Just a crackfic as a filler, no ship included but it's sumeru characters
Gender neutral| y/n is a new akademia bitch | filler crackfic | writing this while i wanna throw up from eating too much french fries | what a player would look like in the pov of game characters
★★ I ate... A bird?? ★★
While the prestigious Akademia was known for their intelligent and eloquent students and researchers, once every full moon a newly admitted researcher would turn out like... This...
Don't get the wrong idea, they were for sure very clever. But being academically smart isn't equal to having a sane personality.
"Why is the library closed!? Right before my deadline too!!" A researcher protested. His boyfriend beside him could only offer a hand of reassurance on his shoulder.
"See, I told you to finish it by last week."
"Not helping." He crossed his arms, shoulders lifting in a pouting manner. "Who decided it was a good idea to blow up a library of all places?!"
Just as he said this, a human figure fell from above, squatting from the impact of the landing with a stack of paper held against their chest.
Surprised by the sudden appearance, the two researchers let out a scream and nearly fell back.
The figure who's not even in proper Akademia uniform looked back at them before scurrying off, sprinting for a few seconds before running at a slower pace and sprinting again.
"...why are they running like that... Isn't that the new researcher?"
"The same one who blew up the library..."
"THEY WHAT-"
★★
Though Tighnari didn't like the Akademia, he was not against befriending the researchers. Though this one was particularly forced on him, he wasn't unfamiliar with this method of friendship.
Today, the newly admitted researcher had made lunch for him, saying something about how they hunted the meat themself. Tighnari obliged to try, a free meal wouldn't hurt.
"How is it?" They asked, eyes sparkling so expectantly it could basically become the sun itself. "It's good isn't it?"
Tighnari nodded, it was indeed very well seasoned. "That TGC maniac would like it as well."
"Oh Cyno is coming?" Now look at this unique creature, saying the name many researchers fear ever so casually.
The two were very much alike, barging into someone's home completely unannounced. It gave Tighnari a headache, but they were dear friends. Today was different however, because only one of them came without his prior consent.
"I wanted to show him my new pet bird I caught. Though it escaped and disappeared now."
"It escaped? What a pity. Maybe i can help you search for it." This was one of the wonderful traits that Tighnari likes abt y/n, always readily helping other people. Though little did tighnari know it was all for the primogems..
Just in time, The figure of a familiar mahamatra came into view. Not long after, all three were in the forest looking for that new bird.
"What's the birds description again?" Y/n asked. They somehow made it on top of a tree.
"Were you not listening earlier?" Correct, they were spaced out the entire conversation. "It has quite a unique colour. A golden bird with a red tail."
Thump
Y/n fell from the tree. "Did you say gold?"
"Yes? Is something the matter? Did you find it?"
"That. Ha! Ha! Ha! Right! So how would you feel if i told you that ur bird was cooked and seasoned?"
"What did you say?"
"Cooked and seasoned."
"My bird was cooked and sea- don't tell me."
Y/n bolted. "At least it'll be with you forever!"
Tighnari felt his entire soul leaving through his gaping open mouth. Meanwhile, the now far away y/n muttered to themself, how even though they promised to not make the same mistake as last time like with Dilucs eagle, they still did it the second time.
"But hey, maybe it won't happen the third time."
Behind them, a group of researchers stared at y/n, "they're monologuing again..."
"Just leave them be Herold."