CHAPTER THIRTEEN
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THE FIRST TIME KIRA FELT true raw power, the first time she remembered it at least, she had been a child, no older than five years old perhaps. She and Nikolai had snuck into the War Room, hiding behind a statue.
The Darkling had come in, his kefta billowing in his wake and Kira had gasped, she hadn't known what it was then, the feeling that called her to him, that made her shiver due to the sheer amount of power.
And now his body lay in front of her, unmoving, and the power was gone. Yet Kira still felt it, an amount of power that felt unnatural, that felt similar to the shadow creatures, yet, somehow more balanced.
Her gaze fell on the girl standing next to Nikolai, her dark hair fell around her shoulders and her lips were set into a thin line as she looked at the Darkling's body. Morana, Kira realized, the girl her brother was worried for.
The girl whose power Kira could feel as well as the first time she'd met the Darkling. The girl whose eyes were void of emotions as she watched Genya and Zoya go forward and grab a lit torch.
Zoya went first, setting fire to the wood. Genya was second, and when she'd lit the wood on fire she turned back, handing her torch to Alina. Kira saw Alina raise a brow at Morana, who in turn shook her head.
Kira wrapped her arms around Genya, and the girl shuddered in her hold as Alina went forward, muttering something before she threw the torch atop Kirigan's body, letting the flames engulf him.
"Today is a new beginning," Nikolai spoke up as he stepped forward. Kira glanced up at her brother who looked as much like a King as she'd imagined he would. A born leader. "For all of Ravka. Hell, for our whole world. It's a bit daunting, isn't it? Knowing where to go from here. We've had a singular focus for so long. So much blood has been shed. After hundreds of years separated by the Fold, we can celebrate a unified Ravka.
"Our neighbors to the North will see us united and will aim to strike. But often it's not the battle that takes the most from us. It's the aftermath. The chance to put the pieces of our lives back together. When a Firebird rises from the ashes, it is not the same. But in that rebirth, is potential. Potential for new purpose.
"Thanks to what Alina has done for us, we all have a chance to better the world now that the Fold is gone. And above all, you must trust. Trust in each other. In yourselves. Trust in the fact that this is the start of better days to come. And it won't be easy, of course. Nothing is. I had hoped to end that on a more uplifting note, but here we are."
Kira glanced up as she felt Nina tap her arm, and she nodded, giving Genya a last hug, before she followed her crows.
•••
Kira walked through the gallery of the fort, letting her eyes wander from picture to picture, from Lantsov to Lantsov. Allowing herself to search within their features and try to find some of her own. Yet not a single person painted within those walls, not a single king or queen, looked like her.
Stopping in front of the last family portrait, she lifted her hand to her young face, where she stood with full pink cheeks and hazel eyes, her face as regal as she'd ever looked at such a young age.
Closing her eyes, Kira prayed for the little girl that died in the Fold. May Faina Kira rest in peace, and may she laugh as she runs through the marbled halls because Kira would never be that little girl again.
She looked down at her hand, at her rings, and took the one on her pinky finger off, just as she heard steps from behind her. Glancing up, she found Nikolai at the door, smiling at her.
"You're really not staying?" he asked as he walked into the gallery and stopped beside her. "You do know we have more money than what I just paid your... Kaz."
Kira snorted softly and shook her head, reaching for his hand she put her ring on her his palm and closed his fingers around it.
"I'm ready to let her go. The girl I used to be. I always thought I already had, that she'd died but... I've been carrying her on my shoulders my whole life because I thought if I held on to her I would be holding on to what was good about me. I don't need a heart of a saint to love, though."
"Calling yourself a Saint is a bit of a stretch," Nikolai said as he smiled at her. "You were a menace as a child."
"But I was untouched by the darkness of the world. Mostly because of you. I never knew the bad things." Kira sighed as she pulled her hands away from him and looked down at the ring he'd given her. "I'm ready to let her go but you're my brother and that's something I will never forget."
"Good," Nikolai said with a smile as he reached for a chain around his neck and took it off before slipping her ring inside and clasping it back on. "I will never forget you either, sister. And even though you'll decline, you're cordially invited for the coronation."
She let out a laugh. "I cordially deny. I have business in Ketterdam, Niko. Perhaps for your wedding, I'll make the time."
"I'm not marrying Alina, not anymore."
"Who said anything about Alina?" replied Kira with a small smile and Nikolai let out a laugh.
"Nothing escapes your notice, does it?"
"I've never seen you in love, Niko, it was easy to point it out. But then again, you can hardly talk, you noticed it about me too, remember?"
Nikolai nodded, "I still think he's the reason you're not staying."
"As opposed to your annoying person being the reason why I'm going?" said Kira. Nikolai snorted.
"I'm delightful."
"Delusional, you mean?" a voice came from the doorway and Kira turned to see the girl, Morana, standing there with a small smile as she looked at Nikolai. Morana's eyes turned to Kira and she smirked, "The Whisperer of the Barrel. You're famous around the sea, did you know that?"
"I did not," Kira replied with a grin, "but it's quite flattering."
"I'm Morana," she introduced herself, "I was just wondering if I could borrow your brother."
"I'm loving how you two keep speaking as if I'm not here at all," commented Nikolai and Morana rolled her eyes.
"Darling, your ego takes up half the space in the room, your presence is very much noticeable," she replied, and Kira was watching them with an amused smile.
"Only half?" asked Nikolai.
"I can't insult a king by saying he's a complete egotistical prick, can I?" asked Morana and Kira saw in delight as the girl's eyes twinkled with mischief.
Nikolai let out a laugh, and Kira saw it light up his whole face which made her smile warmly in return. He turned to her, "Come find me before you leave?"
"Of course," replied Kira, before turning to Morana, "A pleasure meeting you."
"The pleasure was all mine, Whisperer."
And with that, Nikolai pecked her on the cheek before walking over to Morana and leading her out of the room by the small of her back, and leaving Kira alone once more.
Only it didn't last that long. The gallery was a popular location, it seemed. And soon, the telltale sign of Kaz's cane echoed through the walls and he walked into the gallery to find Kira already looking at him.
"Your brother paid up. Everyone will get their cut."
"And Nina?" Kira asked as he walked closer to her.
"She'll receive a pardon for deserting and another for her Fjerdan. As long as he stays out of trouble, the charges will be dropped."
Kira nodded, "That's good."
Kaz stopped a couple of steps away from her, his jaw twitching as he searched her eyes for something. Kira couldn't tell what it was, but she knew what he would find by looking at her eyes. For she knew how she was looking at him.
"I also wanted to say goodbye," he said. Quietly. Unattached.
Kira raised an eyebrow at him. Goodbye? "Are you leaving?"
His eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly, and he looked away from her, his jaw clenching noticeably. "You're staying."
"Am I?"
Kira stepped closer to him, making his eyes snap to hers once more, and a small smile grew on her lips as Kaz narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"I'm not staying in Ravka, Kaz. Ketterdam is my home. It's a crooked kingdom, a twisted place, but I love the way it burns," she told him, "It's where my family is. It's home."
"You want to stay in Ketterdam." It wasn't a question. His voice was the more surprising Kira had ever heard, though she was sure for a normal person it wouldn't sound that way. Kaz's lips twitched.
"Yes, I do." Kira hesitated before asking, "What do you want?"
His answer was mechanical, immediate, as if he'd practice it for a moment like this, a moment where he could choose vulnerability and yet hid behind his mask of indifference. "To die, buried under the weight of my own gold."
Tilting her head, Kira gave him a small smile. She didn't speak for a few moments as she let her gaze wander through his face, the sharpness of his jaw, his dark eyes that, in the light of the candles of the gallery, were the color of coffee, the permanent scowl etched on his face that softened slightly every time he looked at her.
"Remember what I told you when we first met?" she said lowly, and his eyebrow raised. "I told you I can tell when someone is lying because I learned how not to lie."
The muscle in his jaw jumped, and he clicked his tongue. "That wasn't the first time we met."
"The first time we talked then," Kira conceded with a nod, she sighed. "I know how to tell when you're lying, Kaz. I know you want something more. That money is not all that you crave, you said so yourself.
"But it's alright, I told you once, you don't owe me anything. Not your life, your truth or... your love," Kira added without thinking, because what was she if not a truth-teller. It was true, he didn't owe her anything, but she yearned for his everything.
"But you want it," Kaz whispered and her gaze snapped to his.
"Your life?"
"My love."
Her heart stopped. Kira's lips parted as she looked into his eyes, as he stepped closer to her. So close, yet so far away. She shook her head, "You're a heartless bastard, Kaz, you said so yourself."
Kaz hesitated. He closed his eyes for a moment as if fighting himself for what he was about to say as if the words he spoke next could shatter the fine line they'd been dancing with since they first met.
"Perhaps..." He sighed as his eyes opened. The mask of indifference was gone. "Perhaps, I'm heartless because my heart was stolen... Perhaps I did all those horrible things without feeling remorse, regret, or guilt because a golden bloodstained Saint stole my heart from the first moment we met."
The line didn't just shatter. It ceased to exist. Kaz had murdered it. They couldn't dance around it anymore. Yet, Kira had no idea what to say. She found herself asking, "So... I'm to blame for Dirtyhands?"
Kaz shook his head, "You're to thank for Dirtyhands. And I'm not planning on regretting anything anytime soon because I don't want my heart back. It's yours, Kira. To shatter or to love. It's all yours."
The silence that stretched between them was so loud Kira could hardly breathe. He loved her. And he was ready to let her go, accept that she was staying in Ravka, thinking she was shattering his heart, and still said goodbye. He loved her. He was twisted and jaded, and he was perfect. Dirtyhands. Kaz Brekker. Kaz. He loved her as much as she loved him.
She swallowed a lump in her throat. He didn't owe her the truth. But she wanted it anyway. So, she asked again, her voice barely above a whisper, "What do you want?"
Kaz closed his eyes tightly, he released a shuddery breath as one of his gloved hands reached for her face, his eyes opened as he traced her cheekbone, and her jaw before he cupped the back of her neck. His thumb ran up and down her pulse point as if he needed to know she was alive.
"I want... you."
"Then have me, Kaz Brekker," Kira whispered. "Now. Soon. Whenever. I'll wait for you to have me, Kaz, like I yearn to have you. Not because I can't live without you but because I'd rather not. Because you're not the only one with your heart stolen."
Her eyes fluttered close as his other hand slipped around her waist, pulling her closer. The sound of his cane clattering on the ground mixed with the sound of their heavy breathing filling the room. Kaz took a shaky breath.
"Smile for me," he asked, and he was closer now, close enough that she felt his breaths fan over her cheek.
Kira's lips tugged into a blissful smile. And Kaz closed the space between them.
His lips grazed over hers, tenderly, and a rush of warmth flooded through her body. She sensed his hesitance, his fear, his hand shook slightly around her waist, and his thumb kept brushing against her neck, feeling her heartbeat, as he made sure she was alive. But he kissed her softly, and she kissed him back.
It was as if a door had been opened between them, revealing the depths of his soul, and she knew that nothing would ever be the same again. And as he pulled away, shuddering, the way he looked at her made her realize, the mask had slipped off, and Kaz stood before her without his armor. They weren't Dirtyhands and the Whisperer, at that moment. They were their rawest, truest, and most vulnerable.
"Saints," she muttered breathlessly, a shaky laugh leaving her lips.
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author's note:
i do not care if it's ooc.
i loved this chapter ending.
btw, next chapter is the last, :(
and then we all have
to wait for season 3