I don't know when I realized it, but today it occurred to me that Jesper was a liar.
Being a liar and being a good person are not mutually exclusive. Good people are capable of great evil. Jesper was no exception. I almost expected it from him, being a demon and all. I'm surprised that I didn't pick it up sooner.
He was good at distracting me from the small things. Like the ways his actions contradict his words.
He claimed that he was imprisoned in my house, forced to serve time for an unspeakable crime. Yet, despite the restriction, not only does he come and go as he pleases to buy groceries or whatever suited his fancy, he was also able to board a plane with me to another country.
So what was he doing here, of all places? If I assume that everything he told me was a lie, then the questions double. Why did he choose to be in my house? Was he even a demon or a figment of my imagination?
He must want something from me. The deception wouldn't make sense otherwise.
Or maybe he lied just about that one thing. It could be an honest mistake. But Jesper was more careful than that.
But I should know better than to question a good thing. The last thing I wanted was for him to leave. So I ignored the lie for as long as I could. I kissed and held him like I always did. Even so, I still prodded at the lie, speaking about it the way a couple may indirectly address a child.
"What was your crime?"
That was the question I usually asked.
He always found a way to never give me the specifics. Some days, he'll say it was too horrible for words. Other days, he'll change the subject.
He does neither of those things today. Instead, he puts down his tea and gives me a long hard look like he was truly seeing me for the first time.
"Do you really want to know?"
I return a look of my own.
"Yes. I'm willing to accept whatever the consequences may be."
Jesper sighed, linking his fingers in front of him. "I'm not here because of something I did. I'm here because of something I couldn't do."
So he had been lying about his crime. That, I expected. The rest was a mystery to me.
"And what couldn't you do?"
His face contorts into an expression of pain. "Give someone a fate worse than death."
"Isn't it your job to punish sinners? You should be used to doing awful things to people."
"It's much harder when they've done nothing wrong," he protested. "And even more difficult when you care for them."
There it was again, that faraway look in his eyes.
A while ago, he said that being among humans was making him soft. The truth was he had always been that way whether or not he was conscious of it. Rather than being out of character, his tenderness drew me closer to him. It was the thread that would unravel the mystery of who he was.
"What did you have to do to this person?" Whatever his sins were, I would only love him more for it.
"I needed to take their soul," he confessed. "Every demon needs to consume one soul every century. I couldn't bring myself to do it in the last hundred years. So I'm stuck here until I can do my duty as a demon and find another mortal soul."
A chill descends on the room. "Why here? Why in my house?"
He doesn't say another word. The answer hangs between us, clear as day. But I wanted to hear him speak it into existence.
"You were my next target. Your husband's death made you vulnerable. You don't have many friends and you also don't keep close contact with your family. I thought you would be missed, but not terribly so," he said honestly.
His amber eyes flashed ominously as he spoke. The horns poking out from his curls seemed to grow, stretching from his skull.
"And is that still your intention with me? To take my soul?" I don't sound as scared as I should be. A strange calm had settled over me.
"I don't know." His hands were shaking. How did this terrify him more than me?
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he explained. "But I don't want to go back to being strangers. What we have is precious."
I couldn't help but smile. "How was it supposed to be, then? What did you plan to do with me?"
He blinks in surprise. "Originally, I had hoped to scare you. Slowly tear apart reality as you knew it, peeling away everything near and dear to you. I wanted to make you desperate, doubt every single thing about yourself. Once you were at your limit, I would force you to give up your soul for a shred of sanity. You would be left as a husk of what you were, but I would get to return home."
"But you were more clever than that," he added. "You refused to be manipulated in that way. Instead, you were the one that made me question my sanity. You intrigued me, Yvette. I had to know you because of that."
I maintained eye contact, processing the information. "Do you think you know me now?"
"I know that I like you too much to hurt you. But no, even now I don't think I completely know you. I could spend a lifetime trying to piece together who you are, but I still won't have an answer when you're in your grave. You've bewitched me and I don't know what to do about that."
If he weren't also the object of my affections, I would've laughed. Was being in love such a death sentence that it confused him, an eons old demon? He was a fool to forget what he was. But what did that make me, the person in love with the fool?
I reach across the table, wrapping my fingers around his hand. He looks at me with sparks lighting up his warm eyes.
"Please tell me how you feel," he said. "If you're angry or if you hate me, I'll make peace with it. If you have the particular urge to hurt me, I'll put the blade in your hands. I have nothing else to hide from you."
"You came here to take my soul," I began. "You wanted to ruin me, but you failed."
His hand tightens around mine. "You're right. I don't deny that."
"The only thing you succeeded in doing was sabotaging yourself. The smart thing for me to do would be to send you away. You're a threat to my life."
He grows cold at my words. "I will do whatever you ask of me."
"Then stay with me," I said. "Never leave my side. I can't bear to live an empty life again."
"Is that what you really want?" There was worry in his eyes and the emotion made me even more sure of my words.
"I think it's what we both want. Spend the rest of my life with me, please." It's my turn to squeeze his hands.
"I want this," he agreed. "But there are complications. Your lifetime won't be long enough for me. And without a human soul to consume, I will fade away, doomed to slowly weaken over time."
Ah, he meant that complication. He was a demon. I was a human. In a way, we were doomed from the start. But would it really be painful to spend that small eternity together? Couldn't he do this for me and continue his sinful existence after I passed?
I ask him as much and he lets out a long heaving sigh.
"It would be easy to do that if I could imagine my existence without you."
"Can't you?" He would need to if I was going to have him.
"No."
"Won't you stay?" This was the closest I'd go to begging on my knees.
"I can't promise anything, but I will stay as long as I can without hurting you."
He could've lied to me. Wouldn't that have been easier for him? If he played into my fantasies, he would've been rewarded with my smile. But we were long past playing games, him and I. We were more than the demon and widow trapped in a house together.
Could I pretend that he was nothing to me at this point? Let's say that he was a figment of my imagination all along. The pain of separation wouldn't hurt any less.
I turn on the radio, hearing Vivaldi blast through the speakers. It was the same piece that played the day that he died. I keep it on for a few minutes, waiting to see if something would happen. I half expected the world to collapse or to the very least, finding streams of tears running down my face.
Nothing changes.