Chapter one
NO! I screamed sitting up in my bed. I felt the sweat drench my night shirt and my pillow was soaked as well, while the rest of the town was asleep and getting ready for the day ahead of them while I sit here wide awake with my aunt's corgi Ramsey who just lays there sleeping soundly. I often wonder if dogs have the same dreams as humans or if they even have nightmares. Soon I hear three precise knocks on my wooden door.
“Come In” It was my Aunt Josephine. She came in with her black hair down to her shoulders and a glass of water in her hand with a sympathetic look on her face:
“You had that dream again didn't you Cassidy.”
“They have been gone a whole month and I still feel like it's been a day.”
“I know but your mother and father loved you very much I wish they didn’t leave this earth”
“Why does everyone have to leave?” I looked up at Josephine.
“I wish I knew” with that she walked over to my nightstand put down the glass of water and leaves the room while Ramsey is still fast asleep in my bed. I walk over to the window and look out I look at the rest of the houses with their lights out and the occasional car passing through. Then I looked up at the stars and the moon.
It was a clear night, the moon was bright and the stars were out, not a cloud. Ramsey was awake and watching me intently how funny I thought dogs never miss their parents no matter how they are taken away from them. Checking the time on my phone read two thirty in big white numbers.
I was beginning to come down from my nightmare and seeing how it was only two thirty. Maybe if I tried hard enough I could go back to sleep so I went to where exactly Ramsey is and separated the covers from the bed and before I knew it I was asleep. When I woke up the sky had completely changed from its peaceful calm exterior to a cloudy and wet exterior.
The rain was coming down pretty heavily. I could hear it pelt against my window. While taking my phone off the charger and scrolling through social media all my friends were out of state either surfing in California or trying the latest trends in new york, as somewhat of a last hurrah before school starts in a couple of weeks, I was so thankful that It was summer I could not face everyone with what has happened all the questions and everyone trying to be my friend it would just be too suffocating. My parents and I were very close and if they were still here we would probably be in Hawaii or Canada as a last hurrah. I look at the time realizing it would probably be best if I got out of bed and made somewhat of an appearance before noon. I could smell my aunt making pancakes and bacon and my aunt's boyfriend making coffee before work. The television was set on the news and every light in the kitchen was turned on. I walked downstairs and sat at the counter.
“There she is,” My aunt's boyfriend Alex noticed me first.
“Morning Alex”
“I heard you had that nightmare last night”
“Oh you heard that hu”
“Mostly when you scream, do you want coffee or tea?”
“I think I'll steal some of your coffee,” I said teasingly.
“I'm off for the office Love you girls stay out of trouble”
I smiled at him knowing that remark was directed at me.
“Morning cass I made your favorite pancakes and bacon”
“Morning aunt Josey”
I took two bacon and two pancakes while Ramsey watched me intentionally like I would drop a pancake or a drop of bacon grease just for him he looked very disappointed.
“Hey Cass, eat up because remember we have that appointment with your therapist I gotta go and look at bank statements or my boss is going to whirl me into another dimension.”
“Sounds good” I ate my breakfast while looking at the recent news stories
and how the stock market was doing. Not that I cared or anything but In the mornings my father would look at the stocks so it became one of the rituals. I finished my food and decided to get in the shower. I could hear my aunt talking to herself while she put the numbers from her computer into her calculator. The water was warm and the soap smelled good.
I finished with my shower and went to my room putting on my leggings and a white cropped t-shirt.
“Cass, are you ready?”
“I am ready just need to put my shoes on”
Without a second thought we were in the car and on our way to the therapist’s. the car was completely silent with just the radio playing early two thousand pop songs my aunt Joespine broke the silence
“Do you want to get lunch after we can stop at your favorite restaurant”
“Sure remind me again why I have to go to these sessions”
“Why do you think”
I rolled my eyes at the question “I promise you it's not helping”
“Don't give me no lip it helps you get closer and your mother and father would have wanted this for you.
We parked in the front row and she always parked in the same spot. Interesting. I guess accountants are structured, I thought. It was the same routine. I would sit and wait for my name to be called while my aunt would sit there and read one of her books. Sooner the later the Therapist calls my name “Cassidy Everlark”
I quietly walk over to him and he shuts the door after me. The rain has started falling again.
“So Cassidy, how are you doing,” he asked enthusiastically like he has at least the idea that he is fixing me which is not the case in any shape or form.
“I've been okay I stopped crying myself to sleep and instead I've focused on somewhere else I would rather be” I say picking from the bin of fidget toys he has on the table while he types on his computer.
“Have you had the nightmare again?”
“Every night it's always the same with the same ending. I still wish I could have been there.”
“It was not you who killed her parents it was the truck that did’
“I know Mr.James but maybe I could of I don’t know done something”
He looks at me with a certain expression as if he is trying to string the right sentence. “Have you considered going somewhere such as a vacation having a sleepover with friends”
“No, because my aunt and her boyfriend work all the time and there's no way we can take a vacation and then my friends are going to ask questions about my parents and I am not prepared for those questions.
“I see Cassidy but you know what the session is almost up”
“Okay sounds good”
Then once more I am put out into the waiting room while my aunt and Mr.James talk. I sit here and Play on my phone looking at all my friends' latest stories about how they are tanning or going to another location.
After the surprisingly long therapy session it was time for more errands and lunch at Sammy's pizza a place with wooden floors that creak and a mini salad bar near the front door with a couple of big tables in the middle and three smaller tables near the windows we ordered our pizzas and got two Cesar salads that look like they were made by caesar himself
No sooner did we get our pizza and it looked like a five-star restaurant pizza.
“That outfit is cute cass I should have you pick my outfit”
“You would need a whole new wardrobe aunt Joesy”
“Nice one Cassidy” she says Jokingly
“Your therapist was talking and he said it may be a good idea that you get out of the house more than you do have you considered going to the mall I can take you anytime you would like. Or going out with some friends or maybe shadowing me or Alex
“Morning cass I made your favorite pancakes and bacon”
“Morning aunt Josey”
I took two bacon and two pancakes while Ramsey watched me intentionally like I would drop a pancake or a drop of bacon grease just for him he looked very disappointed.
“Hey Cass, eat up because remember we have that appointment with your therapist I gotta go and look at bank statements or my boss is going to whirl me into another dimension.”
“Sounds good” I ate my breakfast while looking at the recent news stories
and how the stock market was doing. Not that I cared or anything but In the mornings my father would look at the stocks so it became one of the rituals. I finished my food and decided to get in the shower. I could hear my aunt talking to herself while she put the numbers from her computer into her calculator. The water was warm and the soap smelled good.
I finished with my shower and went to my room putting on my leggings and a white cropped t-shirt.
“Cass, are you ready?”
“I am ready just need to put my shoes on”
Without a second thought we were in the car and on our way to the therapist’s. the car was completely silent with just the radio playing early two thousand pop songs my aunt Joespine broke the silence
“Do you want to get lunch after we can stop at your favorite restaurant”
“Sure remind me again why I have to go to these sessions”
“Why do you think”
I rolled my eyes at the question “I promise you it's not helping”
“Don't give me no lip it helps you get closer and your mother and father would have wanted this for you.
We parked in the front row and she always parked in the same spot. Interesting. I guess accountants are structured, I thought. It was the same routine. I would sit and wait for my name to be called while my aunt would sit there and read one of her books. Sooner the later the Therapist calls my name “Cassidy Everlark”
I quietly walk over to him and he shuts the door after me. The rain has started falling again.
“So Cassidy, how are you doing,” he asked enthusiastically like he has at least the idea that he is fixing me which is not the case in any shape or form.
“I've been okay I stopped crying myself to sleep and instead I've focused on somewhere else I would rather be” I say picking from the bin of fidget toys he has on the table while he types on his computer.
“Have you had the nightmare again?”
“Every night it's always the same with the same ending. I still wish I could have been there.”
“It was not you who killed her parents it was the truck that did’
“I know Mr.James but maybe I could of I don’t know done something”
He looks at me with a certain expression as if he is trying to string the right sentence. “Have you considered going somewhere such as a vacation having a sleepover with friends”
“No, because my aunt and her boyfriend work all the time and there's no way we can take a vacation and then my friends are going to ask questions about my parents and I am not prepared for those questions.
“I see Cassidy but you know what the session is almost up”
“Okay sounds good”
Then once more I am put out into the waiting room while my aunt and Mr.James talk. I sit here and Play on my phone looking at all my friends' latest stories about how they are tanning or going to another location.
After the surprisingly long therapy session it was time for more errands and lunch at Sammy's pizza a place with wooden floors that creak and a mini salad bar near the front door with a couple of big tables in the middle and three smaller tables near the windows we ordered our pizzas and got two caesar salads that look like they were made by caesar himself
No sooner did we get our pizza and it looked like a five-star restaurant pizza.
“That outfit is cute cass I should have you pick my outfit”
“You would need a whole new wardrobe aunt Joesy”
“Nice one Cassidy” she says Jokingly
“Your therapist was talking and he said it may be a good idea that you get out of the house more than you do. Have you considered going to the mall? I can take you anytime you would like. Or going out with some friends or maybe shadowing me or even shadowing Alex. you're about to be a sophomore. Why not look at your options to see if this is what you would like to do.”
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course you can”
“Now that the rain has stopped a little, would you like to do a little shopping maybe to get you some headphones or a sketch book?”
“Sure that sounds nice”
Her car had this smell that in a way felt like a safe heaven and somewhere that smelled like home. The sun was slowly beginning to peek through the clouds when they got to Walmart. Not many people were out.
In the store.
“Cass, look at that shirt!” It was a lemon yellow shirt with sunflowers on it
“It's interesting”
“Everyone would flip if they saw me in that”
Alright enough looking at clothes lets go get some things for the house”
I tried to keep up with her until We got to the crafts section where I looked at a one-hundred page sketch book with charcoal pencils. My aunt met me at the checkouts. She almost looked happy that I had picked out something to distract me from my thoughts to stop myself from feeling depressed.
The ride home was much different when the sun was out. My aunt talked to me about my art skills and how she learned to paint around my age. Alex met us at home and he and My aunt Josephine went on a date, something they do every two weeks. I stayed home and got the mail from the mailbox when I noticed a letter addressed to me. I opened it with caution.
Dear Cassidy I am very sorry to hear about your mother and Father I wish I could of been there I am your uncle Ken and I live in wyoming I own a horse Farm and Your aunt Joespine reached out to me and told me you were wanting a change of scenery and how it would benefit you for a new change of pace. If you would like, you are more than welcome to come down for a visit.
Sincerely Uncle Ken.
She put down the letter and sat on the couch watching her favorite movie that had adventure and romance. She needed her mind to be quiet and something to stop her thinking she thought about going out but who is this uncle Ken and why is he trying to contact her now? Upon watching the movie in the living room I caught a glimpse of a gray cat on the sidewalk playing with a sting that was attached to a stick. The cat didn't care about her parents, instead focused on the now and not about tomorrow and not about the past. Going to my uncles would be different. It is what my therapist suggested and I still have a couple of weeks before I have to go back to school. I heard my Aunt Josephine and Alex come home. Quietly I crept up to my room to give them some space.
I called Ramsay to come up stairs with me as I fell asleep. No sooner did My head hit the pillow andI saw the whole dream again: the truck coming toward the car, the crunching of the metal and smoke in the air. Once again I woke up not screaming, not drenched in sweat, just disturbed I took my sketch book out of my nightstand and drew where I wanted to draw a large triangle some more behind it with a sunny sky. It certainly did not make the nightmare better but it gave me a place to think about. It was easier to fall asleep again.
I woke up to Ramsey jumping off my bed and down stairs I got down stairs and took out some pancakes and bacon to eat when Alex came out of the living room.
“Hey how did you sleep”
“Hey I slept okay”
“I'm sorry” he says emphatically
I “what time do you go into the office today?”
Twelve O’clock why?
“May I come with you Alex?”
“Yes if you can be dressed in the next hour”
“Ill be ready”
After eating her breakfast she went upstairs and picked a formal T-shirt and skinny jeans
Alex called up to me “hey are you coming cass”
I am” Then I jump downstairs
“Bye Aunt Josephine”
“Bye” she calls back. We get in Alex’s fancy car the red 2020 Camaro with all the bells and whistles.
The first half of day was paperwork to be authorized from people buying and transferring cars the second half was meetings which I was able to sit through and talk about what would choices could be made the rest of the day was paperwork and a quiet ride home in the car which was long but the sun was setting in the sky making a soft orang cast over the minnesota sky which crafted a soft orange glow. I needed a way out of my head for the day. Just one day where I was in the now not thinking about the past not being depressed and so far it was nice I met new people and had a couple of nice conversations. Now it was time for some relaxation. I felt my phone buzz it had a whole been three hours that I have not grabbed my phone and scrolled through socials or even texted my friend Celina.
“So Cass, how did you like your day at the office?” Alex said, killing the silence.
“It was good nothing to complain about, is the office always that chill?”
“Not always, especially when the big boss is coming. Is the reason you cam with me was because you did not want to be with your aunt or you did not want to be in your thoughts”
“Something like that”
We went to the store and got some tomato sauce and noodles for dinner and bread sticks as well. Aunt Joespine was in her office upstairs working when we came home Alex went to the gas station for cigarettes I stayed home and decided to facetime my friend Celina on my computer on my nightstand.
One the second ring she answered
“Hey girly!” she answered so enthusiastically
“Hey how are you?”
“Im good the bigger question is how are you?”
“Im okay my aunt thinks its good I go to therapy and they all seem to think its helping”
“I understand”
“I wish I could see you before school starts”
“Yeah me too”
Suddenly I hear the front door close and my aunt call down to Alex I take that as my sign that dinner was about to be made and I would have to hang up with Celina so I could go help. We ended the call and I walking down stairs and asked to help cook the noodles and put the meatballs in the pan. Ramsey as usual was in the kitchen looking for scraps I gave him a piece of cooked meat ball to which he seemed to love. We all sat around the table and talked about the day we all had. Aunt Joespine won the battle with being in meetings.
“Hey Aunt Joespine who is uncle Kenneth?”
“He is the uncle on your fathers side he was not at the funeral but sent his condolences why?”
“He sent me this letter” I took out the letter from the stack of mail by the door to which Aunt josephine inspected carefully.
“That was nice of him to send you that letter Alex and I can talk about it and see what the best choice would be”
“Sounds good”
The topic was dropped as quickly as it came up It was wednesday which means my turn to do the dishes I put my headphones and do them each by hand since their is no dishwasher. I love listening to music when I do any chore its such a good distraction from what I am doing. By the time I am done I feel tired while Aunt Joesy and Alex are watching television I take Ramsey and sneak up to my room. To where I pick up the book and get under my blanket and I may have finished a chapter and a half when I hear a nock on my bedroom door.
“Hey can I come in”
“Yes you may”
“Your Aunt Joespine and I were talking and we think it would be best if you did go and see your uncle Ken in the country”
“But what about school”
“Homeschool is an option and Im sure there is a lovely school in wyoming”
“When Do I leave?”
“That is to be decided”
With that Alex shut the door I was left without words I was a little happy and I was a little sad. This is good for me it was what the therapist wanted finally I gave someone what they wanted to be gone. To be completely erased from memory like I never exstisted. Would celina come to visit me.
I have never ever been out of the state to Minnesota. What is in wyoming?
Besides dollar generals and gas stations. Ive never seen a horse or ever rode one what if they didnt like me. My mind was filling up with questions without answers So I did the one thing the my therapist told me to do when My mind filled up with questions.
I ran Alex and Josey where in their room and they would have no clue I went out running besides a ten mintue jog just so I could get a moment to keep my head quiet. I stepped out on to the porch. The air felt cool the moon was high in the sky illuminating the stars that were with it. The rest of the world was quiet I took off much faster then I anticipated I lovedthe quietness being alone listening to the sound of the highway and listening to wolves fight over their dinners and listening to the owls up in the trees. I never worried about the dangers I never stressed about if someone would catch me or not. I saw a dog come to the fence and bark at me. I took one turn and shortly after I heard a car honking. Which normally would in no way bother me, Weirdly enough it did tonight I could fuel I smelled smoke i was back where my dream had put me in the car wreck with my parents
I saw it, I saw it again the silver car smashed to bits my parents lifeless in the drivers and passengers seat the ambulances. It took me a minute to realize I was on the concrete clutching on to a fence crying there was no escaping my legs felt numb. My face felt red and hot. Alex had found me.
“What the hell” He screamed
“Why are you out here!?!?
I couldnt speak i grabbed on to him tightly and he helped me do my breathing to try and calm me down my aunt was in the car. When I finally could speak and the power completing me sclient was over I told them and they were not pleased they were angry saying how when I feel this way at night I should read color, call a friend. Not run
When we get home I fall to my bed I didnt care that my hair was a mess I didnt brush my teeth I just wanted this day to be over.
When the morning came Alex had gone to work and my aunt was in her office working I could hear her. I got some toast and cinnamon butter from the fridge Alex left me some coffee and I gladly accepted the coffee felt like a hug I felt so exhausted i guess last nights run took alot out of me.
I ate my breakfast by the t.v watching my favorite show it had glitz it had glamour and I was here for all of the drama. Ramesy came and sat on the couch and let out a sigh that made him sound like he had a rough night as well. I chuckled. The sun hiding behind clouds. My aunt came down from her meeting
“You sleep good?”
“I slept fine”
“I have three other meetings Im sorry we cant do anything for today oh and before I forget i was able to get you a one way plane ticket for Alpine wyoming for friday.”
“That is awesome”
Friday seemed to arrive vastly without warning I was nervous I woke up at seven o’clock on the dot. I picked out a pair of ripped jeans and a black long sleeve V neck hoping it would make me look good. I could hear my aunt and Alex in the next room. My flight was in three hours and I was craving that minute the plane would take off. I texted Celina and let her know I was leaving she sounded hopeful that I had a outlet.
“Hey Cass”
“Yes Josey”
“Its almost time”
A burst of energy ran through me it was time I made a pack with myself that once I leave the ground I will not worry about the coming weeks about my family in Minnesota They are grown adults who can take care of themselves and this was directed by my therapist so it had to be good food me I put alittle highlight and lipstick on an rush down stairs with my suit case and purse. I take one last look at my surroundings and wish things will be better when I return.
“You ready Cassidy” Alex says with optimism
“Yes but I am a little nervous”
“Of what?”
“What if I have a episode”
“You use your coping mechanisms and if you need call us”
Alex says reassuringly.
My Aunt Joespine comes downstairs and grabs her jacketand we head out to Alexs Camero.
“Take a good look Cass you will not see this In wyoming”
Aunt Joespine says looking at me and I can tell she is right I have never been to wyoming but from what I can tell is that there are mountains and wide open roads. Which would mean some kind of breathing room. The rain was coming down pretty hard with some lightning here and there I sit in the back with music blasting through my ears and watching pelt the car. It was hard to see the lightning was bright and loud it almost made me wish I was not coming today.
Hey guys I am back and I hope you are ready for the wild ride.