This bonus chapter is dedicated to Jenny. Thanks for your support!
"Is there a way to do that so it doesn't last all year?" Penny asked, and I felt my heart drop a little. Of course, she would want to think of some kind of compromise. It wasn't like she was outright telling me how selfish I was being, but it was still clear that she thought a year or two break from school was too much. And I knew she was right really; I was asking my friends to support me for so long while I couldn't do things myself, and that really wasn't fair. I should have chosen a shorter time, but I hadn't even thought about that. I'd told Mummy she could make it last as long as she wanted; so maybe she felt that it was good to look after me for longer. But maybe the same couldn't be said for Penny, or any other friends who could have been willing to play along.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I know I'm asking you a lot. And maybe I should have tried to work out if we can just do it for a month or two at a time. But explaining it to everybody would be hard. Maybe I could ask Mummy..."
"I don't think that's what she's asking," Mummy said, and my head twitched around to look at the doorway. I hadn't even noticed that she was listening to us. "What are you thinking, Penny? Am I guessing right?"
"I don't know. I just... kind of... This looks like so much fun, and I've never seen Alice so happy. It's like every time something upsets you, you just forget about it and start over. That's amazing, and I..."
I waited to see what the next part of that sentence was going to be. I couldn't figure out what she meant. But Mummy seemed to understand.
"It's okay," she said. "You two are such good friends, I think you're thinking on the same wavelength even if you don't realise it. Tell me, please. Nobody is going to judge you for admitting what you want."
"I want to try it!" Penny blurted out, and then her hands came up to cover her mouth, as if that would hide her blushes over what she'd just said as well. She was behaving like a little kid, even without reading the special book. "It's not... I'd be terrified if I knew that could happen any time. There's no way I could want that, and I know my mum would never want to look after me like yours does. She'd say I was silly, and keep on yelling until I go back to normal, it would never enter her mind that... you know. That it's not just a game. She wouldn't believe it. So there's no way I could ever do that. But if there's some way to make it wear off again, so it's just for a couple of hours, or even a few days... I know it's a weird thing to want, but I want to try what you've got, and I just hoped there was some way..."
"I don't know," Mummy said. "There might be. But we still don't know very much about this recursive regression syndrome. It's hard to know what the possibilities are."
"It's okay," Penny said, with a brief flash of a smile. I thought that there was some kind of relief in her voice, mixed in with the disappointment. "I know it's a silly thing. But if there was some way just to do that for a few hours... if you can work it out, I'd like to try. That's something we can do, right? Or I can just play along, if that's not too... I mean, pretend? I think you don't really need any medicine to act like a kid, do you? I guess there's something different for you, but I don't know what... I don't want to put down what it means to you, or something."
"Don't worry," I said, and patted her hand to reassure her. "If you act like a baby, I'll treat you like one. And I'm sure Mummy will too. For me, it's just like... I think I said some of it before. I can't enjoy cartoons anymore, because I notice all the ways they're unrealistic. I have to try and poke holes in every story, not just like it for what it is. I don't know how to stop thinking without the... that stuff to help."
"I get that," Penny said, nodding. "And it sounds kind of nice. But if it's not possible, well... I think playing let's pretend is enough for me. And I love playing with my best friend either way."
"Thank you," I said, blushing furiously. "Did you say you'd brought me some work from school as well? I mean, it's nice having a break from thinking, but I should still try to keep up when I can. Right?"
Penny nodded, and fished some sheets out of her bag. One of the exercises was just colouring, and we joked that even a baby could do that. Colouring in a picture of some kids how they would have been dressed during the revolution, and reading all the little notes that pointed to details of particular interest. I guessed that was away the teachers could get kids to pay attention to something they weren't really interested in. But I noticed that a little later, it was getting harder to read the words so I just coloured in the pictures again. And as we kept on going, it was getting harder to stay inside the lines. I'd get distracted by something, and start colouring in random squiggles that meandered across the page.
"Even a baby could do this," Penny repeated what I'd said earlier, and laughed. But she was still helping, drawing an orange crown on the little boy in the picture, and I could laugh too. I was having so much fun at that point, I just didn't care about what we were supposed to be doing. And by then, my thoughts had faded away again, so I wasn't even sure what else I could have been doing.
I wasn't completely in baby mode that day. I was having fun, light-headed, and very easily confused. But I was still kind of aware of what was going on, and sometimes I could try to think of some words to say. It was hard when I had an accident, but in between tinkles I could find a couple of words to let Penny know what I was thinking, and I could feel so proud whenever I managed to say something that kind of made sense.
After homework, we watched cartoons, and I was showing off my ability to make cow noises, chicken noises, and sheep noises when the animals appeared on the screen. It wasn't long before our laughing somehow turned into a tickle fight, which was the most fun of anything so far. But I was starting to get cranky then, and Mummy quickly separated us and told us that we would feel better after a nap. I laughed and pouted, because I was having fun and I wanted to keep on playing. But I knew the most important thing was to be good for Mummy, because she would always do what was best for me.
I lay back and didn't make trouble while Mummy put me in a clean diaper for naptime; but I did make some of the dollies stand on my chest and wave to Penny, who was sitting on the other side of the room waiting for her turn. She had her own dolls too, and they all wanted to wave back. I felt like we really understood each other, and it was so exciting even if I didn't know the words right now to describe what I was feeling.
Mummy took a long time to put Penny in diapers. I didn't know why it was taking so long, but I thought maybe Penny wasn't being as good as I was. I let Farah wave at her again, to help her remember to be a good girl, but I didn't know if it made any difference. It didn't take much longer, anyway. Or I think it didn't; because by the time my friend was properly diapered, I'd already drifted off to a deep, peaceful sleep.