured you were coming over here as a man, right? So I thought in this manly state you're in, you would be able to look me in my face and tell me it bothers you because you're in love with her."
Breeze was silent.
"I saw you while in Tom's attic. I watched you caressing her face, calling her princess."
"She was almost raped, how did you want me to handle that?"
"I saw the way you were looking at her Dion. I saw it in your eyes. Just say it, you're in love with her aren't you?"
Breeze tilted his head to the side, the air tense. "What is me telling you gonna do for you?"
"It let's me know you at least have a little bit of man in you."
Another long winded pause went by, Breeze's eyes on the floor before he looked up and met Allele's eyes.
"Okay...yes, i'm still in love with Cilia. Yes I date Hope because she reminds me of Cilia. Yes I miss Cilia's smile, I miss our sex, I miss our talks, I miss us being together and I miss her being mines. I'm in love with your wife. Do you feel better now? Or do you wanna know if I masturbathe to the thought of her sometimes too?"
Allele felt like he was hit in the chest with a hefty bag filled with bricks. He broke eye contact with Breeze and looked at his sneakers instead. "You're dead to me. Get out." He whispered.
Breeze not having anything else to say, nodded and left. Allele didn't move his eyes from the spot Breeze was standing in, even when he heard him leave.
*****
T-bone steak, baked chicken, garlic mash potatoes, steamed broccoli, carrots and spinach sat at the table with baked cornbread. Cilia felt like doing it up big tonight and that was what she had done.
The table was full of food and had a family of six to enjoy it. But the tension hovering over the table didn't go unnoticed. It was mostly brewing from Allele, but the kids could sense their parents weren't really speaking either.
"Mommy can I have a piece of cornbread now?" Phenix whined. He asked for baked chicken and carrots. He tried to take as little food to get to the dessert quicker.
"No, you barely touched your food. I'm still looking at all those carrots in your plate."
Phenix groaned, slumping himself in the chair with a frown. He didn't want to eat carrots.
Jaxon asked for the steak and mash potatoes with broccoli. Alix took the same and Casi only wanted mash potatoes, but Cilia still put some spinach in her plate so she could have some sort of vegetables.
Everyone looked over when the sound of the metal fork kept hitting the ceramic dish. It was Allele. His fork was hitting the plate more than it was touching his food. He was clearly upset.
"Can you stop doing that?" Cilia asked.
The table went quiet so Allele looked up when he felt eyes on him. He saw everyone looking at him and stopped. He didn't even have much of an appetite right now.
"The sound is very overbearing."
"That's the impression I got of your behavior yesterday morning when Journi told me you kicked her out the house. Why are you so hostile with everyone, everywhere you go?" Allele was thinking about her story earlier about not being able to have kids and he felt bad for her. She was a sweet woman. She didn't deserve Cilia's aggression.
"Journi. You mean the babysitter? We're on a first name basis now? Okay." Cilia said picking up her ice tea and taking a sip.
"Yeah because I treat people like they're people. Why she gotta come to me about you talking to her like that?"
Cilia rolled her eyes, "Because she's a punk and a snitch."
"It's not about snitching, it's about being professional. We employed her to watch our kids, she's their babysitter. You shouldn't be giving her unnecessary attitude. Especially knowing one of your sons have behavioral issues and she accepts him. What are you gonna do, chase her off and then get fatigued and frustrated when we can't find somebody else who can't watch four kids or who can't handle Jaxon?"
The boys looked back and forth between each other but no one spoke. Casi was just picking up spinach with her hands and putting it in her mouth, not worried about the arguing at all.
Cilia rolled her eyes and put her fork down. "She's blowing it out of proportion. I just asked her why she only talks to you and not me. She gave me a dumb excuse about me not being around so I told her since she loves contacting you so much to do it from outside the house because she wasn't needed that day."
"And that shoulda never came out your mouth. You should have come to me about the mix up, not take your attitude out on their babysitter. But it's apparent you don't like me to come to me about things."
"And you do? How did Journi even tell you about me when you were at the gym working today?"
"She had a self-defense lesson with me."
"The babysitter had a self-defense lesson with you at your gym today, wow."
"What do you mean wow?"
"So when were you gonna tell me this?"
"Why do I need to? That's not something important for me to mention because it's just business, nothing more, nothing less. It's not her first time coming to my gym. She takes lessons there occasionally. You know women come to my gym sometimes. So why is it all of a sudden because it's Journi I need to run it by you? You never asked me to run it by you when it was any other woman."
Cilia folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. "Because since when did you become a personal trainer? You own the gym, you oversee things, you help and give advice sometimes, but now with Journi she's taking personal self-defense lessons with you? When there's a ton of employees you hired to do that?"
It was true that Allele wasn't even suppose to be a trainer. He helped people spar and do things like that sometimes, but never gave full lessons. The first time he did the self-defense lesson with her was because all his other trainers were booked for the day. But because she helped Jaxon stay in daycare, he wanted to be nice. But somehow it just became their thing.
"That's why the bitch is so dead-set on only communicating with you. Apparently there's a lot more going on then her just babysitting my fucking children."
"Cilia the kids are at the table." Allele said, sternly.
Cilia looked down at their plates and saw the only one that had eaten a decent amount was Jaxon. Alix clearly hadn't eaten much, Phenix didn't because he was still frowning over the cornbread and Casi was just playing with her spinach.
"Ya'll hurry up, because I have to have a serious talk with your father. Because it seems he doesn't remember what happened to the last bitch." Cilia's voice cracked.
Casi started laughing uncontrollably. "Bish, bish!" She repeated.
"Cilia stop cursing. You see what you did?" Allele said before looking at Casi. "Casi stop, don't say that. That's a bad word, you hear me? Don't say that."
The baby stopped laughing and looked at her dad confused for a second before her little lips started to tremble. She bursted into tears making Allele smack his lips and cut his eyes at his wife. He stood and took her out her high chair and sat back down, rubbing her back as she cried on his chest.
Cilia was unfazed, she was so mad right now. "You guys heard me? I said to hurry up."
"They don't have to hurry up because you have nothing to talk to me about. Not after you had that man in my house. You just like to antagonize me and today was a prime example. You shoulda had him wait outside and you know that."
When Allele told her to go upstairs she really did go. So she didn't know what was said between the brothers because she didn't listen in.
"Well I wanted him to wait inside where it was nice and warm." Cilia responded.
Allele stopped patting Casi's back and looked at her. He was sure at this point she was trolling him. "Cilia don't play with me. Stop sitting at this table acting dumb."
"Don't talk to me like that." She demanded, raising her voice.
"So stop playing with me. You keep testing me and wondered why I lost my cool and called you what I called you."
"Yeah and what did you call me? Say it and let your children know how you talk to me. Because you spoke to me crazy on two different occasions. So which one would you like to mention?"
Alix's voice was small and shy. "Mommy...daddy."
Both parents looked at him and saw him rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. Tears were traveling down his cheeks.
"Please stop fighting."
Casi broke away from her dad to go console her brother. Her small feet went pitter-pattering around the table as she went to hug her brother.
Cilia softened immediately, feeling terrible. The table became super quiet. Neither parent knew what to say right away. They were both still very heated, but Cilia managed to pipe down a little more for the sake of Alix.
"Come here baby."
Alix got up and went over to her. Cilia sat him in her lap and kissed him up. He nestled up to her as she rubbed his arms up and down.
"You guys have been fighting for a long time. Because yesterday you and daddy don't talk and you didn't talk to him the other yesterday or the other yesterday. And now you guys are yelling at each other."
Cilia realized he was trying to say they were not talking yesterday, the day before and the day before that, but he couldn't articulate himself. He was only four.
Cilia was surprised he noticed how long it'd been going on. "I'm sorry baby, don't cry. Everything is okay."
Allele kept his eyes on his plate.
Phenix was scared by the fighting as well, but he was still eyeing the cornbread. Casi was now sitting in Alix's chair, playing with his food and Jaxon was now full, just silently watching the drama.
"Mommy, do you love daddy?" Alix questioned.
The question was so out of left field. She opened her mouth but nothing but a strangled sound came out. She closed her mouth back, not expecting the sudden question.
Alix's eyes were piercing, sharp. He stared wanting an answer. Cilia saw his little glossy eyes shining with hope, waiting like it was the last few seconds of his favorite show and they were about to end it on a cliffhanger.
"I...um...well...we...right now we're not seeing eye to eye on a lot and...and..." Cilia huffed, trying to pull herself together before answering. "...y-yes Alix I love your dad. Sometimes couples argue and that's normal. Just like when you and your brothers fight. We're just going through some things, but it's okay. I love daddy with all my heart."
Alix looked better, nodding his head at her response. He looked across the table.
"Daddy do you love mommy?"
Allele was still livid. From their argument minutes ago, to Breeze's confession, about everything they were fighting about lately. So he was not in the mood for Alix's questioning. Especially being he just asked his mother. He wasn't expecting him to ask the same question.
"Alix do you love your mother?" The father asked.
"Yes." The boy replied.
"Okay then so that's all that matters."
The children didn't understand his response so there was no reaction on their behalf, but Cilia did. She looked up at him but he was purposefully avoiding her eyes. Cilia felt herself becoming physically hot.
"You don't love me?" She asked.
Allele kept his eyes on his plate.
"You guys go upstairs, now." Cilia rested Alix on his feet.
This time all the kids got up from the table. Phenix was still determined for his cornbread.
"Mommy can I have cornbread?" Phenix mumbled.
Cilia looked at him but didn't say anything. He didn't know what that meant so he took a chance and reached for it, watching her. She didn't react so he took a piece quickly, holding it in his bare hands dropping crumbs everywhere as he went scurrying up the steps with it.
The rest of his siblings were in toe. Alix being the last one up, turned to look back at his parents with worry. Cilia gave him a small smile and a wink. He smiled and hurried up the stairs. When he was gone, Cilia's smile dropped and she looked at Allele.
"So you don't love me anymore?"
Allele made eye contact with her. He was at one end of the table and she on the other end.
"Your boyfriend loves you. That's what he told me today."
There was no reaction from Cilia. "Okay? And why are you telling me that? I told you he was still in love with me and you told me I was crazy. So what, you're gonna blame me for how he feels about me now like it's my fault?"
Allele slowly nodded his head from side to side. "No. Just thought you should know. He misses your smile, your company, the sex ya'll had...everything. The nigga stood in my face and told me he missed ya'll fucking sex."
The last part made Cilia cringe a bit. She didn't know if he actually said that, it was out of line and a bit shocking that he would. Much less confess in the first place. "Allele I am not Dion and I cannot help how he feels. And that's not what Alix asked you. Your son asked if you love me."
"And I answered him." Allele's voice was cold.
Cilia's eyes welled with tears and her throat became tight with emotion. She wasn't sure if he really meant it or was just saying that because he was angry.
"Wow." Cilia whispered.
"Someone once told me sometimes it's hard when you've known somebody for so long to just walk out. You feel like you might become lost. Like you don't know where you'll go because all you know is them." Allele stood from the table, ignoring the tears running down his wife's face. He cleared his throat, speaking in a low tone. "But they're right, change might be good."
*****
A week passed and Cilia and Allele had been ignoring each other. It was so bad they tried avoiding the other as much as possible.
On the days Cilia was home she bonded with the kids and found things for all of them to do. When she was at work and Allele had them, he did the same unless he was busy and Journi had to watch them.
But while at work, Allele stayed out late nights at the gym, never calling to say he would be late. Cilia did the same when she was at her car shop. If they really did need to talk, they would text.
Today was a holiday so Allele's gym was closed. Cilia's car shop was still open, but she just wasn't at work today. So both parents were home with the kids.
Allele was upstairs in the guest room. That's where he's been ever since the night of the dress situation. He sometimes forgot what the inside of his bedroom looked like. It's been a few days since the argument at the table when he told her he was done, so the tension was still fresh.
Cilia was downstairs braiding the kids hair for Monday. Allele was tossing and turning, not able to sleep. Breeze's confession had really did something to him. He did ask the man to be truthful, so the truth is what he got. He was just at a loss that he really did feel that way about Cilia.
Allele's phone buzzed so he picked it up off the dresser. It was a text message from Journi.
Journi: Bad and good news. Dnt worry I'll forward this text 2 ur wife so she dnt spazz. I found another client that needs a babysitter. So I might be unavailable a day or two less now. Srry. 🙁
Allele: Nothing to be sorry about. That's business, you should be happy you're getting more clientele. And yeah just forward the text, I like peace.
A minute passed before she answered.
Journi: Lol, what you mean by that?
Allele realized he said too much. As much as he wasn't getting along with Cilia, he wasn't about to talk crazy about her.
Allele: I mean all women make something out of nothing.
The phone started to ring and it was Journi. Allele didn't know why he smiled, but he sat up, putting his feet on the floor and answered the call.
"Hello?" He said.
Journi was taken aback by the sexy voice on the other end every time. It was his number but it never sounded like him. "Allele?"
"Yeah."
"I never get use to your voice on the phone. You sound so different."
"You and everyone always says that. What do I sound like in real life? A weasel?"
Journi laughed. "Not a weasel! No, not at all. You just sound...I don't know." She knew what she wanted to say, she wanted to say he sounded sexy, but she knew better. "So I called because besides babysitting the kids, I also go to your gym."
"Uh-huh." Allele replied.
"So I'll start liaising with both of you," Journi said mocking Cilia. "to keep both people in the loop about the kids, since watching the kids is business."
"Okay."
"But me going to your gym is not business. That's a part of my personal life. So do I need to run my gym visits by your wife too? Or should I be able to normalize my gym time to you only since it has nothing to do with anyone but you?"
Journi felt she didn't have to tell Cilia when she was going to her husband's gym because that had nothing to do with the kids. But if Allele wanted to tell her, that was on him.
Allele already told Cilia at the dinner table Journi took lessons at Wolf. He didn't need to elaborate on it anymore. They weren't even speaking.
"That's fine, it's just the gym. That doesn't require you to tell Cilia. It's not that serious."
Journi smiled. "Good."
Allele wanted to ask her something, but he didn't want it to come off awkward. "Uh...are you good from last time? Are you still at your cousin?" He wasn'ttrying to be nosey, he just wanted to make sure if she stayed with that guy, they had to keep their drama away from his gym.
"Why do you want to know Mr. Coleman?" Journi inquired.
Allele didn't know why that made him chuckle, but it did. He found himself wondering what she was doing right now. "Just asking because I can't have that kind of back and forth drama at my place of business."
"Well if you must know, I'm in the process of leaving him. So no there will not be any more drama."
"Good to know, aight ma."
Journi smiled, he loved that ma word. If she was his he wouldn't be talking to any woman like that but her. "Okay Allele, bye." She sang.
Allele was still smiling even as they got off the phone. Journi was a breath of fresh air he wasn't gonna lie. She was different. A little too playful sometimes in his opinion but she was hella cool.
Slowly the smile was wiped from Allele's face as he made another phone call. It was to his lawyer.
The man answered on the third ring. "It's a holiday today you know. I wasn't even gonna answer, but for you I said why not. You're lucky."
"Very." Allele said dryly. "Anyways, sorry about the phone call but, when you get back in the office tomorrow can you draw up some divorce papers?"
"Divorce papers. For who? You?"
"Who else? I can't ask for someone else."
Allele couldn't be telling Journi one thing but stay stuck in his own unhealthy situation. He had to practice what he preached.
Sanders was shocked. "Wow...okay, but why? When?"
"What do you mean why?" Allele asked. "Does it matter why?"
"Yes it does. You can't just get a divorce like that. There has to be a reason. Did she cheat? Did you cheat? Are the kids not yours? Is someone a secret drug addict? What's the situation?"
Allele rubbed his temples. "No situation really. Just drifting apart I guess."
"Okay well if that's the case you two can't file for divorce for a year."
"What?!"
"It's called a no-fault divorce. In the state of New York, if no one is at fault like you just said, meaning there is no reasoning like infidelity, paternity issues, things like that, then you guys have to be legally separated for at least a year before you can file. Because there is no rush, there is no legitimate reasoning for the split other than you just want to."
Allele's jaws were clenched like a pitbull. No legitimate reasoning. It didn't have to be something as dramatic or serious as adultery or some major secret for him to want a divorce. It was a basic human right to want to leave if that's how he felt.
"That's the dumbest shit I ever heard." He grumbled.
"Hey," Sanders replied. "I didn't make the law. You and her separate for a year then we can make something happen."
Allele sighed heavily. "Aight man, thanks."
"Okay." Sanders replied and hung up.
Allele wasn't going to let that news deter him. He would just start working on the process right away. The first step was someone moving out and since he was proposing divorce, he would.
He just couldn't do it anymore. The arguing, the fighting, the loss of trust. This fighting shit wasn't for him.
He got up and went downstairs. All the boys had their hair done in three braids, like him. Casi was on the couch hollering as Cilia picked up her shed hair off the carpet. She had a pretty hairstyle with bubbles and hair clips but wanted three braids to look like her brothers.
"What's wrong with her?" Allele asked.
"She wanted the same hair as us." Phenix spoke up. "But mommy said no."
Allele went over to her and scooped her up. Casi wasted no time complaining about Cilia's treatment as she pointed and told on her mom who was in the kitchen washing her hands free of the oils and butters she used in everyone's hair.
"She did you dirty?" Allele asked, kissing her cheek and then her forehead. "It's okay, you look pretty."
He put her on her feet so she could continue throwing her tantrum and went into the kitchen to talk to Cilia. She was drying her hands with a hand towel when he walked up behind her.
Feeling a presence Cilia turned around to face him. Her back was against the sink and his back was against the marble island top.
She was in a gray t-shirt, matching gray shorts and her hair in a fluffy ponytail since it was in a blow dried state.
"I'm not about to do the most, so I'll just say it. I called my lawyer and asked him to type up divorce papers. Things have been so ugly and hateful between us for the last two months or so."
Cilia sucked in a breath, her fingers digging into her palms.
"But he said we have to be separated for a year before we can even ask for one. Some New York law or something. There is no fault in the divorce so it's not top priority. So by the end of this week, I'll be gone from the house to start the separation process."
Cilia looked into his eyes but couldn't read his emotions. She wasn't gonna lie, she felt some kind of way he was so calm about it.
"...Fine." Cilia whispered.
Allele nodded. "I think this is good for us. Once I settle in we can talk about who the kids will stay with and when."
Cilia scowled, she felt her nose burning but she would keep it together. "So that's it, you're done. Just like that."
Allele couldn't tell if he was suppose to answer that or not but he didn't.
"You're such a punk." Cilia smirked, shaking her head from side to side.
Allele immediately averted his eyes. He looked straight ahead over her shoulder instead. He would not answer or engage with her.
"You can beat people up and fight all day. But any little sign of an altercation that's gonna be emotional, you completely give up. You can't take the fact that you hurt me the way you did and because I'm angry with you and showing some resistance; instead of fight for your wife and your trust back, you figure divorcing would be better. You did the same thing when I didn't want to have kids at first, you did it when Iris died and I needed emotional support and you did it when I wanted you to open up to me about your thoughts and feelings. Instead of dealing with it, you shut down and gave up every single time. You're a fucking punk!"
Allele didn't know why that angered him so much, but it did. But he kept his eyes straight ahead, at the wall.
Cilia bumped his shoulder as she walked past. She promised herself by the time he moved out, her love for him would go with his luggage.