"he never loved you, ion know why you be wanting to visit his ugly ass grave." sherhonda spat as she drove kaizen to his father's grave.
"that's not true." 12 year old kaizen mumbled as he laid his head against the window, playing with the flowers he held in his hand. it was his father's birthday and he wanted nothing more than to see him.
"so you callin' me a fucking liar!?" sherhonda yelled, kaizen rolling his eyes at his tipsy mother. "you ungrateful ass li boy, i could kick y'all asses out and let y'all sleep on the street! but no, i kept y'all even after yo dead ass daddy left! fuck, i should've aborted y'all!" she yelled, banging her hand on the wheel once. kaizen tuned his mother out as they turned into the cemetery.
he hadn't seen the man's grave since last year, only being able to visit on his birthday since sherhonda didn't like driving him here. he would stay as long as he could, not wanting to go home and live in chaos with his mother. it was his only peace besides his brother who was at school at the moment.
"get the fuck out my car!" sherhonda yelled, stopping the car. kaizen listened and quickly hopped out of the car. before he could even shut the door all the way, sherhonda skirted off, leaving him alone at the gravesite. sighing, he turned around and started to walk over to his dad's grave, being mindful of the other decorated ones.
"hey da!" kaizen smiled as he approached his grave. "i missed you so much." he said, sitting the flowers down and taking a seat in front of the grave. kaizen sat in silence as he stared at his father's grave. he felt so many emotions at the moment, he just didn't know how to express them.
"i miss you.." he mumbled, bringing his hand up to touch the grave. "it ain't been the same without and it hurts.. so bad, dada. i can't do it without you and grandma, da. why y'all leave me? why?" he sighed, feelings himself tear up.
"kayden gettin' older and ion know how i'm supposed to raise him all on my own. yo crazy ass wife ain't getting no better, ion even call her ma anymore. she uhm.. be thinking i'm you sometimes.. coming in my room and uh.." kaizen took an abrupt pause. he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to tell anyone about those nights. it was just something he couldn't do.
"anyways, her friends been coming over a lot lately. ion like them, they so mean to me. i hate my life, i wish i could've died with you, da." kaizen let out a broken sob, continuously trying to wipe all of the tears away. the tears that he had been holding in the whole ride. he never let him mom see him cry because it made him feel weak.
"ion wanna live no more, i wanna die! i just wanna die!" he sobbed.
——
3:17 A.M.
——
kaizen jumped up, feeling someone tapping him on his shoulder repeatedly. glancing over, he was met with a worried look on zyaire's face.
kaizen sighed, he got up and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. he locked it before turning around and looking at himself in the mirror.
his eyes were red and low, still sleepy after the few hours of sleep he got. kaizen felt himself start to get hot so he removed his sweater, revealing all of his scars.
some from his mother, others from fights, some even coming from himself. he ran his hand over his scars, stopping at the most recent one that zyaire stitched up.
"he never loved you, ion know why you be wanting to visit his ugly ass grave."
he still remembered the day his mother told him that. it was the first time she said that to him. his heart ached every time he thought about it. how could his mom ever say something like that about the love of her life?
this is another reason why he didn't enjoy sleeping sometimes. it was like he could never shake the dreams, the memories and all of the pain he had gone through. kaizen sighed, watching himself in the mirror as he teared up.
"she was right."
"he never loved you."
"he hated you."
"h-he loved me, he cared about me. i know he did." kaizen mumbled to himself, wiping the tears that fell down his face.
"no he didn't."
"if he did he wouldn't have left you."
"he didn't LOVE you."
kaizen then opened his cabinet, grabbing the pill bottle out of there. he opened the bottle and poured two of the pills in his hand, throwing them back into his mouth. he leaned his back up against the bathroom door and stood there for a moment as he tried to calm down. he took deep breaths and tried to think of something positive like mrs alinda had taught him. once he was calm, he took one more deep breath before leaving out of the bathroom to see zyaire sitting with his back against the headboard.
"you ok, phat?" zyaire asked as he watched kaizen walk over to the bed. kaizen nodded silently, laying down onside of him, staring out the window. zyaire grabbed kaizen, pulling him closer.
"don't you got a girlfriend?" kaizen asked, glancing up at zyaire as he straddled his lap.
"mmcht, stop fuckin' playin' wimme, akai." zyaire mugged kaizen as he pulled him closer to his chest.
"make me, dada." kaizen smiled, him and zyaire holding eye contact. kaizen leaned up, getting closer to his face, watching as
"nasty ass." zyaire chuckled, laying his head on kaizen's shoulder.
"oh, damn. i forgot you had a horse- i mean, a girlfriend." kaizen sighed, removing himself off zyaire's lap. "i would hate to have to tell her that her boyfriend CHEATIN' on her with a BOA'." kaizen said, making sure he put emphasis on certain words.
"mmcht." zyaire mugged kaizen. "what i gotta do to make this right?" zyaire asked him.
"stop playin' with my fuckin' feelings, zy. don't be coming to me on some couple shit just to go back and fuck on somebody else. you know how i feel about you, i made that clear when we first met." kaizen explained, grabbing his favorite pillow and laying his head down on it. "it make me feel embarrassed, stupid for even having feelings for you." he mumbled, looking away from zyaire's gaze.
"i feel the same way about you, i just.. i'm new to this shit. ian used to this relationship shit." zyaire said as he laid down, facing kaizen. "ion know how to just be tied down to one person, but i'll learn for you. i'm sorry for what i did." kaizen rolled his eyes, though he did wanna believe what zyaire was saying, he just couldn't. he also didn't want to forgive him so easily.
"if i gotta show you how to be just for me, then it's not genuine." kaizen mumbled, zyaire nodding as he understood what kaizen was saying. "but i will give you another chance.. and if things don't work out this time then fuck it." kaizen shrugged.
"ight, i gotchu', phat." zyaire gave kaizen a toothy smile, kaizen couldn't stop himself from smiling back. "anything i can do to make it up to you?"
"i would say fuck me, but yo' dick been inside of a horse and i know for a fact that's not sanitary." kaizen sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "what a sad, sad case. i would've let you fuck the hell outta me too." kaizen smiled as he watched zyaire mug him.
"well, guess you gotta wait until next time." kaizen shrugged, pulling the covers over his body and turning over. his back now facing zyaire's face.
"you not funny." zyaire huffed, taking the cover and pulling it over his head roughly. "hate it here." he mumbled, yanking the cover so he could get some more of it. kaizen started to laugh at how dramatic zyaire was being. he was laughing so hard, his stomach started to hurt.
"zy." kaizen poked zyaire, but he didn't move a inch. "zyyyy!" kaizen yelled slightly as he repeatedly poked at his back.
"lemme alone." zyaire mumbled.
"'lemme alone'," kaizen mocked him before laughing again. "whatchu' mad at?" kaizen asked. "you backed up assum? horsey must wasn't fuckin' you good?"
"no, she tried to give me head and almost bit my tip off." zyaire mumbled, kaizen busted out laughing even harder than before.
"that's what the fuck you get!" he cackled, zyaire pulling the cover off his head.
"ion find shit funny, phat." zyaire mugged him. kaizen was about to speak but was interrupted by his phone ringing. it was a facetime call from jaz.
"hey, pretty guh." kaizen smiled once the facetime call connected. zyaire poking his head in the camera to see who kaizen was talking to.
"heyy, kai baby. what you doin?" jaz asked as she set her phone up against something. she was chilling at her kitchen table doing some work and eating cereal. she was bored so she decided to see if kaizen was up to entertain her.
"laughing at this bitch." kaizen then showed zyaire who had his face in the crook of kaizen's neck.
"watch yo' mouth." zyaire pinched the younger, kaizen hitting him back.
"anyways, bitch. whatchu' doin' guh, why you up so late?" kaizen put his attention back onto jaz who was drinking the milk from her bowl.
"school work. college ain't no joke, man." she sighed.
"that sucks. we still hanging out today?" kaizen asked, sitting his phone up against his headboard.
"yea, sure. where you wanna go?" jaz asked as she squinted her eyes at her laptop.
"let's go to the arcade or some." kaizen suggested.
"i wanna go." zyaire mumbled.
"too bad, you can go spend time with your horse. maybe teach her some new tricks." kaizen joked, jaz's mouth dropping in surprise before she quickly closed it.
"you wanna getcho' ass beat?" zyaire stood up on his knees, the cover falling off his body as he did so. kaizen couldn't lie and say he didn't like what he was seeing.
"yea, come teach me a lesson li' daddy." kaizen looked back at zyaire, lifting up on his knees and arching his back slightly. zyaire nodded his head as he gripped kaizen's waist.
"i need to call you back?" jaz whispered to the phone.
"my bad, jaz." he chuckled, turning his head back around. zyaire looked down at kaizen for a second before laying back down beside him.
"anyways, he can come if you want him to. we could make it a double date." jaz suggested.
"ugh, i guess. who you bringing?" kaizen sighed.
"somebody i been talking to lately, we been getting real close." jaz smiled as she started to blush like that.
"ohhh? he got you smiling like that?" kaizen smiled, tilting his head as she waved him off.
"yeaa, yeaaa, he a cool lil some i guess." jaz shrugged as she tried to hide her smile.
"what time we going," kaizen asked, checking the time to see that it was now 4:00.
"like around 7, if that's fine with y'all." she said
"ight, bet." kaizen mumbled.
"well, i'ma let y'all go. my man calling me." jaz cheesed as she grabbed her phone.
"okayy, bye pretty guh." kaizen waved at the camera with a smile.
"bye, kai baby." she said before hanging up the phone.
"ion like them sappy ass nicknames y'all got fa' eachother." zyaire mugged kaizen, wrapping his arms around his waist.
"ion like the way you let that horse slob all over yo neck." kaizen shrugged nonchalantly as he went to his messages. he tapped on nick's contact and facetimed him, wanting to see if the smaller was good after the shooting at the party.
"the fuck you callin?" zyaire asked, peaking over kaizen's shoulder to look at his phone.
"yo competition." kaizen mumbled as nick answered. "aye, li mama, you good?" kaizen asked, seeing nick in what looked like a kitchen eating some noodles and hot wings.
"yeaaa, we goood." nick slurred as he continued eating his wings. "what is that behind you? it look weird." nick asked as he squinted at the camera. kaizen started laughing at him, zyaire holding up his middle finger in the camera so nick could see it.
"shut the fuck up you pit bull face ass hoe." zyaire mumbled as he mugged him.
"you thought you ate, you- you look like that purple mf with the pointy ears off backyardigans. ninja turtle face ass, master splinter built ass."
"me personally-" kaizen cackled as he held onto his stomach, zyaire was about to say something but was interrupted by nick.
"oh, i bet you won't say shit else. lame ass nigga, i'm finna go to sleep. i'm sleepy as fuck and i got a mean ass headache." nick complained as he threw the rest of his noodles away and put his wings in the refrigerator.
"a-aight, bye li mama." kaizen said, trying to catch his breath from laughing too hard.
"byeeee, bye ninja turtle." nick waved at the camera with a smile, zyaire snatching the phone and hanging up.
"i'll beat the fuck outta his lil ass." zyaire mumbled, tossing kaizen's phone onto the bed as kaizen continued laughing.
———————————
!‼️excuse any mistakes ‼️!
flow bananas. here, peel this back. OUUU COLE SO HARD. ik y'all wanted kai to wait but he said he aint want to.
Q&A
whatchu' think?
zyaire's competition?
the 'double date' with jaz?
lmk!!
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