Winnie had spent the next two weeks with a strange feeling inside her.
She hadn't technically gone back to working for the Dreg's and Kaz had kept her out of any jobs that came up.
She mostly spent her time relaxing in the Crow Club where she had gotten quite good at mastering the various games it had to offer, sitting in her room with her thoughts whilst she summoned a small black tendril of shadows that slid through her fingers, going up to Inej's favourite rooftop and spending the night chatting away with her about all sorts of things, or drinking (monitored) with Jesper as they placed all kinds of frivolous bets.
Occasionally, she would head back to her training room. She found herself doing so when the memories of the past couple of months came back to taunt her. She found the area a place where she could cry, scream, and let out any pent-up anger she needed in the form of improving on her summoning skills.
She had tried time and time again to master what her father would call 'the cut'. It was a method of forming a sharp blade out of the shadows and releasing it towards whatever or whoever needed to be sliced completely in half. She had seen him use it a few times and had always wanted to try it herself.
After learning of her disappearing act, she decided now was a better time than ever, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't crack it.
She would try again and again until she became drained from focusing so hard and would retreat to the Slat with disappointment.
When she would return, she would always linger at the door, questioning whether she would find it in her to go and see Kaz that day.
Since the night she had spoken to him in his room, he had been distant.
She had come up with many theories as to why, and the one she had settled on was that he was Kaz Brekker.
The Bastard of the Barrel who never so much as flashed a smile in one's direction, let alone tell them his darkest secrets.
And that was exactly what he had done with her that night.
Did he regret it? Telling her? Saving her? Knowing her?
Winnie had felt a weird attraction towards Kaz since the moment she walked into his office for the first time.
Of course, she didn't just mean in terms of looks. Although, she wasn't complaining that Kaz Brekker was one of the more attractive men in Ketterdam.
She instead meant in terms of their souls.
She felt connected to him in a different way to anyone else and she wasn't yet sure as to why.
They had such a back and forth relationship in her mind that she sometimes became exhausted just thinking about him.
Some days she would loathe him more than anything, including her father. And that was really saying something.
But there were other days. The days where she ... didn't hate him. The days where she cared for him.
And at some point those days of caring for him turned into something else. Something Winnie wasn't experienced with.
Winnie vividly remembered the moment she realised she did more than just care for the Bastard of the Barrel.
"There you are, I asked Inej to find you ages ago", Kaz complained as Winnie walked through his office door.
"Sorry, I was somewhere she didn't expect. Don't blame her", Winnie replied as she walked towards Kaz's desk where he was standing looking over a bunch of papers.
"And where would that be?" he questioned.
"You don't get to know everyone's secrets, Mr Brekker", she replied in the tone she knew would wind him up.
"Yes, I do. I wouldn't be where I am if I didn't", he replied.
"Well, you won't be learning mine. At least, not today."
Kaz glanced up at her briefly before gesturing for her to stand beside him and look at the papers.
"I need to know what these mean. They're in Ravkan."
Winnie spent the next hour or so translating the numbers and texts for her boss whilst she sat down on the small seat by his window.
Before she knew it, her beloved stars had come out to bid her a warm greeting.
"That's all I need from you. You can go now", he said, not looking up from writing.
Winnie snapped out of her admiration of the glistening night sky, eager to return to the place she was residing at before Inej found her.
She got up and placed the papers back on Kaz's desk before spinning on her heels to hastily exit.
"Here." Kaz's voice stopped her dead in her tracks.
When she turned back around, he was holding out his long, black coat in his right arm, keeping his gaze down at the papers.
Winnie shot him a confused look and asked, "Why are you giving me your coat?"
"It gets cold on the exchange", was all he replied.
The exchange had indeed been where Winnie had been and was planning on going back to. It was neutral ground and so she felt safe sitting on the roof to admire the twinkling lights above her.
"How did you know?"
"Inej told me", was his reply.
But that can't be true. Inej struggled to locate her just hours ago. She hadn't known of Winnie's time she spent on the exchange, and she certainly didn't have time to tell Kaz as she was with Winnie right before she entered Kaz's office.
That's when it hit her.
He knows because he had seen her himself.
Had he followed her? If so, why? Curiosity? Concern?
But the thing that made her heart swoon was that he had noticed something.
She got cold.
It was true, the only thing that removed Winnie from the comfort of the exchange rooftops was her noticing she could no longer feel her limbs.
She was positive she had almost contracted hypothermia a few times.
But she didn't own a coat. It was impractical for her to have one considering she never had any other use for one.
And yet, here was Dirtyhands himself, offering her a solution to a problem she didn't think he knew she had.
She stepped forward and slowly took the coat from his grasp.
"Thank you", she whispered.
"I can't have my shadow summoner freezing to death on me. Who would translate my Ravkan paperwork?" he said, finally looking up from his work.
Winnie gave him an appreciative smile as she walked out the door, pulling the warmth of Kaz's coat around her.
It didn't fit her at all and acted more as a blanket than a coat.
And that night she had managed to stay out looking at the stars for that little bit longer.
Kaz Brekker had given her that, and she loved him for it.
__________<>__________
But that was then.
Winnie had been through so much since that moment.
She could no longer afford to sit on rooftops and dream of Kaz being in his coat when it hugged her.
She had seen what the hold he had on her could do, and it was dangerous.
The entire reason she left was because he had told her something that when they first met would have simply made her scoff.
It wasn't exactly out of character for Dirtyhands to tell someone they were meaningless to him.
She had spent every moment during her time with the Dime Lions cursing herself.
She was the one who put a different meaning behind his words. Her own emotion had put her in a dangerous position. And she couldn't let it happen again.
So, Winnie had made a decision, one that she knew would be hard to keep.
She was no longer going to put meaning to his words or his actions.
She was no longer going to believe he cared for her.
She was no longer going to work under his control.
She was no longer going to love Kaz Brekker.
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I felt like I needed to update everyone on where Winnie's head is after we got to see how Kaz is feeling. The story will continue itself in the next chapter though <3