Looking at my dad right now, I wonder how I ever could handle to push him away. Why would I ever not want such an amazing human being in my life?
Sitting in our living room with my dad, Jenny, Brandon, and his parents, I can feel my blessings. Everyone I love is with me. Even after I took all of them for granted. They couldn't wait to be granted access back to my heart.
Mr. Matthews and my dad share a hug of forgiveness. Two best friends reuniting, I can't believe there's any greater joy in the world.
When dad invited the Matthews over for dinner, I expected a few punches to be thrown but none happened. That's not entirely true, there were a few curse words, name calling, and glasses breaking. I think someone stubbed their toe in the coffee table. However, what I do know is that oceans of tears fell. I have never seen any men cry so hard especially African Americans who are known to pronounce themselves strong and indestructible.
When everything is done, when I'm sure that there would be no more breakouts, I climb on top of my dad and sit on his lap. It's a special kind of feeling for a girl to be in her father's arms. I feel so protected and loved, as if nothing can hurt me. I feel as if I can touch the sky and proclaim myself queen of the world. With his chin on my hair, no secrets could get beneath us. Now, I understand what Cassie meant when she said she wanted to do everything with her dad. It's like there are no spaces between us, no secrets, just plain old fashion love.
Oh God Cassie!
I lurch myself off of my dad's lap. I can't believe I forgot about her. She's the only person who has never been in this mess in the first place. She never hurt me. Everything she did was to make me happy. I gave her nothing but pain while she gave me everything that's good – the love I was lacking from everyone else, the friendship I was deprived of for so long, and a shoulder to lean on.
I have to apologize. I have to ask for her forgiveness but am I worthy of it? Should I be allowed to be forgiven when I wouldn't...couldn't allow the same courtesy to Darwin?
"Baby girl, where're you going?" Dad asks.
I haven't realize anyone was talking until now. They're all staring at me.
"I have to see a friend."
"Another one?" Jenny teases. "Wow, I'm seeing a whole other side of you, Rachel Jackson."
"We, Jacksons, have many sides we keep hidden from outsiders," Dad winks at her.
"The rest of us are better off with most of them hidden," Mr. Matthews joke.
"I'll see you guys later," I shout as I walk out the door.
"Don't stay too long, you still have homework to do. Remember you're going back to school tomorrow," dad shouts back.
I groan internally. I've been begging for so long but I still have to suffer another whole year at that school. It's going to be so hard walking in that school with everyone's stare at me and their mouth running all types of gossips about me. Most of them won't be true but their purpose is not to spread the truth but to hurt the subject. I know this because I used to be one of them. I used to be the main gossip girl in school – destroying the reputation of anyone I didn't like or who happened to cross my path.
"Rae, wait up." I see Brandon running out of the apartment, coming my way.
"I really have to this by myself, Brandon," I say as soon as he stops beside me, waiting for the elevator.
"I know."
"Where are you going then?" I ask when he doesn't make a move to go.
"I don't know. I'm just following you," he smiles.
I'm about to say something when I realize I would probably need my rock with me to go open my heart to someone else.
I look at the elevator call buttons. Number 10 is shining bright in the circle. It's going to take a long time for it to reach us in the fourth floor.
"Do you want to take the stairs?" I ask him. "It's quicker."
He casts a glance at the call buttons. "Sure, I'll race you." With that, he runs down the stairs leaving me baffled in the hallway. My brain finally catches up with everything and I take off running.
When I reach the lobby, I find Brandon standing casually with an elbow on the receptionist's desk. He seems to be flirting with her. The boy seriously has no shame, the woman appears to be the same age as my grandmother.
"Hi," I greet her before snatching his arms. "Let's go."
Despite his long legs, Brandon trains behind me. "I'll be back for those cookies, Mrs. Charles."
"Since when do you know the receptionist?"
"She gave me cookies when I came here last time."
I roll my eyes. "The bus is coming. We have to hurry," I rush him.
Indeed, I was right. The bus stops as soon as we reach the stop.
"Do you even know where to get off to get to Cassie's house?" He asks when we take the seats behind the driver.
"How do you know I'm going to Cassie's house?"
"How many other friends do you have?" He smirks.
"Touché. You've been there before so you must know."
"As a matter of fact, I do. That's to prove once more that you can't do anything without me. You'd be lost, literally."
I sigh "Get off your high horse, Brandon."
"But I love it here," he winks at me. My face burns as I try to make myself small in the seat, not thinking about all the germs I'm catching right now.
The door slams in my face.
"I should have seen that coming," I say.
Cassie doesn't bother to listen to what I have to say. She makes the housekeeper close the door as soon as she hears my voice. According to her, I'm at the top of the list of people not allowed in the property.
"What now?" Brandon says.
"Be my spokesperson?" I question.
"You do realize she just slammed the door at me too, right?"
"She only saw me, not you."
"Fine. But if they arrest us for trespassing, I'm blaming you."
"I'm cool with that."
I laugh but I'm so nervous. I can feel my heart beating on the sole of my feet.
"Wait," I cry just as his knuckles are about to make contact with the mahogany wood. "Should I really be asking for forgiveness when I refused to give it to Darwin?"
"You're nothing like Darwin," he kisses my forehead. His lips lay there for a while before he shifts to look deep into my eyes. "Don't compare yourself with him."
Cassie opens the door this time when he knocks. She was probably expecting me because she covered Brandon in water as soon as the door opens.
"Oh My God, Brandon?" She shrieks in disbelief.
"Yeah, I probably should have said Not Rachel, first." He wipes the dripping water off his face with the dry part of his red and white striped T-shirt.
"I'm so sorry. Do you want me to get you something? Wait here, I'm going to get a towel." She runs back inside but comes back immediately. "Do you want to come in? I think you should come in. Yes, it would definitely be best if you come in."
"I can't come in."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm here as Rachel's spokesperson."
"Oh!" She hesitates a bit. "Bye."
"Wait a minute," Brandon blocks the door with one of his feet. "At least, listen. Please."
"She's behind you, isn't she?"
I appear from behind him. "Hi, Cassie."
"I'm curious as to how you got Brandon to vouch for you." Turning to Brandon, "Is she blackmailing you? She's really good at that."
"So I've been told but no, she's not blackmailing me."
"Guilt trip?"
"A little bit."
"What?" My eyes widen at him.
"Ok, sorry. I came here because I wanted to."
"I'm going to let you talk," Cassie says to me with her chin up, "but don't expect my forgiveness."
She invites us in, pass the creepy entrance rooms that makes my skin shiver, the ornate door, and then the stairs. She lets us sit with her in the living room. The room is filled from ceiling to the floor with ancient artifacts meticulously placed around to give a visitor the impression of walking down history lane. Framed drawings of old relatives watch us in the far end of the room while the American flag floats above them.
I've caught a glance of this room once but never cared enough to want to know what's in it.
"Daddy always said has to be proud to tell others where we come from," she explains when she catches our stares at the portraits. "That's why he had all those hung in here. The one on top of the fireplace is mom, she's the center of the family even after she died just like the fireplace."
I've heard her say those things multiple times before but they've never rang so loud before.
"I'm really sorry, Cassie," I start before she can take her own place in the Parisian loveseat. "You're the best friend I've ever had."
Brandon clears his throat.
"I know what I'm saying. You left so you're down to second place."
"Wait, What?" Cassie brings our attention back to her.
Oh, I keep forgetting that she wasn't here until eight years ago so she doesn't know Brandon and I were friends before.
"Rachel and I were best friends growing up," Brandon tells her. "We've lost our way for a few years but now we're back stronger than before."
"Does Laila know about this?" Cassie asks specifically to me.
I know what she's thinking. "I didn't break them up. They did it on their own."
"And I'm supposed to take your words for it?"
The truth stings but it's the truth. Being nice has been off of my vocabulary for so long that many people continue to be skeptical by me turning the pages. They're right to be skeptical, transferring to bad into good is an everyday struggle. I struggle constantly to make the right choice not the easy one.
"Take mine," Brandon comes to my rescue. "She's really trying."
I take the seat next to her on the couch. Ugh, that thing is really a loveseat. I'm closer to her than I expected, our bodies touch with every movement.
"I know I've hurt you but trust me when I say I'm going to try to make it up to you. I love you, Cassie. You're the most awesome, loving, and friendly person I've ever known. I was mad because I envied your happiness. I blamed you for me not being able to be happy when I knew very well I was the only one to blame. Steven may have hurt me but a strong person would have not have stayed on the floor. They would have come back you and make the best of life."
My eyes burn with unshed tears. I hold her hands, "The only thing I need right now to be happy is to gain my best friend's trust back."
"You mean that?"
"Yes, I do. I'll do anything."
She arches a badly done eyebrow. No, I mean perfectly done eyebrow. Yes, that's what I mean.
"Even going to the police station and drop your charges against Tommy?"
"Who?" I ask confused by her demand. I don't remember anyone named Tommy.
"The boy you accused of trying to drown you in my pool."
Oh, that guy. I have completely forgotten about him.
"Well..." That will ruin my integrity.
"You said anything. Besides, he never did anything to you. I'm not that stupid, Rachel. I've been your friend for six years so I know when you're lying about something."
"You knew?"
"Yes, but as a good friend I didn't think it was appropriate to call your bluff in front of everyone."
"I did too," Brandon backs her up.
"Stay out of this, Brandon."
"Will you?" Cassie pleads.
I thought I was going to do the begging today not her.
"Why him?"
"I like him."
"Seriously?" I say in disgust. "That guy is who you like?"
Getting up from her seat, she says, "I think we're about done here."
"I'm sorry," I reach for her to get back on the couch. "He's awesome and if you like him, I'm happy for you. I'm going to talk to my dad."
"For real?"
"For real."
"I knew you would come back," she jumps on me, enveloping me in her arms.
I didn't know how much I've missed her hug until now. A warm feeling climbs up the length of my body, settling in my heart.
"I miss you," she says.
"I miss you more."
"Let's take a bestie selfie to post on Instagram."
"Sure, as long as it's on my account."
"Keep dreaming."
She pulls her phone out to capture the moment.
"We should go shopping," I clap my hands together. "I have less allowance now so I'm going to have to buy less but that won't stop me to buy the cutest outfit to go to our first Frat party."
Her eyes widen in glorious wonder, "We're going to a Frat party. Oh my God, it's going to be awesome. I have the perfect dress. Although, I do think I'll need to buy a new pair of shoes to go with it. None of the ones I have can do it justice. We have to look our best to go to Our First Frat Party."
We begin to jump and clap like over excited kids who just ate an entire night of Halloween candy.
"Wait," she stops all of a sudden. "Aren't we supposed to be college students to get in?"
"Don't worry, Brandon will get us in."
Brandon comes in between us with his hands cross over his chest, his wild brows lift in an unspoken question.
"What? You had to know I was going to make you do that. That's the purpose of having a friend in college."
"I never agreed to that."
"You don't have a choice. We're going to a Frat party." Cassie and I go back to celebrate.
"I have another question," Cassie says to me.
"Yes, you can tell your dad if you want to," I sigh. "Although I wouldn't recommend it usually, I'm going to have to tell mine or I'll never be able to leave the house once he finds out."
"That wasn't the question," she clarifies.
"Oh," Now I feel silly.
"I wanted to know if it's going to always going to be like this," she runs her slender hands on her milky white skin then twirls a lock of brown hair between her fingers.
"Like what?"
"You being all bubbly and happy because that kinds of defeat my purpose in this friendship."
Pulling her in a body crushing hug I put her mind at ease. "Your role now is to be my friend and let me make you happy."
"You can't be happy." The murmur is faint but I can hear it. I can feel my heartbeat speeding up and my spirit shrinking in a corner.
I hold Cassie tighter, determined to hold on to at least this one brief moment of happiness.
For now, I'm happy. For now, I'm carefree. Let tomorrow's torment stay put until tomorrow comes.
———-
OMG Guess what? This is the end of the road for Rachel - at least for now.
I have one chapter left but it's in Brandon's point of view.
I'm thinking of doing a sequel but for now I just have the title and half of an outline for it so maybe in the middle of the summer it'll be available.