The not-so-southern guy in his flamingo-feathered suit turned around faster than that hairless chihuahua trying to run away after I try to poke its eyes out with a pencil.
"you bread stick," he said menacingly. "wot do you want with us?"
"you know VERY WELL wot i want with you, HARRY STOYLES," the rat-cheeto answered.
You gasped. The not-southern guy was HARRY STYLES???? This ENTIRE TIME?????? You faint due to the shock of finding out you were talking to your idol.
...
You wake up some time later to the rat-cheeto and Harry Styles standing over you.
"She's finally awake," Harry said.
"Hi Harry~" you gawk, still not completely recovered from the mind-blowing discovery of who he was.
"ello there," he answers absentmindedly, staring angrily at the rat-cheeto. "NOW. let us go."
"Not until you tell me where my love is."
"Why would I ever tell you? You're Ed Sheeran of all people."
THE RAT CHEETO WAS ED SHEERAN?????? You actually don't faint this time because you don't really like Ed Sheeran as much as you like Harry Styles and Jason Derulo, but you're still pretty shook. So you scream.
Then you get knocked out because of how annoying you are.
...
You wake up again and this time you're lying on the sidewalk. Huh, you think. Ed Sheeran thought I was too annoying to keep me kidnapped. You shrug, then stand up and head to McDonalds to see your hottie boyfriend Jason Derulo.