I RUBBED MY EYES clean of sleep, turning over to find an empty spot next to me. i must've woken up late because i'm always up before chris now.
last time was my first night of actually sleeping good. maybe it was the fact of me and glenn talking all night. by the end of it my social battery was gone.
i learned a lot about the boy though. it made me feel comforted to have someone else to talk to about personal issues besides chris. he actually listened to and tried understanding me.
i smiled at the memory of a part of our conversation, slipping out of my camping bag to get ready.
i pulled on a pair of blue jeans along with a white tank top knowing how hot it's been recently. atlanta doesn't play in the summer time.
just as i was about to brush through my hair. kids screaming echoed in the distance, sounding more serious than playful.
"shit" i murmured, replacing the brush with my gun before exiting my tent. running towards where the commotion was coming from.
"carsyn!" glenn yelled, catching my attention as he pointed to where my dad and rick were running to. we both followed through the trees. stopping when we found a walker, gnawing on a deer.
i cringed, placing my gun in the back of my pants before taking the hoe glenn held out for me. my dad took the first hit at the walker, the rest following.
i just took a step back, watching as the scene unraveled. i knew it had to be easier to kill them than five men going bat shit on one.
"it's the first one we've had up here. they never come this far up the mountain" dale huffed, stepping back after the walker was put down.
"well, they're running out of food in the city, that's what" jim answered, causing me to nod. the way they took out the horse showed how hungry they were.
"hey, you okay?" a new voice asked, making me turn my head to find chris now joining the rest of us.
i nodded, pointing to the walker on the ground, "yeah, just the fact that we're now gonna be hunted. the walkies are getting hungry for some walsh blood and guts"
"carsyn" my dad reprimanded, shaking his head at me which only caused me to shrug.
he opened his mouth to say something else but stopped as the trees behind him started to rustle. we all grabbed our weapons, raising them for what was about to come next.
"son of a bitch!" a familiar voice called out, earning an eye roll from me already knowing who it was, "that's my deer. look at it all gnawed on by this filthy, disease bearing, motherless proxy bastard!"
dale scoffed as daryl repeated kicked the walker body, "calm down, son. that's not helping"
"what do you know about it old man?" daryl barked, moving towards dale to get into his face, "why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to on golden pond?"
"jesus, give him a break" i mumbled, rolling by eyes at the dixon man. it was already bad enough with merle. thank god he's gone for now.
daryl whipped his head towards me, giving me a glare, "got something to say, walsh"
"yeah, chill out before i send you back to where i found you and your brother out in the woods." i snarled, crossing my arms over my chest.
he only scoffed, looking down to where the walkers head laid. still in contact as it bit the air.
"come on, people. what the hell?" he started, sending an arrow from his crossbow into the head, "it's gotta be the brain. don't y'all know nothing?"
i smirked, finally knowing an easier way to kill them. i'd probably have to know it after all. i wouldn't get away my whole life not killing one.
they all started to walk off except me, chris, and glenn. staring down at the disheveled body that should probably grossed us out but didn't at this point.
"you're going to want to get some popcorn for the merle versus rick show" my brother joked, causing me to chuckle and shake my head.
"yeah, i'm going to have to skip out on that one. i need to get some reading in before anything"
"have fun with that" glenn stated, waving bye to me as i started back up the hill towards my tent.
"see you later alligator"
————
i closed the catcher in the rye, finally finishing it after two days. i've been busy with the run the day before and helping out around the camp or it would've been one.
though this book made me understand the importance of protecting carl's innocence as long as i could. along with amy and chris's since we were all still fairly younger too.
i heard a scratching followed by zipping as someone entered my tent causing me to turn and find chris popping his head in.
"hey, a couple people just left for a run. amy wanted to know if you wanted to go down and do laundry with the rest of the girls"
i smiled at him, standing up from my makeshift bed, "yeah, i'll go down and then return this to dale... who all went on the run?"
chris scratched his scruff, beginning to walk with me towards the main area of camp, "rick, tdog, daryl, and glenn... they couldn't risk many people"
risking people... it always had to be glenn on the end where no one would care if he returned. same with tdog. they both had no family that genuinely needed them to be safe and alive.
it only made me wanna be that person for them and if they come back in one piece. that would be my mission.
i slowly nodded, "hopefully carols prayers work. they all mean a lot to the group...anyway, i'll see you later"
he nodded, parting ways with me as i started down to the quarry. the first thing that caught my eye was my father and carl playing around. i smiled bitterly, happy for the little boy and sad for the buried little girl inside.
"hey, carsyn. come sit" amy called out, noticing my presence as she patted the spot next to her.
i smiled, removing my gaze on them and made my way down to the girls. taking a seat in between amy and carol, "what are you guys talking about?"
"things we miss" andrea answered, handing me some towels, "anything you miss from the normal world?"
"oh yeah, my sanity" i joked, causing them all to chuckle, "... on a real note i would say a cold coke and ice cream"
"oh, we got a foodie. i said my computer and texting" amy informed, causing me to nod in agreement to her realistic items.
"i miss my vibrator"
all of our eyes widened at andreas words. though shock soon turned into an agreement as we all started to laugh along with her.
"me too" carol said nonchalantly, sending us all into a fit of laughter.
"what's so funny?" ed questioned, causing me to turn my head back to where he started walking towards us.
"just swapping war stories, ed" andrea announced, giving the rest of us an annoyed look before continuing on washing the rest of the laundry.
though our silence didn't make him go away like it usually did. he stood right behind me and carol, eyeing up our every move.
"problem, ed?" andrea questioned as i shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. the guy gave me a weird gut feeling, especially knowing what he did to carol and sophia.
"none that concerns you... and you ought to focus on your work. this ain't no comedy club"
andrea scoffed lightly, getting up from her spot, "ed, tell you what— you don't like how your laundry's done. you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. here."
my eyes widened a bit as i watched her throw a dish towel at ed. only to receive it back when he chucked it back at her
"ain't my job, missy."
i immediately stood up, interlocking me and carols arms. i'm not sure if it was for my protection or hers.
"what is your job, ed? sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes?" andrea questioned.
"well it sure isn't listening to some uppity smart mouthed bitch. tell you what— come on. let's go."
i tightened my grip on carol, giving him a slight shake of my head, "you don't get to talk to andrea like that and you sure as hell don't get to call commands at your wife like she's a dog."
ed scoffed, shifting his head to look at me from behind andrea, "and i say it's none of your business, walsh."
andrea turned back, watching me try to hold carol in place. things needed to change with ed and if we didn't help carol she would never do it on her own.
"hey, don't think i won't knock you two on your ass. just because you guys are some college educated coose. all right? now come on"
he reached around andrea, taking hold of carols arm. everyone jumped to her defense, pulling her arms back away from him.
"you don't tell me what! i tell you what!"
before i could even process what was happening. a slap that was meant for carol flew across my face, sending me to the floor.
i yelped, my cheek stinging and body aching from falling onto the rocks. amy immediately knelt down beside me as the others started to erupt into commotion. now forcefully yanking carol away from him.
"come here! come here!" i heard my dads voice erupt in pure anger. followed by a loud thud not far from where i was laying.
"jesus, carsyn. are you okay?" amy asked, reaching for something on my face. there was a strong taste of iron burning my throat and the left side of my face started to feel almost numb.
i forced a nod, pulling myself into a sitting position to see what was happening. my eyes widened when they landed on my dad who hovered over ed. sending continuous punches across his face.
"dad! dad, stop!" i yelled, trying to control my breathing as i heaved. shit... not again. not now.
"you put your hands on your wife, your little girl, or my little girl one more time, i will not stop next time. do you hear me?"
i placed a shaky hand on my chest, trying to focus on my breathing but the feeling of choking kept invading my mind.
"shane, somethings wrong" amy called out, trying to comfort me by rubbing my back. i could tell she was more freaked out than i was though.
my dad whipped his head away from ed and to where i was. regret invading his eyes when he realized what was happening.
"shit" he muttered, running to where i was. he immediately dropped to his knees, grabbing me into his arms, "okay, close your eyes, baby. focus on your breathing as i count"
i did as he instructed, having already went through this numerous times before.
"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1"
i almost immediately started to feel relieved in his arms. my breathing started to calm and my limbs stopped trembling. after a few minutes of counting i was in decent shape besides my face and body aching.
"what was that?" amy asked as i slid out of my dads hold, letting him help me to my feet.
"panic attack" my dad answered for me, wrapping an arm around my waist as we started walking back up the hill, amy helping as much as she could.
"how often do they happen?"
i sighed, ignoring the soreness in my throat as i spoke, "not that much usually... maybe once a month"
amy furrowed her brows, shaking her head, "i couldn't imagine. it sounds and looks terrible"
i nodded, "it gets easier when you know how to handle them"
"you're brothers not gonna be happy about this" my dad added, shaking his head everytime he took a glance at my face.
shit