The exams have been over for 2 days. We're receiving the results today, on Friday the 21st. Yesterday, the play went by really perfectly. The reactions after we presented were so heartwarming, telling us we did a good job. We received a few comments, generally positive. I, alone, received a total of like 10 comments on my acting and how my character's death was heartbreaking. They loved Nam and Violet's relationship throughout the play and Ren and I even got asked if we were going out. Of course, we said we were not and that it was only professional... well, I guess.
Tonight was the night Tooru, Hajime and Sao were coming to watch the play. There will be way more people than yesterday, but it's getting me excited, thinking about how it went the day before. The only thing is my friends' presence, but I'm pretty sure they'll like it. We've been working so hard on this play, I'm more excited than stressed out as hell.
*-*--*-*
I was sitting at my usual place, near the window, Tooru at my right side, Hajime in front of me, Sao standing near Hajime's desk, Irana standing behind me, looking outside the window and Ena between Tooru's desk and mine. We were talking about what would happen tonight and also, the results of our exams. The teacher was yet to arrive.
"How did it go?" Tooru asked.
Hajime's and Sao's attention turned toward us, probably wondering the same thing.
"It went well." Ena answered.
"'well'? Really?" Tooru seemed worried.
"I guess we have reasons to be worried about how it will go tonight, then. Should we really go, or is it not worth it?" Hajime said, probably joking.
Ena took a step toward him and punched him in his arm.
"Hey! That's mean of you, Iwaizumi. We received so much positive comments after the play yesterday. Y/n got a lot, too."
"Wow, you're not even a member of the drama club, but you get comments!" Tooru applauded.
"It's no surprise." Irana said. "Y/n's like the main character of the show. With Ren."
"Who's Ren?" Sao suddenly asked. "You mentioned his name when we were talking about our futures. He wasn't there the time Y/n got chosen to be the.. injured girl's replacement. In fact, there was only you, Ena and Y/n as main characters..."
"Ren has been a member of the drama club as long as us, but he's also an actor and has projects here and there. It was his second, but he came back in the middle of it, because the producer got ill for an unknown period of time. He was supposed to come back for the New Year." Irana explained.
"The play would have been really boring without him, honestly." Ena confessed.
"What's it about?" Tooru asked, genuinely curious.
"You know, there's the description on the pamphlets that were put up a little everywhere last week." Ena got irritated. "We're not about to spoil you accidentally."
"You really didn't take any attention to the pamphlets, Oikawa?" Hajime asked.
"Fortunately for you, we have a copy on us all day, so read it." Ena said, giving him her copy.
He read it and for a few seconds, it was total silence in the group. Sao, Hajime, Ena, Irana and I were watching him closely, waiting for his reaction. We all knew what was on this paper and how he was gonna react was worrying every one of us. When, finally, his face soothened and his eyes got off the paper, he gave the pamphlet back to Ena. He had a smile on his face.
"It's interesting, really. I want to watch it more, now"
His reaction takes us by surprise, but we say nothing and then, our Homeroom teacher comes in.
"Hi, guys. So, we'll start the day by giving the results of the exams you got at the beginning of this week. Please, take your seat"
Ena and Irana went back to their place at the other side of the class and Sao sat beside Hajime. The sheets were passed to the students. When I looked at mine, I was happy and proud to have gotten all 100%. I looked at Tooru with a mischievous smile.
"I think I might win these exams, Tooru." I say, straightening my back.
"Oh, I doubt it. I'm winning, again. I'm on a streak, believe me."
"Unless you have all 100%, you lose!"
"Well" he starts, then shows me his sheet. "I guess, for once, we're equal"
"You could have purposely lose a point or two on one of your exams, Tooru, come on, poor Y/n." Hajime teased.
"What did you say?" Tooru seemed irritated.
Hajime and I started laughing, and obviously it lasted a while. But in the end, what was important, is that I was proud for both of us.
"What did you get?" Irana asked, the two girls joining us. "Ena stays unbeaten for me. All 100%. But I passed them all!"
"Good job, Irana. I got 100% all, too." I share. "Tooru, too"
"Me too" Sao confessed.
"No 100%, but I passed it all" Hajime said.
We all clapped our hands. "Well, let's be proud of each one of us. We did good and if I'm right, Irana and Hajime, you didn't need any help studying." I try to guess.
They nod and I lift my fists in victory. "Yeah!"
They all start laughing at my demonstration of happiness and proudness and I follow them, my whole soul engraving this moment in my mind.
*-*--*-*
The day goes by rapidly, every one of us only thinking about the play. When school finishes, we have a few hours before the play is presented. We have the time to practice it one last time before the final presentation. At the end of the day, I'm pretty sure I will be exhausted, but we already planned on going eating at a restaurant after to say our goodbyes, since it's the last third years' play. Apparently, they always do this. I'm kinda glad I got invited, even though I'm not a part of the club.
When we finished practicing one last time, we regrouped on stage, behind the curtains, already hearing the spectators coming in.
"You can do this!" Zali said. Her way of cheering us up made me think of when my uncle cheers his team up. "We've done this plenty of time, but in front of people, it's the second. The first one went well, and we're not about to make mistakes that we didn't do before. There are more people than there was yesterday, so show them how beautiful this play is, how beautiful the link between Nam and Violet is. The dances, the music, the lines, everything needs to be perfect for this last presentation. I believe in you, children, do your best!"
"YEAH!" we all screamed in unison, preparing everything again for it to go according to how it's supposed to go.
While everyone was preparing themselves, Irana, Ena, Ren and I were the only one that had the chance to act calm, even a little. Since we had nothing to do, we walked toward the curtains and decided to peak through them.
"Do you think they arrived?" I asked.
"Hajime texted me telling me they were somewhere between the middle and the front" Ena shared.
"We can't see a thing. There's way too many people!" Irana exclaimed.
"Oh no, it's making me more nervous, now" I say, getting away from the curtains.
"What's wrong?" Ren asked, walking toward me.
"Her beloved is among this ocean of people, that's why." Ena teases me.
"Ena! We're not even together."
"Oh, but soon, darling, soon." She says.
"Oh my God! You're making it worse."
"Okay, everyone, we're about to start. Ren, disappear of my sight! Irana, Ena, Y/n, prepare to appear first!" Zali ordered us.
"Yes, Zali!" Ren answered, running away to the backstage.
And then, the play started.
Fifteen minutes had gone by and Nam and Violet were meeting for the first time. In the backstage, my heart was calming down, but when I was getting back on stage, it raced again. Tooru's reaction this morning gave me hope that he thought nothing weird or abnormal of my relation with Ren, but we never know. The first music was on and I'm glad I didn't get sick today, because it would have been horrible. Cami was there, but she'd rather have me on the stage all the way through the play, because it was cooler if it was the same actor playing the same character. I was already drenched in sweat. It's crazy how it's hot in this big room, right now. With the amount of people, I won't even say I'm surprised. Also, because of the lights and my being always occupied, I didn't catch glance of my friends. I knew they were there, but where, it is unknown. When finally, I was back in the backstage, it was a moment between Ren and his bestfriends, that are not main characters, because they don't appear often. They are played by second and first years. The only parents characters was my parents and they appear only once. They are played by two second years and they are so good, I'm asking myself if they are even 16-17 or grown ass adults.
I change costume for the next act where I come back in and it goes like that all the play. Nam and Violet slowly fall in love with each other, even though Violet clearly said at the beginning that she didn't want them to fall in love. Her bestfriends know about her situation, of course, but it's completely unknown to Nam, who can't help but fall for her.
But then...
I guess I realized something I didn't want to realize.
Those eyes... I didn't quite take care of them...
I thought they were normal for an actor.
But I've known for a while how to tell if someone's expression is real or not.
Until then, I thought it was all fake, but Ren hides it so well.
It can't be more obvious... His pain is showing through his act, but his act is nothing fake...
What did I just witness?
I was in Ren's arms... dying. Violet was dying on Nam and I was only seeing now his eyes of pure pain, but I don't understand... Why could he be hurt? I can't break out of character, now, it's not the time. I keep talking, saying my lines one after the other how I learnt it. When, finally, I have to die, I slowly stop blinking and I soften my body, for it to look dead as well. Ren closes my eyes and his cries intensifies. When, finally, the curtains close. I stand up, furious, worried and lost. Ren looks up at me, worried.
"What is this, Ren?" I ask.
He stands up, too. I walk away, into the backstage. He grabs my wrist, stopping me from going too far. I hear the curtains open again, but it's a scene of Ena's and Irana's characters only.
"I didn't think you'd see through the act."
"It couldn't be more obvious, Ren. What is this?"
Tears threaten to fall, because I slowly start to get it, but I don't want to.
"Y/n... I-"
He stops himself, but no tear falls.
"I tried. I swear, I tried to stop myself. I didn't think it would go like that. I planned on hiding it. But when I learned that you had someone, I felt pain. I knew you were acting professional. I was too, but this time, I fell in love with my character's love interest. Her actor, more like it."
I shake my head, not believing his words. I thought and hoped so bad that this wouldn't happen.
"I have feelings for you, Y/n. I have no other choice, now."
"I'm sorry, Ren... I'm really sorry."
"It's okay." He says and now, he cries. "I'll be going back to filming my second series. The producer is back on duty, so I'm going back. But thank you, Y/n. You offered me something Cami and I never had. I lived through something different, for once. I loved so many things about you : How you put your bag in the same place each time you entered the club room, how you agreed with every thing I wanted to do in the play, how you smiled, and how you laughed. We had so much fun together. I'll never forget you, Y/n. I'll miss these last months forever."
"Please, Ren, stop."
When I looked at the stage, I realized Ren should be going back on the stage soon.
"Ren, you have to go. You have to finish this play."
He nodded, then started to walk toward the stage, but stopped himself. He turned around and whispered something I clearly heard.
"Our love is as impossible as in this play, I guess. The only difference is that it's one-sided."
He then walked onto the stage, his tears still showing. I broke down, my hands covering my face. Fortunately, no one saw nor heard me.
Ren then went out of the stage by the other side. It was the closing part. Everyone was gathering on the stage. There was only me on the other side, now. Ren was saying his last line.
"The one thing I'd like to remember about the few months I got to spend with Violet are the good ones. The moments where smiles and laughs were a common fun. In the end, it was only cries and pain as she was leaving this world. I really hope she was still there, my little Violet. But now, she will only live on our my dreams, our hearts and in our thoughts. Goodbye, my beautiful flower."
Then, in the dark, we saw two people get out of each side of the stage and take place in the center. The lights opened, showing the big line of actors as we were bowing and the spectators applauding.
I will never forget this feeling. The feeling of ending a play. We would never present it again. We would never go through the feelings again. I would never see Ren ever again...
*-*--*-*
I didn't get to see my friends after the play. I had already told them that we were going to eat at a restaurant. Ena, Irana and I were closing everything up with Zali. The first and second years had already gone to the restaurant together. When we arrived there, they greeted us at the table with applause. We took place and we ate, talked, laughed, reminding us of the good memories we will forever have of this play.
"Where's Ren?" Cami suddenly asked.
"Gone" I say, suddenly. "The producer of his series is now well, he's back with them"
"Well, that was fast." Irana commented.
The third years received farewell goodbyes from the first and second years and Zali. They were wishing us luck after High School. They learnt that Irana got taken for the lead role of the series that will start filming in April. They also got to know that Ena was going to be a model.
In the end, I decided I would never tell anyone about what Ren felt toward me. And I'm pretty sure he will not. Though, knowing him, knowing his drama self and how he expresses him, he will probably say something like : "I once fell in love with a girl in the drama club. The only thing is that she wasn't part of it. She was only a replacement"
And then, only people he knew and knew me would understand and instantly know who he was talking about ; me.